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Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relationship
Hey, I got directed to this website from a friend that dances to get more input.
I met a dancer (not the one who directed me here) a few weeks ago at a local place.
She sat down and I bought her a drink, but let her know I wasn't really interested in getting any lapdances that night. She took that for what it was worth but continued to sit and talk. I told her I don't really like paying strippers for chit chat but she said it wasn't a problem. We talked for like 20-30 mins before she said she had to go back and make money. She never asked for any money or dances or anything from me. I tipped her when she was up on stage pretty well though after that.
Anyway, we traded contact information and she gave me a call the next day. I told her that I wasn't interested in an escort service or whatever and she said it wasn't about that. So we went out for lunch. She had the night off from work so we went out to a bar, had a few drinks, and I invited her over to my place, but let her know that I wasn't interested in anything of that sort. She said it wasn't like that, so I just let it rest for then. I kept expecting her to want to get me to pay for time or try to sell sex to me or something, but that wasn't the case. I guess she was genuinely interested.
So we went back to my apartment later that night after the bar closed and I started playing guitar for her. I'm a Blues/Jazz lover, but I put my own little twist on it and apparently she loved what I was playing. She got up and started dancing right there in front of me.
We've met a few (5 or 6?) times since then and she's come back over my place to dance while I was playing guitar for her a few times. We're not exactly dating right now, but I think there might be some kind of budding romance going on there. We connect really well and I don't think its business related because she hasn't even brought up the prospect of money yet and we've spent a lot of time together.
She mentioned asking her managers and the DJ about me possibly coming in to play for her on slow nights she works because she apparently really enjoys dancing to the music I play. She says it's sexy and moving or some shit, I dunno, I just really get into playing jazz and the blues.
Do any of you know anything about this? I don't want to upset the DJ or anything or throw off her potential customers by making them think I'm her boyfriend (which I'm not, but it might possibly happen). I think it would be really cool for her to play in a club setting and allow me to maybe get over my stage fright (I want to join a band but I haven't really tried playing anywhere outside of my own apartment or in front of family/friends). I know that I could easily just plug into the DJ's equipment and play through their system, so it wouldn't be a problem. I would probably have to pay the DJ or bouncer or something or do you think she could work out a deal?
Now onto the question of dating a stripper/dancer. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm pretty sure at this point that it's genuine interest and not her trying to get money out of me. She's been to my apartment and sees I'm not the kind of guy with a whole lot of money to spend on her. I know the kind of lapdances that go on, and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that sort of thing. I know she makes a fair amount of money at the club and I wouldn't want to ask her to stop. I just don't like the idea of guys being able to touch my girl. I know I need to talk to her about this if we get into a relationship, but I was just hoping for some advice from you girls.
I've never even thought about dating a stripper before, this is just such a brand new situation and feeling for me. But I do like her, I'm just not sure where to go with this. Thanks.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
::) not even going to touch this one...
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
It means that your story sounds both silly and contrived and that people here will be skeptical. If you were really referred to this website "by a friend" you might surely have been prepared for that.
Good luck. Be strong. And yes it would be incredibly weird and stupid for you to go in and play your guitar for her set in the club. I really wouldn't do that.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
I'm sorry if my story sounds silly and contrived to you, but I have no reason to make this up. The friend who referred me is someone I know only on a casual level and only told me to post here to maybe get some more insight or suggestions about how to talk to this girl about how I feel. I just don't want to make her feel awkward.
Thanks for the good luck. I also thought it was weird she wanted me to go in to play for her, but it's not a really big place. The atmosphere is pretty laid back, so I thought it might be possible on a weekday when there aren't that many customers there. I will be seeing her tomorrow afternoon before she goes in to work, just looking for maybe some suggestions. That's all.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
If she enjoys dancing to your music why not just burn a CD of your playing for her? The club and the DJ may not go for it but it has a better chance of happening than you playing live.
As far as dating a stripper...
If she isn't trying to tie your time together into money in her pocket I say what's the big deal? Stripping is what she does for a living. That's all.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Dating a stripper. Haha. Oh jesus.
I mean no disrespect, but it sounds a bit kooky that you kept being so skeptical of the fact that she wasn't trying to take your money by escorting/lap dancing for you. This might be at the root of your problem with the whole 'how to date a stripper' thing. Strippers are often totally normal people--she sounds like she leaves her job at the door when she's done with work, and the fact that you can't do this might be a problem.
