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I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
It is too stupid to even go into detail about. I started writing this huge draft, and then I reread it and I was like, teeth, seriously, the distillation of this exhaustive speech is that you have a stupid problem about a stupid boy who's too young for you and costing you a ton of money and you're an idiot.
That said...
-I'm seeing this guy (WHY? WHY AM I NOT SINGLE? ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE SINGLE AND FOR SOME STUPID REASON I'M NOT)
-He's cute and funny
-But broke, broke, penniless and broke
-He's not responsible about much of anything
-In fact, one might even call him "sketchy"
-He is, however, good in bed
-And "nice," whatever that means
-He owes me a ton of money (WHY DID I LOAN HIM MONEY? I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY OF MY OWN. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?)
-Which I cannot really afford to be without
-He's like barely even legally old enough for me to be dating
-Okay that's an exaggeration, lest you think I'm perverted
-But I'm sure the fact that he's young means that he's not going to learn to be responsible overnight, because those things tend to "come with age"
...And the main point of the problem is, I want to get rid of him, but I feel like I can't, because I sort of own him. He has nothing of his own: no car, no money, no place to stay if I kick him out, and I like him just enough that I'd feel like a monster for putting him in that situation. On the other hand, I know damn well that I don't need to be responsible for anyone, especially someone who is not my child and who is over the age of 18 (which he is. Barely, but he is).
We've only been "together" for like 2 seconds. I'm fond of him in that magnanimous way that I'm prone to. He makes me come like crazy. And yet, so do vibrators, and they won't get me reported to collections.
Oh, also if I get rid of him I don't get my money back.
***
Oh god he just came in and handed me a speeding ticket that he just got.
Oh no I am not joking.
Reprimand me for being so stupid because I certainly deserve it.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
how long do you have to keep him around to get your money?
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
get rid of him. blow the money off as a mistake and learn from it.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
HELL NO!!!
THAT MO-FO BETTER GET A DAMN JOB!! Tell his ass to start stripping too if he needs the money. But let him know whats what. He is too damn old to be playing house with his girlfriend. Games end when you turn 18. i'm 18 and one month...and i know better than that. My boyfriend is in your situation right now...supporting me, paying for my gas and food, place to stay, loaned me money. But thats why i am stripping now. And i fully intend to pay him back for everything and i'm not mooching off of him on purpose. Sometimes shit happens and u need help. but that sounds like he doesn't even plan on paying u back. does he have a damn job? if he doesn't...u better beat his ass till he gets one...
Job = responsibility.
He needs a full time job with overtime.... Fuck him during his lunch break
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
teeth_of_the_hydra
We've only been "together" for like 2 seconds. I'm fond of him in that magnanimous way that I'm prone to. He makes me come like crazy. And yet, so do vibrators, and they won't get me reported to collections.
Oh, also if I get rid of him I don't get my money back.
Hmm...well vibrators could concievably get you reported to collections if you bought a bunch on your credit card and didn't make the payments. And to be fair, you can't return a vibrator, either. I can even imagine situations in which a vibrator could get you a speeding ticket.
Incidentally, I had one of these one time. (A boy, not a vibrator. I still have a vibrator(s).) He was SUPER young, dumb as a spoon, but worshipped me due to a combintation of his inexperience and my awesomeness. It was fun while it lasted. I unceremoniously dumped him after about 2 months. I don't even like boys. I think I chose him because there was no way I'd get attached. It fucked him up royally. To this day his myspace "who I'd like to meet" says "the next headfuck". I will say this, lest you think I am Satan: I never lied to him, not once, about my intentions.
Strangely, inexplicably, I can relate. But you know what you need to do. You can't deny him the gift of learning to survive on his own at this critical time in his life. You'd be doing him a disservice. If you care about him, look at it like that. Tell him he's got x amount of time to find his own place and stick to it.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Since he's young, and apparently a little dumb, you were absolutely clear that the money you gave him was a loan, right? And that you weren't just paying for some of his stuff out of the goodness of your heart? (Given that he's bringing a speeding ticket to you like you're his mom, it's possible that he doesn't understand.)
