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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Bahahaha, this thread has had me in stitches, such a slapstick profession.
I don't think I have any really funny stories, just the usual, falling up stairs, ungraceful pole fumbles and very ugly shoes. Although.... I do recall being intensly embarrassed on my first night when the dance manager called me off stage and took me aside to tell me that i need to put on some deoderant because some of the girls had complained that i smelt. She then proceded to lead me to the dressing room and make a big show of asking all the girls (usually more than 100 on a saturday) if i could borrow someones deo and perfume because mine clearly wasn't working while i stood there in my ugly shoes and prayed to turn into a puddle (presumably of sweat) on the sticky carpet. It turned out that this woman had it in for most anyone in the place especially new girls and I had borne the brunt of her foul mood that evening, it couldn't have been that bad because I had made enough money to overcome my embarrassment and go back and deal with her (albeit in a cloud of deo, bodyspray, perfume and febreeze just in case) the next night, oh god it still makes me cringe.
Keep em coming.
X
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hippiegirl
OMG-I have some of the worst!!!
1st lapdance I ever did was a guy in sweatpants.....I DIDN'T KNOW TO LOOK AT THEIR PANTS!!! and he came, uggg!
EWW!!! Sweat pants!! LMAO DEAD GIVE AWAY! poor lady, how GROSS! all I think about when I se a guy in sweat pants is what he probably ate and now he's stinkin up his sweat pants EW!! AND CUMMING IN THEM!!! AWWWWW MAN!!!
anyways
my first dance ever, guy was shit-drunk, he tried within SECONDS to stick his fingers in my virginian hole. Yes folks, not my lady-part, but, the other hole. Nervous laughter ensued, I spent the rest of the dance 2 feet away, ended it early, got my $20 and I was like "PEACE the fuck OUT"
LOL!! Then there was the time .. *WARNING: PERIOD STORY* that I was dancing for this asian tourist and at the same time his 5 or 6 tourist friends were laughing and having a JOLLY OLD TIME watching...
...when I was done I sat on his knee, a moment later I shifted my weight and looked down, *GASP* there was a DARK RED DOT on his KHAKI PANTS!!! It was as big as a quarter.
So... I sat there, laughing and joking, but, not really. I could feel the energy in the group changing as if they were thinking "how long is this stripper going to sit here?" and "do we offer her another dance?" LMAO Finally, as one of them stood up, I said "thanks, BYE BYE" and rushed around the corner and down the stairs and hid for 30 min. They left, thank GOD. LOL poor guy.
talk about lipstick on the collar!
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Scarlett.Oz
... took me aside to tell me that i need to put on some deoderant because some of the girls had complained that i smelt. She then proceded to lead me to the dressing room and make a big show of asking all the girls (usually more than 100 on a saturday) if i could borrow someones deo and perfume because mine clearly wasn't working...
X
that is so mean! wow I would've wanted to punch her, or, get er in a head lock
hahaa
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Since I'm a naturally clumsy person anyway, I've had my share of the falling down on the face incidents. All of these stories are making me feel normal!!
During my first week on the job, I was so nervous I did quite a bit of drinking to 'take the edge off the nerves' as the girls called it. Unfortunately, I managed to toss my cookies on my third night out while working the floor. I thought I was going to die!
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
oh my, all of these are so funny. I don'T really have any newbie stories. Except the first lap dance i every gave was...well... special... the guy i gave it to told me afterward that "it was the interesting lap dance he ever had...." lol... i hope 'interesting' is better than 'bad'
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
^^^ There was many an night after that i felt an intense urge to headbutt her. I never ever forgot that incident, even after she retired and was super sweet to me, it was creepy.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
My first time, I had a friend that was already working up there dance with me, I did three moves, over, and over, and over. You pick things up on the way, men and women dont care as much for the dancing, but the beautiful lady behind it:)
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I've been dancing for two weeks and I already have some embarassing stories.
