Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Sometimes in life we take things so personally when it's really about where the other person is at and not at all about us.
Last night, I met with the one "nice guys" I've been spending my evenings with. I'd planned on getting a bite to eat and turning in early. He's here on business so we're keeping simular hours. Anyway, he's been trying to get me to come over for the past few days and it's something I'm not comfortable with right now. Up until last night, I'd been making excuses. I felt like it was time to say how I was feeling and if he didn't like it so what..
So, he asks again and again I said "no..I'm not comfortable." He supposedly needed to wash clothing and said it'd only take a minute. I said "well, I have a return to make at ABC and I need to pick up a few things, you can meet me here when you're finished." He said he had shopping to do himself, so win,win IMO. WRONG ! All hell breaks loose, he threw a big hizzy fit and went on about how I don't trust him and I'm bunching him with assholes and he's upset I'd think he'd try and hurt me. I'm like buddy get over yourself ( had to use that one) Stop taking it so personal it's not about you, it's about me and my comfort level. His protest made me think he really did have something up his sleeve. Anyway, we ended it with me saying something about respecting my space.
I shopped for about 35/40 minutes, he never showed up. So, I'm really pleased with myself for standing my grounds at this point, since it's obvious he had no intentions of it ever taking " a minute" like he'd said earlier. I give him a call as I leave the store to let him know I'm calling it a night..He didn't answer, no biggie, maybe he was busy or didn't hear the phone ring.
Get back to my place, watch a little MTV on the boob tube and fall asleep. My phone rings at 11:40, then again at 11:57, it's him..I didn't answer..I called back after I woke up and realized I missed his call. Called him back, he's been drinking and starts ranting about how, he came to the store looking for me and I wasn't there.
He says "how dare I talk about respect and I wasn't respectful enough to wait for him to return"..I couldn't hold my laughter in, I said "I'm going back to bed" and hung up..Gesh nice try buddy..Now I'm REALLY glad I didn't go to his room with him. Anyone who thinks I'd be waiting an hour and a half (more like 2) for him in a store has lost his damn mind and anyone who call me at damn near 12 am to start an arguement has really lost his mind ! :D
( Now it's time meet a beautiful sane chick..}:D )
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Sounds like you dodged something that would've gotten a lot worse, Farrah. Congratulations on following your instincts here.
Amazing, isn't it, the front that people will put up, and then when their methods and angles don't work they melt down to what they truly are? I think if we can wait people out and watch them over some time we can find out what they're made of.
Our generation (I'm flattering myself, I know I'm older than you, but let the MG feel young!) has marked itself by this idea--of intimacy before knowledge. You were smart, Farrah, and I'm proud of you that you trust yourself enough to not give in to your first benevolent impulses, but instead thought of where this might go. His having a fit certainly was confirmation that you were right! So what is it with these great American boy-men? Too afraid to allow a woman to know them over time? How strange! I often think that men could go so much further, have so much more of a deep, erotic, amazing experience in love, sex, relationships, whatever, if they would just give women space and time--if they would just trust women. Because of all the mistrust, all the scheming and angling, there seems an entire erotic landscape out there unexplored between men and women--sad.
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
WTF Farrah?! Where do you find these gems?
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Good for you for standing your ground. Men need to learn that when it comes to a woman's personal comfort level, no means no. No matter what the situation. You explained your boundaries and he gave you a hard time about it. What a douchebag.
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Oh goodness.. it seriously sounds like there is slim pickings on the island :O
Good for you for standing your ground.
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jhuka
Sounds like you dodged something that would've gotten a lot worse, Farrah. Congratulations on following your instincts here.
Amazing, isn't it, the front that people will put up, and then when their methods and angles don't work they melt down to what they truly are? I think if we can wait people out and watch them over some time we can find out what they're made of.
Our generation (I'm flattering myself, I know I'm older than you, but let the MG feel young!) has marked itself by this idea--of intimacy before knowledge. You were smart, Farrah, and I'm proud of you that you trust yourself enough to not give in to your first benevolent impulses, but instead thought of where this might go. His having a fit certainly was confirmation that you were right! So what is it with these great American boy-men? Too afraid to allow a woman to know them over time? How strange! I often think that men could go so much further, have so much more of a deep, erotic, amazing experience in love, sex, relationships, whatever, if they would just give women space and time--if they would just trust women. Because of all the mistrust, all the scheming and angling, there seems an entire erotic landscape out there unexplored between men and women--sad.
See I've done that most of my life...Watch and see what someone's intentions really were. The times, I didn't well lets just say they didn't turn out pretty. I've been repeating the words you said to me the other day through my head. I feel so confident in my choices again when it comes to my life, something that wasn't there for a while. What I'm getting right now is amazing. After I left the store, I walked to an Indian restaurant I like, it was closed but, I noticed a space I'd had my eye on. For some reason, I saw it a completely different way. I took a few pictures and did a bit of mental mapping. Today, I'm getting out early and heading to City Hall to see what it's going to take to make my dreams a reality.
I'm on a whole different plane right now..
It's funny too because he'd told his co-workers about how different we are and how "beautiful" I am and I'm so nice and down to Earth..I'm nice but, I'm not a push over. I think most people are surprised I'd give them the time of day. That says a lot about them..I really hate that but, you know how I feel already. It's like thank you, I've been blessed with good genetics. But, I want to me remembered for the beauty that radiates from my soul and my spirit. I have control over that and that's the REAL me IMO.
Anyway, it is what it is Mangod ! :D
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Glamazon
Good for you for standing your ground. Men need to learn that when it comes to a woman's personal comfort level, no means no. No matter what the situation. You explained your boundaries and he gave you a hard time about it. What a douchebag.
Thanks Glam..And I should thank him for showing his true colors before I got too used to him.
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Callyish
Oh goodness.. it seriously sounds like there is slim pickings on the island :O
Good for you for standing your ground.
You'd think that wouldn't you. I'm thinking I need to venture to other areas or maybe my focus should be on business (money) right now.
Thanks, I'm happy I did..:)
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Way to go, lady. Good backbone on you.
Re: Sometimes it's just not about you..another dating story
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jhuka
Way to go, lady. Good backbone on you.
:thanx:
Now, I better get out of here, I still haven't had breakfast and I need to get downtown. I was reminded yesterday, in the nicest of ways by a clerk, that I was starting rather late in the day..:D