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Please read...
Since I have been back, many people here have attacked me (and others). But I will focus on those attacking me. I don't care why it's being done. I am used to it. But I started this thread to appeal to the better nature that is in all of us. I can handle the attacks. That is fine. I am now a strong person. But one day you are going to attack someone who isn't strong and it's going to be the straw that breaks that person's back...
I grew up in a house where my parents would just as soon beat me as look at me. They told me for years that I was nothing. I would get beat because I breathed wrong, Lord knows I knew not to actually provoke them. I had no siblings to protect me, I took it all on my own. I survived and thanks be to God I am still walking the earth. What didn't kill me made me stronger.
But for every person like me who eventually made it through to the other side, there are others who have not. They walk around every day waiting for someone to finish them off or to get the courage to do it themselves. They haven't gotten help or had someone to help them realize that they aren't bad people. I have been there. It took a return to my faith and the love of a good man for me to get help and break free from the chains of the abuse. I was blessed. When you jump on them for no reason, they internalize it and can't filter out that it's not them. They think because their parents did that to them, their classmates did it and now you that it is them. It's not. Twelve year old children take their own lives because of bullies and mean people and adults do the same. Everyone has their breaking point. Not everyone can defend themselves even if they should. After years of being beat by my parents I thought that the people who were supposed to love me had the right to beat me and let men do it for years. It took a long time for me to heal and get to the point where I am now.
I don't expect anyone here to give a shit about my story. But I hope and pray that the next time you stop and think before unleashing your venom on someone. If you can't say something nice, leave it alone. The words you say that mean nothing to you could be that person's tipping point. I implore you,, let it go. Stop and rethink the way you say things. If you don't like the way they did something, take a breath and ask them NICELY to do it over, don't go Mount Vesuvius on them. You have no clue what their life is like or had been like away from your experience with them.
And maybe when you take that second to breathe, instead of saying something mean, just tell them to have a nice day or hell, give them a hug. I can't tell you how many times on a day that I was thinking of hurting myself a kind word or gesture stopped me and made me rethink how bad the world was. Conversely, it took just one more bad word or gesture from someone to tip the scales in favor of harming myself. I am blessed that each time it wasn't my time to leave.
I am in no way saying that I am perfect. I myself have taken steps to change the way I deal with people and do my best to get my point across without being mean. Sometimes I have take a deep breath and count to 10 and then let it go. Sometimes I just have to walk away. You have a choice to be nice or mean. Hell, there have been times I had to edit a post on here several times to get it from a 10 to a 0 in terms of being mean. But I would think back to my parents calling me a piece of shit. I would never want to cause someone that kind of pain.
Hell, I may not always succeed, but I've learned to apologize and do what I can to correct it right then and there. The bottom line is I know I could never live with myself if my callous words in any way contributed to someone harming themselves. Or worse, killed themselves.
It may not always be that serious...but you just don't know, do you?
Comment or don't, it's fine either way. But I just wanted to put something out there that some might not have thought about.
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Re: Please read...
:hug: I'm sorry to hear your story, and am glad to hear you're strong enough to overcome that.
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes meanness, especially on the internet surprises me so much. Because why bother? Whats the point? I just don't get it. but maybe it's kind of the same thing, just the other way around. You had a bad day, all this shit happened, you're really pissed off, then you read something that you think is totally ridiculous and say something mean spirited.
I think here, and in real life, people just need to think a little more. say to themselves "Is there really a good reason for me saying this? Is there a way to word this to still get my point across and not attack somebody at the same time?"
There was actually a neat little story on myspace. It was something about a boy who was carrying all his school books, and a bunch of boys knocked him over, and broke his glasses. A girl stopped by and helped him up, helped him pick up his stuff and walked home with him, they became great friends. Much later in life she found out that he had cleaned out his locker because he was planning to go home and end his life, but that her act of compassion changed his mind.
But you;'re very right, you never know what is happening in somebodies life, and how you can affect that.
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I agree 100 percent with Taylorlila and have stayed out of all this but... how many threads do we need on this before it's lecturing..?
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look, i get piled onto all the time. i am cranky and sarcastic; i disagree with a lot of people, even people what agree with my view on something occasionally, and you know what?
you cannot be abject enough for some people, you cannot qualify your statements perfectly. and i'm not going to knock myself out trying. some threads i post to and just quit reading when i see it devolving into an offtopic fistfight; others i continue posting to anyhow. and still other times i post and everything's gravy. i agree or disagree with viewpoints/attitudes/beliefs, not folks themselves, and for a lot of SWers, that is not an easy distinction to make.
for example, i can't stand veganism, but that doesn't mean i personally want to beat up any vegans. just don't agree with the views espoused. same with lots of other things. but somehow somewhere i am sure a vegan is taking my disagreement as a personal insult to them though it isn't.
if i stopped posting because folks were mean to me, i'd have a total of like 12 posts. i think plenty of other people would too. i just throw my comments out there and keep on bopping through life.
anything you say could make someone unhappy briefly. there is no way around it. we will all do it that one time (minimum), no matter how smoothly/calmly/politely everything is worded.
i take nothing said here personally for longer than 30 seconds if it is very rude. sometimes allowing oneself to feel hurt for a brief time keeps one's own impulse to be very rude in check through empathy.
but that's just me. i have a pretty unbreakable skin when it comes to this kind of stuff, even offline.
