Changing your personality?
Because I am naturally a shy and laid back person, I find it difficult to be aggressive and overly sexual. I never talk dirty and rarely curse in my personal life. Of course, this goes on in the strip club and I am considered a prude and not as much fun.
I have decided to try and become a different person in the club. Even though I might feel uncomfortable talking to guys a certain way, do you think they'll notice? They don't know what my true personality really is, if this is what I'm portraying to them. Is it hard to put on the stripper persona when you are more conservative?
I'm trying to think of ways to not seem so innocent and girl next door. Hopefully this will work, I just have to get out of my confort zone.
Advice?
Re: Changing your personality?
Don't force yourself to act in a way that feels completely unnatural or uncomfortable. It'll come across as fake and make a lot of customers uneasy, even if only subconsciously. Being relaxed and confident is a big part of coming across as sexy.
You say you're shy, so maybe being at the club makes you nervous to begin with. Possibly this is what makes you come across as a prude, or too shy. Have you been dancing long? For me, a lot of my nervousness went away by the six month mark, and I got more and more comfortable being in the club as time went on.
Re: Changing your personality?
I agree with what xoxoGrace is saying. Sometimes customers can sense something's "off"if you're being fake alot.
However, sometimes you do have to fake it. It's like an acting job. Favorite line: fake it till you make it. I do this often, especially when I don't feel like socializing or having anyone even look at me. Sometimes I'd rather just hide under a rock and stay there, but you can't make money that way lol. Changing your personality sounds harsh, like a permanent change. I prefer to look at it as changing your strip club persona!
Do you wear more conservative, blending in clothes that don't make you stand apart from the club? Maybe start with your appearance. Looking certain ways can make you FEEL certain ways, which, in turn, make you ACT certain ways! Maybe try wearing something that you wouldn't normally wear that really grabs people's attention, such as something brighter or more sparkly jewelry. (not tacky, tho)
Maybe you just have to test out your new "personality" on enough people so you, yourself, believe that you have changed. The first couple of people might not buy it...they may see someone who's shy and just acting fake and outgoing. There will be some people who do not see through you, though, and they will help you. They'll treat you differently than people who think you're shy; they'll treat you like an outgoing, flirty, bubbly, confident person (hard to explain, vague statement, I know). But anyway, once you're treated this way, you'll start to believe your act more. It's a cycle. Act one way, be treated a certain way b/c of how you acted, then either keep acting that way b/c you like the treatment or act some other way.
Last thing...is there a part of you that IS aggressive. Many times, our personalities aren't black and white. We're not just shy or just outgoing...it might depend on who we're around. I read good advice by another poster on here who said to pretend that the guy they're with someone who they like/are friends with outside of the club or something along those lines. I think she said she picks one of her friends who most closely resembles the custie she's talking to. She then feels more comfortable talking b/c she relaxes and pretends like she's talking to her friend.
Re: Changing your personality?
I have been dancing for 8 years. I'm just trying to think of ways to have a better attitude that appeals more to the customers. Lately, people have been telling me that I look mean. This is extremely annoying, because it's not like I'm in a bad mood, I'm just relaxed.
There have been times when it was easier to smile and appear happy, and it worked well, but lately it's starting to become harder.
There have been other threads posted about adjusting your attitude to match that of the customers. I want to know how difficult it is to do this, when your pretending to be someone you really aren't. I think at some point, we all have had a fake persona, in order to make money.
Re: Changing your personality?
My personality is way different in the club than IRL. I have to be assertive, outgoing, and high energy when naturally I'm private, quiet, and pretty passive. It felt so phony at first, and I'm sure it came off as uncomfortable to customers, but with practice came finesse. Once you show yourself you are capable of being outgoing and assertive, it'll come naturally. Only you can figure out why customers are thinking what they think. Here's some examples of things I did to improve my time at work;
- Took dance classes for more confidence and to enjoy other styles of dance
- Improved my quality of life outside of work, which made me happier AT work and gave me more to talk about
- I make a point to keep my internal script positive when I'm at work. It's easy to get caught into the trap of thinking negatively which makes you look unattractive. Make a list of the things you tell yourself and change them into something more positive. If you catch yourself thinking "I'm so phony" replace it with "I'm going to have so much fun and send these guys to the atm!" You shouldn't concentrate on how things feel unnatural but on how you are going to succeed.
- Smile, Smile, Smile. Keep an eye on the room to see who is checking you out. Convince yourself that you love whatever music is playing. Remind yourself you could be waking up at 6am instead for a shitty minimum wage job.
- Read about body language. Don't cross your arms or legs. Try to keep your body open at all times and passively mirror whoever you're talking to. Just doing certain things with your body will send signals to your brain and affect your mood.
