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i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
I guess for most men they dont only come in to watch or get dances but they come in to vent or tell their life story i didnt know this was in the job description i swear i go home some nights more emotionally tired than i am physically from just listening to all there problems and how their lives suck...
i mean i dont mind if they are getting dances or throwing me some money for my time or if its a cool person to talk to with good conversation... but i seem to recently be getting the type of customer that brings suchs a negative vibe i can go from being bubbly laaughing joking having a good time to just wanting to go the hell home after talking to them
whats up with that
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Yeah, it sucks...but try to see it from their perspective. If you had/have a boyfriend, I'm pretty sure you'd whine to your girl friends about him if he did things you didn't like.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Try to bring up a more cheery topic. Ask him what kind of music he likes, if he has any funny jokes to tell, etc.. Don't get too involved and try to keep it light once they bring up a dreary topic.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Sorry, but that's pretty much the way it's always been. We're being paid to be the woman they always wanted - including listening to them without complaining about our own problems.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
IMO, This can go one of two ways, I used to have a regular that was going through a NASTY divorce and would come in to see me 2x a week and buy at least 1 hour VIP plus a body every time, although sometimes he would stay 2 or even 3 hours! I did kind of become friends with him and we would actually talk about things. He would give me huge tips so his wife couldn't get the money.
Sometimes though, if a guy is being a total buzz kill, I flat out tell them that they're at the club to have fun so to forget about it for now, and usually use that as a spring board to get them in the back.
Let them vent for a minute or two and get some of it off their chest but do your best to turn it into a chance for you to make money.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
"I thought I was a dancer not a therapist."
Wrong! ;)
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
I had a regular who'd come in only for advice/counselor. He tipped well ($200 or more an hour) just for me to sit and listen to his problems. I liked him because he had no interests in dances, or taking me home. He even told me he liked me because I listened to him whereas the other dancers didn't.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Just listen, and remember-it's not your problem.
They just want someone who will listen, b/c their real girls or friends probably tell them to shut up. If they keep going on, and are not paying, suggest taking it somewhere a little quieter, like a VIP/Champagne/Private Booth or something. At least try and get some money out of it. That's what I always did, and it worked for me even if they didn't bite-they would get a dance, or I wouldn't have to listen to them anymore! :p
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Always listening to negativity can definately be draining. Some people have tough shells, others are strongly affected by negative conversations. I really enjoyed doing bachelor parties because there is no time for that kind of personal conversation. You are booked for an hour, and mostly it is about giving as many lap dances as possible during that hour.
It is a nice mental break from the slower pace of the club.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Stripper Hacks
"I thought I was a dancer not a therapist."
Wrong! ;)
Yep.. But it's part of the job I enjoy. Clearly, im not a real therapist, but I enjoy getting paid (more then some therapists too, I might add) for just talking to/comforting these guys and giving them an outside perspective on their lives.. and in my experience these men are so much more appreciative than the horndogs anyway, which is a bonus. Many have sexless marriages and just want a woman's perspective and tips on how to try and change it...
If you are not being paid, move on! Even so, if they are just a negative ball of mess and you can't deal with it and they are affecting your emotions too much, move on.
As a dancer, we spend all our energy on others, and their energy affects us. Sometimes you just have to take a moment and focus on other things, b/c it's hard not to let the environment run you down mentally.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
i guess a dancer does fall into the therapist category i never really thought about it from that perspective that men do come in there for a release and to get away from whatever is going on in their "real world"
i just find i have a hard time focusing when im not into the conversation for example last night this customer was going on and on about anime characters and i know nothing about it i was just shaking my head smiling and giggling alot trying to act like i was into it untill i realized he asked me a question i was like wait what?
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
I'd definately suggest trying to get a champagne room so he can have someplace quieter to talk and vent.... If he doesn't want that, then you can always try for some dances to cheer him up.
Listen to him vent in the champagne room, otherwise always try to switch to the 'well, you came in here to cheer up, right?' thing.... And if you get a champagne room, and he gets everything off his chest.... Offer a second hour, so now he can enjoy himself and relax a bit!
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
i think guys like to talk about themselves not their problems...
i used to ask guys what kind of work they did but i dont do that anymore unless they sound like they want to talk about it ("im just in town for business" "i work around the area" "just de-stressing after a long day.") plus nothing kills a mood for a dance like a "what kind of work do you do?" "uhm, im unemployed right now.."
i try to bring up lighter topics, like what they do in their free time or what they did earlier that evening or something... if a guy wants to vent about his horrible life ill let him but i usually try and steer the conversation in a more lighthearted or sexual direction, after all guys come to strip clubs to try and forget their problems!
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
When women bitch we want comfort, when men bitch, they generally want a solution. Best way to shut them up is to give them a solution. If you give them a good eanouph solution, they will come back for more, and bring more money.
Congratulations, your good eanouph at what you do that they think you are a friend. Be that friend, and you'll have a regular that you can stretch on for YEARS.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Christyismyalias
Yep.. But it's part of the job I enjoy. Clearly, im not a real therapist, but I enjoy getting paid (more then some therapists too, I might add) for just talking to/comforting these guys and giving them an outside perspective on their lives.. and in my experience these men are so much more appreciative than the horndogs anyway, which is a bonus. Many have sexless marriages and just want a woman's perspective and tips on how to try and change it...
If you are not being paid, move on! Even so, if they are just a negative ball of mess and you can't deal with it and they are affecting your emotions too much, move on.
