Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
This is partly for me to vent and partly hoping that you ladies will have some good advice for me. Im sorry its long.
Ive been at my current club for about 3 months, and for the most part ive been doing well. However, my club has this very tightknit clique. They completely mix their business and personal lives, which i am unwilling to do. They hang out together outside the club, inside the club, know eachothers personal business etc. Not only are they a clique, but they all talk behind eachothers backs. This clique includes several of the dancers, a few waitresses, and the housemom. I typically keep to myself and hustle alone and want no part of this situation... nor do i have the time to be part of it if i want to be.
So this all seems good, but its become apparent over the past month that a lot of money gets passed over me if I am not part of this stupid clique. They work together and will step on peoples toes who are not in their stupid social circle... and nothing can really be done about it (as far as i can tell). Ill explain the specific situation that happened yesterday... hopefully you girls can tell me how to handle this.
Yesterday, a customer came in who had previously spent a lot of money on me before. The first time he spent money on me, one of the cocktail waitresses was actively trying to steal him from me. She used to be a dancer and has been at hte club for a long time. She has the alpha female personality type and seems to think she runs the place. The first time i was talking to him she would proceed to sit in his chair or his lap and flirt with him while i was talking to him (its against the rule at my club for dancers to sit in customers laps.... also against the rules for waitresses to do so). She kept trying to take him away from me, but i made my sale anyway. He kept renewing time with me in teh VIP rooms until his buddies said he had to go. At the end of the night i grudgingly but politely tipped the waitress saying 'thankyou for helping me make that sale.'
Yesterday, this guy comes back in and i go over to talk to him. Then, like 2 min into our conversation, another dancer comes up and says "(cocktail waitress) wants you over at the waitress station) and drags him away. I sit their dumbfounded for a minute then go on stage... by the time i get off stage the customer has returned to his seat and has the girl who dragged him away sitting next to him... he spends money on her for the whole night.
I am very frustrated by this. First off, no customer should ever be needed at the waitress station,... thats fucking ridiculous. Second off, its not the first time shit like this has happened. The girls in this stupid clique very subtly step on other girls toes... and since some of management is part of it, it is 'ok'. I make decent money by myself, but once this stupid cocktail waitress notices a big money customer, she somehow gets her hold on him and controls which girls he talks to. I know they are tipping her and stuff, but the times i get help from other staff I do too. Ive always been courteous and polite, but dealing with gossipy cliques has never been my forte. I feel like this girl is a waitress.... and should have no real control over anything. If she wants to have regulars still, then she should be a fucking dancer.
Has anyone experienced this? At my old clubs nobody really stepped on my toes, but there werent cliques that controlled everything like in this club. Also, the cocktail waitresses understood that their place was as a cocktail waitress, not as management or dancer.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Wow, that's major bullshit. If it were just one girl, I'd say confront her, but with a clique it's harder.... Maybe you should ask her why she does things like that? Explain that you'd be willing to work with her, and try to get her more tips from your customers, but that you can only do that if she stops trying to set other girls up with your customers. Also explain that you have NO problem tipping her for when she hooks you up, rather than dragging other girls in. Also say how unneccesary it was for her to tell a customer to talk to her at the waitress station.
I really hate to say it, but it sounds like you're going to have to start playing her little game a little bit if you want her to stop being shitty. Also remember that karma's a bitch, so you don't need to be.... I wish that you could go to management, but if they're part of it.... Yeah, that really sucks. If she really starts fucking with your money, I'd suggest changing clubs, but I'd try to work with her a little bit first....
It's very hard for me to say that, because I know if I were in your shoes, I'd want to punch her in the face repeatedly, but it's not gonna solve anything. You're also going to want to watch exactly how you handle the situation, be very delicate - this group sounds like it will have no problem turning on you in a second, ruining your money and reputation.
I really really hope that you're able to find some sort of a solution to this.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
divide, concur, and pay attention to small details. I divided a clique once by paying attention, they made it easy. I saw one take a man into the restroom, so I got a bouncer to check the place out so I could go pee(he thought I was drunk). Bitch was caught with a dick in her mouth. Boy did that cause some drama. I was able to clean up in the house for weeks because they (the rest of the clique) were so busy fighting.
