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Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I am just curious, maybe I'm lost but for the most part do guys not take women out to dinner on first dates anymore. I'm not looking for a free dinner, my grandmother and I go out to eat enough as it is but they always say drinks or coffee. I don't drink caffeine or alcohol. When I was dating back 10 years ago before I got married men always took me out to dinner on a first date. That's just what you did. What's the deal these days?
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Some guys are cheap and they figure if they take you out to eat they deserve something in return. Thats why I usually suggest dinner as a first date and if there not up to eat I probably wouldn't go out with them anyway.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I don't think it's cheap; I think it's low commitment. You want a first date to be casual and you want it to have an ending. You don't want an awkward or bad date to just go on and on and on. If you don't drink coffee or liquor maybe you could try an herbal tea. Maybe a soy chai latte. Or what do you do in your hang out time besides eat?
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
^ Ha, that IS true. I was so desperate to get out of a date where dinner was on the menu. NO DESSERT THANK YOU. NO MINTS. NO BREAD. OMG BRING OUT THE DAMN FOOD HE'S TOUCHING MY FACE AGAIN!
But usually I'll scope out the guy before we go on the date. I have a dinner first date next week, but I'm REALLY looking forward to the time with this person, whereas Mr. Can't Stop Fucking Touching My Face was someone I just saw for the hell of it. Should've had coffee.
Ewww, facetouchers.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Lysondra sorry but that made laugh Facetouchers.
I don't know I never really went on a date, I met my husband at work so we hung out a lot working together and got to know each other so when we actually went out for dinner one day it did not feel like a date.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Yeah I agree. Dinner is SOOO much harder to get out of. I usually way prefer a more low key first date because I have had enough bad dates that just seemed to go on and on AND on........
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Oh forgot to add that why it made me laugh is cause not sure if you've ever seen that Family Guy episode where Peter sells buttscratchers? well I am saying Facetouchers like that. Let me see if I can find the clip...
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
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Originally Posted by
High_Heel_Lover
AHahahahaha... now you've got me saying Facetoucher like that!
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
;D
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Originally Posted by
Lysondra
AHahahahaha... now you've got me saying Facetoucher like that!
;D
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
One thing I've noticed, GreenId, is that we don't use the word "date" anymore as much as we do the word "see". I'm "seeing" someone. It is a passive word which, as has been pointed out here, indicates that you don't really need to commit. There are probably some deep reasons for this...men feel like they have a lot of options now--their eyes are flickering around for the next opportunity, so it is better to have an escape hatch when needed. I think that is what is behind not doing dinner, quite honestly...it is easier and less of an obligation to "do lunch". Also, it is less of an obvious thing--the man doesn't have to take it so hard if he is rejected for lunch; being rejected for dinner is a pretty clear indication that the woman wants nothing to do with him.
To me it is all kind of sad. I don't want to live without passion, even if it means I have to put myself out there and take chances and sometimes be rejected. Passivity seems to be like traveling on a bus and just seeing the sights. It is safe, but where is the emotion?
So--dinner is okay with me, anytime.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
No, most of them don't take women out to dinner anymore. I've noticed this shit too. And from what guys tell me, it's bc they rather take a girl who is thier serious GF bc most women are gold diggers looking for a free meal.... ::) Yeah, bc women now a days can't afford to eat. ::) I was like you have to be fucking kidding me. lol. I don't understand what is the big deal.
Fool, where do you take a girl to get to know her and talk then?
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Isn't it funny how guys continue to use the "golddigger" excuse? Are men just not aware that the vast majority of women in this country HAVE JOBS? Duh.
Anyway, my understanding is that "drinks/coffee" = short date, long enough to discover whether you actually have chemistry, and if not, short enough to get out of it without looking like a dick. I'm actually fine with that, I've suggested "coffee" myself for that very reason. (Not being a coffee drinker, I usually have water or hot chocolate. The beverage isn't important anyway.) You can always go have dinner AFTER coffee, after all, especially after a couple hours of chitchat and you're hitting it off. "Well, I could go for some real food, want to grab a bite?"
