Feeling bad for custies who spend
Anyone ever feel this way? i just had a great night- one guy bought 3 half hours with me, and i feel bad for him. he seemed lonely and like he was really into me, and i could tell he was looking sad when he wasnt dancing with me. he even brought up hanging out with me outside the club during the third half hour which is what made me sad because i couldnt do that for him. id much rather just have the guy with a ton of money to burn who realizes its just a fantasy and doesnt ask me about OTC because im really not that important to him. I dont deal with this too often because i rarely do champagne rooms, but now that i did a bunch in one night and with one guy i feel kind of sad for him. should i just get over it? how do you guys deal with this?
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
I once tried to sell a dance to a customer who said he "didn't like dances" So i turned it round and said "That's ok, well why don't we hang out in the VIP room", he said he didn't have that kind of money so (and i wasn't giving up on this one so easily) i said "why don't we sit here for a while and chat" and got $80 for 15 minutes of talking.
Well during that time he told me hat his fiance had died the week before, he hadn't been out of the house and he was desperate for company, he ended up in tears.
Well I felt sooo guilty. It took me a good week to stop thinking about it. I ended up telling myself that he wouldn't have paid me if he didn't want to, and i might have made him feel a little bit better by being a shoulder to cry on for that short period of time.
You have to try and see the good in it (e.g your custie seemed lonely so was probably happy to have some company) and try to just let it go.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
msonyxorb
Anyone ever feel this way? i just had a great night- one guy bought 3 half hours with me, and i feel bad for him. he seemed lonely and like he was really into me, and i could tell he was looking sad when he wasnt dancing with me. he even brought up hanging out with me outside the club during the third half hour which is what made me sad because i couldnt do that for him. id much rather just have the guy with a ton of money to burn who realizes its just a fantasy and doesnt ask me about OTC because im really not that important to him. I dont deal with this too often because i rarely do champagne rooms, but now that i did a bunch in one night and with one guy i feel kind of sad for him. should i just get over it? how do you guys deal with this?
I sort of know how you feel here. I'm more of just a lap hopper myself since I have a hard time emotionally spending long lengths of time with customer.
But try to look at it this way...... Yes he was a sad lonely person, and you made him feel better even if it was only for a short period of time within the club.
You did a good thing, you gave a lonely person your time.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
i only feel bad about my one regular all he does is gets really drunk and complains about how fat he is ( he isnt) he hasnt had a girlfriend in 10 years and always asks if i could love him. he gets so drunk he just starts buying dances with stacks of 100 dollar funny money. love the money but i start feeling guilty.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pinkpvc
I once tried to sell a dance to a customer who said he "didn't like dances" So i turned it round and said "That's ok, well why don't we hang out in the VIP room", he said he didn't have that kind of money so (and i wasn't giving up on this one so easily) i said "why don't we sit here for a while and chat" and got $80 for 15 minutes of talking.
Well during that time he told me hat his fiance had died the week before, he hadn't been out of the house and he was desperate for company, he ended up in tears.
Well I felt sooo guilty. It took me a good week to stop thinking about it. I ended up telling myself that he wouldn't have paid me if he didn't want to, and i might have made him feel a little bit better by being a shoulder to cry on for that short period of time.
You have to try and see the good in it (e.g your custie seemed lonely so was probably happy to have some company) and try to just let it go.
His fiance died last week and he was desperate for the company of a stripper? Does dude not have parents? Friends? Her parents? Her friends? For god's sake, the week after she died someone is still staying at their house. I don't think you need to sweat that one.
For the in general - I manage by being extremely upfront with what I provide and trying to keep it lighthearted rather than sinking into maudlinism. Like if a guy asks if you might be able to love him, don't say "yes". If there is a customer I really worry about I sort of sit back and think whether he is mentally unstable to the point where I should be controlling his finances, or whether he should be able to buy what he wants. Generally... well generally you can guess what happens. There are very, very few customers who I think are so badly off that I am a better judge of their finances than they are. Point being take the situation stand back from it and appraise what you are feeling guilty about and whether or not you are doing something wrong. If you are doing something wrong... I suggest you don't do it anymore. For the most part, I daresay, you are conducting perfectly legitimate business and it would be incredibly condescending to say "Look, I don't think you should spend this money on me because I think you are too socially pathetic to be a good judge about this kind of thing. So just go home, watch some TV and come back when you want to spend a little less."
