There's a sign in the dressing room that says, "Don't come to work with staph or boils!!! YOU ARE SPREADING THEM!"
And "staph" is misspelled--as "staff."
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There's a sign in the dressing room that says, "Don't come to work with staph or boils!!! YOU ARE SPREADING THEM!"
And "staph" is misspelled--as "staff."
- when one of the girls is an ex craiglist prostitute freshly out of jail
- when the locker room looks like it was at one time a broom closet
- when often you can only use half of the already small locker room due to the other half being flooded
- when you are offered pizza hut coupons as currency for a lapdance. and the customer seriously expects you to accept it.
- when one stripper is yelling at the other stripper for being a baby for needing to go to jail because she is only going for one month and most of the other girls have spent at least a year there
- when a stripper walks in complaining that her hand hurts because her kid gave her attitude. and gets sympathy from the other strippers.
wow reflecting on this makes me really glad that i am now at an upscale club. im not a fan of the dives.
when 2 dancers jump a bartender because she now dances two nights a week and theres no one there to break it up but the other girls and our owner/manager/bartender/house mom...
when the cops come they dont do anything because its a hole in the wall... they just tell the girls to leave
then ask if theres cameras in the bar becuase they want to get up on the pole...
then of course no customers come in because they stood outside talking shit for a good 30 mins with there cop lights still on
definitly a dive and definitly a rant lol sory happend last night
the VIP rooms have buckets on nearly every sofa and on the floor because that's cheaper than repairing the leaks whenever it rains.
The parking lot looks like a landmine because that's also cheaper than keeping the surface smooth.
The carpet on the main floor has duct tape in some parts
desert cats, crickets, grasshoppers and other flying insects make the parking lot and back entrance their special place to gather every night
the poles are so old that even they smell bad
Some of the seats on the main floor are so bad that if a heavy set person has been sitting in them, the cushion remains sunken.
... when people come in wearing wife beater shirts with stains on them ask for a $5 dance and then ask how much for a 69...
...when the only bouncer is the manager and he doesn't watch the cameras, or the customers, or the girls and takes off to go do errands... and anyone can walk in off the railroad tracks across the street shoot you on stage and get away...
...when the girls are drying there gstrings in front of a fan in the dressing room...
...when after the shitty wooden stage is patched up the patched up parts glow in the black lights...
...when the only girls that are ready refuse to go on stage because "I gotta finish my beer, so I can get another one." And they are drinking dollar draft bud lights.
When there is a sign in the dressing room that reads, "If you have sex before you come to work, please wash up and/or douche before you start your shift."
When the stripper pole came from the plumbing section of home depot (Hott 22 Circa 2003....
Or the stripper pole is an actual 5" wide structural fixture! (Stiletto, NJ- you can see it in the movie, "The Wrestler"
I wanna be tipped in game meat and freshly caught fish too!!! I love some deer meat and salmon. I work in what's considered a dive but I love it. Our manager bartender is trying to clean it up and hire better girls and up the clientel. Our bar is kind of like a Cheers-type bar too.
when you can smell other dancers coochies from across the dressing room, and you're the only one bothered by it.
when pbr is the top beer.
when you wear tube socks only once, because after you give a dance once without your shoes on with them you have to throw them away - the dirt stains won't come out, why try?
when you get a compliment on having all your teeth.
when you hear a manager lecturing a girl about how she needs to give head in the parking lot like 'the other girls'.
when the other girls think you're a stuck up bitch for drinking grey goose and wearing victoria's secret, instead of bikinis from walmart.
when the bar doesn't HAVE top shelf booze except for Jack Daniels..... Smirnoff is the best vodka they have.
when no one gets dressed for work until the NASCAR race is over.
when "red bull" is actually mountain dew.
when people look at you funny cuz you don't have any kids, you're not pregnant, and you haven't just given birth.
when you're pretty sure that the former kitchen is now being used to cook meth.
I swear, can't make this shit up. I wish I could, but I can't. Not just in one club, it was several across michigan
And from the customers standpoint:
When the other customers get pissed off because you obviously are a high roller, for tipping $5 on stage.
When dances are $3 from a BBW.