Let the clique think they have you under their thumb, then you make the rules, and decide when to not be under the thumb.
If something like that happens again say I thought you came here to relax, your running after the waitress? It will automatically trigger him to wish to be the man, the taken care of, and you need to show him u can take care of him best. Also, you could have gone with him... You can also talk for him to a degree...(Thats good, he had such a good time with me and her last time he wants her to be our waitress again)
I'd keep your outfits under lock and key, and in ziplock baggies from now on as well.
Then again, mabe you've been stepping on their toes and don't realise it, because at three mo's you are still relatively new to the club. I'd give it 2 more mounths to establish yourself , then recap.
Remember to not hate the player, hate the game. If you could steel away hours in the vip that easily wouldn't you have to? next time don't make it so easy.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
i wish i was sneaky enough to underhandedly break apart the clique, but im really not. That and the management looks the other way on a lot of things they shouldnt (i.e. sucking dick in the private rooms).
i dont know how well reasoning wiht the waitress will work, shes in and out of anger management courses and whenever people critisize her she blows up. Maybe letting her know in clear words that i am willing to tip her if she helps me out will work. I will have to try that.
im pretty sure im not stepping on peoples toes. one time i accidently did and i apologized to the girl immediately. Going up to a customer who does not have a girl or a drink by him and who has already spent money on me is completely within my rights. As for stepping on the waitresses toes, i am of the opinion that waitresses dont have the same claim to customers that dancers do. They arent allowed to sit with them unless they are doing shots (this waitress seems to be above this rule though) and we arent competeing for the same thing. The waitresses are completely welcome to sell shots and drinks to my customers, and i will encourage the customers to tip them well. However, actively trying to get the customers attention away from me and sitting in their lap to do so (especially since this is against club rules for both dancers and waitresses) is out of line IMO. I dont suddenly grab the customers while she is selling drinks and encourage them to buy drinks from a different waitress, because that would be inappropriate. We have separate products for sale; they shouldnt be competing.
Thanks for listening and advice.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Now keep in mind what I am about to say is pretty bitchy (but I would do it) it may or not be for you. Infiltrate their stupid clique. Pretend to be friends with them. I'm not saying invite them to a bbq at your Mom's house but maybe tell them you found a new tanning salon/ nail salon/ costume store and invite them to meet you there, or go out for one drink after work with them once in a while. Even if you can't stand them, fake it. They probably can't stand each other either anyway! And, this type of thing happens in corporate America all the time (Sat. tee time w/ the boss for fun... drinks at Happy Hour where no business is discussed). Even if they are all wretched hags, if you anticipate staying at that club (which I assume you do), develop a professional relationship with them, you don't have to be best buds.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
yea i understand. I considered doing that but I also have a day job wiht at least 30 hrs a week on top of stripping, so at this point my time is pretty tight, Sunday is typically my only day where i have no day job or dancing... and usually im passed the fuck out for the entire time. If i do have a night to actually go out, I try to spend it with my real friends... its a much needed mental break . I kind of tried to make buddies with them a bit and I invited them to my housewarming party a while back, but most didnt show up. Going shopping with them sounds like a good idea... I think i will try that.
Im also a bit socially retarded with women. I used to have no people skills period, but at this point I have awesome people skills with men and I do ok with the women in the academic world. I guess since Ive been planning on going into the math field, Ive been prepared for a long time to deal with a 'man's world,' and im pretty set with it. Now when i have to move up some sort of social chain with only women, im completely lost. This might sound pretty stupid, but since coming to this city 3 yrs ago ive really only had like 2 close female friends. So the social dynamics involved in girl world sometimes baffle me a bit. needless to say, i was not the 'popular' girl in high school. I had plenty of friends, but my group of friends didnt have the stereotypical female dynamic. I swear to god, working at a SC sometimes makes me feel like I am in High school again :(.
