Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Since I've been dancing, I've never felt it was necessary to let outsiders, friends or relatives know that I dance. My husband and is the only one who knows that I dance for a living.
The problem is I have a fear of parents at my child's school finding out. I can always say something like "So what were you doing there anyway?" if they happen to mention seeing me at work. That hasn't happened yet but I'm often worried about my child's friends mentioning my pole to their parents. I keep my bedroom door closed whenever my oldest has playdates over. It doesn't tend to do any good when she opens the door to ask me a question because her friend always has to be right behind her.:-\ I've overheard my daughter brag to her friends over the phone about my pole tricks and my first instinct is to stop her but I know that she'll start to question why and eventually figure it out. I've been telling my kids that I have the pole for Cirques du soleil purposes. With all the years I've spent in gymnastics and the fact that I had a friend come over to show me some things since she used to work with Cirque, I feel I can get away with it for a while. My kids also think I'm really a cocktail waitress.
In the past 6 months, there have been two incidents where two different friends of my daughter have come over and then suddenly stopped. The first girl used to ask all the time if she could come over and after one visit (things seemed to go very well) she never came over or called again. But she still plays with my daughter's other friend.
My daughter was such good friends with another girl from school that they'd talk on the phone every day. It got to the point where I had to limit the amount of time they talked. That girl has been over twice. The first time she came over it was because her mother dropped her off without warning. As in not consulting me first. She had to take her father to the hospital. I let her daughter come over a second time after that and everything seemed fine. Yet, since then, she wasn't permitted to talk on the phone because she was grounded for 1 week. But even after that her mother ALWAYS makes an excuse for her not to use the phone. I have a feeling the girl may have mentioned my pole to her mother and instead of just asking me about it, her mother automatically assumed that I'm a dancer and is so narrow minded that she has all the typical misconceptions of dancers. My daughter is sad over the fact that her friend's mother is acting this way. The only solution I've been able to come up with is to advise my daughter from continuing her friendship with the girl and not to invite her to her birthday party. I also told my daughter that I would never try to prevent her from being friends with someone unless the child was a bad influence. But since I don't like the way the girl's mother is acting, I don't want her to be friends with her. I refuse to allow someone to hurt my child's feelings like that. Am I handling this right? Or is there another way?
Sorry for making this so long but another reason I'm determined not to allow others to know about my job is because I don't want their ignorance to cause my child to be picked on in school. I heard about a woman at work who told her 7-year-old that she pole dances around Xmas so they can have gifts. A few days later, her daughter came back and said that her friend had said women who pole dance are whores.>:( Everyone knows that kids can be cruel.
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Take the pole down or get a removable one.
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Have you sat your daughter down and had a talk with her about why people can't know about your pole? I don't have kids, so I always feel weird giving input. I can only relate in that I don't like to talk about my job unless its with people I trust and my husband also has a job he doesn't like to discuss in detail. We talk a lot about how we would potentially explain what we do to our kids in the future.
Its really hard for kids to keep secrets but maybe if you're just honest with her and explain why she should keep it private, she will.
Good luck in the future with this! It sounds tough.
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ViolaStrings
Take the pole down or get a removable one.
This is what I was about to say. Is there no way you can just take the pole down when your daughters friends come over? Or put it in another part of your house they're unlikely to go in?
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
I think if it comes down to it, you probably should sacrifice the pole for your children's sake. You can always get your practice time in at work when its slow. You are losing a hobby while they are losing friends.
I can't believe that little girl's mom is such a bitch though. What, does she think you are going to turn her daughter into a stripper? Maybe invite her over for dinner one night so she can see that your home is a safe, clean, and friendly environment.
Its also so cool that you know someone from cirque. I would love to join them and become a circus freak :)
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Have to spoken to the parents? Maybe a sit down would benefit you all. The pole is there for Cirque training and cardio pole classes. If she has im ages in her head that adult things are being promoted or portrayed around her child...she should have asked first before tearing apart two little girls.
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
Gee I don't really have any advice either. I have kids of my own, but don't have any problems like this. (I think) I too, have a pole and I absolutely will not take it down under any circumstance. My pole is in my bedroom too.
While I respect everyone's right to privacy but getting into a job such as stripping with the idea that nobody will ever find out isn't really feasible IMO, so I'm just open about it. It may be easy to hide from some people (relavtives some distance away and such) But if you strip anywhere near your hometown, its likely that someone already knows, which could affect friendships with your children due to ignorance. These things, while unfortunate do happen. There will be parents that won't want my kids to play with theirs because I choose to dance. There may also be parents who don't want their kids around mine because I'm black, or because they feel I am not as financially well off as they are, or b/c they plain don't like me or my kids, or b/c my hubby's white, or a list of other reasons. These things happen and I am who I am.
The only thing I suggest is that mail her invite to your daughter's party and send a short letter with it, say something like, "Emily and Sara seemed to really love spending time together, and Emily would love to have her over more often to play. Don't hesistate to arrange a playdate, b/c Sara is welcome to call and visit." Keep it short and non confrontational. Don't accuse her of breaking up the girls (yes I gave then generic names) You don't know if she did, after all it could be her daughter who wanted to end the friendship, and the mother is only covering for her b/c she didn't want to talk on the phone. Kids can be fickle and lose interest in a kid when they find a "better friend." If the mom doesn't respond then chuck it up and just explain to your daughter that you don't know why her friend doesn't come around anymore.
Re: Work vs Your Personal Life vent
I actually told my children the pole was for aerobics and exercise-it is, im not a good fibber! In regards to the mother of your daughters friend...you cannot possibly please everyone, explain it the best you can to your daughter without trashing the other girls mom.
but i also love Hot4's advice too! because, one-you already explained the pole, two-it is very neutral UNCOMPLICATED way to go about it.
If it doesnt get resolved, as i learned, dont waste your time. Im so the type to dwell on why a person could be so mean or how can I make things better, I ran myself ragged. Im kind of a control freak in that way.