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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I was molested by my biological father when I was three. He sent pictures home with me in my suitcase when I flew back home after my court required visit. My mom found them but the divorce lawyers ignored them saying it didn't matter, he was family. I found that out recently and am as angry with them as I am with that man.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
SundayMorning
I think I'd feel way more comfy if this were in LO, actually. And no, I've never been.
I agree. This needs to be in LO.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I have been sexually assaulted/molested, when I was 10. We pressed charges; he was my best friend's grandfather and it happened at her birthday party. She never spoke to me again afterwards and I still am hurt and unsure why she snubbed me.
The fucker never got jail time, only needed to agree to the courts to get help.
It fucked me up real bad to the point that when I was 14 I started thinking I saw him even though he was a country's width away. The PTSD and depression got me commited to a hospital 2x for trying to commit suicide a couple times.
I don't talk about it a lot.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I am sorta surprised by how many people have got off with such little consequence. That part is just as sad as the act itself to me. I know its hard for people to talk about their experiences but thanks for sharing so far everyone.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I find it horrible that there are so many negative repercussions to the survivor for reporting a rape. It makes me so fucking angry.
It's like, hello. Someone gets raped and does society a favor by reporting the motherfucker, only to get called a liar and further victimized by the law itself???!!!
WTF??!!!
Bass ackwards.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
twisterinAZ
I never would press charges again either . There is also the fact that we as strippers have no credibility making us very clear targets for sexual predators.
Me neither.
When I was a teenager this really really nice cop convinced me to report things and she spent months building a case and getting all this evidence. Then the DA told me she was really sorry, but juries just don't convict parents around here even if there is evidence so there's no point trying because it would just be traumatic for me. And she was sorry that I was living under a tree at twenty below and my dad was telling people he was going to kill me, but she thought if I just went back to school and did all my homework I'd turn out real good in a few years.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Wow . . . I am in the category (apparently the minority here) of those who have never been raped, assaulted, or molested, and I am actually quite shocked at how common it is. I hardly know anyone, among my personal circle of friends, who to my knowledge has been through anything like this, either; I can think of two instances and that's all. So I feel pretty sheltered right now reading all of this. And just awful. This is just terrible.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Among my friends that have been raped/molested/assaulted (this is just off the top of my head)
- L who was raped by her ex-boyfriend
- A who was raped by a stranger in her middle school
- K who was raped by a cab driver in Brooklyn
- L who was molested by her brother
- R who was assaulted by a stranger in Reno (he tried to finger her) and was assaulted by a monk in Mongolia
- J who was molested by her mom's boyfriend
- L who was molested by another man when he was a teen
- P who was raped/molested by his mom
I have definitely been in situations where I've been taken advantage of. Legally they were "rape" situations but I never pressed charges. My father molested me and I still can't tell if I just made it up in my head. It made my life really difficult.
It's all really sad. It does help to be honest about it and not feel shame.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Is it possible to change the title of this thread? Maybe to something like Have you ever been sexually assaulted?
the r-word is a trigger.
Yes, it is my choice to click on the thread and to read the content but am I going to be denied safety in the lounge?
Asking it openly like that...I'm not going to be able to sleep. Asking it in the same manner that you ask someone if they've ever missed a train or danced in New York. I don't want to think about it, and I know that others do not either.
I agree with Fawn. I do not want to relive it, and if I do then I want it to be when I am prepared for it. Not before bed, where it'll creep into my dreams, if I am able to sleep at all.
If you want to discuss it, please do. But please do not surprise us with a flashback by a topic in a previously safe lounge.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
Madcap
I agree. This needs to be in LO.
I don't agree. Putting it in LO is like saying LALALALALAMENDONTGETRAPEDLALALALALA and isn't that what women don't want to hear themselves? Pretending it doesn't happen to men and ignoring it is just as bad as pretending women don't go through it.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
i feel fortunate because i have not been assaulted, my heart goes out to all of you who have ever had this happen
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I was in the Dominican Republic and was raped/assaulted -- I'm not sure which honestly. I tried to forget about it until my Mom read my journal. She told the Elders (Jehovah's Witnesses) and the Elders BLAMED ME for it because I had been drinking. They took away my *priveledges* in the church for it. >:(
What hurt was that I'd considered these particular elders my friends. :'(
How people responded to it hurt A LOT more than what happened back in the Dominican Republic.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Unfortuntely i'm not suprised by the results of the poll.