Guys who pinch every penny because they're afraid of "golddiggers" need to get a life, especially since the vast majority of those with that attitude have no gold to dig. Maybe they're all going for the same high-maintenance princess types who spend vast amounts of time and money on their looks in hopes of landing a fat wallet, but that's their own fault for being shallow. I honestly don't know any women like that. I'm sure they exist, but I have yet to meet one.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I think it can sometimes depend on the circumstances under which you've made first contact. A lot of people meet online these days, right? Well, I can certainly see why it makes more sense to have a short & casual meetup for the very first face to face meeting to see if there's any chemistry there.
In the past, when it was more common to already know someone in person (i.e. workplace flirting, seeing each other in social circles), you already knew if you had chemistry with and generally like someone. In that case a first Official Date of a full-on dinner seems much more appropriate. Obviously this still happens, but it's not the only way or even the norm anymore.
I'd take into account HOW you made contact with these guys. If it's online, I think meeting for coffee/drinks first is the smartest thing to do. I can see why a guy wouldn't want to spring for a lengthy & costly dinner if he doesn't even know if you guys will have an iota of rapport.
I agree with all those who have had excruciating first dates - how much more tolerable would they have been if it'd just been coffee instead of dinner that dragged on and on and ON and ON . . .?
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
If it is someone I've never met IRL before, drinks (coffee or otherwise) is the optimal choice. Besides, it's easy enough to convert this into a dinner after the fact. With someone I've already met, dinner is always the way to go.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
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Originally Posted by
greenidlady1
I am just curious, maybe I'm lost but for the most part do guys not take women out to dinner on first dates anymore. I'm not looking for a free dinner, my grandmother and I go out to eat enough as it is but they always say drinks or coffee. I don't drink caffeine or alcohol. When I was dating back 10 years ago before I got married men always took me out to dinner on a first date. That's just what you did. What's the deal these days?
I don't know what the official deal is these days, but I always ask if the person would like to have dinner some time as the first date. However, drinks or coffee make it much easier to cut and run if you decide right away you really dont have an interest in the person, and todays society people have cut and run mentality on everything, so why not other people? For me, I am interested in them enough to have a date, I am interested enough to have a nice dinner, and it it does not workout past that, I had a nice dinner....as my mother always said "you can't have too many friends"
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I'm avoiding a serious urge to rant here, so bear with me while I type through clenched teeth...
These days, the trouble is not that we don't want to take you out on a classic date, there are those of us who do. However, if we do the dinner and a movie thing, so many labels get placed on us by the girl, that it becomes a huge risk to even suggest it. Among those labels are "Boring": this guy can't come up with anything original to do for a date, so how exciting would a relationship be? The more damning of those labels is the "Nice Guy": the guy is trying to be the chivalrous, romantic guy who'll open the door for you, tell you you're beautiful for no reason, talk to you about your day and listen, all that jazz. Nice guys finish last, and any woman who says otherwise would have to do a ton of convincing to get me to believe anything else.
The golddigger thing... ugh... makes me so friggen' made my hands shake. MOST guys who say that a girl is a golddigger if she wants dinner on the first date, would rather get her drunk for obvious reasons. However, we men do have to be careful how much we spend on that first date, because it sets the standard. Ask yourselves honestly--if the guy took you out and spent $50 on dinner and a movie the first date, then tried something different and only spent $16 the next date--would you notice? Especially if the difference is from a very classy restaurant on the first date, to a mom and pops on the second date? I would guess that you probably would, and some might be concerned that the man is losing interrest in you, where he may just have wanted a simple dinner this time around, and didn't want to have a huge extravagant dinner. Plus, he doesn't want to--nor should he have to--pay $50+ every time you go out.
