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Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
To follow up on discussion initiated by charlie61 I have a quick question about asking to touch a dancer in areas which not forbidden.
At one contact club, while getting a LD and in contact with the dancer, I noticed that she had nice feet. Not to throw her balance off, I asked her if I could touch her feet. Although she consented, I could sense that she was not at ease, and likely thought that I have some sort of foot fetish.
At another contact club, while in contact during a LD, the dancer occasionally brushed her hair against my face. I found it to be pretty nice, and so asked her if I could touch her hair. She seemed puzzled and started to question me about it, so I dropped it. She seemed a bit self-conscious about her hair. Perhaps she thought I would pull it, or she had extensions. I don’t know.
I am not an octopus, I don’t touch any more then other guys appear to, and I can enjoy dances without touching as well. But I like to touch. If a dancer establishes her boundaries of touching at the start of her dances, do I need to ask to touch during the dance? In both of the above case I simply tried to ask to touch so as not to make the dancers uncomfortable, but in both cases it appeared that the dancers made more out of the question than I intended.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
With the girls they may have been a) freaked out or b) a little put of balance and unsure of what to expect or c) they could be like me, and have some sort of foot phobia and not like having her feet touched, or the hair girl might not like people touching her head (my mum can't stand to have anyone touch her head or neck)
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
some girls don't like hair touching because it can lead to pulling. i'm not saying you would have done that, obviously. it just puts some girls in a "defensive" state. the one and only time i was physically assaulted by a customer (tried to choke me), he started by grabbing at my hair. ever since i've been real weird about my hair or neck.
and both the foot or hair thing could have been because the dancer was self conscious about said area. extentions or a wig are a good bet for the hair girl. maybe the foot girl just doesn't like her feet touched, like the above poster, or maybe she thought her toes were ugly or something/had chipped polish/etc. could have been anything really.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
The foot thing never bothers me but the hair thing ^^ that same thing happened to my best friend. a customers touched her hair, then grabbed it and choked her til the bouncer pulled the guy off. she didnt do vips for months.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Thank you, Cadence, Penny, and Med. I think that I wont touch, nor ask to touch, dancer's hair.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
perhaps in a more relaxed environment. like after you're done with the dance, if she comes back to your table with you. you could say something along the lines of, "you know i noticed while you were dancing for me that you have the most beautiful hair! may i touch it?"
this takes it out of an overtly sexual scenario, and being out in the open, amongst other people, will probably put any fears of an attack at rest.
for bonus points, tip her $5 or $10, make a joke about putting it towards her shampoo fund, and perhaps if you go see her again she'll be more comfortable about you asking her to touch her hair during the actual dance.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
I hit a club when on a recent vaca in FL. A really cute dancer with a New York accent finagled me into several dances ;D They were full nude so I was pretty "interested". I wasn't familiar with the club rules so I had my hands at my sides during the first dance. After we started the second one I asked if I could touch her hips while she was doing the RCG thingee. She smiled and said "Yes!" She had really nice skin so that added to the experience for me. I'm generally a dawg but just going with her flow worked in this case.
I didn't ask to touch her feet or hair. Frankly, it didn't occur to me. She had nice hair but I have no idea if her feet were nice or gnarly.
FBR
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Maybe the girls were a little uneasy because those tend to be more intimate places to touch for a lot of people. I won't let guys touch my face or my head and neck until I am VERY comfortable with them and most of the time I will never let them touch there. Those are incredibly intimate places for me and I feel like it's gone too far when guys I'm not comfortable with touch me there.
To speak for ALL dancers, thank you for asking first and not just touching them!!
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
I don't mind guys asking, and hair and feet don't bother me. However, every girl is different. I'd much rather someone ask so they know if they can or not, rather than wondering or trying w/out asking.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
My dancerBFF hates when people touch her feet. She won't even get pedicures. Or the girl might have thought you had some sort of foot fetish and were going to start breathing all hard in her ear or something (ew!). I often wear a wig myself, but you probably would have been able to tell if you were paying that close of attention to her. So extensions maybe? But I've had guys not only pull my hair but just want to play with it for the whole VIP and I walk out looking like I just came out of a bukkaki gang-bang or something. Hair takes forever to do a lot of times.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
^^So true. It takes the average dancer a minimum of 30 to do her hair, and the average customer 3 minutes to mess it up.
And I'm not fond of guys touching my feet, unless they want to massage them. But most of the guys that have asked if they can touch my feet ended up trying to suck on my toes. (gross) One guy was so handsy that I let him suck on my toes just to keep his hands off of me. I sometimes wish he caught something, like a fungus, or bacterial infection.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Touching of the hair is a no no I wear wigs and I would be embarassed if it came off and my feet are for my man only. Some stuff is way to intimate for me too do I dont like these guys I just want there money.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
even in contact clubs its not acceptable to grope us and it doesnt matter if u think oh its just ur hair or oh its just ur feet or hey im not touching ur pussy so it must be ok- we are not here to get u off in any way including fetish shit- that would be like someone coming in and saying its ok if i finger bang u because im gay and pussy doesnt turn me on ! contact doesnt mean maul us to death it means ur getting one step up from an air dance - chill out
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Wow harsh answer. I think YOU need to chill out. ^^^
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ruby Ruckus
perhaps in a more relaxed environment. like after you're done with the dance, if she comes back to your table with you. you could say something along the lines of, "you know i noticed while you were dancing for me that you have the most beautiful hair! may i touch it?"
this takes it out of an overtly sexual scenario, and being out in the open, amongst other people, will probably put any fears of an attack at rest.
for bonus points, tip her $5 or $10, make a joke about putting it towards her shampoo fund, and perhaps if you go see her again she'll be more comfortable about you asking her to touch her hair during the actual dance.
