Re: dancing and being trans
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RebeccaSolidarity
(1) not sure what to do about the tran thing other than suck it up and try anyway, which feels scary but not impossible. just stuck in a serious rut here. though the good side is that i know what i need to work on now, which is obviously appearance related stuff. and not even that much since i pass pretty durn good anyway.
I think you just have to suck it up. I mean, what else CAN you do? You're not going to magically stop being trans, so you gotta work with what you got. In a way (forgive me if I make too light of this) you have a super-heavy version of the problem ever girl has when she starts to dance...basically wondering if you have what it takes to be a dancer, and whether guys are really going to like you. Every girls thinks she needs bigger boobs, longer hair, better dance skills, tanner skin, or some such. All of us found a niche and a way to make money as we were. You will, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RebeccaSolidarity
(2) although everyone at the bustop knows that i am trans for the most part - including the customers - is the generally positive reception and the surprising new attitude of the manager a good indication that i should try one more time?
Maybe. Maybe not. You know best. Without being there, I couldn't tell you, but I see why it seems weird to you. Like, is it real friendliness, or is there something creepy about it. It couldn't hurt to try again. Really, the worst that could happen is that you wouldn't be hired, and that wouldn't be the end of the world. You'd have to keep looking, but sometimes that's how it goes. With all the (apparently) positive feedback you get from management and customers, why not give it another shot?
Re: dancing and being trans
Listen to Grace...not so much me.
I'd say go for it. And if you fall short, take the waitress job and with that in hand, audition elsewhere.
my 2 cents from the cheap seats.:)
hb
Re: dancing and being trans
Dude, that is the strip club at the end of the universe. Who knows what the hell is going on. It's definitely wierd that that asshole's being nice to you. But yeah, audition again and get your friend to dress you up and do your make up. If you don't get hired at least you'll have more experience.
Re: dancing and being trans
For your own safety I would make sure NO ONE knows you are trans.
Re: dancing and being trans
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xoxoGracexoxo
I think you just have to suck it up. I mean, what else CAN you do? You're not going to magically stop being trans, so you gotta work with what you got. In a way (forgive me if I make too light of this) you have a super-heavy version of the problem every girl has when she starts to dance ... All of us found a niche and a way to make money as we were. You will, too.
Thank you so much for actually putting this in a way that makes sense to me. Some of my friends have said similar stuff but it never really stuck. This kind of really gets to the core of it though. I think I might maybe write this down on an index card or something and carry it around in my wallet for when I need to knuckle down and just go for it. Totally serious, no foolin.
Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xoxoGracexoxo
Maybe. Maybe not. You know best. Without being there, I couldn't tell you, but I see why it seems weird to you. Like, is it real friendliness, or is there something creepy about it. It couldn't hurt to try again. Really, the worst that could happen is that you wouldn't be hired, and that wouldn't be the end of the world. You'd have to keep looking, but sometimes that's how it goes. With all the (apparently) positive feedback you get from management and customers, why not give it another shot?
Word. I guess what makes me nervous about trying again is my history as an entertainer. Like ... I have been performing in various ways since I was eleven years old and I have gotten real good at it. Unfortunately my ability to do super well right away when performing in any kind of way is sort of a keystone to my pride, and I know I will be kind of stupid and inexperienced and all that for a good while probably. Nervous about embarassing myself in front of the people who I actually hang out with outside the club.
Definitely gotta work on that! But that is unrelated anyway.
So yeah the friendliness from the staff and customers has always been pretty grounded in the realities of the situation and environment. Some of the management response makes sense to because it has happened gradually and over time, but the spontaneous stuff from head manager man (whom many the women here know and glare at apparently) is really weird and so far out of left field that it feels like someone threw the baseball at my head from behind!
Once while I was talking with Best Friend over a few beers at her place we both struck on the possibility that he knows where my money comes from (pro-sub/domme work) and that he also knows that money has been slow lately and so he is trying to encourage me to solicit customers in the club so I will have more money or something that I could spend on drinks or whatever ... but if that were the case then all I can say is fucking gross. Cause I definitely do not solicit in public ever and even if I did I would absolutely never solicit where my friends work.
