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I've actually had people tell me that I should just go work at Walmart in order to have a "respectable" job. When I've pointed out to them that working full time at Walmart would actually cost me more than I would earn there (We would need another car, and full time day care for my son at a decent day care) they get all upset and call me lazy.
Yeah, because I don't want my husband to have to pay money out of his income in order for me to work 40 hours a week for free while strangers raise my children. Yeah, I'm the lazy, stupid one...
Damn (sorry for my next few chosen words) but fuc what they say you are provdng for your child, you are there when sometimes they cannot be. I mean look at all the mothers out there who cant do half of what you do for your babii.
It does not make you a bad parent, you are just letting there dumb ass comments effect you in the wrong sort of way. You are a provider, a mother, who cares what you do as long as your child sees you when he wakes, know you are there by his side, fuck what you do for money. Girl, from what I seen on your page, you seem like a very good and loving mother.
OMG.. Tell them would you rather me be on welfare and have a respectable nine to five job .. or be able to give your child everything he needs and then some?
That's BS. Most of us do what we FOR our kids and families.
Stripping gives us the freedom to be with our children, set up trusts for school and a host of other things that the so called "respectable" jobs don't provide.
Tell those people to tend to their own business before they get into yours. It's non of their concern how you take care of your family.
It's not their place to judge you - unless they have suddenly turned into God. Which is beyond doubtful!
Exactly I totally agree with her. I mean look at how much you make that is more then the minimum wage walmart job that they suggest you take. That means your child will get less and less, you wouldnt be able to provide as much for. So in essence they shouldnt give a damn about what you do, or how you do it. You are giving your child a better future. I mean it is so much better for him. Save for his college, give him the things he needs. Ignore all those other people, mainly girls, who diss you. B/c a) they are jealous of you, b)they couldnt make it at the job you do, c)you are making so much more they wanna bring you down a few pegs. But hey, try not to listen to them okay sweetie. You shouldnt feel bad about providing for your babii, he is yours, and you want to give him the world and protect him at the same time.
I'm not a mother of human children, but I never understood people like that. The worst I've ever seen were the so called "Christian" people who are judgemental about strippers. Then again these same idiots are against working women in general. I suspect it's because quite a few are either jealous or think only they mattered. I got treated like garbage from this one church when I was dating a member there. He left the church.
I hated when people would tell me to get a job at Wal-Mart. There is more gender discrimination at Wal-Mart than I've ever seen in a stripclub. In fact a friend of mine quit dancing to go work at Wal-Mart because she was pressured to have a "real" job. She ended up working more, making less, and seeing discrimination. She ended up back in stripping because she felt it was more respectable.
back on the mom subject, i have 3 little boys and my bf says he doesn't want me dancing "because you're a mom" i'm like WTF we are feeding our toddlers hot pockets for dinner this is something i know i need to do in order to give them healthy meals. but that's a whole other subject lol.
I don't think stripping makes you a bad mom.
Ppl are always going to find something about your life to critique and use against you to condemn you for dancing. I'm a very private person because of this, I'm tired of having to justify my reasons for what I do when it's not even hurting me or anyone else.
Not to mention, stripping can be a nice parenting lesson - You know how you DON'T want your kids to turn out, lol, so you are more conscious of the lessons you teach your kids.
So yeah, you've got to stop making more money and spending more time with your kids than you could in a retail job if you want to be a decent mom...::)
I've been on here for a little bit, and I know this is random, but you girls on here are amazing xx
At the end of the day, money's money. Providing for your child makes you a bad parent ? Please. If a stranger is really that concerned with how you're living your life, you're already better than them anyways.
My 4 year old son for some random insane reason thinks I'm a truck driver. I never told him that but one day he just decided that people who work when its dark out drive trucks. So my son thinks I'm the coolest mom ever. I also go to school during the day and I've taken him there so he knows I go there too. He thinks I'm the coolest mom on the planet.
Until he thinks of me otherwise I'm pretty sure he respects me and thats all that matters.