- It was my first day and the woman that basically runs the place I work at was nice enough to show me some moves on the back stage and then had me practice a little. A couple guys came up and started tipping, which was awesome! One was mexican. I was bullshitting with them and mexican guy starts speaking another language, and I said something about wishing I still remembered some spanish. He looks at me and says "I was speaking Russian". It was all good, they made jokes at me for discriminating him, but it was a real foot-in-mouth moment for me.
- Do splits, guys at rack go "Whoa, splits!" and then I immediately tip over a little and hit my head on the rack.
- Doing a set and realizing my tampon string was hanging out. Guy was being nice but had obviously noticed and left the rack after a little bit :s
- many a beer knocked over and a kicked head
I'm sure I'll think of more in a bit.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I picked up some wacky, robotic moves from some stripper movies that I watched over and over and over. I read on here that I was supposed to do everything very slowly. I seriously did these wretched moves in literal slooooowwwwww-motioooonnnnn.. I used to hold on to the wall, bend over at the waist, stick one leg out, and wangle it around like a snake. At least 8 times a set. What. The. Fuck. A couple of the girls that knew me when I first started to dance still made fun of me over a year later.
I also started out with a hand-made garter that slid all the way down my leg multiple times a night. I was too scared to go to a stripper store for a while.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
paintgoddess
I picked up some wacky, robotic moves from some stripper movies that I watched over and over and over. I read on here that I was supposed to do everything very slowly. I seriously did these wretched moves in literal slooooowwwwww-motioooonnnnn.. I used to hold on to the wall, bend over at the waist, stick one leg out, and wangle it around like a snake. At least 8 times a set.
LOL! What the hell kind of movie did you get that move from??? I'm trying to picture this in my head...and I really can't! lol, I love this thread.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Lucky for me I got the hang of pole tricks rather quickly. Sadly for me, it took a bit longer to get used to the strapless heels. You got it: dance, twirl, spin, FLYINGSHOEOFDOOM, customer's head, bonk, loud verbal communication, hide
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
This isn't so funny but.... took my purse to the bathroom with me since it contained all my $$$ and dropped it in the toilet. Luckily I caught it before it sunk and it was only a little wet. Eww.........
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
ohhmygod these are sooo funny, i guess my worst newbie story is:
i was working in a big fancy gown club in philly(d) and i was too cheap to buy a gown at that point so i was rocking my prom dress, which had a zipper. So one day i'm up on stage and the zipper got stuck, and the big mean manager walks by, and starts yelling at me to take my friggin dress off already, but i can't! So i'm up there trying to get the stupid thing off over my head and it wont budge. Finally i wave my 2 friends over and they grab the dress from both sides and squeeze me out of it. The whole club was on the floor laughing. Needless to say, I promptly bought a real gown after that.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I started dancing when I was 18, fresh outta the sandbox. I remember starting at a club and one of my friends came up and tipped me on stage after I was bent over showing my ass to this guy on stage and quietly whispered to me to come talk to her after I got off stage and that I probably shouldn't bend over anymore like that. So, I went and talked to her afterward and she goes "you might want to practice a little more on shaving your asshole area, here let me show you how to do it" and squats down and is giving me a demonstration of the position she is in when she shaves hers. I just looked at her and went "whoa.. you mean assholes have hair on them?". ::) I have no idea how many people saw my asshole hair and why I ever made any tips.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I'm a newbie still, and I knock over beers constantly. Good thing I dont care. Usually with my hair, or I guess elbow.
My biggest stage problems, besides still being awkward is when I get on the stage floor and then the clear plastic parts of my shoes have NO traction. I look like a pole hugger trying to get back up...
I dunno maybe Beautiful. can tell you some dumb things I've done and didn't even notice..aha
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
My beginnings weren't funny. They were full of falling, bruises, embarassing things... The very first night I danced, I was walking out of the dressing room, and one of the dancers goes: "Look! She's a natural!" And then I fell. And then I got to the stage and proceeded to slip and stumble through two whole songs.
