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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
mediocrity
You really want to go down this road?
No. I just wish to see something sane coming from your post. It is not that unreasonable to expect. Thanks!
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
JayATee
I still have no idea why you or your threads are tolerated here.
- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further
Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?
I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further
Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?
I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?
...geeez, please stop patronizing the forum. You enjoy swimming against the tide as indicated by the volume of your confrontational posts. BTW, your story did not have any sharks with iron swords attached to their heads. Any chance for that?
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
Where do you see "cold" in my writing?
Reminds me of something a physics teacher once taught us. Cold is the lack of heat/energy, the natural state when everything is at rest, motionless, lifeless... that image stuck with me. You argued above that you felt it was not important to try and radiate any emotions in your writing... thus cold.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
.. I am satisfied with chapter one, two and four ...
You're satisfied with Chapter 1? Honestly, you should have put more work into improving Chapter 1 before even bothering to continue. For example, did you notice that your first and last paragraphs are inconsistent?
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
There is not a single author who is admired by everyone.
When you're not admired by ANYONE it's time to take the hint.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further
Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?
I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?
Don't make me laugh. This might be the funniest thing you've ever posted. Aside from this atrocious thing you are attempting to pass off as a "novel" about strippers and stripping.
P.S I haven't called you any names here... so don't get pissy just bc nobody else can stand you either.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
Your entire post was simply an account of wrong conjectures about Immaculate Love. Are you even trying to understand what is happening?
You are the one who has posted in customer conversation that it is about a dancer and a "PL"! You even told JayATee it features a goth stripper! Which is it?
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Chapter - Five is up.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to read the novel and enjoy it!
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mediocrity
You are the one who has posted in customer conversation that it is about a dancer and a "PL"! You even told JayATee it features a goth stripper! Which is it?
It seems like you are not following the storyline for some reason. Once I have few more chapters on the board, I will briefly summarize it for you. OK?
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
JayATee
... so don't get pissy just bc nobody else can stand you either.
That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
Meara was heading home from the divine well where she finished her evening prayers. She was a young girl trying to understand the turbulent time befallen on her Celtic tribe.
I find the following to be problematic. You're explaining too much in the form of narrative. It reads like dry facts from a dry history textbook. I don't want you to tell me so much as a narrator. Let what happens in the story -- the interaction of the characters and their thoughts and feelings -- tell me. The scene can be set by the narrator to set the tone, but set it and get out of the way. In reaction to the above excerpt and other passages like it, I feel cheated out of any empathy because I want to understand the character by her own revelations, not from the revelations of a narrator talking about her. I can empathize with the characters if you let them do the bulk of the story telling, rather than you telling so much of the story in your narrator voice.
-Eva
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
evan_essence
I find the following to be problematic. You're explaining too much in the form of narrative. It reads like dry facts from a dry history textbook. I don't want you to tell me so much as a narrator. Let what happens in the story -- the interaction of the characters and their thoughts and feelings -- tell me. The scene can be set by the narrator to set the tone, but set it and get out of the way. In reaction to the above excerpt and other passages like it, I feel cheated out of any empathy because I want to understand the character by her own revelations, not from the revelations of a narrator talking about her. I can empathize with the characters if you let them do the bulk of the story telling, rather than you telling so much of the story in your narrator voice.
-Eva
Thank you for the feedback! This is the kind of feedback I am looking for. You clearly identified a problem domain which needs to be addressed. I will try to follow your advise when writing the next chapter.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.
You're the one who seems to have your panties in a bunch over it. I frankly couldn't care less if no one likes you. ;D
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
JayATee
You're the one who seems to have your panties in a bunch over it. I frankly couldn't care less if no one likes you. ;D
I am glad you let it out of your chest. Praise the lord.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Cyril
Thank you for the feedback! This is the kind of feedback I am looking for. You clearly identified a problem domain which needs to be addressed. I will try to follow your advise when writing the next chapter.
This very similar criticism to what has already been provided.
Instead of continuing on to the next chapter, how about improving the first!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
Chapter - Five is up.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to read the novel and enjoy it!
Psst, since you're a fan of removing extra words, there's no need for the last three. As of this point, no one has. ;)
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
Hopper
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.
I think she has a crush on one of us; I am not sure which one of us though. :)
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Hopper
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.
I think she has a crush on one of us; I am not sure which one of us though.
Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
verfolgung
Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)
You are a defeatist and you try to pigeonhole others in your caliber.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
^^^ This means a lot coming from someone who routinely likes to comment on things he has no clue about.
http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthr...98#post1836398
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
It seems like you are not following the storyline for some reason. Once I have few more chapters on the board, I will briefly summarize it for you. OK?
You're evading the issue. You have SPECIFICALLY STATED (and I will find posts and quote 'em for backup) that this is a dancer and "PL" (<--disgusting term by the way) story.
And PS. Your storyline blows, no matter what you deem it to be about for the moment.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
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Originally Posted by
verfolgung
Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)
Oh Verf. You make the customer comments worth it.;D You rock.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.
No, it's kind of a fact. 99% of us dancers either find you to be a) disgusting or b) insufferable.
So much for you loving strippers because they certainly don't love you.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cyril
I am glad you let it out of your chest. Praise the lord.
For what? No one liking you? Ok... praise the lord no one likes you.
Umm... but what exactly did I "let out of my chest"? LoL.
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Re: Novel: Immaculate Love
^If you are really annoyed of offended by him, you can just put him on ignore. Live and let live. You and mediocrity sound like you enjoy the conflict. You talk to him a lot for someone you can't stand.