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not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I worked my 5th shift last night and only sold three dances all night long. I bought Dancerwealth but I can't use any of the techniques because as soon as I walk into the door of the club I am paralyzed with fear and won't talk to anyone. I sit by the bar all night feeling like I have to throw up when I think about approaching people. I have no idea where this comes from because OTC I am very talkative. I'm not sure what it is about the situation that makes me so paralyzed with fear but I want to get over this so I can start making money, I'm just not sure how.
I havent paid the full house fee yet because I've barely been making it and last night my manager said "You're doing a little better and I don't want to have to let you go, but..." I know he's losing money on me since I haven't been making enough to pay house and he has been very gracious so far in letting me keep most of the small amount I have been making.
I'm worried that he's going to end up getting rid of me before I can figure out how I can get over being so scared to approach people. I want to give it the two months everyone says to stick it out but I know he won't keep me around that long to learn the ropes. I want to get over standing at the bar and feeling sick all night too :'(
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Don't just sit or stand at the bar. Management REALLY notices that much more than just not selling dances. The about to throw up feeling will only get better once you make yourself get up and start approaching guys. After a few nights of hustling while trying to hide the panic, it will go away.
If you absolutely can't force yourself to approach anyone, then this may not be for you. There is no shame in not being comfortable with stripping or hustling.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Maybe you could try being a waitress for awhile to get used to the club and talking to custies.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
^thats a good idea- something a little lower pressure. you know that old saying:
what's the difference between a waitress and a stripper?
2 weeks
on the other hand, if you can't make yourself interact with the custies, this might not be the job for you
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
You really just have to GET OVER IT.
I dont think theres any better advice than what you already have got in all the other threads you've made about this.
I dont mean to come accross as mean but youre lucky your manager is so nice!
You dont have anything to lose by getting up and trying.. wheras by sitting at the bar doing nothing you have money and a job to lose.
Theres absoloutly nothing stopping you apart from yourself so you really cant complain. Suck it up or quit. Sorry.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Think of it this way: If you ask for a dance, what's the worst that he can say? No. WHO THE HELL CARES. For every one guy who says no, at least two will say yes.
And remember: when they say no, it often isn't personal. Maybe he likes blondes, big boobs, short chicks, redheads, whatever. Everyone has their own personal fantasy girl and you can't expect to be it for 100%.
Also, they are more afraid of you than you are of them, so don't let those fools scare you.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I absolutely agree with everyone above. Stripping is a sales job, and you have to get over the fear of talking to people before you can flourish. Saph123456 is right about cocktailing, most waitresses turn into entertainers once they are comfortable in the environment.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Either just do it - or find another job. That's all it comes down to.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
princessjas
Don't just sit or stand at the bar. Management REALLY notices that much more than just not selling dances. .
Yup!
glitterhips, at the very least, get away from the bar and get in the habit of TALKING... find a guy who's wearing something you like (like a band t-shirt), drinking a beer you enjoy, or has something about him you can point out and strike up a conversation about. Compliments and shared experiences are great ice breakers. "Oh hey there, cool lip ring! Did you get it done at such-and-such place? They do nice tattoo work there too....*pull up a chair and continue conversation" " Or "hey I noticed you're wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt, did you hear they're back on tour??" or "ah, Guinness, you're a man of good taste *smile* though I'm more into a nice Belgian wheat ale myself..... *again, sit down and continue convo*" You know, just SOMETHING to help you get over your fears.
When you've spoken a little while start directing the conversation to dancing/the club. I know it can be hard to find things to say, a graceful way to take control the conversation, and the nerve to even go up to people and start talking. I've found that the more i sit by myself staring at my next potential customer and trying to formulate in my head what to say, the more i psyche myself out and get nervous when i finally do go up to him/them. Hell I was terrified to go up to people as a stripclub WAITRESS when I worked as one at age 19 (and customers WANT waitresses to continually approach them!), so i can relate.