I wear heels IRL, but never super platforms like dance shoes. So I wasn't used to them, and I had a lot of problems walking in them initially.
Other than that, I was very awkward during my first private dances, I didn't know what to do. I stood in front of the guy and danced like I was onstage because I didn't want to touch them. And I saw this girl flip upside down in VIP where her ass was on the guys chest, so I tried that and nearly knocked myself out because I hit my head so hard on the floor. The guy laughed for the rest of the dance.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
Ooooh, these stories are so funny! And they make me feel better about some of my worst newbie moments.
Very first night ever (I was 19) and when I called and talked to the manager he said it was a bikini/lingerie club. OK, cool, I thought: the only other club that was willing to give me a shot was fully nude and I didn't think I was ready for that yet. So I bought ONE black lace teddy and showed up all eager to make the kind of big money I had been hearing about from a friend of a friend.
So I get ready and the other dancers are giving me funny looks but didn't say anything other than to tell me I had to wear a garter. I didn't have one, so somebody lent me one.
I get onstage to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and just start rocking out, dancing really hard and fast, not even looking around me or hearing anything. Then I realize the owner is standing right in front of me, yelling for me to pull my top back up! There was no nudity allowed, and the front of my cheap teddy had allowed my then-perky boobies to pop right out! Whoopsie!!! I pulled it back up, and he says "Do you have heels?" What! Nobody told me I had to wear high heels for this!!! I was wearing ballet flats. So he yells thru the club "HEELS! Somebody give this girl some heels!" I finished up my set totally red-faced, then went back to the dressing room to hide. A dancer comes back and asks me my shoe size, then very nicely asks if I have ever danced before. Like it wasn't obvious enough!! After I tell her no, she asks "didn't anyone tell you what you are supposed to wear?" I had paid no attention to what the other girls had on, since I was too locked in my own nervousness to look around. I replied the owner said a bikini or lingerie and the teddy was all I could afford. She said lingerie is fine, but it has to have a thong-back. A what?? I had never even heard of thongs!!
The back of my teddy was a full lace panty!!
I went back out on the floor, to have each and every customer chuckle at my newbie-ness.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I just started a couple weeks ago. I was super nervy, but loved being on stage. Anyway, I was getting into it, attempting a crawl sort of move, then i pushed back by sliding on my knees and keeping my feet in the air...and BANG! my crotch slammed right into the pole behind me.
Of course, I pretended like nothing happened but I really wanted to laugh because it must have looked hilarious.
Also, I thought that customers had to physically GIVE me my tips, so I left alot of cash on the tip rail the first time because I was too shy to reach out and grab it!
AAAAAnd, I tried doing a weird move on my third night, putting one leg behind my head, to get more tips, (it worked) but when I went to freshen up I realized I had a HUGE hole in my nylons and pretty much flashed a bunch of people at a bikini club.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I had been dancing about 9 months when I tried to pull into an inverted v and one of my slip on 5" stilletto heels (the kind dancers wore before platforms) went flying off to the blacklight. I was sure it had hit it so I moved away quickly but it didn't. I just had to avoid the heel coming back down again though.
My first time in 8" heels I was trying to walk very sexy across our floor. Our floor is kind of lumpy and I managed to step on one of the lumps and fall on my butt right as I'm trying to get on stage 1. Right after I get up and get on stage to dance, I'm walking over to a corner and promptly fall again and bust my ass. I went back to 6" heels after that and now have just gotten back into 7" ones.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
I know, this is wierd- my mother was a dancer, but she was retired a few years before I started. We got in an argument about money, and I said "fine, maybe I'll just be a sripper like you were!" Next day I had my licsence, really bad hot topic heels, and one of my mom's really bad day glow 80-90's outfits, and she was talking to the manager at the club I started at (I didn't meet him till after my first stage set). Then while I'm getting ready she tells everyone in the dressing room its my first time and all the girls piled out to watch me audition and throw money at me. My mom had taught me floor work, so it wasn't too bad, but I had absolutely no Idea what to do with the pole. After the audition I'm back in the DR talking to the manager, and as he's asking what name I want, mom yells back, "Kitty are you back there?" And the nickname stuck.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
OH these are priceless! How have I missed this thread for so long???
