Parody of Classic Christmas Poem ...
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was solvent, not even the mouse;
The stock picks were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Obama soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of bailouts danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I wholly nude,
Had just settled a deal for some cheap light sweet crude,
When out on the lawn there arose such a downturn,
I sprang from the bed to see the town burn.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and saw the market crash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Was the only valuable commodity left below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Chevy Volt, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Rick.
More wagoner than eagles his excuses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Daimler! now, Chrysler! now, Madoff and Lehman!
On, Goldman! on Merrill! on, Hummer and Morgan!
To the top of the market! to the top of the wall street!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away with all the treats!"
As dry leaves that before the wild bankruptcy fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, to Congress they cry,
So up to the White House-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of lobbyists, and Barney Frank too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The rush of air as my mutual funds went poof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Paulson crashing to the ground.
He was dressed all in fake fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of defaulted bonds he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a broker just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry-picked CDO portfolio.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like inflation,
And the beard of his chin was as dark as his reputation;
The stump of a crackpipe he held tight in his mouth,
And the smoke helped him fib while our assets head south;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed at the whole nation on the telly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old czar,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my broken down 20 year old car;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know my finances were dead;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And peed in the stockings; then turned like a jerk,
And laying his thumb on the end of his nose,
And and waving his fingers, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his Chevy, to his team gave a moan,
And away they all flew so they could get out of town.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of there,
"Sell your stocks and your bonds for the market is bear."