As a dancer, we spend all our energy on others, and their energy affects us. Sometimes you just have to take a moment and focus on other things, b/c it's hard not to let the environment run you down mentally.
This is me too, and im a therapist to alot of my friends in real life too.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Um, I read the title, didn't read the post- but yeah, being a therapist IS part of the job.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
LOL!
When I first started seeing my psychiatrist, he asked me what I did for a living in the first session. I replied, "Same thing you do, sit on a couch, listen to people's problems...except I wear a gown and a rhinestone choker and charge twice as much."
You will make MORE money keeping your clothes on and listening than you will doing lapdances.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
^^ cute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
blueyedmiss18
i mean i dont mind if they are getting dances or throwing me some money for my time
OP, I can't tell from your post. Are you saying these guys are using your time and venting without paying you or getting dances?
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
britneyireland
You will make MORE money keeping your clothes on and listening than you will doing lapdances.
I dont understand this... I wish I could do this and make $ but it seems like the only way make money is by doing lapdances, otherwise I'm just sitting there letting them waste my time... :-\
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
audrey_k
I dont understand this... I wish I could do this and make $ but it seems like the only way make money is by doing lapdances, otherwise I'm just sitting there letting them waste my time... :-\
I takes experience to discern the Red personality who has no problem paying the hourly VIP rate to talk to his topless shrink. Once you find them, you only need one or two to make your YEAR!
Once you feel like they are wasting your time, use a targeted statement to call him to action like, "Gosh, I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to invest in VIP where it's quieter?" If he is a TimeWaster he will not directly answer your question. If he is a Limited Buyer, he will realize that his free time limit is up and he needs to feed the meter.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
britneyireland
I takes experience to discern the Red personality who has no problem paying the hourly VIP rate to talk to his topless shrink. Once you find them, you only need one or two to make your YEAR!
Once you feel like they are wasting your time, use a targeted statement to call him to action like, "Gosh, I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to invest in VIP where it's quieter?" If he is a TimeWaster he will not directly answer your question. If he is a Limited Buyer, he will realize that his free time limit is up and he needs to feed the meter.
if the guy puts you off... "maybe, lets wait a little while" or some other lame line, would you move on or continue to try and sell the vip? if the club is kind of empty, how would you convince him your time is limited?
and if moving on, how do you exit gracefully without it looking like "all she cared about was the money" (obviously yes that is what it's about, it is a job!) or interrupting his long rant about some hardship in his life?
sorry to ask you so many questions! you just seem to know everything haha... i ordered dancerwealth today and watched the first couple videos so here's to hoping my hustle improves :)
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JRdancer
^^ cute.
OP, I can't tell from your post. Are you saying these guys are using your time and venting without paying you or getting dances?
yes it was like they come in expecting a friend or a girlfriend like they are in a regular club they want your time your ear and dances for free becuase they think " i want to be there friend"
wich i kindly explain this is a job im working
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
audrey_k,
it ALL comes down to supply and demand.
Guys know they can get 2 or 3 "free songs worth" of conversation out of every girl in the club when it's dead. This is just part of the sales game: your role is to evaluate his personality type and choose the first Hot Button to push. Is he a regualar of the club? What are his prior buying habits-is he the type who really doesn't want dances and just wants to talk to someone? The easiest hourly VIP clients are the ones who want to talk about their wife, their divorce, their life, etc. Or is he Limited Buyer clutching his wallet for the right one.
If the club is slow, and there is no one else there and he says "maybe later" then I would stay there, continue the conversation and try pushing a different Hot Button...and two songs later ask again. After the second no I would re-evaluate the room, is there someone else? If not, make a joke about it and say "are you always this hard to get?"
Redirect the communication and BE IN CHARGE OF THE CONVERSATION. If you are allowing him to blab your ear off about topics that aren't related to dances or vip then you are not doing your job properly! By this time you have pushed two Hot Buttons. Ask him about his previous buying habits, do you usually get dances, what kind of dances do you like, slow and sensual or hot and electrifying...
If they actually SAY "all you care about is the money" then it is a CLEAR signal that he is a limited buyer or a time waster. Always respond with humor. If they say it with the first "no" respond with "Yeah...but can you imagine what strippers would look like if it paid minimum wage...." he'll kinda look blankly back at you...."take a trip to walmart and look at the cashiers" If he says it after the second or third no say, "My shrink charges me a heck of a lot more than $20 for all that therapy...and he doesn't even take his top off when I sit on his couch!"
Our SuperStripper Summer Secrets includes 9 weeks of FREE audio tracks that you can download at the blog or on iTunes that will help you build your conversation towards a close. We are releasing one track a week so you can focus on the easier skills first to build your foundation and then add the more complex skills later. You can load these onto your iPod or iPhone and listen on the way to work.
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Re: i thought i was a dancer not a therapist
I have had experience with this where my regular was CRAZY.. He had a paranoid disorder. He would come into my clubs almost every night and the girls would all run from him. One night when I wasn't busy I decided to talk to him to see if he really was crazy.
He talked my ear off about FBI and them planting cameras in his lightbulb. I took a gamble and told him I wanted to hear all about it but it would be better to talk in private in the VIP so no one would hear. After that night 3 times a week he would come in and do at least 3 hrs in the VIP and scare the hell out of me. Everytime I tried to rationlize or give him advice he would get very angry and paranoid about me. After that summer I passed him along to my girlfriend until he stopped coming in.
I say always steer these talkers to the VIP where they can talk more or LD room.