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jenny
His fiance died last week and he was desperate for the company of a stripper? Does dude not have parents? Friends? Her parents? Her friends? For god's sake, the week after she died someone is still staying at their house. I don't think you need to sweat that one.
For the in general - I manage by being extremely upfront with what I provide and trying to keep it lighthearted rather than sinking into maudlinism. Like if a guy asks if you might be able to love him, don't say "yes". If there is a customer I really worry about I sort of sit back and think whether he is mentally unstable to the point where I should be controlling his finances, or whether he should be able to buy what he wants. Generally... well generally you can guess what happens. There are very, very few customers who I think are so badly off that I am a better judge of their finances than they are. Point being take the situation stand back from it and appraise what you are feeling guilty about and whether or not you are doing something wrong. If you are doing something wrong... I suggest you don't do it anymore. For the most part, I daresay, you are conducting perfectly legitimate business and it would be incredibly condescending to say "Look, I don't think you should spend this money on me because I think you are too socially pathetic to be a good judge about this kind of thing. So just go home, watch some TV and come back when you want to spend a little less."
this guy wasnt asking for a extras though. in fact i would try to dance for him and he would like stop me and tell me to relax and we would just talk or sing and hug. im not sure if by asking to see me out of the club he wanted me to have sex with him. i think he just really wanted to spend more time with me and most likely wanted me to be his gf. if it was clear all he wanted was sex then hell no i wouldnt be feeling sorry for him lol. it would make it a lot easier to hate him. and i didnt lie to him, when he asked if i was single and he was younger if i would date him i still dodged the question.
he spent over 1grand on me and still acted like he would spend tons more. he didnt look like he had money either and the job he told me isnt what i would consider a big money job (but it might be who knows). he said he had nothing else to spend it on. which made me think that he might be suicidal and he might be getting his last thrills and spending all the money he has saved up since he wont need it when he is dead. i hope i am wrong because that is so sad.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
You should probably quit and let someone else have his money.::)
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
msonyxorb
this guy wasnt asking for a extras though. in fact i would try to dance for him and he would like stop me and tell me to relax and we would just talk or sing and hug. im not sure if by asking to see me out of the club he wanted me to have sex with him. i think he just really wanted to spend more time with me and most likely wanted me to be his gf. if it was clear all he wanted was sex then hell no i wouldnt be feeling sorry for him lol. it would make it a lot easier to hate him. and i didnt lie to him, when he asked if i was single and he was younger if i would date him i still dodged the question.
he spent over 1grand on me and still acted like he would spend tons more. he didnt look like he had money either and the job he told me isnt what i would consider a big money job (but it might be who knows). he said he had nothing else to spend it on. which made me think that he might be suicidal and he might be getting his last thrills and spending all the money he has saved up since he wont need it when he is dead. i hope i am wrong because that is so sad.
I never assumed he was asking for extras. And like I said - I would be willing to bet that you did nothing wrong at all. I mean you can feel sorry for pitiful customers without feeling like you are doing something wrong by selling to them, you know?
And there is a huge leap from overspending on a stripper for one night to committing suicide. I think you could be drawing way too much into this.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
My personal experience is that there are three reasons men spend money on a stripper: 1. "erotic excitement" 2. feminine acceptance and 3. a combination of the first two. The point here is that some guys go in there just for the feminine attention - something you can't get from friends, family, therapists, you know? Men are psychologicly and biologicly programmed to seek out reassurance from women (much more so than women from men but i could write a huge thread about the psychology of gender relations and how they relate to stripping so i won't get into it). I really don't think you should feel bad at all. You were doing your job and you are worth the money especialy if they feel better after talking to you. Sometimes men need a womans shoulder to lean on it's really up to you if you feel like you can handle being around those kind of emotions. Although if you can't the poor guy is going to feel even worse! lol Anyways if the guy seems to be in big trouble like he's saying things about killing himself or how life doesn't matter... you know all the suicidal warning signs you should probably encourage him to get professional help... in the gentlest way of course. You may end up being the only one to do that for him. ..... and he's paying you to do it! Think if it this way... sometimes guys will pay you to just be an informal therapist and sometimes they want someone to make them laugh other times they just want to see you va-jayjay :D hope this helps
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
i used to..but think of it this way.. if you dont take it, some one else will.. and atleast you know you're being some what considerate and care for him slightly at that moment while most other girls will try to take advantage..