When a customer gets pissed off cuz you paid $5 for the dance from the woman mentioned above.
when a girl hawks a loogy on her nipple to get the customer to give her a dollar (actually happened)
^^^
wow. just...... wow. amusing, and disturbing all at the same time.
that was a fun night
None of the bathrooms in the dressing room has locks on them
You cant find a a locker that will fit your lock because they are all so busted
When you can move the shelves of lockers
When there is a bucked right inside the front doors, behind some of the chairs on the floor, and on stage to collect water when it rains
When the pole is supposed to spin around but it moves when your holding on to it
When everyone is sitting around playing cards because there is literally no one in the club
When girls offer to have sex with the manager so they dont have to pay tip out
When there is blood on the toilet seat (saw this one tonight)
When homeless people try to sneak in for a free show
When the mirrors are completely cracked in the dressing room all the way across from a fight where a girl tried to throw a chair at another one
When none of the seats are bolted down to the chair frame and all the tables wobble
When the club is an old 2 story home
You have to walk around to collect quarters to play music for your set
VIP is 2 old lazy boy recliners that feel like they're going to give out at any time
Smoke comes billowing out of the dressing room every time you open the door(mostly pot but sometimes super funky smoke)
You have to sell fake drinks for $5 $10 or $15 and it's mostly ice or juice
Hear girls yelling out across the room..if they got their drugs etc.
Stage feels like it will break at any moment
The manager lives "upstairs"
Fun names like The Dungeon
Drugs are done on the bar
Girls pass out and pee on themselves(and it's the norm)
OMG, people please tell me where these clubs are.
...the only person "makin' it rain" on stage is God through the hole in the ceiling
...the place runs out of Bud Lite on a saturday night because the beer delivery guy won't take a check 'cause the last one bounced (and customers leave because of this)
...a dude offered to pay me with a food stamp
...the customer restroom floods every night because the place won't get it fixed (these guys would keep pissing into a backed up toilet and eventually there'd be a piss river leaking out from under the door)
...the biggest response of the night is when some chick dances to that "redneck woman" song
All of the above and:
-The club used to be a restraunt, and still LOOKS/SMELLS like one including booths with that vinyl that sticks to your ass!
-The pole spins and it SHOULDN'T!
OMG that reminds me.... I got tipped in game meat once! Elk to be exact!
I wasn't working at a "dive" really,...well at least not most people's definition of one. No clubs here in Tucson are really that great.....they are all dives compared to other places IMO.
The guy was really cool, mostly a bar fly but got dances from certain girls. He hunted Elk somewhere, I can't remember where he told me.
He brought the meat in for me when I was not there one day, and they kept it in the freezer for me. Good eatin!
i forgot one: the prodigious use of duct tape. To fix broken chairs/tables, to cover holes punched in walls, taped over a crack in a dressing room mirror like a band aid, holding up a 'please flush the toilet' sign. One time my shoe broke and lo and behold, someone offered me duct tape.
hahahah how much time do you have?
i got most of these quotes from little dive bars in flint, michigan, or surrounding/northern areas. my dad knows i dance, and so do his friends.... they think it's quite amusing to tell me these little tidbits, and listen to me bitch about it.
one of his friends literally told me, "You JUST wear victoria's secret? like, no bikinis from walmart?"
I replied, "No, I get my bikinis from Target"
Him: "Damn Mikey, your girl is high class!"
My dad nearly pissed his pants. ;D he's very good natured about it all.
The bartender wears house slippers at work.
The pool table is littered with several different species of dead bugs.
The "dressing room" is a storage room with a couple cheap mirrors tossed in.
You ask the bartender if they have Belvedere, and his response is: "WTF is that?!"
The dancers play their own music on the CD player. DJ?
Pest control is done by the cat who lives in the club.
The dancers buy their own hasps and hinges to repair the club's wooden lockers themselves.
The lap dance couches are all old school bus benches. And they're not bolted down.
The "main attraction" dancer lives in a camper parked permanently behind the club, situated so she can walk out the back door and go straight into her camper. She calls it her "dressing room".
You get splinters in your ass from the stage.
I could think of more, but I'm tired. ha