Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
WTF right? quick run-down
Vegas club, very popular (used to be half the size when I started)
many guys standing around judging girls LOUDLY as they walk by
The comments aren't generally bad but I always feel like I am being watched and judged; the feeling of being an unknown stripper just working is not there; every night there are 100 eyes on you. (non-paying eyes) what it feels like: Its like one of those nightmares you have where you leave the house with no clothes on or something and realize everyone is laughing and pointing at you.
-this causes me to drink when I never used too, so I am basically drinking to ease the feeling of people judging me and not to deal with stripping itself.
I feel that this set-up leads to guys watching me ask for dances and get rejected and maybe even saying to their friends "Wow she just got rejected five times in a row! ha ha"
Because of this, I am scared to ask for dances like all of a sudden the real me is up there in the club being examined! ( I want to stay at the club)
Like everyone else I desperately need to make money after the year we just had-has anyone had similar and how did you get through this?
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I think it's natural for people to fear rejection even if they've been in the industry for some time. So you are not alone. I try get into the business mindset when I am working and don't really take things people say to me too seriously especially negative comments/etc. Those guys who are standing around making negative remarks are just losers trying to get attention and make themselves feel better by putting others down. Just put them on IGNORE and not let them have power over you. If they are being obnoxious and directly insult me, most of the time I would be gracious, smile at them, move on, and keep on approaching customers.. (this is when I am still clear minded and not drunk lol) and btw most of those dudes are hideous anyways whether it's physical or their flawed personality so they should not even be going there in the first place! Don't react otherwise it's like your are feeding gasoline to fire, just remain cool and keep up with your hustle. good luck and be strong girl!
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I've been having the same problem! I've danced for 10 years and never used to drink. But lately its hard not to. I get so scared of being rejected that i don't even bother to ask. I guess you're right, i'm letting these hideous cruel men have MY POWER. Then i go home with nothing, or close to it. Fuck that! I've really been hiding in the shadows a lot lately so scared to control and dominate, but really i think that's what they are there for. huh?!
Thanks betteyboop! I will use your advice tonight
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
8 years now. Sober the first 4-5.... now I need a drink while doing my make-up. Pah-thetic. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) Im on meds that I cannot drink on... tomorrow will be my first day back after a 7 month hiatus and I'll be sober. I am kinda not looking forward to this. I'm actually debating on skipping my meds so I can drink. I was a better stripper when I was a newbie.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
Sonya I still feel like hiding sometimes too! I am constantly motivating myself at work to get back out there after being rejected many times. I am sure lots of girls at work suffer the same as well. I feel more relaxed when I approach a customer with a 'no expectation mindset 'and saying hi and introducing myself. I replicate subtle flirting that I tend to do when I first meet someone I think is cute or am interested in... this helps me exude a more genuine warmth that the guy and I both appreciate. Customers tend to be a little more gracious in saying no when I approach them this way if they are not interested. Audrey, I know you will do just fine but try to not drink too much like me. and i please don't get off your meds, I somehow DO NOT think that's a good idea, maybe talk to the doc first to be on the safe side? I personally hate going to the doc or taking any meds. I might be in the denial/resistance stage or whatever else, who knows. I have been doing pretty well in that regards lately...I just hope that I can keep that up. relapsing is a B****! best of luck and feel free to contact me if there is a need to talk or whatever. btw Audrey why do you think that you were a much better dancer back then in comparison with the present? just curious..
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
i have a story that happened yesterday that fits in.
i feel intimidated my certain men but in particular im intimidated by lawyers. probably because i used to date one and he was controlling and made me feel like shit so i think they are all judging me. anyways this guy that looks like him walks in the club yesterday. i sit down with him after my stage set and i talk for a little but i sweat alot and i cant stop sweating because i was just on stage. so im intimidated by this guy and pouring sweat.
so i get to talking a little and i say "you look like a lawyer" andhe shows me his card and goes yeah your right. he was also one of these people that is hard to tallk to so i had to hold up the coversation. which was making me think , well is he not interested in me? so hoenstly this is sad but i wasnt even going to plug a dance, i was just going to let him buy me a drink and say bye. i was terrified of this guy, i even told me he looked like my ex and that that was a huge compliment because i have never seen anyone that looks like someone id ever have dated at a sc.
so he randomly asks about dances and i randomly plug the vip and then tell him about some other dances. so he goes i have 147$ i would love to do the vip but im 3 dollars short. i was like, wait he wants to spend 30 minutes with me? no way i m sweating like a pig and i feel fat and he is a lawyer and in my mind could fuck any hot girl he wants, sorry thats just how i think. so im like dont worry the 3 bucks are on me, 147 is close enough to 150.
so we go back to the vip area and he couldnt stop complimenting me. i was shocked. he had a wife and everything and i work at a smaller club and im thinking damn he must think im a loser. at the end he said he would be back and that he had never had such an amzing dance froma a girl with such an amazing body.