But you are right.... I should try to put more effort into becoming part of their circle. If that fails, i always have my hustlin skills at least.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Kudos for being a female mathematician! I'm very smart and suck at math (My mother is a CFO So I don't know why!). And yes, working in a SC is just like High School!!! Esp. with all the catfights and the lockers LOL. Unfortunately a lot of girls are stuck in HS menatlly, even into their 40's.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
I have encountered a very similar scenario, and it SUCKS. In my case, though, the female manager was the ringleader of the clique. It became very obvious to me that the girls she favored were the ones she did coke with. In fact, everyone in the "inner circle" at the club did coke with the manager. These were the girls she would hook up with high rollers. Everyone else, she would f-- with. She was in on it; the house mom was, the waitresses were... it was awful.
One of my friends at that club was the sweetest thing and made bank, and they basically drove her out. When I realized I'd have to start doing coke with the manager to penetrate the clique, I gave up on that club. It was dead anyway (probably due to poor management). And besides, I work hard enough hustling customers. I don't want to have to hustle other dancers to get them to like me just so I can make money!
So, sorry I can't offer better advice. I mean, maybe you can work and penetrate the clique or break it up. But it might be more hassle than it's worth, and there might be something more than friendship holding it together.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Aww sweetie that sucks. Know that with the economy playing out the way it is people are going to be very scandalous when it comes to making money.
All I can say what I would have done (if I were quick enough to do so or think of it) is to tell the other dancer firmly "We're not done talking. Could you come back when we're finishes?" Then ask custy did you forget your CC/wallet/ID or something?" Then be extra helpful and say "Oh I'll take you up to the waitress station thats is kind of odd."
Somewhere along those lines. Stay on top of your game and you wont have to worry about theirs. :)
Being new also they think they can get away with being shitty.
Good luck if a similar situation comes up. And what Susie2 said - take them out one at a time. Don't go out of your way but do it when you have the opportunity. More than likely the managers are looking to get rid of some dancers but don't know how. This can be helpful to them.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Quote:
Originally Posted by
susie2
Let the clique think they have you under their thumb, then you make the rules, and decide when to not be under the thumb.
Exactly. This is all a power struggle. The key is to appear to play the game, while maximizing the results you get.
I really hate to say this, but I mentioned it above - if you want to get in on this money, you're going to have to play the petty little game a bit. I'd say infiltrate the group, and then gain the confidence of the ringleader. If they're that catty, and are constantly talking shit, then this shouldn't take too long.
Step 1: Damage control, and the defensive: Go talk to the ringleader, and tell her you got off on the wrong foot, she just caught you on a bad day that one time. Then mention that you LOVE to hook people up who take care of you - 20% gets mouths watering, normally. If she bites.... small talk for a bit, about how YOU can make HER money. Let it be for a bit, all small talk, all casual. I'd suggest trying to keep it that way for a month - keep trying to fish, and don't be afraid to palm some cash occassionally and ask if she has any leads - if she does, and hooks you up, progress to step 2 below. If not, then ignore it, and maybe move on.
Step 2: The offensive. Mention casually how someone said something catty - make sure this is TRUE, and it's better if someone was there that agreed with the catty girl. Tell her you really don't want to cause drama, but that you think she should know, since you think it was major BS that they were saying that, aren't they her friends? Mention you wanted to say something to them, but you didn't want to cause drama, so you'd rather just come to her about it, and please please don't name names when she takes care of it. Make it clear you would NEVER say anything like that, and ask if she maybe wants to have a drink with you? Mention you're super busy, but it'd be nice to get out with 'one of the girls'.... She will want to have some kind of confidence from you, so she feels like she controls the situation. Make her think she has it.
I really really hate saying that. I do. However, it sounds like if you want to make bank at this club, you're going to have to play the game. This game is going to have drama. Lots of it. I honestly think you should try step 1, and if things don't get better, switch clubs. View step 2 as a last resort - it WILL cause a lot of drama, and news will get back to customers.... However, you can always just sigh and say, 'It's really unfortunate that she'd say something like that about me, especially since I've always done my best to be professional with everyone.... Maybe she's just having a bad day.' That helps to neutralize it pretty quickly, because let's face it - everyone has bad days, and can empathize.
