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Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I have officially struck gold.
I met said whale superbowl sunday, where he spent 5 hours in vip with me. He came up to ME and stole me from his friend. ;-) Without going into detail, I ended up giving him my number, which I haven't done in about two years. I have to hide his number under a girl's name. My boy is very weird about it and would be extremely angry.
So this fellow is making a trip to Vegas, specifically to see yours truly. He is staying in the most expensive hotel here for three days, and basically wants me to spend the majority of those days with him. That and he is kind of offering me the world on a platter.
What's the catch? First of all, he is very very handsome, and under 40. I have googled him up and down and sideways and have proof he is legitimate. We talk on text at least once a day, and I genuinely like the guy! He is funny, educated, and totally adventurous like me. The VIP was merely talking, topless.
I suppose my question is: a) If any of you have ever been in a situation like this, did liking the guy make you feel funny about the money aspect? b) If you were in a relationship, how did you get around explaining your time, especially if it was rocky and unhappy (as mine is)? c) Does this sound like it is even worth it, even if it's guaranteed?
If my boy finds out he will make my life awful until our lease in up in the summer. I do think I am planning on leaving but am not 100%. And if my "relationship" with the whale progresses (which I am not banking on but I am becoming quite fond of him.) I am scared of the stigmas etc as he is over 10 years older than I.
Bah. This is stressful when i should be stoked. Right?
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Oh girl... be careful!
Does the whale know about the boyfriend?
Everything that you have said about this whale is EXACTLY why your boyfriend would be so upset about you having another guy's number... obviously he probably doesn't want to lose you - especially to someone better!
Personally I think that 10 years is not a lot, but that really depends on you. Heck, even at 10 years older I still BARELY get along with them. I find that most guys aren't even that responsible, mature or interesting until they are hitting 38 to 40. (Do not quote this because I'm removing it soon) I've dated men 30 years my senior and find that I actually get along with them MUCH better. Many of the things I have done in my life I did totally on my own, including buying a home and moving to other cities. Half the time younger men have no sense of really being independent (often still connected with the parents "just in case") which is why I don't get along with them. What you really need to do is ask yourself mentally where you are compared to where he is and figure out if it's compatible.
If I were you (and you are interested in dating him) I would test the waters in the boundary of the club. Ask him to come see you a lot and see if he keeps spending. See if he spends on the other dancers too or not. Maybe even explain your personal situation. Who knows, if he has THAT much money he may be willing to help pay for you to get out of your lease. However, if that is the situation (he has to help you out) he may also not be as interested. If he is really the independent powerful type he's more likely to be attracted to someone similar in nature and may expect that you are capable of extracting yourself from the current situation in order to be with him.
With that being said, I will also say that I am typically the type who doesn't take risks unless the are highly calculated to be in my favor. Every once in awhile I do find myself running a new course though - and it tends to always work out for me.
Either way, he sounds interesting. Lucky girl!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
* I apologize ahead of time for the Tolstoy*
Wow this sounds like a potentially messy situation.
First of all, if you want to break up with your boyfriend, then break up with him because of reasons internal to your relationship. You either think being with him works for your or it doesnt, staying with him until something better comes along (like this whale) is not fair to either of you. If you're already hiding this guy from him I'd say that you're not totally invested in the relationship and that's never a good sign. Any deceit is disrespectful towards your boyfriend, and if you don't respect him then break up with him for that reason.
Second of all, this new guy A) lives far away, B) has no compunction about spending hours and loads of cash in a strip club, and C) is of an age that causes you concern. He doesn't sound like relationship material to me. He could be a fun date, a cool guy, etc, but I wouldn't expect him to just slide on into the BF role some other guy is currently occupying.
Thirdly, what are his expectations of your time together? You can have either a commercial relationship or a romantic relationship, and that's for the two of you to decide. Will he be visiting you solely in the club with the intent to spend money on you? Then cool, he's a customer. Does he expect you to spend time outside of the club together, for money? Ok, that's a sugar daddy. Does he expect you to sleep with him in his fancy hotel room for money? That's a john. Does he expect you to date him and hang out with him for free? That's a date.
BEFORE he gets there get a clear understanding of what he expects from you (stripper, sugar baby, escort or date) and then decided if you're comfortable with what is planned. Once that's determined, I wouldn't step outside the bounds of that predetermined relationship, or people will get hurt and confused.