Even if you sit there for a while making chit-chat and don't sell a dance, at least it looks to your boss like you are genuinely trying.
You might also wanna bring enough $$ with you to work every day to pay your house fee, so you don't get fired
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
saphire123456
if you can't make yourself interact with the custies, this might not be the job for you
agreed.
I'm not sure why girls who make no money and feel miserable the whole time keep trying to 'make it' as a stripper. The point of going to work is to make money; if you've never made enough to pay your full house fee, then that really defeats the whole point of going to work.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but if it's not working it's not working. Talking to customers is the main function of your job. In any other line of work, if you can't do what's required, you don't get (or keep) the job.
Maybe I'm wrong in your case. Maybe you do just need a bit of time and you'll calm down and start making money. But if not, you don't have to be a dancer. Even "in this economy" (God I hate that phrase ::) ) there are other jobs to be had. There's no shame in realizing that it's not for you.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
i really suck at talking to people too, but i force myself to make stupid small talk like hi how ya doing what are u up to tonight? are u having a good time? where do u live, and sometimes some of them are actually talkative making my life easier. but the way i sell dances and vip is really by luck by guys who have asian fetishes will come up to me requesting my time. my hustling sucks real bad.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Sometimes when approaching guys I imagined they were celebs or someone else. Plus, don't approach them as yourself, approach them as your dancer persona. Sounds bizarre I know, but it helps if they reject you. After all, the worst they can do is say no. If they say yes, imagine they are someone you are attracted too. Oddly, this all helped me deal with both rejection and acceptance.
If you are sitting around and afraid to chat with guys, dancing in clubs isn't for you. Doesn't mean you can't work in the adult entertainment field. Maybe you'd be better doing bachelor parties, or modeling/videos etc. Maybe none of it is for you. I had a friend who really wanted to dance but hated to approach guys. She hated my ideas for approaching guys and she was very uncomfortable onstage. She had to finally admit this industry wasn't for her.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
The problem ur manager has now is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING!!! TRY to approach customers and ask for a dance. As of now you arent putting in any effort at all, and that is why he will fire you.
Unless the club gets a percentage of all of your dancers, management usually doesnt care how many dances you do sell, and won't fire you if you have a bad week. If your club does take a % of every dance I would def fire dancers who make no effort to sell dances. It is on you to make money.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I think that a lot of the girls have given you advice so I don't have much to add except don't ever feel like they are "losing" money on you. They wouldn't have a business if you weren't there.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I think you should waitress until you get some confidence and move on from there.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Maybe find a club in your area with no or very low stage fees to get over the anxiety. I was awful (as bad as you, easily) when I had just started dancing. I wanted the money so badly and I was good at looking sexy on stage but I was awful at hustling for anything. A high-volume, high hustle club with big tip-outs/stage fees was just not an option. I could not compete. I worked day shifts (typically no stage fees) and very small bars/ juice bars (low fees/more private shows) for months before I was ready for more intense shifts.
After seven years, I'm obviously on top of my game but even still, I get so nervous my first shift at any new bar. I've opted out of a few scenarios in clubs where the competition seems too intense (happens a lot dropping into clubs in LA). I'll take my day-shift money and keep my piece-of-mind, thanks. Just find an environment where you can pace yourself if this is really what you want to learn to do. It is a skill-set that can take a very long time to develop and no DancerWealth technique tape is going to teach you overnight how to re-shape your entire persona. That's something you have to do yourself.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
so have u been able to sell dances yet?
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
It sounds like you have some serious anxiety issues. I would talk to a therapist about it if this keeps up.
Of course, it could just be that this job isn't for you. If you've read DancerWealth and you're still freezing up, that indicates a bigger problem.
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
The more you approach guys, the less you're going to be scared. Trust me, I was TERRIFIED my first night, and still pretty nervous and scared for a few after.
