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why does this always seem to happen?
almost every relationship i get into has a 3-4 months shelf life. my bf and i have been together since feb., and everything was amazing....now its like he doesnt try so hard as he did at first, and as always on my end after 3 months im no longer interested sexually and its boring to me. hes so what i want in a bf but hes not really delivering....maybe im making a big deal out of nothing becuase he is good to me and he does love me. its just got boring and repetitive, and i miss hanging out with my friends all the time. ( he doesnt say i cant, but i have not went out without him since we have been together, and so as a result of that my friendships are pretty non existent except for online chatting)
sometimes i seriously wonder if i might be gay, but in denial. well that and i dont have any interest in putting my mouth on a vagina. the idea is not appealing to me.
all my relationships play out the same, things are great at first then i get utterly bored with them, no matter how sweet or assholish they are. it all ends the same.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
i dont like relationships. i may like the person, but relationships dont do it for me. i like the IDEA of a relationship. i cringe at the thought of my now ex (its messy right now) seeing another girl. at the same time, though, i do not like having the restrictions of a relationship. not bc i want other guys or anything, but because i hate having to make time for another person and put someone elses feelings first. that may sound immature and selfish, but at least i realize it.
i like having someone to say good morning and goodnight to, and to cuddle with, and to talk to about my day or my worries or whatever else. but i dont like HAVING to do that.
does that make sense? lol. maybe relationships just dont do it for ya. a friend of mine says i get bored so easily because i havent found the right person yet. i hope like hell thats true, otherwise im in for a lonely, tricky future!
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
no i like relationships, love them. maybe i just need some time away from him for a while i do see him like every day.
also he has 2 kids from a prior marriage. 8 and 4. they are great kids but he says he doesnt want any in the next few years, and i do. it certainly is discouraging. hes always talking to his babys mamma which is fine and all but its annoying. i cant imagine having kids with someone who already has two. it seems like a been there done that situation, and it would only be special to me....
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
i totally feel you. mine has 2 kids too.. 3 and 5 years old. i find it hard to see a future because i'm 22 and he's 36. everything i'm about to experience, or should, at least, he's already done. it's hard to see a future when your previous life experiences have already taken different paths.
are those things negotiable for you? to some people, stuff like that may be a dealbreaker. that sounds like a pretty tricky situation. but if its a pattern and has happened in past relationships, thats where the problem actually may be, you know? like this time around its just a different REASON, but there always IS a reason around that 3-4 month mark.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
no he is the first person i have ever dated with kids. hes 33 and im 28 so hes not that much older.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Do the kids ever stay for like 2 weeks or so at a time? and if so how do you deal with it? Im sort of having some diffulculty adjusting to it.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
It sounds like you are letting things get boring and routine. Shake things up a bit..go out with friends without him once a week. Take a vacation together for a change in scenery. Have a threesome(just kidding...unless you are into that!).
Relationships take work..and you need to have some time apart to be able to appreciate the time you have together. Having a standing girls night may be just what you need.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CKXXX
It sounds like you are letting things get boring and routine. Shake things up a bit..go out with friends without him once a week. Take a vacation together for a change in scenery. Have a threesome(just kidding...unless you are into that!).
Relationships take work..and you need to have some time apart to be able to appreciate the time you have together. Having a standing girls night may be just what you need.
i dont have any female friends. i get along better with guys. hes been on vacation all week, and we havent done anything except go to the usual bars.
he always told me that sexually he gets wilder the longer hes with a girl but its been over 4 months and nothing fancy has happened yet.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
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Originally Posted by
*Iris*
Do the kids ever stay for like 2 weeks or so at a time? and if so how do you deal with it? Im sort of having some diffulculty adjusting to it.
no he has them every other fri and every sat and sometimes during the week.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Well..it doesnt have to be female friends. Just go out without him once in awhile.
Have you talked to him about how you feel?
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
not yet but its coming im assuming. i just wanted some feedback to see if i was being an asshole or if i really have a legitmit reason to be unhappy.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
you should tell him how you feel. maybe if he knew, he'd make more of an effort to make you happy or do things you want sexually or whatever. if you truly care for this guy, its worth it, right?
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Until I met my current partner I had never had a relationship longer than a year (I'm 29 this year), a couple of on again off again nightmares that dragged them selves out but usually I would hit about 6 months and that was it.
I worried that there might be something immature or unresolved in me that caused this. But now I met my love and I know I will happily spend every day of my life with him. Its been 2 years already and it feels like we just met.
SO maybe you just havent met the right person yet??
I agree with CKKK that maybe you could work on keeping it fresh, but also if you want kids and he does want any more that is definitely a damper on a long term relationship!! And I loled at you still waiting for him to pull some fancy moves out of his hat!!! DO you worry that maybe, just maybe, he was saying that because he was worried you thought he was dull?? I have never known a man that got more interesting with time (sexually) usually they kind of plateau...
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
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Originally Posted by
Flick6
I have never known a man that got more interesting with time (sexually) usually they kind of plateau...
Me neither, except for the ones that bust out some weird fetish a few months in! Sometimes that's scary. :O I've been with the boy over a year now and it's sorta zzzzzzzzzzzz. Same vanilla stuff.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
well hes told me about the stuff he likes to get into, but has never done it...and he knows damn well i am game. *sigh.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
^^^ So why don't *you* shake things up a bit? Maybe he's just too shy to make the first move.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
I don't want to rehash the stuff we talked about in chat but go have your talk and see where you're at then. And make sure to keep us posted
*big group hug*
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
I know what you're talking about. I used to have the same problem. Everything is great for 3-4 months. Then...bored to tears.
Then I met my husband and it's different. i think maybe I was just expecting the relationship to keep itself going. Like I never put any effort into it. And when you think about it, the first 3-4 months are pretty easy to keep going effortlessly because it's still the 'honeymoon stage'. But after that it starts requiring the work you might not be doing, so you get bored when it's not fun anymore.
Maybe this is your problem?
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
well, we had the talk and i feel better about things,w ere going to try and work on stuff and see where things go.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
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Originally Posted by
i.breathe.in
well, we had the talk and i feel better about things,w ere going to try and work on stuff and see where things go.
Yay!! Glad you were able to talk things through with him. I think it might also be good for you to re-discover your old friendships too and maintain that balance in your life :)
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
yep im going out tonite without him to go see some bands with friends. i think itll be a good thing.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
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Originally Posted by
i.breathe.in
yep im going out tonite without him to go see some bands with friends. i think itll be a good thing.
Hah-I did the same thing tonight. It helped, but now I just want to sex everyone. And not him. I hope yours went better!
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
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Originally Posted by
RoseLeigh
Hah-I did the same thing tonight. It helped, but now I just want to sex everyone. And not him. I hope yours went better!
no sadly it didnt. i sort of missed him while i was out, then the next day i spent the night at his house and this morning, and while i love his company and hes a wonderful person i jsut feel.....i dont know like i really really want him to be the one becuase hes so amazing, but i dont think he is....i feel like if not him then who? hes everything i have ever wanted, but something isnt clicking.....
should i give this more time??? im so confused right now...
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Give it a bit more time..you might just be in a slump. But just because he's perfect on paper doesnt mean he's perfect for YOU. You have to have the chemistry too. Me and hubby are polar opposites in a lot of things... people never thought we'd stay together....but we've been together over 10 years now..married 8. So it works for US.
Dont feel bad if it isnt right for you..when the right one comes along..you'll know.
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Re: why does this always seem to happen?
Ditto ^^. And we'll be here with a big group hug whenever you need :)