But something tells me that he is not quite that cunning to work out some kind of plan like that, especially when he is such a stickler for rules and whatever. That and the niceness started when he was set straight about me. He was apparently shut down pretty hard, especially once he was told by friend that my birth certificate says female (which it does) or something.
Ugh. Rambling again. Sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hockeybobby
Listen to Grace...not so much me. I'd say go for it. And if you fall short, take the waitress job and with that in hand, audition elsewhere. my 2 cents from the cheap seats.:)
I will take that two cents! Solid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lena
Dude, that is the strip club at the end of the universe. Who knows what the hell is going on. It's definitely wierd that that asshole's being nice to you. But yeah, audition again and get your friend to dress you up and do your make up. If you don't get hired at least you'll have more experience.
True enough, and I am glad that someone familiar with that club and its management responded here. Ha ha ha. And yeah, it is definitely a bizarre place. Big part of why I feel so comfortable there actually, since I am a pretty weird one myself. Which is obvious. But you know. Yep. Definitely having her help me out. Of course she wants me to audition on her side of the club (naked side) and that is so probably not ever gonna happen buuuut she is darlin for the help anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NewMoon
For your own safety I would make sure NO ONE knows you are trans.
Well if I get the job then - yeah - definitely. Neither confirm nor deny and all, but in my day-to-day then I am pretty comfortable not hiding it if people ask. Being someone other than who I am is reserved for work and entertainment, the rest of the time I really enjoy just being myself and not having to worry about who knows and who does not.
Re: dancing and being trans
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RebeccaSolidarity
Unfortunately my ability to do super well right away when performing in any kind of way is sort of a keystone to my pride, and I know I will be kind of stupid and inexperienced and all that for a good while probably.
Maybe you'll be better than you think. Anyway, mastering new skills is good for us. Don't sweat it. You'll be fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RebeccaSolidarity
But something tells me that he is not quite that cunning to work out some kind of plan like that
That's my hunch also. Sounds like a very convoluted plot just to get you to buy a few more drinks or whatnot. Maybe he feels guilty for being mean to you at first. Maybe he wants to impress your friend for some reason. Maybe he has crush on you. Who knows? If you need to know, you'll figure it out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RebeccaSolidarity
Well if I get the job then - yeah - definitely. Neither confirm nor deny and all, but in my day-to-day then I am pretty comfortable not hiding it if people ask.
You've been in other realms of sex work, so I'm sure you know to that there is a lot of violence directed towards trans sex workers. (According to some, more violence that is directed at XX female prostitutes.) Then again, you're in the club, and that's usually a pretty safe environment. Just be careful and protect yourself.
Re: dancing and being trans
Forgive me if you've already said this..but are you full post op? If you are...then you ARE a girl. Anyone who goes through that much pain and expense deserves to call themselves female, no matter what their DNA might say. So if I were you..,.I'd just keep quiet about being trans and audition somewhere else.There are always going to be people who dont understand or are uncomfortable with it...and people dont hire people they are uncomfortable around.
Good luck and stay safe!
Re: dancing and being trans
Yup.
Got that one out of the way a few years ago, actually. I do not think I would ever have the nerve to work at this if I had not. Granted one of my heroes (Tula) managed without but ... no no no ... I could not even imagine. Could not imagine. And thank goodness everything looks (and works) as it should. There will never be a day where I take my body for granted, never. Okay maybe there will be a day when I am, like, really old or something and can barely remember my prior self buuut... uh... okay... maybe there was yesterday too... ah hell...
(hmmm... gots new icon... not sure about it... oh well)
Re: dancing and being trans
Rebecca, you are awesome, strong, and just fascinatingly cool. Just wanted to say that.