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I am not lecturing. I don't believe anyone has posted something like this before. And I will ask that if you don't agree with me that you not post and certainly not post anything negative.
I was just giving people a glimpse into a world that they may know nothing about. Some people were born strong, some people weren't. But just because you are doesn't mean the next person was. Just because you can let things slide off your back doesn't mean they can.
And Taylor, I read that story too. It's touching and is exactly what I am talking about...
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^^^
I think maybe Helle meant the "I guess it needs to be said" thread.
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I know what she meant. But I am talking about the ramifications of things, not the things itself. I am not calling out names, I am not pointing fingers. I didn't even mention stripping at all in it. It's not the same thing as the other post.
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i agree, everyone feeling threatened and violated is getting on my nerves. no disprepect to the OP, but it seems there is so many people getting defensive over WORDS ON THE INTERNET. sure, my feelings get hurt when people attack me, but i get over it. life goes on. chances are, the people attacking you repeatedly have other shit going on in thier lives... so brush it off.
but with that said, welcome back.
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Re: Please read...
First of all, I am so very truly sorry that you grew up in that situation. No child should ever have to live like that. Maybe that's why my kids act like a bunch of butt monkeys, because I'm afraid of making them feel unloved by too much discipline. I don't really like the meanness, which is why I post in spurts. I post as long as everything is A-OK but if someone acts like a bitch to me then I stop visiting for a while because I'd rather focus on positive things in my life and not negatives.
I started a thread a while back (several months ago I think) asking opinions on why people are rude and mean(not necessarily here, but in day to day life). I've always wondered about that and when I encounter someone like that, I try to take into consideration that *something* has gone wrong in their life (i.e. spousal abuse, child abuse, badly broken heart, extreme insecurity, etc.) to motivate them to act like that. That usually makes me just feel sorry for them and hope that they can overcome whatever it is that is making them miserable.
On the other hand, sometimes things that are written are interpreted differently than they way they were meant. Sometimes I even say things that come out the wrong way even though I think about it for a long time before I actually say it. So whenever someone is rude, just try to understand that there is a reason for them being an ass hat, and that it most likely has nothing to do with you :)
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I'm glad you're back MinahSky! You sent me a PM about a situation I posted for advice on...I never returned the PM because I was busy addressing the issue & I was sick of it when it was through. I appreciated it though.
I try hard not to be mean because my childhood best friend was a very sensitive person in an abusive neglectful home (worse then mine, even) and she later developed schizophrenia. It pains me to this day to wonder where she is now....In short I refuse to hurt people like that.
I try to keep a sense of humor about people's reactions....On SW especially it becomes clear where a person is coming from (or not) as situations develop. Trolls have been outed, people have "dumped" SW and everything else has happened....Life goes on though. I actually browse SW less...It doesn't mean anything than other, just-as-informative forums are around.
So please don't take anything here to heart...It's all electrons and "imaginary" people.
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im sorry your childhood was terrible, im sure many of us here have stories just as bad, if not worse and can relate. however, if a few bad comments said online are enough to tip your scales to the self harm side, maybe it would be best if you had some councelling, or something to help work thru your problems.
id hate to see anyone here hurt themselves over comments thrown around,especially when theres places and people who can help prevent such things. words online shouldnt ever be enough to harm yourslef over.
*hugs*
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Thank you for the kind sentiments:hug: :hug: :hug: , but I wasn't talking about me (not now anyway)and not necessarily just on the internet. Some people get internet muscles and behave in ways that in real life they would not, I understand. But their heart still contains the venom. Some people as we know are the same way in person. All I was trying to do was say that I was lucky enough to have gotten counselling and turned my life around. Not all are that lucky.
Growing up I couldn't tell anyone what was going on in my house. If I had, my mother would have killed me (I called 911 once and she told me I'd be dead before they arrived). It was my weekends with my grand and great grandparents and my involvement with church that saved me. I was still messed up for a long time after that. I got back to church and made true friends. I consider myself lucky. Some people can't do that.
On the internet or in person, you do not know their backstory as they do not know yours. Not everyone can filter and reason that you (and I don't mean anyone here who has asnwered, I am saying it generally) had the same or worse fucked up childhood or experiences as they have and while you have been able to deal with it by being mean they became sad and depressed. They simply absorb the negativity and internalize it.
All I am saying is that your words can indeed kill. Thankfully, they can save a life as well.:hug: :hug:
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^ i agree that not everyone knows a backstory. but babylove... it's just internet words! i truly hope you find some strength inside yourself because i know you've got it in there!
xoxo
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Sounds like you need a therapist.
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The world can be a harsh, harsh place. Not everyone is gonna be nice all the time, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. People can beg for world peace and kindness for all, but the truth is, it will never happen.
Being that you cannot change how other people act, all you can do is change how you react to certain things. You can choose to internalize and take things to heart, and allow that to damage you, or you can choose to let it roll off your back and move on in life. All the begging in the world cannot change how others act. All you can do is choose yoru response to thoes actions.
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i guess this was kinda a spinoff of. the i guess it needs to be said thread.
looks like we hit alot of nerves here. so therefore both threads have now run the course and are being closed.
thanks all for your input.