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Re: Have you ever been raped?
And I would like to add that there is no shame in being a survivior. It's OK to talk about it . As long as we all sit around ashamed, we give the criminals more room to victimize women. One in four women is raped and that's only those that report.I am not going to shelter the scum and no woman should. I understand that it is a very personal choice but for every douchebag we don't wan't to prosecute, we set up ANOTHER woman for the crime we have endured.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Well I'm the 1 in 5.
It's not something I discuss freely, it was almost 20yrs ago but still brings back a lot of pain to remember it.
And I wont even get into the anger and humiliation I felt going to the cops and have them tell me it sounded more like a lovers quarrel.
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I'm so proud of everyone on this thread who has shared their stories. I know how hard it is to do.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lady Jade
. Then there's the whole thing of being assaulted by a significant other. Very few reported cases because there is such a feeling that your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/acquaintance couldn't possibly assault you because, well, you know them! With SO's, there's an expectation of sex - it's part of being in a relationship. Medieval thinking, but it still exists.
This is the stuff I am dealing with in therapy now. I know it was coercive, but it's hard to think of as rape if you're already dating the person and there wasn't a gun or something. And there's some stuff I'm still sorting out from earlier in life with my stepdad. I have a real problem with being 'a victim' of anything.
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I'm sorry, "type" was a bad way of wording it. I don't mean that people that get raped are weak or something. I mean that a really high percentage of people that have had it happen once, has had it happen more than once, if that makes any sense. In no way do I mean those people are weaker or stupidly put themselves in bad situations or anything like that. And like I said, it seems to run in families. I am just wondering what sort of underlying or subconscious reason there may be for one person to be a victim and the next person not to be.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
iambonbon05
^^ I never understood why someone would refuse to press charges until I had that incident with the teacher. You kind of just want to pretend it never happened and try to forget it. I know what happened to me is TINY compared to some people, but it's a similar feeling. Before that I always thought if something happened to me I'd be in court the next freaking day but now I kind of understand since I couldn't bring myself to tell anybody.
What I find to be interesting is there seems to be a "type" of person that gets raped. It often runs in families (mother and daughter/son both being raped at some point in their lives) and that often victims have been rape victims on more than one occasion. It's strange.
And there is not a "type"of woman that is raped. Are you crazy ????? This is an issue that crosses every social, financial and cultural barrier there is !!!!
A type ? I'm floored that a HUMAN BEING would say such a thing.
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^^ We posted at the same time, explanation above. Again, apologies.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
iambonbon05
I'm sorry, "type" was a bad way of wording it. I don't mean that people that get raped are weak or something. I mean that a really high percentage of people that have had it happen once, has had it happen more than once, if that makes any sense. In no way do I mean those people are weaker or stupidly put themselves in bad situations or anything like that. And like I said, it seems to run in families. I am just wondering what sort of underlying or subconscious reason there may be for one person to be a victim and the next person not to be.
Okay. You are digging yourself in deeper, and I am about to get myself banned from this site, so help me God.
WTF, there is some "subconscious reason" why I was a fucking victim? Really? Tell me the fuck about it. Maybe it was my "rape vibes." You know, the ones that caused me to bring it on myself.
Don't talk about this anymore. Just... don't.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
iambonbon05
I'm sorry, "type" was a bad way of wording it. I don't mean that people that get raped are weak or something. I mean that a really high percentage of people that have had it happen once, has had it happen more than once, if that makes any sense. In no way do I mean those people are weaker or stupidly put themselves in bad situations or anything like that. And like I said, it seems to run in families. I am just wondering what sort of underlying or subconscious reason there may be for one person to be a victim and the next person not to be.
Abuse runs in families because no one talks about it. Might an abused person who doesn't deal with it attract an abuser for a spouse/SO who might abuse their kids? Sure. But he/she might not either. There is no type. 1 in 4 means it's COMMON.
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I really don't think she's intending for her words to come off the way that they have...
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Also, this is a thread for those who have been raped, with at least some expectation of safe space. Really, if you haven't and want to throw conjecture around, pls start a new thread. That I will not visit.
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Sorry. I get fired up about this shit. It is NOT OK. Victims of sex crimes DID NOTHING WRONG. There is NO TYPE. It's humiliating and embarassing that someone would even suggest that. NO ONE deserves to be sexually assaulted under any circumstances and to suggest that a certain "type" has it coming is just assinine !!!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
iambonbon05
^^ We posted at the same time, explanation above. Again, apologies.
I hope for humanities sake that you get a grip on reality.