Listen to Grace. She has the smart. Be careful, though. We live in a country where "trans panic" still works as a murder defense... Just make certain to work with security staff you have a good feeling about, people you know you can trust absolutely.
I think you're right on with (2) -- if people know, and you're liked and loved there, it sounds like the safest and least stressful working environment you could ask for, so try again -- if the manager's been nice since she set him straight, that's a good sign, he may be encouraging you to give it another try. Don't wait a month, just a week or two... And when you go in to audition, tell the manager, straight out -- "I want to give it another shot because I love this place, I feel comfortable here and (name, name and name) have said they want me to work here as a dancer." Not 'have expressed interest', not anything waffly: the customers want you to work here as a dancer, 'cos they do. Basically prepare the sale -- to the manager, and with the same absolute straightforward bloodyobvious confidence you'd use if you were selling a dance, yes? Then do your bit, and if they're still hedging, adios.
Re: dancing and being trans
Do you look like a chick body wise, facial structure? It seem from your first post that you do, so I don;t think you should have a problem.
I wouldn't tell people your tran as I think it would extremely limit your customers. And that Cam said, you ARE a chick.
I think, honestly, its just an issue that your mind decided to focus on out of fear to get into the industry. My mind focused being young. I was scared that people would think I was so young and naive and be put off by it or try to take advantage of me. After first stepping out on the floor and getting my first dance that fear is completely gone.
I think everyone has something they focus on and are scared people are going to criticize them for it, but honestly once you get in the club you'll realize that everything is much more laid back. Just like how people assume all stripper look like a walking barbie doll, then you get to the club and realize they don't. Everyone's different, and as long as a chick doesn't look busted you should do awesome!
Honestly I didn't read all the club drama, he likes me stuff in the OP, but I wouldn't mention the carnie stuff iwith all your tattos. Thats a lot of "hardcore" stuff to pile on top of someone all at once, when they first meet you. They may think you're going to be really wild and loud and disrupt the club.
Now once you get hired, id bring it up in convo with custies because it is cool. But for jsut getting hired I would keep a lot of stuff to yourself and tone your image down as much as possible. Once you score the job, then you can show them who you really are!
Re: dancing and being trans
I think it is so cool that you are trans!! I never woulda guessed. I suspect most of your customers won't guess either. You've gotten great advice above, not sure I have anything to add to it really. I'm just over here in the cheering section. Go RebeccaSolidarity! Make that money!
Re: dancing and being trans
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thechaosfairy
Rebecca, you are awesome, strong, and just fascinatingly cool. Just wanted to say that. Listen to Grace. She has the smart. Be careful, though. We live in a country where "trans panic" still works as a murder defense... Just make certain to work with security staff you have a good feeling about, people you know you can trust absolutely.
thank you very much! and yeah, i know all about the trans panic defense and it is something that makes me really really mad. i wish it were not the case but yeah, it is definitely something that i am aware of and i behave appropriately in order to avoid it. with the BDSM session work i do right now my general answer when people ask is to just look real confused and say 'is that what you want me to be? i mean, i can be if it's that important to you. odd fantasy though...' which is usually enough to sort push them back into a nonconfrontational headspace and forget about it. i definitely am a fan of 'neither confirm nor deny' approach.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Joplin
Do you look like a chick body wise, facial structure? It seem from your first post that you do, so I don't think you should have a problem ... I wouldn't tell people your tran as I think it would extremely limit your customers ... I think, honestly, its just an issue that your mind decided to focus on out of fear to get into the industry ... but I wouldn't mention the carnie stuff iwith all your tattos. Thats a lot of "hardcore" stuff to pile on top of someone all at once, when they first meet you.
I sure do. As far as my body goes it would be real real hard for anyone to point out any part of it that looks even vaguely male, and although I do have a strong jawline it is not strong in any way that is out of the ordinary for a woman. And I agree with telling people, it is not something I would be doing if I had the job nor is it something that I ever actively try to tell customers. As far as I know only the dancers and some of the service staff actually know and they have all been really respectful about not disclosing my status to anyone.
