The toilet constantly over flows making you realize that you really don't have any other choice but to pee in the sink...
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The toilet constantly over flows making you realize that you really don't have any other choice but to pee in the sink...
when all the girls start screaming because there is a black snake slithering around the bar, and the bartender smooshes it.
when the septic tank over flows and the entire bar smells like a sewer.
when you are facedown on the stage and look up to see a giant beetle has landed near you and is crawling your way.
...when the stage is duct-taped together.
...when none of the doors in the building have doorknobs, just holes where the doorknobs should be.
...when the pole on the stage is home-made from some sort of horribly pitted metal pipe or something, which somehow manages to simultaneously be rough enough to tear the skin off your hands and arms and give you blisters, and yet slippery enough to have no grip whatsoever.
...there's a drowned rat in the champagne bucket.
*when you can see the basement through the holes in the floor
*when the vents are covered in the winter by contractor bags and duct tape
*food in served on styrofoam or paper plates with plasticware
*a giant hole in the dressing room (bathroom) ceiling for over 5 years
*the stall door in the dressing room is concave from two drunk dancers fighting at 3 p.m.
*smell of a urinal cakes that are overdue for a change
*the bar is in a double wide trailer
*dogs and 14 year-olds are allowed in the bar for pool league with the family
*fear of getting shot while driving to the bar during deer hunting season
I am so glad that I now work at a nice place IN THE CITY.
You know you work in a dive when.....
the truck parked in front of the building has half a roll of toilet paper on the dashboard.
:O First thing I saw tonight walking up to the club! LOL
omg wow i got a new one last nite this one takes the cake
when the girls warn you not to use the handtowl in the bathroom because the girls wipe there pussy with it and hang it back up. no lie was told this last nite. lol
^^^ I wanna get tipped in fresh animal carcasses!
You know its a dive when :
They but a bar fridge for the dressing room to cover the massive hole through to the alleyway behind the building (where people hang out, do drugs and perve on you for free)
The VIP room is a camping chair under a stairwell, in the window of the place. Theres a curtain up but you can still see the neon signs flashing. and hear the passersby
If you walk through to the customer toilets you regularly see one of the girls in a stall making a few extra $50 notes (and they stink of cum ewwww)
When the club floor is concrete and the seating implements are school cafeteria tables and chairs.
When the stage is duct taped at the bottom and still wiggles when you use the pole. Skeery ..
When there's a curtain.. Made of some sewing store remnant material and smells like someones dirty butt.
When the clubs sign is topped or even close to a sign that says ... " Jesus Saves!"
when the ATM gives fives and not twenties.
when the bouncer has to routinely throw out panhandlers that come in for a peek
When there's actually another big room off of the dressing room, but no one has ever seen the inside of it because some girl killed herself in there years and years ago, back when it was a different club, and everyone is too superstitious to refurbish it for use.
When you have to be careful walking around the club when it's raining, because there's a possibility the roof will sag and a huge torrent of water will dump right on your head. Had that happen three times in one night before...
When the men's restroom is lit by dull red lights.
When the VIP room is surrounded by a half-wall with little vertical poles for wrapping the curtains around...but the poles will fall over if you touch them.
When the tiles onstage are all so cracked and broken, you cut your nipple doing floorwork (had that happen a few weeks ago...I was upstairs scrubbing my chest with antibacterial soap for half an hour)
When the only full-length mirrors in the dressing room are cheap Wal-Mart dorm mirrors that are distorted like a carnival mirror, and make everyone look super tall and super skinny.
When the DJ frequently locks the keys in the office, and has to come into the dressing room and crawl out the window, over the roof, to the office window, which he'll jimmy until it opens.
When there are two different sets of private dance rooms: two nice ones behind the DJ booth, and two other ones by the bar, in little office cubicles that are so narrow your elbows are constantly rapping into the walls, and they're partitioned off by curtains that bar patrons are always brushing against, and you can barely hear the music, so you end up dancing to drunk conversation two feet away from you.
There is a garbage can on the stage, because the roof leaks
You get splinters when you do floor work on stage
the pole is actually holding up the building
female customers have to use the bathroom in the dressing room
You ask for a beer and the bartender says "Coors or Bud?"
You throw a pencil up and it sticks in the drop ceilings
lol, Amalya, I was wondering when you would get around to this -
*there is a fan AND a heater ON the stage because the air and heat never work properly
*the lap dance area is two chairs (that a dancer brought in) pushed up against the wall near the bathrooms
*you occasionally see a dancer sitting on the stage eating pizza because no one is tipping
*your allergies act up as soon as you enter the bar
*the DJ is not only a jukebox, but has a bad habit of crashing and rebooting randomly, leaving the dancer to walk around on stage with no music
*the dancers have to take up a collection for a new stage, and help put it in themselves
oooh, I forgot this one in Austin;
you know you are in a dive when you open the door to the tiny dressing room and crack smoke comes billowing out
You know you're working in a dive if
- the dressing room is the size of a closet
- The few lockers around are so rusty and nasty you'd rather take your chances and leave your bag out in the open
- They use a jukebox that plays vinyl records
- The dressing room is backstage where its narrow as hell and there are no lockers at all.
- The girls are so insecure that they make shit up out of jealousy in a place where the only money you make is on stage.
- Snide remarks about ethnics are made by redneck customers or trailer trash girls.
- the bathroom is so small that you can sit on the toilet and wash your hands at the same time.
- the bar/club is about the size of your living room or smaller
- the mgr. gets rid of a girl who is much better on stage than one or two older employees.
This shit is funny. I guess I've had it pretty good all these years!
Best. Thread. Ever.
Oh God does this dredge up a whole bunch of memories ...
- when the dancer's 'dressing room' is actually in the club basement ... next to an oil furnace that leaks fumes !
- when the wall of the dancer's dressing room is riddled with buckshot ... with a 12" hole blown out of the center
- when all of the dancers have to wear at least 3" platform shoes, because overflowing toilets have resulted in 2" worth of standing 'water' on the bathroom tile floor
- bathroom garbage can has 6" of 'yellow liquid' in the bottom !
- when an ungodly smell exudes from the 'closet' of the dancers' dressing room. After close examination the source of that smell was not a dead rat etc. but some dancer's discarded g-string buried away in the corner of the closet. In point of fact, we could tell how many days in a row she had worn it by counting the layers of 'ewwww' ... just like counting tree rings !!!
AND nice work we did putting in the stage...right?
I love what you said about the girls eating pizza on the stage...almost as good when the customers play eat, drink, AND PLAY PULLTABS at the stage and DON'T TIP!
BTW...heard Paradise in Austin got raided...ha!;)
your allowed to walk to the local tamale shop down the street wearing only shorts over your outfit.
you are not only the dancer but also the bartender, dj and janitor.
there is a lucky grasshopper that is supposed to make it a good night.
the manager says to you 'it doesnt matter that the new girl is fat and has extreme acne. shes got huge tits. and anyway, shes dayshift.'
the atm has a shoe sized hole in it
the ac leak is dorectly over the stage
all toilets broken. girls must pee in urinal.
It's across the street from a field with hay bales, and directly next to a tractor dealership.