I really wish I had something useful to say, but this situation really sucks, and I can only give the best advice that I think of. I really really hope you can at least divert the cattiness away from yourself.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Athenathefabulous
Im also a bit socially retarded with women. I used to have no people skills period, but at this point I have awesome people skills with men and I do ok with the women in the academic world. I guess since Ive been planning on going into the math field, Ive been prepared for a long time to deal with a 'man's world,' and im pretty set with it. Now when i have to move up some sort of social chain with only women, im completely lost. This might sound pretty stupid, but since coming to this city 3 yrs ago ive really only had like 2 close female friends. So the social dynamics involved in girl world sometimes baffle me a bit. needless to say, i was not the 'popular' girl in high school. I had plenty of friends, but my group of friends didnt have the stereotypical female dynamic.
You don't sound socially retarded. You just sound like a kindred spirit to me. Women are WEIRD, let's face it... I'm not hatin', but we are. I have very few women friends, and they are few and far between.
lol maybe we need to find some self help books to help us out, man
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Do you guys do doubles in America? One club I was at had a bitchy clique, they never gave me any hassle. but just the same, I was wise enough to always go and grab one of them when a customer asked for a dance off two dancers at once.
It totally paid off.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
Well I'm not completely on the wrong foot with them... I am just not a member of their clique and therefore they think its ok to overstep their bounds.
The waitress got what she deserved for fucking me over. She came in to the DR yesterday to bitch that she made the girl who dragged the customer away from me 600$ and was not tipped a dime. I even tipped her the previous time she was dealing with the customer while i was when she was actively trying to steal him away. I didnt tip her much, but i wasnt thrilled to give any part of my earnings to someone who spent the past 2 hours trying to make sure i didnt make money. So she will no longer hook up that dancer. That and that same dancer pissed off the housemom by sitting on her husbands lap in a very dirty fashion. The housemom walked onto the floor and saw her sitting on her hubbies lap with her 'twat on his dick' or something to that effect.
I am going to ask if she can hook me up next week. 20% of what i make is the reasonable amount to tip? Since I have always worked alone, i wasnt sure. I usually throw the floor guys about 25% when they help me upsale though and 10% when they give me prompt service... but they have always been nice to me and have never tried to steal away a customer. That and they double as security and they have looked out for me when i requested.
I did the double thing once and it completely backfired. A customer came in and his fantasy was to fulfill my fantasy of dancing with two other naked girls. One of the two girls i brought upstairs (where the private vip rooms are in my club) with us was in the clique. After this, she decided she had claim to the customer. Last week a new girl was sitting by him and he waved me over and was going to by double dances from us. Then she came over and started crowding him so he got up for a smoke break, and she lectured me and the new girl about how we were over crowding him. Then she grabbed him away and started dancing for him.
I think im going to have to start saying something when these girls step on my toes. My philosophy before was dont bring it up in front of the customer, but i also had never really had people sit with my customers while i was there before. I guess a firm and cold while polite "we are in the middle of something" is the best way to handle it in a classy fashion while getting the point across.
Re: Stupid cocktail waitresses and cliques
You have an excellent plan in place. The one I suggested to you was sort of a last resort deal....
I'd suggest you start with 20%.... you can always go up, but you can't go back down. You also might want to toss her a little something to start the night with, and then let her know about how you'd love to hook her up with that 20% if she might be willing to do the same for you.
I also agree that you should say something when these girls start to try to steal your customers, however I would suggest not saying it in a cold way.... More of a, "Sorry hon, but we're in the middle of something right now." Then do your best sickly sweet, go to hell smile. You look classy to the customer that way, and if she decides to be a brat about it, well she's just making herself look bad.
If any girl says that you and another girl were crowding a customer, and you were there before her.... Mention that the three of you had been perfectly comfortable together before she decided to join you. Then I'd suggest getting the guy from his smoke break, and walk back with him to the table, grab the first girl (who was sitting with you) and go have your fun.