wht im trying to say is that i was intimated but sometimes you have to put yourself out there just a little bit. we all know men are weird and when they get nevous they are weirder. instead of being decent men some men get nervous and get mean. i guess girls do the samething when we are intimiated by another woman, some women do this, im not saying all of us. if men are around their friends at a club its even worse.
heres another story,
three dudes come in, they are in their mid 20's obviously think they are players and they all think they are black. (nothing wrong with black, but white guys who think they are pimps annoy me bad). so i sit with them, then i get on stage and one of them comes up, looks at my vagina, makes some comment, like as to say my vag is weird. which its not but the thing is i was on my period andi had a tampon in, so i was really self conciouss.
so he goes back to his firneds and then the rest of them come up and tip me and they all go back to the table and keep laughing and im thinking fuck im lke bleding all over. so i go into the bathroom and everything is ok. i comeback out and they see me and all start laughing so i sit down and pretend i get whats going on. i plug my dances and they dont want dances because they are broke losers, im about to get up and the one guy goes, damn girl your clt is really big! ok this is funny, he thought one of the lips on my vag was my clit, my vag looks pretty normal, so obviously he has never seen one before. so all his friends are laughing andi say, "wow i never thought this couldbe true but it is, you realy have never seen a pussy before, or else you would know the clit is not in that region of the pussy." and it doesnt stick out like a lip does! bth of his friends said, "man i knew that i was just laugihng cause so and so is an idot" i walked away but sometimes you just have to own it.
your in control, dont let men make you feel like shit especially if you mightbe causing some of it in your head. i know its hard but this is a job where we are focred to put ourselves out for the possibilty of rejectionn everyday. in the long run,if one man makes a comment, it reallymeans nothng in the grand scheme of things.
i know this is long but i hoped it at least helped a little....
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
It is MINDSET!
Pure and simple. You started 5 years ago...in 2004...right at the start of the housing boom.
This is called the curse of early success. You were able to make great money without a lot of effort (other than showing up, looking pretty, putting in your hours) VIP wasn't hard to sell, and there were plenty of buyers looking to burn their cash.
You NEVER had to learn how to sell. All you had to do was be pretty, and by default there was bound to be some guy in the club that liked you.
Now you actually have to work at work! LOL! Success in this industry depends first on your skills, then on your CONFIDENCE, and finally on your looks. What strategy do you use to sell a lapdance? Have you honestly taken the time to work on and perfect your introduction, your sales dialogue, and your closing skills? How much time have you honestly spent on creating a regular customer base. And don't tell me you can't do that in Vegas...I specifically go to Vegas during key conventions to meet and create new semi-regular customers who travel frequently on business....and then pull them into my home club in Phx when they are in town. Yes, it's extra work. This is a business.
Admittedly your confidence is down. You need to get it back. Even if you have to fake it. After all, what guy is going to spend money on an entertainer who doesn't even have the confidence to come up and say hi to him?
It all starts with YOU. Stop being reactive to the situation around you and be PROACTIVE. Choose, right now...to STOP worrying if someone will like you tonite. Start brainstorming ways you can increase your business. Invest in sales training, whether it's my DancerWealth course or if you just go buy some sales books. Its a start! Browse the SuperStripper Motivational posts on my new blog. I have all my Change your Mindset, Change your Life posts for the last 2 years archived there.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I havent been dancing long but I had some guys yelling "PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY.. WE WANT PUSSY" and all kinds of other degrating things.. I was about to just leave it was late but they were buys a lot of drinnks.. so they did have money to spend. I went up to the one loudest and said " STOP! your not going to see any PUSSY here." he got upset and was like whatever.. dont tip her, put your money up... and so I said "HEY! you look like a fucking jack as$! your drunk and , Im guessing your single and a bit of advice - dont act like a jack a$s!!!!" and he got it then.. he was like Im sorry.. I am.. and did that for a few minutes.. that was a HUGE step for me because I avoid confentation all the time.. but he went to far.. It was about 1:20 when they came in.. we close at two... I got about 100 out of all of them.. so It was worth staying..
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
britneyireland
It is
MINDSET!
Pure and simple. You started 5 years ago...in 2004...right at the start of the housing boom.
This is called the
curse of early success. You were able to make great money without a lot of effort (other than showing up, looking pretty, putting in your hours) VIP wasn't hard to sell, and there were plenty of buyers looking to burn their cash.
You NEVER had to learn how to sell. All you had to do was be pretty, and by default there was bound to be some guy in the club that liked you.
Now you actually have to
work at work! LOL! Success in this industry depends first on your skills, then on your CONFIDENCE, and finally on your looks. What strategy do you use to sell a lapdance? Have you honestly taken the time to work on and perfect your introduction, your sales dialogue, and your closing skills? How much time have you honestly spent on creating a regular customer base. And don't tell me you can't do that in Vegas...I specifically go to Vegas during key conventions to meet and create new semi-regular customers who travel frequently on business....and then pull them into my home club in Phx when they are in town. Yes, it's extra work. This is a business.