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
I used to feel bad about this stuff too... But then I realized that these guys WANT to spend their money on a dancer... You aren't making them.. Guys that spend tons of money on you usually really like you and your personality and in real life they would probably never get the opportunity to spend said time. The other week a guy spent probably around 7 g's on seeing me at the club over the course of two nights... (including room fees, other dancers, drinks, etc.. I actually only took home around 2600 but thats not the point..) The point is, I know how much this dude spent altogether on me, but I didn't feel bad at all, because I gave him an experience and a fantasy that he will remember and fantasize about for a really long time..
Trust me, these dudes wanna spend the money.. It is your job to entertain them and accept it gracefully...
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
It is insulting to tell a grown man what he can and can't spend his money on.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
princessparis
Think of it this way... sometimes guys will pay you to just be an informal therapist and sometimes they want someone to make them laugh,other times they just want to see your va-jayjay :D
I think that may be the truest thing I've ever read.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
yeh i have definately felt guilty over certain customers. but i dont let it bother me for too long. i agree with what some of the other girls have written here. we are selling, they are freely agreeing to buy dances/time and they are obviously getting something out of the situation or they wouldn' be doing it.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
They're in the club to spend money so I can't feel bad for them. I was pregnant when a guy I had in VIP told me that he didn't want to spend too much money because his wife was pregnant. I told him I understood. I felt a little bad for his wife but then I thought, I'm in the same situation too.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
Quote:
Originally Posted by
msonyxorb
Anyone ever feel this way? i just had a great night- one guy bought 3 half hours with me, and i feel bad for him. he seemed lonely and like he was really into me, and i could tell he was looking sad when he wasnt dancing with me. he even brought up hanging out with me outside the club during the third half hour which is what made me sad because i couldnt do that for him. id much rather just have the guy with a ton of money to burn who realizes its just a fantasy and doesnt ask me about OTC because im really not that important to him. I dont deal with this too often because i rarely do champagne rooms, but now that i did a bunch in one night and with one guy i feel kind of sad for him. should i just get over it? how do you guys deal with this?
Take it this way, if you don't take his money then someone else will. He came into the club to spend money otherwise he just would have stayed home.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
God love ya for having a good heart. Me, I guess mine's as cold as a stone. I never feel guilty, and after 3 courts I'd be pushing for more regardless of the sob story du jour. If he can do 3 he can usually do 4 or 5 or buy out my shift. Most of these guys with a sob story are full of more BS than we are anyway. Maybe I've just become really cynical or something but I almost never trust or believe any dude that walks in the door. If they want naked therapy I'll do the "oh you poor thing, there, there *pat pat hug hug*" till the cows come home as long as the wallet is open and the money moving to me. After that it's "thanks so much, see ya, bye bye" and I'm off to the next... out of sight, out of mind.
I actually like most of the guys I spend time with while they're paying me, but I've got a mental line in the sand they won't cross whatever their issue is... and maybe that's because mostly I just don't usually believe a word of whatever it is they're crying about. Life's tough. We all have our issues. You want to sob about your problems to me I'm all ears as long as I'm getting paid to listen. Once the money stops flowing I go deaf. Heh heh... I should hang little "Out of Order" signs on my ears once the wallet shuts.
Re: Feeling bad for custies who spend
I never feel guilty at work . Ever. They know what goes on in a SC and my time is money whether it's talk or dances. I never even really think about what interactions I had with custies once I leave the club.