First night last night and feel guilt.
Last night I auditioned and was automatically hired. Everything went good throughout the night until I had to do a dance with this british fat guy. While I was doing a full nude dance he kept on grabbing my ass and my boobs; I tried to play it off by saying,
"No, no!"
in a flirty way but he kept on progressing. So I took both of his hands and put him by his side by saying,
"I like being dominant ;)"
so he responded saying that he like being dominant as well by forcing my hands off of his then tried to touch my kitty!
I got pissed!
Once the dance was done, I asked for a tip so he gave me $40 extra on a $40 dance which was okay but didn't make up for what he did one bit>:( .
I just feel sort of violated :-/
I told my boyfriend (with really no scolding response from him, just shock) and I just feel bad for doing this now even though I'm not married to the damn guy but just for him having to accept it and deal with it (he's very mellow and laid back guy that DOES NOT like drama.)
The floater at the club told one of the girls to show me what exact grinding I'm suppose to do on a custy in a dance.
Throughout the whole night doing mostly lapdances, I felt boners through guy's pants throughout the night.
I love to dance up onstage and I made pretty good tips (some ppl were tipping $10 bills and up everytime I went on stage) but I just wish that I was able to make all my money WITHOUT lps.
I also dealt with a drunk guy getting all in my face trying to kiss me and him going up on stage when another girl was dancing so he got kicked out.
Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't have a boyfriend, knowing that I wouldn't be hurting anyone elses feelings. :-\
I love dancing so far and the manager said I did really good for beginners so I could just image how much I could make once I get my hustle down like the other girls (I got more dances than one girl who has been doing it for 2 years last night ). I also think that it's funny that whenever someone would call my stage name I respond quickly to it and I pretty much forget about my real name:D .
My knees and legs are also bruised up ALOT and some cuts on them which I'm suprised.
I have the biggest bruise EVER on my leg just from stage work.
Didn't know it would do that to me :0
But yeah, I just don't like the guilty feeling of being able to hurt someone else's feelings. Now I feel like I shouldn't tell him EVERYTHING that happens through the night.
UGH.
How do I tame a guy who refuses to be tamed?
I tried the advice of playing it off friendly but it didn't work!
How do you feel about feeling hard-ons throughout the night while lps?
And how do you not feel so guilty about doing lapdances when you have a boyfriend?
Sorry for the long post.
Just need some support.
:-\
-LX
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
I felt kinda the same way when I first started.
1. Don't be afraid to get mean with the assholes who won't stop touching you. I mean warn them nicely the first tome but after that if you feel uncomfortable end the dance, and make sure to collect $$ first especially from drunk guys or guys that make you feel a little uneasy so you avoid a fight if you choose to end the dance. (I don't condone this but i have hit custys before for this shit if a girl says no she means no damnit!)
2. hmmm I guess try to ignore the hard ons I was REALLY weirded out and grossed out by all the hard ons at first but now I just take it as a compliment and try to ignore (besides the more he enjoys your dances the more dances he'll buy so boners can be a good thing) Silver lining idea.
3. My bf is the jealous type but won't say anything to me about my job because when I first started dancing i made it very clear that i'm a grown woman and if he doesn't like what I do then he can leave buuuuuuuttttt to make it easier on him I almost NEVER go into details about my night it'll only hurt him or make him worry about me so when I get home it was either a good night or a bad one and maybe some pg-13 short stories other than that he's been to a strip club he knows what goes on there but out of sight out of mind.
Hope this helps.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
Dancing is not for everyone but if you stick with it there are certain things you will gave to learn to accept and deal with.
You will need to be able to accept the level of contact that goes on in your area or move to an area where contact is more restricted.
You will learn with experience different ways to distract and handle rowdy customers which sometimes includes walking away.
You will learn to accept your power as a women to stir men which includes all types of natural reactions such as hard-ons, attempts to touch or kiss you, attempts to bribe or impress you. These things happen even when not in a strip club but in one everything is sped up, intensified and more blatant.
As for your boyfriend, just because guys want you doesn't mean you want them. You just need to assure him of that and leave work at work, he doesn't need to know the details.
I think somewhere inside all of us we like to harbor the fantasy that we are just so wonderful we can just strut around stage and be showered with money and applause without to much direct dealings with the customers. But it doesn't work that way most guys come to have some personal attention from a pretty girl, they want you to boost their ego and leave them feeling good about themselves.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
OOOH WHERE PM ME!!! and congratulations. i don't think it was at my club, otherwise i'dhave seen ya last night. but either way, good for you! glad you enjoyed it, and you must simply be persistent with douchebags. if verbal measures don't work, then physically. and then call security.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
Dealing with the grabby pricks are one of the reasons strippers are paid so well... they don't go away. In time, you'll figure out where your comfort zone is and you'll also be able to get a decent idea of how a guy will treat you in the back before you take him there. Assess, figure out what you do and do not do, and then don't deviate from that no matter how broke you are, how dead it is, and how much money you're offered.