Admittedly your confidence is down. You need to get it back. Even if you have to fake it. After all, what guy is going to spend money on an entertainer who doesn't even have the confidence to come up and say hi to him?
It all starts with YOU. Stop being reactive to the situation around you and be PROACTIVE. Choose, right now...to STOP worrying if someone will like you tonite. Start brainstorming ways you can increase your business. Invest in sales training, whether it's my DancerWealth course or if you just go buy some sales books. Its a start! Browse the SuperStripper
Motivational posts on my new blog. I have all my
Change your Mindset, Change your Life posts for the last 2 years archived there.
I told my bf that you used to be an elem. teacher and you started dancing.. and he said that he would NEVER miss school, and that he would be there sat. and sun. and he said he would do "extra" credit lol haha
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I have felt this too :( I always rehearse in my mind long before i get to the club exactly how I want my night to go and I always add a few 'issues' in.
For example: I think about going in, getting ready, and heading to the stage. Then I think 'what would I do if? ie: heel breaks, I fall on the stairs, etc and I think about myself getting up, laughing it off and making fun of myself. I picture people laughing with me and then I think about going on stage and flooring them with my routine. Then I move on to thinking about the floor, Again with the what ifs. What if every guy in the room says no? What if every guy says yes and I have total muscle failure? I always end by thinking about counting my money at the end of the night.
My solutions to the 'issues' are different every night but I run through the whole night a time or two before work and practice saying my responses out loud. This has helped me more than once when I have had way more nos than yeses and really helped when those nos were really rude and derogatory.
I also always try to think of myself as someone who sells fantasy. I do not self myself, I sell my dancer self. If am not someone's fantasy its not a rejection of ME but of the fantasy I am selling.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
babybambi08
I havent been dancing long but I had some guys yelling "PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY.. WE WANT PUSSY" and all kinds of other degrating things..
No one can degrade you unless you care what their opinion is.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I feel your pain. I used to really let these men's comments bother me. But you know what? I feel sorry for them. Most of them are miserable and lonely in real life or insecure or whatever. Just straight up unhappy with themselves and their lives and feel that by targeting dancers (who seem like an easy target because we are there exposing ourselves) they will feel a little bit better about themselves.
They are pathetic. Not so much different than haters in real life though who comment about others but just do it behind their back. These people are sad. I know it's hard to brush off a comment but just feel sorry for the bastard. His life is so meaningless that he has nothing better to do than bring down beautiful women.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
britneyireland
No one can degrade you unless you care what their opinion is.
I've never thought about it that way before. Good call.
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CherryBomb954
I've never thought about it that way before. Good call.
Good! Self-Empowerment is the focus of DancerVictory ;)
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
^ I've adopted this whole "poker face" thing when it comes to customers saying inappropriate/rude/weird things to me.
My friend said it best too : "To react is weak" I finally get it. The worst thing you can do is react to people. It's only when you react that you have given them the power. Taken me a while to get it down, but I've got it nevertheless.
All these losers really want is a reaction.When you give it to them, they've won. People like that attempt to prey on the weak to give them their sense of sick, twisted self satisfaction. When you "poker face" them, they are stumped. Don't know what to do. They've lost the battle.
it happened SEVERAL times tonight, after asking for dances. No one can just say "no thank you" anymore. They have to have some sort of smart comeback, rude comment. No wonder so many girls have a fear of rejection. I used to suffer from that BIG TIME cause I'd been burned by so many harsh rejections. It's only when I learned to "poker face' these fuckers that I am not only empowering myself but I am ruining some douchebag's day.........and what's better that that?!
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
It's only when I learned to "poker face' these fuckers that I am not only empowering myself but I am ruining some douchebag's day.........and what's better that that?![/quote]
:D Right on!
Re: Fear of Rejection After 5 Years of Dancing..
I wouldn't say I'm afraid of rejection from other people now...I'm more critical of myself than anyone else ever could be, so there's nothing most guys could really say that would make me question myself or feel rejected. I was a bit nervous at first about what other people would think of me, but then I finally had to compartmentalize this job in my head...There is what I know to be true about myself and how I feel about MYSELF...and then there is what other people MAY think they know about me or MAY be thinking about me (which I consider to be a sort of occupational hazard, if you will...lol.) I just always remember that no matter what they MAY be thinking, the most important thing, above everything else, are my own feelings about me...which basically cancels out anyone else's negative and silly comments.
I also keep in mind that everybody comes into a SC for SOME reason...every one of our patrons has SOME kind of need, whether they realize it or not...For some guys, that might mean extras or the pursuit of extras (if they can get them), for some guys it might be just a beer, for others it may be to find a cute girl to talk to them all night...but more often than not, it's so they can feel better about themselves...unfortunately for a few, putting other people down, harshly criticizing others out loud and being jackasses is what they need to do to feel better about themselves. That is the not-so-fun part about our job...BUT, just always remember that they are the lonely, chronically unhappy losers of the world...you are there to have a good time and help others have a good time...but those types of people are NEVER happy and you can't let it rub off on you and cause you to lose your confidence (and ultimately, your money).