As to the carnie stuff: Being a tattooed carnival entertainer does not seem to be much of a problem at this particular club. Several of the girls who work there are more heavilly tattooed than I am and although they call themselves a gentlemans club the customers who come in are far from it, mostly being asshole college boys and sweetheart mountain men along with the occasional rare group of bikers or whomever. Plus several of the women who work there are also involved in circus performance and although they have never worked a carnival it is basically the same attitude.
Besides which, pretty much the entire staff - including management - knows me relatively well now because I regularly give my best friend rides to and from work (she loses her car keys often) so I end up hanging around for the most of the night, since the club closes so late that going home then coming back at four in the morning would be a real pain in the ass. So I think that they know me well enough to not think I am gonna be loud and rowdy or anything like that. In fact the general consensus seems to be that I am polite and friendly and outgoing, and generally good at chatting up people whom I have not met.
Um.
I am just now realizing that the more I think about it at this point the more I look at the club and think that another audition is definitely a good idea at this point. I think that I now feel like an official dumbass for letting the trans stuff cause me to ignore all these other positive signs that I am just now recognizing. Talk about insecurities getting the best of a person ... something else to work on I guess.
I just wanna say thank you very very very much to all of you. I was not really expecting any kind of positive or supportive feedback to this post, and it only makes me adore this site more. Plus you are all really really awesome for being all understanding and stuff. I really appreciate everything that everyone here has said and I am glad that for once it is all actually sinking into my brain. I guess after I have a brief chat with the head manager and hopefully audition again I will let you all know how it went.
Thank you, thank you, thank you again.
Re: dancing and being trans
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thechaosfairy
Rebecca, you are awesome, strong, and just fascinatingly cool. Just wanted to say that.
I just wanted to repeat that :)
If thats you in the avatar youre gorgeous! Good luck where ever you decide to audition. Forget anything negative that anyone has said, smile and give it your all! Sometimes life knocks you back, but the key is to let the knock backs make you stronger and more determined, not to let them stop you from achieving your goals. Easier said than done of course but still...
It crossed my mind was that maybe you could try working as a waitress or at the bar at The Bustop for a couple of weeks and work your way up to stripping from already being inside the club? I dont know if thats the done thing there or not, but I have known a few strippers here who started out as waitresses / barstaff. That might give the manager a chance to ease up a bit?
Re: dancing and being trans
Yeah.
Cocktailing is a pretty solid possibility actually, if I choose to pursue it at some point. Bartending is a slightly different story. Although I am real good at mixing drinks and even coming up with new drinks that are super tasty (alcohol and me get along pretty good) and I have worked as a barback in the past, the current staff that works the bar kind of has it on total lockdown.
Like I said, at this point I think I am going to have a brief sitdown with the head manager about auditioning again, like TCF recommended. If he responds positively then I will give it another go, and if he does not respond positively then I will just cut the loss and try out somewhere else. At the very least I know now that he will be friendly and he is definitely the sort to give a straight up honest opinion about something like that.
Re: dancing and being trans
Okay. I'm going to suggest... alright, I'm not transphobic. But. It is not generally a popular selling point. It is something that customers will not generally like. It is something that managers will not generally like. In the interests of sheer marketability I would conceal it. You will make more money and exponentially increase your chances of being hired if you conceal it. This is a fact of the business; I'm not suggesting that you should have to take a similar approach to your life in general. For your safety and general peace of mind I would conceal other jobs; that's just basic discretion. I would personally just mosey along to the next club, be discreet about your gender-history (again - nobody's concern except your own) and try to show a mainstream appeal.
Re: dancing and being trans
^^^^
Right on. You have to remember, a lot of men are homophobic uptight jerks. They will NOT be pleaased to find out you used to have a penis....Especially if you're talking about bikers and mountain men coming into your club!! Seriously, I hate to say this, but they will want to beat your ass if they find out. That's just how those type of men are, and there's not a damn thing in the world that can change that.