Now, it should be noted that the very same guys who use that damn "golddigger" excuse are also more than likely the ones that expect you to put out on the first date and say shit like "prostitutes are just quick dates, hur hur hur." Hence why I said they'd rather take you to a bar in the first place, and they're also the reason why guys like me--and this is not an advertisement or a call for any kind of sympathy (cuz I know I ain't gonna get any after this, lol)--have given up for the most part.
Girls, you are difficult creatures to please, but there are those of us who want to try, we just don't want to compete when we do everything to attract you're attention, end up as the "friend," while we watch you continuously go out with guys who do the shit you know you hate, then have to hear about it the next day. We sit there, we do the nice guy thing, wrap our arm around you, tell you "I know, I know" and think to ourselves "what is it gonna take???" (And I'm not aiming any of this at anyone, so don't read too much into it)
Anywho, before I get myself any more deeper into the grave I just dug... Girls, the simple solution to many of your relationship issues with men--and I'm sure most guys will agree with me--is to tell us what you want. If you want to go out for dinner on the first date, suggest it, becuase usually the guy will say "What do you want to do?" If you say, "I dunno," don't expect the dinner thing, because that's his opening to take you to a bar, or to some shithole party, or...to his place, or wherever he can take you that might get him some action at the end of the night. The same goes throughout your relationship. You know what you want, so don't suggest that you don't by saying "I dunno."
Also, it wouldn't hurt to have y'all ask us out on your own every once in a while. Forget that Dr. Phil shit that suggest that if you ask the guy out, you give him the power. That's bullshit. Most women have the power in a relationship, because they have control over the one thing most guys are after to begin with (NOTE: Most). If I'm asked out by a girl, I get so freakin' nervous, because the pressure is on. I have to really impress her now, which usually ends up as my downfall.
Romance isn't dead ladies. Y'all just left it in the hands of men for way too long.
Now... *falls onto his knees*...Please be gentle...
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
My quick takes on this (& Don't ream Scotty for his take, he is actually right on)
* A sit-down dinner is a way to get to know each other. It shows sincerity.
* Instead of focusing on cost of dinner, offer to take your date to a local favorite spot, to introduce her or him to something that will enrich their lives whether things go as hoped for or not (a generous gesture). Depending on the city you live in, a fine meal for 2 can cost as low as $30-$40. No kidding!
* Guys, please don't fidget during the meal. Women can sense when "the pressure is on" and that factor alone can be the deal-breaker.
* & Don't make assumptions. My current SO thought he had bombed our first date...seriously! And now he's balling moi, a hot nymphomaniac stripper. The Heavens smiled upon him and all he did was be himself.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
^^^
I don't know Scotty. I think most women can relate to the idea that not every date can be the "dress to impress" date (whatever the dollar figure might be). As for dinner being a "boring" date - I might think that if someone took me to, like, an Appleby's or any restaurant with the word "factory" in the name... outside of that - the point is socializing with the other person, not a wild activity. (that said - movies are imperfect first dates. Limit the socializing).
Although - oh no. I don't believe that you just trotted out the "Nice Guy." Oh no. But in answer to the hypothetical "why will it take?" I would suggest that if you haven't done the most obviously thing to "attract her attention" - you know, by making a move and asking her out, then that would be the place to start.
I also don't think the casual first date is all about "cut and run" in a bad sense. I think a person could be absolutely legitimately interested and still want to ramp it up slowly and not have a 3 or 4 hour first date. I'm not very friendly, but I'm absolutely terrified by the idea of spending a long block of time with someone I don't know well (plus, I really hate having strangers watch me eat.) A short first date is a perfectly legitimate choice.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I like the idea of meeting at a place that has coffee, booze, AND food, but not necessarily a formal sit-down place. That way, if the couple doesn't click, they can have a coffee or tea and be on with it. If there is some attraction and nerves, they can have a cocktail to help them break the ice. And if they have a great connection, they can order food so they can get to know each other better (and see how the other one feels about food, that;s important.)
So........find a place like that!