I'm more interested in the ages of when it happened. 21 seems to be a magical number when it comes to the rape and assault of women. Or early 20s.
I know I was very trusting in my early 20s. Now, not so much.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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When I was a teenager this really really nice cop convinced me to report things and she spent months building a case and getting all this evidence. Then the DA told me she was really sorry, but juries just don't convict parents around here even if there is evidence so there's no point trying because it would just be traumatic for me. And she was sorry that I was living under a tree at twenty below and my dad was telling people he was going to kill me, but she thought if I just went back to school and did all my homework I'd turn out real good in a few years.
By proxy, I've had two very different experiences in this scenario.
Circa 1991, I was overseas in the USAF and was involved with a fellow airman that had been gang raped during technical school in Texas, about a year earlier, a story she relayed to me in some detail while under the influence of Bitburger one evening. She had a pretty rough time of it, and her attempts to get justice through the system were thwarted due to a reluctance to blemish her record in the military and the fact that any trial would have exposed her drinking and sexual predilections, thereby making it harder to obtain a positive outcome. When I left that duty station, she'd taken to the bottle pretty hard and wound up pregnant with some other drunken loser's kid. She was an artist, or at least an aspiring artist. I think she's moved back to NY now, but I've not heard from her in over ten years.
Circa 1996, I was living in Seattle and seeing a girl near my hometown back in NH. During this time, she was assaulted by a former boyfriend. Called the police (she wasn't going to originally, but I prodded her into doing so) and they came down on him like a hammer. He lost quite a bit from that--criminal record, lost his job, his house, et al. It was surprisingly efficient and I'm sure that sped her recovery from the incident.
One other anecdotal experience in this area. Had a supervising NCO charged with rape while I was stationed in Europe. It was a particularly brutal crime and it was big news, because the woman was the wife of a high-profile, high-ranking officer. I never did like the guy, mostly because he was a crude and disgusting creature in a way that bothered even me. I had no small amount of schadenfreude seeing him escorted around the base by SPs and in chains. Problem was, it came out in the trial that he didn't do it--the wife admitted to the consensual affair, which shocked all of us on the base, actually, considering he was a slug and she was not, and the trial had progressed so far. Saw him later in the base commissary and apologized to him (I was slated to be a character witness against him in the trial...turned out to be unnecessary). The damage had been done though; he was a lifer, and they basically ended his career. Maybe it was a karma thing...
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
Lysondra
I don't agree. Putting it in LO is like saying LALALALALAMENDONTGETRAPEDLALALALALA and isn't that what women don't want to hear themselves? Pretending it doesn't happen to men and ignoring it is just as bad as pretending women don't go through it.
i'm with lysondra. male rape, while not as common, is just as serious as female rape, and there's already been some guys who have contributed to this thread.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Without putting my own experiences up for observation, I will comment that it is FAR more than many of us are capable of expecting. I know in my travels, the recollection of the events in quantity alone is as shocking as some of the acts themselves.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
teeth_of_the_hydra
Okay, ouch, and WTF, and more ouch. There is no type. There are only people who don't talk about it.
Very true. And no.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I was molested by an aunt's husband from about 10-17; sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by a former boyfriend, and raped by a stranger.
It's so weird that I read this today... just yesterday my BF took me to the spot where the rape happened in the hope it would clear up some of my memory...
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Oh I'm such a giant baby. I posted and then deleted it.
Fuck shame.
I have been assaulted, my husband has been raped and assaulted. I had never thought about the male POV until I met him. He is the strongest man I know.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
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Originally Posted by
zxcire
Oh I'm such a giant baby. I posted and then deleted it.
Fuck shame.
I have been assaulted, my husband has been raped and assaulted. I had never thought about the male POV until I met him. He is the strongest man I know.
I read these postings and this is a very touchy subject indeed. Many can't even talk or say anything in therapy let alone on a public forum.
KUDOS to ALL of you who speak up! This is nothing to be ashamed of, it's never the victims fault. Men and women both get sexually assulted. IT's the sick fucks to blame no one else.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
First of all my heart truly goes out to all of who have and those of you have not spoken about your assaults. Nobody should EVER have to go through that and the fact that you all are still here...being strong....making wonderful things of your lives...and with the HUGE hearts we have on here...is something truly amazing.