So, really, you have two good options. Dance somewhere and keep this a secret, or dance in a gay/alternative club where people expect this.
Please keep in mind also, that I am not a redneck, backwards person, but trust me after nearly 8 years of dancing, I've seen plenty of guys who act like that, and sometimes you wouldn't guess it from looking at them. I just thought you should know.
Stay safe!!
Jax
Re: dancing and being trans
This might have already been covered, but how tall are you / how are you built ? I don't see how they would even know ( based on your avatar pic ) unless you are on the taller side of what most women are.
Re: dancing and being trans
yeah, i mean i am not planning on selling myself as trans or anything like that. it would not work, and to be honest it would probably not work in some kind of gay themed stripclub either unless it was a lesbian club and i have never ever heard of a club like that. gay men are generally not fond of the fact that i am a girl and do not have the original factory equipment (heh) that they are looking for, not to mention the fact that i do not date men (the boyfriend is a fluke! a fluke!) and all of that business. so yeah, it is something that would be kept secret. for definitely.
as for my height and all of that: i am about five feet eight inches tall. as for build, well, a relatively good example is this gallery picture here (forewarning: it is topless... oh noes) although i took it shortly after working this one really long carnival route and so i am all kinds of wicked unkempt and so forth cause i had been living on the road for a couple months. my arms also have more tattoos now and my hair is quite a bit longer. and yeah, i like my icon and it is definitely me. me bein all metal and toughie but yup. though i guess a better perspective would be this picture, though it is a stupid 'lets play with photos' kind of picture and the only makeup or anything i got in is my eye makeup. but you will get the idea.
:-\
i mean, i know that it would only take a little bit of effort to be totally stealth and all as far as looking for work and holding on to work is concerned. it is just not something i am accustomed to since i was an activist for trans/queer rights for so long and that kind of necessitated being out all the time. but yeah, it is definitely something that will be necessary so i just gotta work on it and be comfortable with the idea of stealth. you know, unless i wake up in Magical Rainbow Crazy Land where everything is amazing and tastes like plums. ; )
Re: dancing and being trans
There are clubs that specialize in trans. Are there any near you?
Re: dancing and being trans
Not any that I am aware of in Colorado...?
I have only ever heard of one, and I thought it was in Canada and such. Though my personal concern is that I would be largely worthless in a club like that. In general the men who seek out transwomen in circumstances like that are looking for someone who is pre-op specifically. In my own experience once someone has had surgery all of a sudden that person becomes significantly more unmarketable unless they can pass and go totally stealth about their trans history.
At least, that is generally how I have seen it work out and how it has worked out for me with the outcall work that I do. My ability to pull in clients diminished dramatically after everything was said and done, and I am not so sure that working in a club that specifically hired trans people would be any different.
Re: dancing and being trans
^^^ Yeah there are clubs like that in NV too. My friend Rue worked at one. Actually there are clubs like that in WI too. I was unaware that being post op made you less marketable.
Anywho, your body is banging *nice boobs btw* and your face is all girlie too. U should have no prob making $.
Re: dancing and being trans
You are so cute. Are you ever going to be anywhere I am? Cause I would totally stripper skool you...
Re: dancing and being trans
You are adorable and you have the sweetest smile. I wouldnt ever have guessed in a million years that you were trans, and I've worked with many and known even more,both pre-op,post op and plain old drag queens...so I'm usually pretty good at picking out the boys from the girls(or what they used to be...not that I ever care)! You are completely feminine and badass...you should do really well!
Re: dancing and being trans
Not to sound like a broken record, but I agree with everyone who says just keep being trans to yourself. In addition to guys losing their damn minds and hurting you, some girls really have issues with GLBT people and that can put you in danger as well. I'm a lesbian and keep it to myself at work. It just makes things a hell of a lot easier and safer.
Although, on a philosophical note, it sucks that people can't just be themselves and that this is even a discussion point.
By the way, I love your pictures. You look and seem like a sexy, wild, and fun person.