It also sounds like this is money that you can't live without; if it weren't, my advice would've been to give the kid an ultimatum to get a job by x/xx and pay you back by y/yy or he's on his own.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Handed you a speeding ticket? Hell to the NO! :bomb:
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
There are 2 options, forget the money and forget him or, force him to get a job, pay the money back, then forget him. It all depends on how badly you need the money back and how long you can stand waiting around for him to get a job and pay you back.
Why does he not have anywhere else to stay? Does he not have a family or any friends? Also, was he driving your car when he got the ticket?
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
teeth_of_the_hydra
-But broke, broke, penniless and broke
-He's not responsible about much of anything
-In fact, one might even call him "sketchy"
-He is, however, good in bed
There are A LOT of guys who are good in bed. This is not unique. Cut your losses and move on to someone (or something) more worth your while. 8) You are not his Mommy, and do not need to take care of him. Stop being codependant. He will be OK.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
^Exactly, handing you the speeding ticket and, I assume, expecting you to take care of it is weird and just wrong. No way, he gets a job or he's gone.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
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Originally Posted by
Ms. Mia Roberts
HELL NO!!!
He needs a full time job with overtime.... Fuck him during his lunch break
That is hilarious. You made me laugh outloud.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
If you were 40 I'd say "Way to go, Sugar Mommy!" I've got a fantasy of being rich enough and sexy enough to have my own boy toy. ;D
It sounds like you already know what needs to be done; it's time to drop the stray off at the pound. Can you call his parents and arrange for them to take possession of their kid? He isn't going to go away on his own, he'll need you to do it for him.
P.S. Your money is gone. You could try suing him in the future, but I doubt you'll ever see any of it back. Sorry.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
teeth_of_the_hydra
We've only been "together" for like 2 seconds. I'm fond of him in that magnanimous way that I'm prone to. He makes me come like crazy. And yet, so do vibrators, and they won't get me reported to collections.
Oh, also if I get rid of him I don't get my money back.
***
Oh god he just came in and handed me a speeding ticket that he just got.
Oh no I am not joking.
Reprimand me for being so stupid because I certainly deserve it.
This is like the concept of sunk cost economics. According to wikipedia: In economics and business decision-making, sunk costs are costs that have been incurred and which cannot be recovered to any significant degree.
If you keep him around with the hope of recovering you money, you will just be throwing good money after bad. He isn't going to get any cheaper to keep around for about another 10 years or so.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sophia_Starina
Handed you a speeding ticket? Hell to the NO! :bomb:
I hope you're not going to pay it for him. :-\
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Wow, he depends on you way too much. But you are not his mother. And I'm sure you probably don't want to be with him for any extended amount of time, seeing how frustrated you are now....
It sounds like you will probably just have to say goodbye to the money you loaned him so far. But think of it this way, if you let him go now you'll be saving much more than you would if you keep him around any longer.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
You absolutely don't owe him a damned thing. Putting him out on the street with no warning might be a little harsh, but telling him "Hey, you've got one month to get your ass out of my place and into one of your own", wouldn't be out of line. That's 1 week to pound the pavement, 1 week to hear back, and two weeks to work and get a first paycheck.
And yeah, your money is pretty much gone. But you already know he's a bad investment, why would you keep investing in him?
Also, being dumped by your SO who was supporting you but now isn't because you're being an irresponsible twit causes you to grow up pretty quick. Go ahead, ask me how I know. :)
He'll be fine. If his parents don't take him back, he's got friends. Couchsurfing is part of the 18 year old experience!
Be strong, teeth!
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
You will be a great sugar mama when you're older and rich! Until then, dude needs to get a job and GTFO. And yeah, I'm with everyone else, you're not going to get your money back.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
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Originally Posted by
Sveta
I hope you're not going to pay it for him. :-\
Even if I wanted to, I do not have $200 disposable dollars lying around right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Paris
This is like the concept of sunk cost economics. According to wikipedia:
In economics and business decision-making, sunk costs are costs that have been incurred and which cannot be recovered to any significant degree.
If you keep him around with the hope of recovering your money, you will just be throwing good money after bad. He isn't going to get any cheaper to keep around for about another 10 years or so.