Sounds like you might not have a 100% honest and open relationship with her. Why not ask her about how she feels while giving dancing/giving lap dances? Is she emotionally involved in her work? Why did she choose to strip? Does she like her job? Has she dated people from the club in the past? What does she get from working in a strip club? Such questions will give you insight into the kind of person she is, and will also give you answers to your concerns.
Just be honest with her. Say "I feel weird bringing this up, but I've never dated someone who had an occupation involving nudity/contact with strangers, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet....would you mind answering some questions I've been mulling over in my head?" Or something to that effect.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Thanks Yoda for suggesting the CD, I never even thought of that and I have a friend with some recording equipment that I could use. I sent her a text message with that suggestion, but she's working right now so she'll probably let me know later tonight.
And Charlie, I understand that dancers are often normal people, it was really nice to get to know her outside the club and find out it all wasn't a front for her just trying to get into my pockets. I have some friends that frequent strip clubs and they kind of put me on warning to the whole emotional attachment thing (I only go a few times a year and normally mind my own business and don't chat it up with the girls too much). So I was just taken back a little bit when this all pretty much sprung up out of nowhere.
I just don't want to offend her or what she does for money, that's all. Those are some good questions though, some I have thought of and some I haven't. But yes, it does have a lot to do with feeling a little weird about it. I've always had the mindset that strippers always had boyfriends or they were going to tell you that anyway, who wants to date someone who pays to see naked women? Haha.
Thanks for the responses though, I will talk to her tomorrow during our lunch/dinner before she goes to work and try to be as upfront as possible without stepping on any toes. Thanks again guys.
Also... I don't want to get personal, but you guys probably take showers as soon as you get home from work right? Or do they have showers in the back or something? I don't think I would have a problem with her doing this as much as I would feel a little skeeved out at her coming home and hopping into bed (if/when we move in together - I know I'm thinking ahead), after just having a bunch of grubby dudes trying to cop a feel or whatever. I don't mean to offend but I hope you understand what I mean.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
It sounds like you have some weird misconceptions about strippers. Actually we're all real people! Real life girls! We just happen to dance for a living! It's kind of like when someone is a doctor or a teacher or a firefighter, and they're interested in you! It's the same exact thing! Wow!
I think you're nuts to think that any dancer would hang out with you outside of work five times just to try to get you to fuck her for money. What is up with your trust issue here? It's like if she was a car salesperson, if you hung out after work, it's not about her trying to convince you to trust her enough to buy a car from her!
RE the shower question, that depends on the club whether there's a shower there or not, and it depends on the person whether she feels she wants to shower or not right away. Obviously hygeine is a personal issue. One hopes she showers regularly, since one hopes everyone showers regularly. I find it offensive though that you seem to be insinuating that she's dirty because of her job.
You probably shouldn't bother dating a stripper if you can't take her seriously and respect h er.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
You're thinking really far ahead if you've seen her 5 times and are contemplating her cleanliness after you move in together.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Lol, I love the way you put it Brodie. I'm glad you guys are taking the time to respond to me, you're helping to lighten my heart in this whole situation. It's just awkward for me, that's all.
Maybe I've seen too many movies or heard too many stories and all that jazz about strippers, I dunno. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has strange thoughts like these.
If it helps you guys rationalize my thought process, I'm only 24. She's 23. Thanks again for the laugh-inducing response, Brodie.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Jenny, it's not like it was just five little outings or meetings for lunch though. Those five or six meetings we've had have been multiple-hour endeavours. Often starting around the early afternoon and carrying well into the morning. I haven't stayed at her place overnight, nor has she mine, I normally try to keep a relationship free of sex until I get to a comfortable position. I'm not a prude, but I just like to know very well where I'm sticking my junk. I just know that the topic of sex is going to come up soon and I don't want to offend her or anything, that's all. She's a really nice girl.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
I just don't want to offend her..... who wants to date someone who pays to see naked women? Haha.
You're like a savant....this is the whole principle behind the "don't be a customer/don't give them money/sit at the bar and be a friend of the DJ or something" method of picking up strippers.
You're like 10 steps ahead already, dude.
(;
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
Maybe I've seen too many movies or heard too many stories and all that jazz about strippers, I dunno. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has strange thoughts like these.
In general, if a girl is working you it starts right away. If you have been seeing her and she isn't bugging you to come into the club and spend money on her than it seems clear to me that her interest in you is not a s a gravy train.