If he wants to see you as a customer then there's no need to feel bad about taking his money- that's the role he's chosen for himself. If he wants to be a sugar daddy, well, do you feel comfortable being a sugar baby? Sugar baby is still a commercial relationship concerning a transaction of money/gifts in exchange for "entertainment" ie, the pleasure of your company, again no reason to feel bad. If however he wants to be your date, in a romantic sense, well then that's a decision you have to make for yourself. At that point you are stepping out on your BF, and from the jist of your message it sounds like that is the way your heart is leaning.
If you like him, you want to date him romantically and he wants to date you romantically (not just as entertainment) then accepting money or extravegant gifts would just confuse things. I guess what I'm saying is keep the romantic seperate from the commercial- it's one or the other, not both. Getting them confused can lead to hurt feelings and a guilt conscience.
I met my BF in a club, and initially approached him as a customer. We talked, had fun, and by the end of the night he bought two dances in appreciation of my time. On subsequent visits he did not offer me money, nor would I have asked him. In my heart I knew that I was romantically interested in him, and there was no room for a commercial relationship since that was the case. Eventually I decided to meet him on nuetral territory outside of the club and let him buy me a slice of pie :)
I hope I don't come across as strident or bossy, I had minor surgery yesterday and the painkillers are making me a little wonky :P I really hope that everything goes well, you have tons of fun with this guy (who sounds pretty cool!) and nobody gets hurt. Keep us updated!\
B
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
^^
About the current boy thing. It hasnt worked in a very long time. I could go into it but it would be a novel. He and I are not compatible in any way, shape or form and I have been contemplating leaving for over five months. I just can't yet because the lease is up in the summer (very expensive to buy out of) and I am fearful of how he has reacted in the past when I have said I want out.
Ok. I suppose at the moment, it is more like club customer/sugar baby. I have been very firm about there being no sex. It's just weird for me because this will be the first time I have ever seen a customer outside the club. I also am very open about how I am not the nicest person out there; so it's also unusual that I think he's pretty awesome. I am extremely picky about men (then again who isnt?) and my standards tend to be pretty ridiculous but here he is: fits all of them. WTF.
When he comes out he is footing the bill for all of the entertainment and has told me whatever I want to do is fine. He is also going to come into the club one day while I am working and spend some time with me there. So I guess you see what I mean by it's sort of a hybrid scenario.
I am the preacher for the "don't lie!!" team. I know I am not practicing what I preach. But until I CAN leave the fellow I am with, I am sort of out of options.:-[
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Wow, what a crappy (living) situation. I can understand trying to just wait it out in order to avoid unnecessary drama. Would it be possible to stay with a friend while continuing to pay your part of the rent- just to get your life back? I'd pay/lose any ammount of money to get out of a situation I couldn't tolerate... but sometimes it's easier said than done.
Does the whale know about your living situation? If things go well over the weekend and you decide that you'd rather date him than work him I would certainly bring it up- he could be of some help.
Do you know whether he's interested in you romantically? On rare occassion I've had customers who have fallen in 'love' with me, and whom I've actually thought were very cool, decent guys (it happens). At that point I've generally told them to stop coming in to see me, because I knew it would only end in tears and I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Taking their money would only have made me feel guilty. (This is also why I tend to be very up front about the fact that I have a BF whom I am happily in love with, it prevents most customers from becoming romantically attatched to me).
On the other hand there's always the possibility that he just wants to indulge in a fantasy weekend with a fantasy woman, no strings (or sex) attatched. As a stripper that sounds great to me, but if you have feelings for him it might sting to find out that he's more interested in the stripper/entertainer experience than the girlfriend experience. Guess you'll have a weekend to find out!
Now I'm really curious to know what happens, what an exciting (but scary) situation to be in.
Please keep us posted!!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I should have said this earlier, because we all know how big of a proponent I am to this... do a background check on him! Make sure he is who he says he is, that he isn't married, earns what he claims, and doesn't have a criminal record that you'd have problems with. Then if you decide to get physical, make sure that you get STD tests for both of you. I hate having to insist on this stuff, but the fact is that people lie and you have to be careful. If something seems too good to be true... it normally is.
As for the lease, there are a lot of solutions too this. Bella has a great idea about just staying with a friend. Another option might be to approach your current BF and tell him you want out, but that you are willing to pay 1/2 of the monthly rent for his new roommate (a friend or just another person needing temp housing) until the time your lease would renew. If you go with that option just make sure the person/place you are leasing to is agreeable to the terms. Another option is just to go ahead and break up with the current BF and stay where you are - sleep out on the couch if you need to. If he's that miserable about it he will propose a solution to you - which would probably involve you moving out or him moving out.