While many of the things that have happened to me at WORK can certainly be considered sexual assault or attempted rape....I dont count them. I dont know why I dont,....logically its the same act, and many have had the same mental impact on me....but i dont.
I will say this. This thread is not the first time I have seen a rapist get off throughthe legal system because of predudice...either to women in general or to strippers. I'm not saying I wouldnt at least try to punish him legally..I might. But it totally depend on the circumstances. I could NOT though..let him get away with it.
Not to sound all Jersey...BUT..I am from there and sometimes things are handled a bit differantly there. My Italian husband is from there too....and between us we do have a few people who owe favors. For something like THAT....I'd be calling in one of those favors. A man who rape dme would never see the light of day again...whether though jail time or the barrel of a 45. And I would not lose a nights sleep over it.
That may sound bad or cold and I"m sure some people will judge me for it and tell me I need to get over it and revenge wont do anything and blah blah/....but really...going to the cops and putting him in jail...isnt THAT a form of revenge too??? If I cnt get justice their way..i IWLL get it mine. judge me for that if you want...but thats how i was raised.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I'm very sorry to hear all of these stories. I too was attacked, thankfully the guy finally decided to let me go before an actual rape occured. It was the most frightening experience of my life, and it didn't occur to me to call the cops til much later. I was gambling and this guy and I played at the same table for four or so hours. Stupidly, I went up to his room with him .... didn't think anything of it. As soon as we got up there, he threw me on the bed and started trying to rip my clothes off. Thankfully he wasn't very big, and I was going ape shit kicking him. All of a sudden, the hotel room door opens and a person I believe was his brother walked in. I thought I was saved.... but the guy stared at me and STARTED LAUGHING. I was literally crying and yelling help me, and the guy was cracking up laughing as his friend groped and punched me on this bed. That did it, I was sure I was going to die right there. Finally and suddenly, the guy just let go of me. I somehow grabbed my purse but didn't bother with my shoes, flew down the stairs of the hotel because I was scared they would come out to the elevator, and walked to the valet stand dazed with no shoes.
It never occured to me to call the cops,. I don't know why. but I wish I would have. Actually, I wish that I would run into these motherfuckers in a dark alley while I am holding a tire iron.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
Not that I know of. I get these weird dream-like flashbacks to when I was really young about my dad doing things.. and my sister (who is ten years older) drunkenly confirmed my fears when she was drunk and pissed off at me. But that doesn't make it true. So I clicked no.
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I was a victim of sexual assult by my uncle when I was 13. Apparently, he also had done things to me as a child under the age of 5 but I don't remember. my mom told me.
Charges were never pressed because "you don't do that in our family"
My family would never send another meber to jail, no matter how heinous the crime. When this uncle had a 5 year old daughter who's mother claimed had been assulted by her dad, I was the first to stand up in court and testify. It took my family years to forgive me.
When I was 19 and homeless, this uncle was the only person who was willing to take me in. He made sexual comments every day, and even took the doorknob off my bedroom door so I couldn't lock it. He took pictures of me in my panties and I let him. Why? I was trying to be a model and he told me that was what agencies wanted to see. I believed him. I was so incredibly embarassed when that agency called me back and said they didn't want to work with me because they weren't "that kind" of place.
I had to live with him because I had nowhere else to go. He eventually kicked me out and I haven't spoken to him since.
Now he has foster kids. All girls. He told the foster agency he didn't want boy foster kids because he has a little girl so will only accept girls. Even though he went to court over the stuff with his daughter..they gave him foster kids. ( he got off in court. inconclusive evidence. No one really knows what happened with that)
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Re: Have you ever been raped?
I have never been assaulted in any form. I consider myself lucky. Among the people I know, two have been assaulted or raped.
C, who was raped by a boyfriend. I can't hug her from behind (though er current LTR boyfriend can if he works up to it) because that is how it happened to her. Her will completely lose composure and have a meltdown.
A, a girl from my old club, was raped by a guy who actually lives up the street from my dad. I know his younger brother, and only found this out recently. I came face to face with him, and spit at his feet.
My boyfriend doesn't like to even mention rape. To him it's something that, if not mentioned, isn't a reality. I don't keep silent about it. To not talk about it, in my mind, make the crime invisible, but not eradicated.