While it is true that dancers earn money by being nice to customers this doesn't mean that every relationship they have is financially motivated.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Everyman: I wasn't even trying to pick her up! It just happened so suddenly...
Yoda: Thanks for the input again. I was pretty sure after the 2nd time we met it wasn't about money, especially after her seeing the thing I call a place of residence. Okay, so it's not THAT bad, but yeah.
I was just being overly cautious because of what my friends have said to me. I think one of them is jaded because he spent a lot of money on a girl thinking he was going to get somewhere and nothing happened. I haven't told them about her yet because I was hopeful, and didn't want them to sour my opinion or anything.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
Everyman: I wasn't even trying to pick her up!
my friends ..... I think one of them is jaded because he spent a lot of money on a girl thinking he was going to get somewhere and nothing happened.
I'm tellin ya, you're a frickin savant....don't try, don't spend, if you spend, you get NOWHERE. And you sound bohemian and poor to boot. You're practically following the frickin manual to a T, and you don't even know it.........
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Everyman
I'm tellin ya, you're a frickin savant....don't try, don't spend, if you spend, you get NOWHERE. And you sound bohemian and poor to boot. You're practically following the frickin manual to a T, and you don't even know it.........
Well, she loved his guitar playing so much that she got up and started dancing, right there in front of him!
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
I don't know what I did to you in this or any previous life Jenny, but I apologize for it. There's no need to be patronizing of me for asking some questions.
Brendita: You're right about me over-analyzing. I've just been removed from relationships for so long (almost two years now) that I'm trying to be cautious and want to get whatever questions I have answered in the least-aggrandizing way possible, which would be to not ask her. I just don't want to piss her off by saying the wrong thing, I'm sure some of you may have been turned off to a guy who you might have been interested in if he said something particular about your line of work. I just don't want to imply anything that I don't mean to and risk messing it up. :)
Everyman: Thanks again. Yeah, I'm kind of roughing it here, but I live stably enough for my own satisfaction. I get to have plenty of free time to work on my "artistic" endeavors while not having to hold a 9-5 job. I'm not too big on material goods. I have my guitar and amp, clean jeans and t-shirts, food and a place to live. That's enough for me :)
Oh yeah, I will be seeing her in about an hour for the rest of the afternoon until she has to go to work tonight. I thank you guys for the input/confidence boost/joking demeanor about the whole situation, it's made me relax a bit about this whole situation. I'll try to be as upfront as possible and let you know tomorrow about how it went and what she said. I have to go do sound for my friend's band at a BBQ/Bar tonight. I hope it doesn't rain, they're playing on the roof! Should be cool.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
i suggest you open your mouth and ask her the questions. be honest and up fron girls like that strippers or not.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
Everyman: Thanks again. Yeah, I'm kind of roughing it here, but I live stably enough for my own satisfaction. I get to have plenty of free time to work on my "artistic" endeavors while not having to hold a 9-5 job. I'm not too big on material goods. I have my guitar and amp, clean jeans and t-shirts, food and a place to live. That's enough for me
....carefull dude, you are fulfilling the stripper fantasy of a stereotypical boyfriend. :D
1. Basically Unemployed
2. Band member wannabe w/guitar
3. Druggie - ?
4. Abuser/Liar - ?
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
There's no need to be patronizing of me for asking some questions.
oh yes there is! You sound like a pathetic moron. Seriously...get sober and then re-read your posts. :laughing:
I'm still not entirely convinced this isn't a joke.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
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Originally Posted by
WiseGuy_TX
....carefull dude, you are fulfilling the stripper fantasy of a stereotypical boyfriend. :D
That's what I'm sayin....he seems to be playing all his cards right, and he doesn't even know it. Just keep doin what you're doing 10percent (you any relation to 50cent?), and you're in. Except, you gotta stop caring about what she thinks...absolutely DON'T care, and she's yours for life.
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
FYI...if a stripper really is leading you on to get at your wallet, she might meet you for dinner (you're paying) or shopping (you're paying) or something like that outside of the club. $$ is what would make the interaction worthwhile and the investment of her time worthwhile in terms of future in-the-club payment/tipping. So the bottom line is, she would require that you have money. And thus, judging from your description, sounds like you're safe. :)
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Re: Playing dancing music for a dancer I met..and questions about a possible relation
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MrTenPercent
There's no need to be patronizing of me for asking some questions.
ahh, you just haven't come to know and love the charm of being patronized by our Jenny... ;D