Summer isn't very far off... I seriously think you could break up with him and then just stick it out for a few months. If he gets violent you can always call the police, which obviously might effect your lease to where the landlord might be willing to let you out without paying anything or a very small fee.
BTW, are both of your names on the lease?
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Wait so why hasn't the whale already found a girl? He may sound like a sure thing...but why is it that he doesn't already have someone? Or does he?
And about the age stigma...hah. My SO is 38 and I'm 20. We get a few looks here and there, but trust me--a 10 year age difference isn't going to get many eye raises. Especially since you don't exactly live in a small, conservative town.
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
charlie61
Wait so why hasn't the whale already found a girl? He may sound like a sure thing...but why is it that he doesn't already have someone? Or does he?
And about the age stigma...hah. My SO is 38 and I'm 20. We get a few looks here and there, but trust me--a 10 year age difference isn't going to get many eye raises. Especially since you don't exactly live in a small, conservative town.
He is also 38. :) I'm fairly concerned with people I know IRL that are not dancers finding out about this, so I am trying to be discreet.
The whale is a very free spirit who has never been married and is a world traveller. We talked tonight on the phone for an hour, and have amassed 114 texts in the last 2 days. Mutually initiating contact. I am totally stoked to see him.
I am planning on having The Talk with him and coming clean about the unhappy relationship, etc etc because of three things:
-- I do not want to mislead him about my current status lest he feel he doesn't want to be involved with it
-- I am constantly stressed about people seeing my ID and seeing my real name. I told him my real name was my stage name and I don't want to be pegged for a liar. (basically say "I tell everyone that until I feel I can trust them. I hope you understand..etc etc")
-- I want to make MY intentions clear so there is no blurry lines.
I will certainly keep you girls updated. He comes into town Wednesday. I will be keeping you in the loop.
Also, thank you those who responded. It has truly been helpful. I love SW.
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
You seem like you have your shit together...but like someone else mentioned up there--if it seems too good to be true, then that usually means something's wrong. Just keep asking yourself questions. Why hasn't he settled down yet if he's such a good guy? More importantly, what does he want from you? Sugardaddies (99.999% of them) aren't benevolent people. He has to have a reason for wanting to spend money on you--so what is that reason?
Even obvious questions like that can help you handle a situation like this better. Be careful. And, of course, don't be too cynical. Maybe you've found the diamond in the rough!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
38 is a good age for career-minded, independant guy! Even if they've shared lovely relationships with women in the past, many sucessful men prefer to stay single and focused on achieving their goals, knowing (correctly) that they can always settle down later on in life. As 40 gets closer and many of these goals have been achieved, these guys tend to start thinking about the things they lack (wife, kids, roots, love, etc). This is the age for sucessful men to start taking their personal lives more seriously.
My BF is 39 (I just turned 28 ) and I couldnt be happier. He's confident, emotionally mature, established in his career, and finished with childish games. I couldn't imagine going back to <35 yr olds- blech!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I PM'd you before I read your last response, but I hope it helps anyway!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bella du jour
38 is a good age for career-minded, independant guy! Even if they've shared lovely relationships with women in the past, many sucessful men prefer to stay single and focused on achieving their goals, knowing (correctly) that they can always settle down later on in life. As 40 gets closer and many of these goals have been achieved, these guys tend to start thinking about the things they lack (wife, kids, roots, love, etc). This is the age for sucessful men to start taking their personal lives more seriously.
My BF is 39 (I just turned 28 ) and I couldnt be happier. He's confident, emotionally mature, established in his career, and finished with childish games. I couldn't imagine going back to <35 yr olds- blech!
that is sooooooo true.... my current BF is nearly 39 and so far it has been the most stable and loving relationship i have ever been in... im 23... i could never imagine dating someone my age...
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bella du jour
My BF is 39 (I just turned 28 ) and I couldnt be happier. He's confident, emotionally mature, established in his career, and finished with childish games. I couldn't imagine going back to <35 yr olds- blech!
Preach it sistah!! :yes:
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I also agree with the older guys...my best relationship was with a guy in his 30s
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
And see this is the funny part. I tend to prefer younger guys! I am very hard to keep up with, and bounce around a lot ( like constantly travelling, moving, etc etc). So I wanted someone with the same energy/adventure level, and I don't generally find older men attractive. (I usually go for the long haired, lanky snowboarder look.)