^^You are fucking awesome. Have I never told you that? Because you are.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
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Originally Posted by
gnosis
even in contact clubs its not acceptable to grope us and it doesnt matter if u think oh its just ur hair or oh its just ur feet or hey im not touching ur pussy so it must be ok- we are not here to get u off in any way including fetish shit- that would be like someone coming in and saying its ok if i finger bang u because im gay and pussy doesnt turn me on ! contact doesnt mean maul us to death it means ur getting one step up from an air dance - chill out
...The OP made it pretty clear that it wasn't fetish-based, and we have already explained that taking that touching out of the context of a dance would make it more acceptable for some, or at least give the dancer less of a panic attack when asked.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
And now a perspective from high-contact clubs in Florida... Of course, every club is different, so I generally ask before a dance "Tell me about your dances." The answer is usually fairly explicit and ranges from "I can touch you anywhere but you can't touch me"" to "you can touch me anywhere but ______."
I'm not a groper either, but I will slowly, ever so gently push the envelope. If I forgot to ask about the rules of engagement, I'll start by touching near her knees or the side of her arms. Any negative signals and I stop and my hands are at my side.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
At the very beginning of a dance with a dancer that is new to me , I'll always say "Please let me know if I cross a line or touch you in a way that you don't like. You can then feel free to slap the crap outta me." This is usually met with a smile of acknowledgement from the girl (and sometimes a giggle) and most often results in an excellent dance.
If nothing else, at least it lets the dancer know what kind of customer I am - pretty much the kind that says "may I?"
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
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Originally Posted by
Mr. Happy
And now a perspective from high-contact clubs in Florida... Of course, every club is different, so I generally ask before a dance "Tell me about your dances." The answer is usually fairly explicit and ranges from "I can touch you anywhere but you can't touch me"" to "you can touch me anywhere but ______."
I'm not a groper either, but I will slowly, ever so gently push the envelope. If I forgot to ask about the rules of engagement, I'll start by touching near her knees or the side of her arms. Any negative signals and I stop and my hands are at my side.
Wow, you'll push the envelope? That's so cool!
Wait, this isn't the "how can I be a worse customer" thread, is it?
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
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Originally Posted by
Otoki
Wow, you'll push the envelope? That's so cool!
Wait, this isn't the "how can I be a worse customer" thread, is it?
I don't see this method any worse than saying "Please let me know if I cross a line or touch you in a way that you don't like. You can then feel free to slap the crap outta me" - a line shared above. I have used similar lines. My point is that I stop when I get even the most subtle signal to stop... on the other hand with some dancers, if they seem into it, I'll sometimes go as far as they allow as long as they seem cool with it (heeding verbal and non-verbal signs; facial expression). I also watch how other dancers/custies interact as a guide to what is permitted.
After four or five dances, I have gotten feedback like, "Next time, you get two for ones" or "Damn, you made me horny." These may be lies, but they are not discouraging words; the dancers never objected. The way I see it, I wound be a worse custie if I got the signals to stop and didn't. Is it not up to the dancer to establish boundaries? Once they are made clear, a respectful custie will abide by them. I do. Is your point that a good custie would never test the boundaries if they were not made clear up front?
MH
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
I'm sensing some tension. Remember, the pink side is dancer supportive.
Please ratchet down the rhetoric so I don't have to be a mean Mod.
Thanks,
FBR
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
I had customers who enjoyed touching both my hair and my feet. The foot fetish guy liked to give pedicures and it felt good (incidentally, he was the only person I became friends with outside of the club, and this was after I left the club). The hair guy loved to brush my hair because he loved long wavy hair. Both guys were pretty cool. They both asked first, which is what I'd expect. I'd likely get upset otherwise.
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
^^ Kelly kudos to you for recognizing niche earning opportunities. I'm not a fetish guy myself but I know a few and they are generally harmless (foot, hair etc the piss guys are a little weird tho) and are willing to pay generously for you to let them engage under your supervision.
FBR
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Re: Asking to touch in non-forbidden areas?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mr. Happy
I don't see this method any worse than saying "Please let me know if I cross a line or touch you in a way that you don't like. You can then feel free to slap the crap outta me" - a line shared above. I have used similar lines. My point is that I stop when I get even the most subtle signal to stop... on the other hand with some dancers, if they seem into it, I'll sometimes go as far as they allow as long as they seem cool with it (heeding verbal and non-verbal signs; facial expression). I also watch how other dancers/custies interact as a guide to what is permitted.
After four or five dances, I have gotten feedback like, "Next time, you get two for ones" or "Damn, you made me horny." These may be lies, but they are not discouraging words; the dancers never objected. The way I see it, I wound be a worse custie if I got the signals to stop and didn't. Is it not up to the dancer to establish boundaries? Once they are made clear, a respectful custie will abide by them. I do. Is your point that a good custie would never test the boundaries if they were not made clear up front?
MH
Keep a few things in mind. One, those lines are probably lies to make you feel good about yourself (and thus want to get dances with them next time).
Two, if you "push the envelope" when you have already gotten explicit rules, you are being an asshole. If you experiment by touching without getting explicit rules, you are obviously hoping that you happen to get a dancer who allows touching, whether or not the club allows it.
Three, trying to touch and then stopping if the dancer indicates discomfort doesn't make you a good customer. It makes you someone who doesn't want their ass kicked by the enormous bouncer. If you were a good custie, you would ASK first, and NOT try touching if that was already said to be forbidden.
Four, DO NOT go by what you see happening around you. Some dancers are more comfortable with contact than others. Sometimes, these higher-contact dancers are breaking the rules, while other times the lower-contact dancers are simply not comfortable allowing the amount of contact considered acceptable by the club. Each dancer has different boundaries, and the only way to know what they are is by asking, VERBALLY, what she allows.