I am glad that you introduced me to this phrase, because it does aptly characterize exactly what I suspect is going on. I can live without the money I've already lost. It'll be tight, but I can find another waitressing job if I need it; anyway, I already paid rent this month so I'm not going to be imminently homeless. I am concerned about damage control... which at this point is like a waaaaay overdue concern.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Polekitten
Why does he not have anywhere else to stay? Does he not have a family or any friends? Also, was he driving your car when he got the ticket?
I suspect that he doesn't have anywhere else to stay because of the fact that he is sketchy, and I may be the only one dumb enough to trust him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The_Oceans
It also sounds like this is money that you can't live without; if it weren't, my advice would've been to give the kid an ultimatum to get a job by x/xx and pay you back by y/yy or he's on his own.
He has a job, but since he's only been back in FL for a week, he's still waiting for his first paycheck. However, while he makes okay money, it'll still be at least 6 weeks before he's able to pay me back in full. During which time his debt to me could feasibly double, at the rate he's racking it up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dottie Rebel
You can't deny him the gift of learning to survive on his own at this critical time in his life. You'd be doing him a disservice. If you care about him, look at it like that. Tell him he's got x amount of time to find his own place and stick to it.
Yeah, he needs to be forced to do shit on his own. I can only imagine that he'll either shape up, or descend into a more profoundly criminal lifestyle. Whichever way it goes, though, it'll be off my radar and out of my wallet. I've retrieved his bags from the shed and when he returns he's going to pack them and get moving.
So there's just one more thing... in the spirit of full disclosure, and with a lot of cringing and humiliation on my part... I think he might be using drugs. Cocaine, to be precise. Although I know how to tell if someone is high on cocaine at present, I'm having trouble figuring out how to tell if he's using cocaine when we're apart. I have only circumstantial evidence, such as:
-Cash I know I had disappears without explanation
-He vanishes for hours at a time and comes home very, very late with a story that doesn't quite make sense
-He can't fall asleep now, whereas he used to be able to, no problem
I should probably just err on the side of caution and assume he's on coke, shouldn't I? Aaaaah I haven't eaten anything for like 30 hours because I am so fucking stressed out and I'm getting all lightheaded and churny in the stomach and I just want him to vanish out of my life like I'd used a cosmic delete key on his ass.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Whoa, wait up, cash is disappearing? So he's not only mooching off you, but stealing from you, too? Yup, he definitely sounds like he's on coke. Kick his ass to the curb.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
OOoh teeth .. we've all kinda been there. At least anyone of us who've dated that tortured artist type.
Words of advice,...that money you loaned...if you really want to get rid of him ...is just a small price to pay to getting rid of someone.
I did the same shit, I beat myself up over it thinking if I took off and fucked myself out of a lot of money..I was dumb. Well I was dumb for sticking around thinking I'd get that money back.
typically if people don't pay shit back within 2 weeks to a month they never were going to anyways.
I say this because I"m the biggest flake on repayment. BIGGEST. I have all intent Im just lazy about it most of the time.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
Go pick up a copy of "Women Who Love Too Much".
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
get rid of him ASAP. The longer you let him stay there, the more royally he can screw you.
Consider it the best money you've ever spent to learn not put more effort into someone than he puts into himself.
And, I'm sorry. I've been down that road too.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
The kid is gone. I kind of stole the only item of value he owns so at least I can pawn it. That makes me more of a shit, but maybe less of an idiot. I wish I was anywhere but here right now, and anyone but me.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
^^^Oh, baby. I'm glad you're you. I'm just not glad you're there and not here.
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Re: I have a problem and my problem is stupid.
^^^Smart, funny, hot girls saying things like that make me a little happier about being me. ;)
Actually, I just got off the phone with an old friend who really helped put some things into perspective. My life is not a mess; I'm a little broke and a little humiliated but those things can be remedied, even reversed. My tuition is paid and my books are bought and my rent is paid, so I'm not going to be homeless or uneducated. And my heart... fuck, it's fine, I've been through so much worse that this is just a mild abrasion. I can drink this totally delicious bottle of cheap white wine with ice in it, because I'm from Queens, and that's how we do by myself tonight in this quiet house, and think a bit about the future, and about all the people I've met who'd be better recipients of my love-- like my old friend, for example, who I've known since I was like 5-- and basically be grateful for all the silver linings.
Yeah. I'll be fine. I'm an idiot, but idiocy can be a self-limiting ailment.