One of the hardest adjustments I had to make to dancing was the idea that I was fully responsible for myself and my own conduct and that no one was going to tell me what to do and what not to do. It's all just kind of up to you. Stuff gets hazy and confusing sometimes and all you're left with is your own judgment, which can be hard to trust if you are not used to doing it, repeatedly, night in, night out.
As far as your boyfriend goes, I agree with the other girls who said that it's not necessary to tell him everything. A laid-back, drama-free boyfriend is great if you're dancing, but there's no need to incite him into being overly worried about you when you get used to handling yourself and your own business in the club.
The boners are weird.
The first few months are like this. There's a new set of reasons to keep doing it and an equally compelling set of reasons to quit and never look back every night. You'll either get really freaked out and the money won't be worth it anymore, or you'll stay and learn to enjoy it and get good at it and a stripper is born!
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
I get pretty mean to grabby customers and let them know that it's not cool.
I don't tell my boyfriend anything nor get into detail. I just see it as a job and ignore everything else.
Boners.. they're there. I ignore it.
I think if you can master putting on a smiley face while being numb to it all then you'll be fine. At least thats how I get by.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
You shouldn't feel guilty it's a job remember you're not doing this for pleasure it's work.
As for the boners, they're going to be there so try to ignore them, yes it is weird but you have to learn to deal with it (them)
The drunks are always annoying & in my club the bouncers are pretty quick to take care of them.
The bruises, you're going to get them i suggest purchasing Arnica gel, it works wonders on them.
It sounds like you really like dancing for the most part, But you're new so it's just a matter of learning to deal with the crappy aspects of it. But it will get easier just hang in there.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
I learned QUICK not to give out a lot of details about work to the b/f. It led to a huge fight, and ever since then it's just vague stuff, like how much I made, etc.
You can always pretend like the boner belongs to your boyfriend! ;) I just remind myself that my boyfriend gets special treatment (haha, blowjobs) and guys in the club don't, so I don't feel guilty. I try to see it like a night out at a club instead of trying to get a guy sexually aroused. Just casual dancing.
Even though kinda early to do this, you may want to consider a different club. Even though my county has all the same rules for every club, different ones choose to follow them. I feel better dancing in a club where touching boobs isn't allowed compared to where it is, so I know it would be easier to get them kicked out. If you ever feel like they're crossing the line, just tell the bouncers!
That's the great thing about stripping, we really don't have to put up with anything we don't want to. Going home with dignity is way better than going home with a few extra bucks.
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
It's part of the job, what can I say? I don't condone assholes behavior, but they're part of the territory and always will be. You'll deal with this for as long as you're in business. That doesn't mean you can't walk away or tell 'em off, but it's a daily occurance, and theres no way to avoid it in most places because you can't look at a guy and gauge wether he'll behave or not.
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone can do this job. It's not all about looking hot and drinking overpriced champagne. It usually isn't the easy, glamourous money it's cracked up to be. At least not for most. This is physically and psychologically demanding work. You need to have a REALLY THICK SKIN and the ability to either truly enjoy, or emotionally detach yourself from the work in order survive. Otherwise, it'll get the best of you. Some girls can do that and excell in this profession. Others can't, and end up with strained personal relationships and drug/alcohol problems.
I'm not gonna candy coat things and tell you to put a positive spin on pushing your personal boundaries. Just follow your gut instinct and do whats best for you. You can always check out other clubs that *might* have a lower volume of assholes, but theres no such thing as a club where you'll never have to deal with them. Again, do whatever you think is best for you.
To answer your questions:
How do I tame a guy who refuses to be tamed? - Try to tell them in a teasing yet disciplinary way at first. If they continue to push you, remove yourself from their personal space and set an ultimatum in a firmer tone. If they still persist, collect any money they may owe you and move on, asap. Don't indulge them with an argument if possible - thats just giving them more time/attention.
I tried the advice of playing it off friendly but it didn't work! - An ever increasing amount of customers expect 'extras' (illegal sexual contact) and have a predatory mentality. They're eager to take advantage of nice girls, because to them, kindness = weakness. Don't waste time being too kind to the creeps. You're not going to sell good clean fun to someone trolling for blow jobs. They'll try their damndest to outsmart you, and are all about breaking women down. Brush them off asap and move on!
How do you feel about feeling hard-ons throughout the night while lps? - Uhhhh, the whole point of a lap dance is to put simulate sex and get men aroused. We're there for them to sexually fantasize about. Personally, I'm all about it, and get offended if they DON'T get hard! lol As long as they don't whip it out and cum on my face, it's cool! hahahahaha
And how do you not feel so guilty about doing lapdances when you have a boyfriend? - I'm not the relationship type so I can't speak from experience on this. But a lot of guys won't date me because I'm a stripper. Their loss!
Re: First night last night and feel guilt.
Sounds like you might want to consider a lower contact place, like a bikini go-go bar that is stage only, no lapdances. The money will probably be lower at this kind of place, but that's ok, it's probably a good trade off for you. I don't recommend continuing to dance in a place where you feel icky about it. That just cuts into your dignity too much. If you don't respect your boundaries, you will feel victimized. Not good.