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I was never a fan of dinner being one of the first dates when starting to see someone. It has always just freaked me out... way too formal... too much pressure.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
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Originally Posted by
Jenny
^^^
I don't know Scotty. I think most women can relate to the idea that not every date can be the "dress to impress" date (whatever the dollar figure might be).
So, hypotheticallly... McDonald's is ok? I mean, for the first date? Or the second? Or the third... when is McDonald's ok for a date?
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Originally Posted by
Jenny
As for dinner being a "boring" date - I might think that if someone took me to, like, an Appleby's or any restaurant with the word "factory" in the name... outside of that - the point is socializing with the other person, not a wild activity. (that said - movies are imperfect first dates. Limit the socializing).
And therein lies the risk. Chances are, if a guy is taking you to Appleby's it's because it's familiar. There's less risk of you not liking the food, you know what they have. Suppose he takes you to a Thai restaurant and you have an allergy to seafood? Now who looks like an ass? If he asked you "where would you like to eat?" and you said "I dunno," well then....it shouldn't be the guys fault, but he'll think he's an asshole for taking you someplace that might kill you.
And yeah. I broke out the "Nice Guy." It's not a myth. Nice guys are friends, not boyfriends, and that's regardless of whether or not they've asked the girl out. I've been there. Many many many times. Sure, my failures may have to do with the fact that I'm not amazingly attractive, and I've accepted that. Sure, it could do with the fact that I don't like to be an adult 25 hours a day (because I think people ought to laugh every once in a damn while), and I can accept that, too. But no matter what any woman on this planet tells me, the moment I start being nice, showing emotions and affections, having hope, the relationship ends, and not by my choice (again, not aimed at anyone specifically).
Now, back to my gravedigging....
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Now call me a boring old traditionalist, but I've always thought it's nice to go out somewhere public (and non-commital) on a first date. I go out with no expectations other than a pleasant evening, so if there's no chemistry between us, I don't feel let down.
It's kinda nice to pick a place with some entertainment on (comedian, singer, etc), so if the conversation falters, there's something going on. And it's rather nice to have fun - laugh and joke and all that. And I've always paid for the first few dates, but it's nice if the woman starts to split the bills thereafter.
And I believe in old fashioned courtesies as well - I'll hold doors open for you, hold your coat for you to put your arms in, let you be seated first, etc. My old fashioned courtesy also extends to only expecting a kiss or two if the first date goes well.
As I said, a boring old traditionalist.
Phil.
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
I am all for coffee for first dates. Or lunch. I think that they're a cool, casual way to see if a person is worth seeing. I don't want to give up a night for someone who could potentially be boring, even if it just for a couple hours. I'd rather do lunch for the first couple dates, then we could move into dinner or hanging out at night. My time is valuable!
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Re: Do guys not take women to dinner on first dates anymore?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
greenidlady1
I am just curious, maybe I'm lost but for the most part do guys not take women out to dinner on first dates anymore. I'm not looking for a free dinner, my grandmother and I go out to eat enough as it is but they always say drinks or coffee. I don't drink caffeine or alcohol. When I was dating back 10 years ago before I got married men always took me out to dinner on a first date. That's just what you did. What's the deal these days?
I don't ask women to dinner on a first date because they accept less frequently. I don't drink coffee, so I usually ask to go for drinks. More than once they didn't drink alcohol and we had fun talking up the waiter about different juice mixes instead.
I would rather take them to dinner, but opt for drinks instead. I just keep ordering more apps, eventually it really does just turn into dinner. Plus the changing apps gives you a good reason to match them with a different drink (my preference is wine, but not everyone enjoys wine), generating a bit of conversation itself.
Drinks or Coffee is less of a commitment, and just knowing you can leave at anytime allows you to relax and enjoy the time together.
And as far as where we go, or how much I spend... I go to places I enjoy, and spend what I want. The whole point is they get to know me, I'd rather find out sooner than later that we are incompatible.