- Think about why guys are saying you look mean. Are you sitting on the floor by yourself? Are you sending out negative body signals?
Re: Changing your personality?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
girlinterupted
- Took dance classes for more confidence and to enjoy other styles of dance
- Improved my quality of life outside of work, which made me happier AT work and gave me more to talk about
- I make a point to keep my internal script positive when I'm at work. It's easy to get caught into the trap of thinking negatively which makes you look unattractive. Make a list of the things you tell yourself and change them into something more positive. If you catch yourself thinking "I'm so phony" replace it with "I'm going to have so much fun and send these guys to the atm!" You shouldn't concentrate on how things feel unnatural but on how you are going to succeed.
- Smile, Smile, Smile. Keep an eye on the room to see who is checking you out. Convince yourself that you love whatever music is playing. Remind yourself you could be waking up at 6am instead for a shitty minimum wage job.
- Read about body language. Don't cross your arms or legs. Try to keep your body open at all times and passively mirror whoever you're talking to. Just doing certain things with your body will send signals to your brain and affect your mood.
- Think about why guys are saying you look mean. Are you sitting on the floor by yourself? Are you sending out negative body signals?
Excellent. Great advice for the OP but for me as well. I get the "looking mean/mad/upset" thing alot too.
Re: Changing your personality?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
girlinterupted
My personality is way different in the club than IRL. I have to be assertive, outgoing, and high energy when naturally I'm private, quiet, and pretty passive. It felt so phony at first, and I'm sure it came off as uncomfortable to customers, but with practice came finesse. Once you show yourself you are capable of being outgoing and assertive, it'll come naturally. Only you can figure out why customers are thinking what they think. Here's some examples of things I did to improve my time at work;
- Took dance classes for more confidence and to enjoy other styles of dance
- Improved my quality of life outside of work, which made me happier AT work and gave me more to talk about
- I make a point to keep my internal script positive when I'm at work. It's easy to get caught into the trap of thinking negatively which makes you look unattractive. Make a list of the things you tell yourself and change them into something more positive. If you catch yourself thinking "I'm so phony" replace it with "I'm going to have so much fun and send these guys to the atm!" You shouldn't concentrate on how things feel unnatural but on how you are going to succeed.
- Smile, Smile, Smile. Keep an eye on the room to see who is checking you out. Convince yourself that you love whatever music is playing. Remind yourself you could be waking up at 6am instead for a shitty minimum wage job.
- Read about body language. Don't cross your arms or legs. Try to keep your body open at all times and passively mirror whoever you're talking to. Just doing certain things with your body will send signals to your brain and affect your mood.
- Think about why guys are saying you look mean. Are you sitting on the floor by yourself? Are you sending out negative body signals?
Yeah, this is great advice. When I say "don't force it", well, of course sometimes you DO have to act in a way that would be unnatural for you in real life. But there are mental tricks you can do, as described above, to feel comfortable and natural.
I work really hard to keeping my script positive, too. Instead of telling myself to ACT happy, I really try to make myself happy by hyping up in my own mind how good I look, how much fun I'm having, how much money I'm going to make, and so on. Instead of trying to "fake" being really into the customers I sit with, I try to find genuine things to like about them and be interested in. Of course, my liking and interest is pretty much proportional to what they're paying me, and usually won't last past the night, but it keeps me happy and having fun in the moment. Even if I approach a customer who is totally hostile to me, I try to keep things civil and light, and even joke around with them. Not for their sake, but just so that I don't let their bad mood rub off on me.
Re: Changing your personality?
I'm naturally a rather quiet and shy person around people I don't really know (I'm loud and fairly nutty around people I DO know) so I've always found it hard. I used to use it to my advantage, being all aloof and sensual on stage, sorta letting guys chaise me in a way. But then my immage started changing and my personality had to change with it.
Luckly I found something that worked quite effectively as emotional electroshock therapy and suddenly I was way more outgoing and friendly at the club, which works way more to my advantage than the aloof bit.
My trick is that I'll play various people depending on what the customers are going for. Sometimes I just twirl my hair and smile vapidly, other times I bust out the geekery, and if at all possible I just try to steer the convo to a subject I'm strong with in order to pwn the whole thing.
Re: Changing your personality?
Thanks, this is all very good advice. I had a really good night last night. Instead of being told I look mean, I was told how beautiful my smile was by several guys. One of the waitressess even complimented me.
I think I was appearing more prudish to the customers because I am natural, other then the minor nips and tuck here and there. My hair is real and I just have a book worm look about myself. It's difficult for me to change my look entirely, because the next morning, I have to go to my office job.
People have always commented on my natural look. Some like it and some want the girl who is completely strippered up.