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I truly understand the emotions running through this thread right now, but I *really* want for it to stay open, so maybe we should drop the fighting. I think everyone's expressed themselves very clearly at this point.
I'm sorry if I'm stepping out of line in saying this.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Thank you to everyone so far who has responded to this thread. I cried reading the responses. I hate that we've had to deal with this. I hate it.
Fawn, I'm sorry if this upset you, but I need to talk about it. I've mostly held it inside for 3 and half years. When it happened, I didn't have anyone to talk to. Even the cops, who questioned him, and to whom he confessed doing what he did to me, were largely unsympathetic.
I could't bring myself to talk about it for years. It still haunts me. Its why I started cutting. The cutting I still haven't stopped, even though I've tried.
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Some people posted while I was composing my last post. Please, please, don't turn my thread into a flame war girls. Think before you post. :(
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Lily, if you need someone to talk to about your experiences/feelings in more depth, please feel free to PM me at any point. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
iambonbon05
I'm sorry, "type" was a bad way of wording it. I don't mean that people that get raped are weak or something. I mean that a really high percentage of people that have had it happen once, has had it happen more than once, if that makes any sense. In no way do I mean those people are weaker or stupidly put themselves in bad situations or anything like that. And like I said, it seems to run in families. I am just wondering what sort of underlying or subconscious reason there may be for one person to be a victim and the next person not to be.
Sorry Bonbon but you pissed me right the fuck off. Did it ever occur to you that life has some unfair situations? I AM someone who has been raped more than once and IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY FAMILY. What is wrong withyou ? Do you really belive what you posted ? I'm a street smart motherfucker and it didn't stop me from being beaten within an inch of my life and raped !!!!!!
It can happen to anyone and as much as your post annoys me, I hope it never happens to you !
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I'm sorry, I did NOT mean that rape is ever the victim's fault. EVER. Rape is something I'm really pretty passionate about and I really feel it's one of the worst things that could happen to anyone. Big kudos to those that have had to deal with it.
And that's where I'll step out of here, since I want people to be able to discuss this without it derailing and I've obviously screwed up.
Thanks lily for starting the thread.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RoseLeigh
This is the stuff I am dealing with in therapy now. I know it was coercive, but it's hard to think of as rape if you're already dating the person and there wasn't a gun or something.
Oh it is! It is rape if the person is physically intimidating you and making threats. You're not overblowing it. I think it's good to think of it honestly. It's easier to face the loss of trust, sense of betrayal etc. if you don't sugarcoat it.
I dated a guy like that (once and NEVER again) and he tried to make it all seem consensual. This guy was hot and buff and charming and wouldn't have to coerce anyone to get laid. I think he probably couldn't even enjoy sex if it wasn't heavy pressure and threats because it was the power trip he was looking for. I think that was his wacked out M.O. I would love to have pressed charges but it would have been damn hard given there wasn't a scratch on me and my job would make me an unbelievable victim. I voluntarily drank and clubbed and went out with that douche. I eve introduced him to my friends!! So I'd knew I'd end up looking like I'd had buyers remorse.
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Kudos to us that have been raped. Could you be any more insensitive ?
Sorry Lilly. I just can't stand the ignorance . I shared but I am pissed as hell that someone would suggest that we deserve "kudos ' for being sexually assaulted and we are the "type " that had it coming. Total bullshit.
I am a rape survivor . I am not alone . Neither are you.
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^^ I saw this movie once where this professional basketball player sought out women who had falsely claimed rape before so that he could then rape them and he could then claim that they were faking. The women would go to bed with him voluntarily and then he would say something to make them want to leave, whereupon he would rape them because that is how he got his thrills. It was really sick so I changed the channel but then tuned in again when he got convicted (lifetime can be entertaining sometimes). The actor did a good job of portraying a real lowlife.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I was raped twice. The first time they called me an imaginitive child.
The second time they called me a liar 'Nobody gets raped twice! This proves the first rape was a lie, too!'
Even better is the second one happened in my bed... so I MUST have been dreaming it - y'know, because people only get raped in public or in the kitchen.. not in their own bed.
I would never press charges on a rape again. You want to think you would, but I know I'd just cry in the shower for weeks instead. I was humiliated. I'm, to this day, 6 years later, still called a liar and reminded of it. The cops put a black mark on my record, the violater got to sleep in my mother's bed for a few more months, my family disowned me... again? Hell no.
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I never would press charges again either . There is also the fact that we as strippers have no credibility making us very clear targets for sexual predators.