I may not be a mom but i think all the hypocritical judgemental fucks who talk shit about mothers who dance should be burned.....It really upsets me how much scrutiny we receieve as dancers...It isnt fair but sadly we cant exactly change these peoples' minds..Sometimes all we can do is stand up for ourselves dust ourselves off and move forward....I refuse to let other peoples' bs affect who I know myself to really be..I have a big heart and me being a dancer doesnt change that fact
The problem here is the societal prejudice against women in general. A man can be a soldier and a dad and no one says anything about how he is a bad dad for choosing to be a soldier. But if a woman wants to be a stripper and a mom, this is a problem because women are not allowed the same kind personal freedoms that men are allowed. A perfect example is when Sarah Palin was running for VP. People in her own party harshly criticized her for the choice to run for VP and be a mom, but no one criticized Barack Obama for running for President and also be a father to his kids.
With strippers the problem is twofold: first the thing of having a job in the adult industry is somehow unbecoming of motherhood, and second, the insinuation that women who are mothers are not supposed to be sexy or have any kind of personal sexual expression at all because they are mothers.
We have come a long way toward equal treatment between the sexes, but there are some very insidious stereotypes that people just can't let go of, and those are harming gender equality.
^^ That's a very good perspective, and very true. Women are sometimes so demonized for pursuing personal pleasures and career objectives, because they "conflict" with our "traditional roles." It's sickening how modernized and advanced we are as a whole, yet we still fall back on these archaic expectations that a woman's primary reason for being is to have children and to live a life that forces a demure, submissive lifestyle.
On a side note, I think one reason that fueled the fire for flaming Palin about her position is that she's the mother to a brood of kids, and one that has Down's Syndrome, so people are naturally inclined to assume she has to spend a lot of time taking care of that kid on top of many others. Really though, she's a rather ineffective and biased governor anyway, but that's a whole other can of worms to open up. }:D
This reminds me of when Hillary Clinton was running, and people were seriously considering there would be ramifications of a woman in office because they honestly thought menstrual cycles would disqualify a female of being in such a position of power. :mad: "Oh wahh, I'm bloody and bloated, I'm going to bomb Ukraine!" Honestly, is that what they really think would happen? That's just insulting.
I don't have kids but fromthe perspective of a dancer who does not have children...
A Stripper who makes a bad Mom is one who abuses drugs and lost custody or one that works til 4 am, goes to after hours and is barely getting out of bed by the time the kids get off the bus in the afternoon.
I've worked with girls like that and it makes me sick. I know it's none of my business but as a healthy adult I think we all have a shred of responsibilty to protect the helpless (kids, elderly, animals, handicapped etc.). Avery, I HIGHLY doubt you fit that description.
Now on the other hand I've worked with girls that were once married (or in a relationship whatever) and the guy ran off so now they're stuck w/ kids to provide for on their own. Dancing gave them the FREEDOM to provide a nice neighborhood, better/private schools, healthy meals (as opposed to processed and sugary junk food) and a safer car to ride in to their children. That in fact, makes you a GOOD mother, you are willing to sacrifice your own well being (Let's face it dancing is stressful, we get judged and at times it puts our safetyonthe line) for the sake of your kids.
If anyone says you're a bad Mom tell them they are a bad human..
I havent heard that.. I just started dancing but I waitressed for a year and I have had people, like my childrens father say I cant believe you work there.. but I guess thats all you can do.. like Im not good enough to do anything else!! WHatever! He doesnt know Im dancing now, but frankly I dont give a damn anymore. I support my children. I am a WONDERFUL mom, I spend a lot of time with my kids. They always have what they need and mostly what they want.
If someone says why dont you get another job, tell them that you want more for your son and you can do that by dancing! It might be nice to add something like oh tell your grandpa I said Hi or something to get under their skin. \
"Normal job" - leave at 8 am get home at 6:30 pm, have to work 5-6 days a week, kids have to be in daycare, I spend 2 hours with them before bedtime, Have to be on welfare because I don't make shit and daycare takes what little I do, kids cant have decent clothes, can't get birthday presents or go on school outings, live in a shitty house ,drive a POS car that I can barely afford to keep running. Get fat and lazy because I have no time or energy to work out.