But here he is, 12 yrs older than me and in the top 10 best looking men I have ever seen. Go figure. Mother nature works in mysterious ways.
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mediocrity
And see this is the funny part. I tend to prefer younger guys! I am very hard to keep up with, and bounce around a lot ( like constantly travelling, moving, etc etc). So I wanted someone with the same energy/adventure level, and I don't generally find older men attractive. (I usually go for the long haired, lanky snowboarder look.)
But here he is, 12 yrs older than me and in the top 10 best looking men I have ever seen. Go figure. Mother nature works in mysterious ways.
Haha, I used to feel the same way, and thought older guys couldn't keep up with me, but the guy that I dated was really adventurous and as far as sex went, it was hard for me to keep up with him!
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kyleigh1984
Haha, I used to feel the same way, and thought older guys couldn't keep up with me, but the guy that I dated was really adventurous and as far as sex went, it was hard for me to keep up with him!
If it ends up in that direction, I think this sounds most excellent. }:D
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
Don't stress about 12 years ( except ... you will .... I did ..... my bf and I have the same gap ).
DO make sure this guy is actually single ect. ( not hiding wife or girlfriend/girlfriends ) if you do get involved on a personal level.
I'm sure you are already aware of that. Keep us updated. ;)
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
He is coming tomorrow afternoon! I already have butterflies in my belly. I have no clue how I am going to get through class tomorrow. :)
Breathe, right? I am so thrilled to see what is going to transpire.
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
New romance is thrilling,like a natural high. I'm sure you are GLOWING. I hope everything works out in a way that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Warmest Wishes, Harlow
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I agree with Bella Du Jour on so many aspects...you are in way over your head girl...and my burning question on top of it all is!...you spent 5 hours in vip-did you get paid 400 per hour so SR $ 2000? Or did you spend "5 hours" in vip taking what he gave you? I suppose you were talking and all friend-like...There is a huge difference. If this boy is so handsome, what was he doing in a strip club in Vegas? World traveler! So romantic! Are you so beautiful and perfect that he has rejected so many others in favor of you? Would you be coy in inviting him to hang out with your other girl-friends at the club to hang out and have drinks....meaning that he would hang out with other scantily clad girls flirting for his attention? Would that bother you? If you make good money...literally fuck the lease terms and get out of your situation since you do not want to be with your boy. Money was only invented so it could be earned and spent. Boy would be done. End of story. You would be free. Actually rather you can be free. Well, I am done. Keep posting....
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
I certainly hope it works out for you girl.
This guy could be a dream come true- some whales are. I would still be careful though. Guys with money can be very manipulative and deceiving. Make sure you arent blinded by his sweetness and not see what really maybe happening. Sometimes the biggest players are big time romancers. They like girls who are head over heels for them for the time that they spend but will also drop you once they are done having fun. To them the "world on a platter" so to speak, is a gift. But what about when he wants to take it away?
That said......... be positive. I would enjoy the time spent with him and let him take care of you. i dont think a guy giving you money is a bad thing necessarily- and if you like him enough to sleep with him it doesnt make him a "Jon". I have had relationships with men who paid me for my time whom i was deeply in love with. The situation was just such that they were the type of guys who are very busy with their lives and would prefer to shower you with money than have to worry about living up to relationship standards.
So does he have a brother? OR a partner?? Lolololl......... ;)
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
nina888 hit the nail on the head-....Succesful men are very very busy....whilist all the time we are very very needy girls, we need attention, love, and devotion....terms that alot of boys do not have in their dictionary...Especially succesful men. Not to blame though...i (i did not do "I") could never have imagined building a skyscraper, nor invented electricity but i enjoy it to its day. We are beautiful girls living a beautiful life...and then? LOL! Men build fantastic things...the bigger the boy....the more fantastic it is to the eye...they do it in prevelance for first acceptance in another boy's eye and then for their lady. We should go back to the old-fashoined thinking. Every day my boy holds 100% of doors open for me (i literaly mean he physically opens up all the doors for me like when you are entering the grocery store or whateva...) ...and any other woman that comes up....that, my ladies, makes a man. In my eyes :)
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
OK girls...
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Awesome coupla days, got spoiled rotten. Whale and I are officially dating ( non-exclusively)! There was no money exchanged, and he is the coolest person I have met in forever!
Broke up with curret fellow, and that is sucking at the moment. He is being drama. But I am super happy and going to L.A. in March for another visit!
*swoon*
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Re: Landing a whale... that you actually like.
^ Damn, girl!!! WORK IT!!!!