Have you made friends with any girls at your club? There was a couple of girls my first night that had been dancing for a long time and they walked over with me to a few customers and sat for a bit to help get the conversation started.
If you have dancerwealth, go over the friendship hot button video. Everytime I hit an awkward point in a conversation, I just go back over the topics and use one of them.
Management will fire you if they don't feel like you're trying, but as long as they see you attempting to hustle I think you'll be OK. There have been nights I've hustled my ass off and jumped from customer to customer all night and barely made anything.. they've seen and helped me out with fees. If they see you trying and fire you anyway, maybe try a smaller or less upscale club?
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I have the same problem. It's a really sickening feeling but it goes away fast if you just force yourself to talk to someone. After that it goes away. You know it's almost exactly like getting used to the water in a pool. You can just sit there and think about it forever and make yourself nervous, but you just have to force yourself to jump in. You'll be fine after you just get in!
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
try my approach - whenever i go out on the floor, all i see is the dollar signs on their foreheads
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Thursday night was better as far as approaching people because I got 4 dances right away and I was feeling great...then suddenly the crowd changed and it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to talk to me let alone buy a dance. But I did actually approach everyone in the room and I had the second most dances I've had in a night, I know 4 is still not great but I forced myself to go talk to people and I hadn't had a shift where I had talked to everyone in the club so it was a breakthrough even though I barely made house.
I am thinking about changing clubs though, just while I learn to hustle, since our house fee is quite high and we have no day shift where I can learn at my own pace. There's a club near me that is closer to my house and has a $50 house fee (mine is $90 and $140 on weekends) no matter what night you work and I'm thinking that would be a better fit for me right now, and then I can go back to my home club after I get better at figuring this stuff out so they arent so frustrated with me.
I did end up leaving in a bad mood because my assistant manager told me I'm not trying hard enough since I only sold four dances but I literally went up to every person and wasn't getting a bite from anyone. He was paying more attention to my total dances than the number of customers I approached and I wasn't sitting at the bar alone all night like usual so I don't know. I got very upset that he said that to me since I was working the room the best I could but hopefully things get better. I work again tonight and my goal is 10 dances so hopefully I can make that happen...
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Hey, you sold some dances and spoke to everyone without freezing up- Thats progress! Well done you!
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
Vivianbear is right, it's NOT going to happen overnight. You are succeeding in your babysteps! AWESOME!
What ultimately needs to happen is you need to stop taking "no" personally, and to get yourself into the Zone regardless of what the crowd is like. So what if the crowd changed, that shouldn't ruin YOUR mood!
Kinda late notice, but our Monday webinar topic on Approach Avoidance. You can sign up on the blog for the live class (1pm Pacific) or watch the archive in the members section ;)
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Re: not selling dances...boss is firing me :(
I got to thinking a bit more as I was scripting a few chapters in DancerVictory.
There are two motivating forces in life: pain and pleasure. Most of us will do far more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure. Pain is the greater motivator in the short term.
To get what you want in life, you have to figure out what stops you. Whenever you procrastinate, it's because you think that taking action is more painful than doing nothing.
Therefore, in order to change your behavior you need to focus on
1. How NOT changing your behavior will be more painful than changing it
2. How changing your behavior will bring you measurable and immediate pleasure.
Basically, you are sabotaging your own success due to Approach Avoidance (this is an actual term, google it) If you truly want to change this, you must change what you link pain and pleasure to in order to change your behavior.
First, identify the pain you associate with approaching customers. Write it down. Look at it on paper. Does it look silly? (probably, things don't look so horrific when written on paper)
Second, identify the pleasure you have when you don't approach a customer. (I know it doesn't feel pleasurable at the end of the night when you don't have money) but write down how you feel when you "get out of" or "feel relieved" when another girl beats you to the guy you were afraid to approach.
Third, what is the pain if you don't follow through. We know that one: no money and maybe get fired.
Finally, what are the benefits you will gain by taking action?