Dancing - I go to work when kids go to bed, My BF watches them at my house, So I get to spend ALL day with them. I don't have to be on welfare, I can afford to buy my kids nice clothes and shoes, they can go on school outings, live in a nice house, have a nice dependable car, only have to work when I want to or need to, my job is my workout so I stay in shape....
Hmmm.... what's a better mom?
Tell them to fuck off!!!!
blueyeztiff , that was by far the most perrfect explanation I have heard so far. Instead of being away from your child all the time, having someone who is a total stranger and barely in there life except for those two hours, and having barely any money to provide them with the necessities, and extras. VS. Actually being with them, having stable people who have been in there life for more then 2 hours a day, and actually giving them a nice life.
Would you think that was so bad? I see if you were a bad mom, like you do way to much drugs, dont come home till after you children were at school, and not waking up till after they were back home for a while. I would consider that a bad mother, but you can get that with someone at any profession, not just stripping.
If you aren't comfortable with the criticism, then perhaps you shouldn't advertise that you are a stripper. I wouldn't put anything like that on MySpace or any other dumbass internet site unless I wanted a barrage of comments from idiots behind computers.
Now who's being judgmental? I've done both, and neither is a picnic. Your first scenario is comically extreme. I don't know anyone who works a decent day job and has all of those issues. If you don't want people using every dancer stereotype against you, don't use every working stereotype against people who have to go out and work during the day. We all do what we have to do to get by. It isn't a competition.
I also know very few strippers who actually provide medical insurance or any other benefits to their children (actually, none). And there are PLENTY of strippers who collect as much welfare as they possibly can. I work with about 15 of them. I've also yet to hear about any stripper setting up a "trust" for her kids. I'm sure one is out there, but it's not the norm. But I have known a lot of stripper moms who drink every night, and spend half their money on drugs. I wonder who gets up at 7 a.m. with their kids? It's awfully hard when you've been working until 3-4 a.m., especially when you're drinking.
Stripping is a fine job. Obviously I do it and am ok with it. But it isn't the holy grail for single moms, or anyone else--especially right now. Everyone would be wise to get their backup plans in place so you really can provide for your kids as they grow up. Providing is more than just having cash in hand, it's also planning for the future and giving your kids stability in their lives. I'm not saying that you ladies don't plan. I'm sure you all have savings and trust funds and medical insurance galore for your children. But if you don't, it is something to think about.
I think everyone can be put into a ST but you really have to know the person pretty well before you judge them.. I dont drink or do drugs.. My kids go preschool for half the day... I wake up around 11, clean and cook.. then get my kids from School around 1... they go to school for 9-1. Since I do not get a stedy income I do get some assistance with medicaid.. I cant afford 250 a month for my kids and then pay copays all the time... they get sick all the time.. if they have a fever they have to go to the dr. before they can come back to school..
But I know Im better off doing this right now.. I spend alot more time with my kids than most working parents.. Im able to provide lot of things lots of parents cant. I have a small savings account for them.. its very small right now but I am going back to school in the fall so Im tryin to save for nights I cant work..
Also, just because someone is NOT a stripper doesn't excuse them from any flaws or bad parenting habits they may possess. People generally tend to assume because they're not in a "bad" profession or situation, that they are stunning examples of perfect parenting and humanity when all it does is make them blissfully ignorant and unaware of any of their own issues. It's really pathetic how formulaic our society is, as in: "Well, if I have A job, make B amount of money, and perform tasks C, D, and E to standard, then I will equal Great Human Being and Mother, unquestionably!"
It's really quite infuriating that people are so very inflexible and can't see beyond the blinders. Life isn't a mathematical equation that will result in the same, predictable outcome. Sometimes, a stripper will be the better mother than the station wagon-driving, PTA meeting-attending, Betty Crocker-baking soccer mom would ever be, and vice-versa. It's all relative. The job doesn't define the person. It's a shame these people you encounter can't understand that.