I'm a klutz so I embarrass myself on a nightly basis...well..I would if I ever got embarrassed anymore!
I had a pair of 8" knee high boots with a 4" platform...highest I ever had. Who knew a silly little inch would make such a difference!! I was in a club with a really narrow runway stage...I turned on the pole. Well....my body turned but my shoes stayed put. I ended up flat on my back spread eagle butt ass naked.
Another club...poles on opposite sides of the stage, near the tip rail. I did an invert,slid down...I must have turned when I flipped without noticing because I came down SLAM onto the tip rail with my head. Thankfully I have a hard skull because I wasnt knocked unconscious...but I had a visible knot on the back of my head all night.
It took me a good 6 months after I started dancing to find out what "do you party" means. I told guys that oh yeah..me and my friends party ALL THE TIME!! So theres a good amount of people out there who think I"m a raging druggie!
On a night I was domming at the club..black vinyl,whips,etc..a guy did something to piss me off and I handcuffed him.(dont even remember what he did now) I had real hinged police cuffs...needed a key to get them off. I forgot about him...went on stage, did a champagne room.....walked past him TWO HOURS later and he was trying to drink his beer with his wrists cuffed...he sheepishly said "If I say I"m sorry and promise to be good will you take these off? I have to get on a plane in a cpl hours"
Cant imagine why he didnt complain to a bouncer!!! But whatever he did to piss me off..I doubt he ever did again!LOL
There are a million more...I could go on and on for days!!
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
My very first night I was so nervous I kept talking with a Southern accent - I didn't do it on purpose, it just came out like that. Everyone I came into contact with was shocked when I said I was born and raised in Chicago. I didn't even realize I was doing it.
A couple weeks later on a busy Saturday I decided to wear this super long ponytail wig I had bought. I swung my head once and it literally went flying into the crowd. Turns out I had no clue how to actually secure them in my hair as well as dance with one in.
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
One night at the end of the night, like my first week dancing, one of the other girls tells me that all night I had toilet paper sticking out from in between my butt cheeks. (I work in a nude, non spread club) She said she was too embarrassed to tell me all night. Well thanks for telling me at the END of the night.
TIP: ALWAYS USE BABYWIPES AFTER EVERY BATHROOM BREAK!
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Re: Funny newbie stories!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
ooooh man, I've been dancing a week and these are AWESOME!! I SO needed to read these today! I only have a couple so far, but (ahem) stay tuned ;) :
: Was wearing my new strapped 6" platforms, and had just gotten up from talking to a custie and was "making sexy eyes" at the dudes at the bar, starting to slink over to them....BAM!! Face-plant. I just sat there behind a table for awhile, hoping they would forget...until the manager calls out, "Uhhh...(chuckle chuckle)...you, uh, (snort snort)...okay over there?" And then one of my dudes comes over to help me off my bleeding knees....sigh.
: By my third day had kind of snagged a regular who kept pressuring me to meet him on a date, "Nobody will know!" "If you don't like me, just say so!" I tried every line in the book, but rather badly (I didn't know how to keep him coming back for $ without telling him I was married), and finally was like, I just CAN'T. SORRY. Fast-forward to that night, my hubby and I walk into a bar and lo and behold, dude is sitting right at the bar...we jam downstairs and he FOLLOWS us, coming up and going, "Oh you gotta be KIDDING me," when I flip around with my prettiest smile and say, "Oh, hi John! I'd like you to meet my HUSBAND, Jack," who proceeded to shake his hand with about 100lbs. of pressure...I was sooooo embarrassed, and felt so bad that I had put my hubby through that....ugh. :-\