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Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
Call me a nerd, whatever. Just don't hassle me for watching Deep Space 9. Now, my favorite characters in Star Trek were definately the Ferengi... mostly because they lived by the rules of capitalism, most of which they developed into numbered mantras (with many numbers missing, sadly). These are all of the recorded sayings, courtesy of , which I've edited to be relevant to stripping. I left out the non-canon sayings, except for one. Go see for yourself why. Ok, here we go, my favs are in bold:
1 Once you have their money, you never give it back.
3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7 Keep your ears open.
9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10 Greed is eternal.
16 A deal is a deal.
17 A contract is a contract is a contract . . . but only between [fellow men].
18 A [businessman] without profit is no [businessman] at all.
21 Never place friendship above profit.
22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23 Nothing is more important than your health ... except for your money.
31 Never make fun of a [businessman]'s mother
33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34 War is good for business
35 Peace is good for business.
45 Expand or die.
47 Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
57 Good customers are as rare as [gold]. Treasure them.
59 Free advice is seldom cheap.
62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
74 Knowledge equals profit.
75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of [gold].
76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
94 [Spouses] and finances don't mix.
95 Expand or die. (Yeah, it's repeated.)
98 Every man has his price.
102 Nature decays, but [money] lasts forever.
103 Sleep can interfere with your lust for [money].
109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111 Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.
112 Never have sex with the boss's sister.
125 You can't make a deal if you're dead.
139 Wives serve, brothers inherit. (I look at this as another one concerning the line between love and business, ignore the sexism.)
168 Whisper your way to success.
(No#) A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
190 Hear all, trust nothing.
194 It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
203 New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. (I'm not revising that one.)
208 Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach. (Or drunk.)
217 You can't free a fish from water.
229 [Gold] lasts longer than lust.
239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
263 Never let doubt interfere with your lust for [money].
285 No good deed ever goes unpunished.
The unofficial rules:
141 Only fools buy retail. (Non-canon.)
142 Only fools sell wholesale.
299 After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time.
(No#) Exploitation begins at home.
(No#) When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits ... kill the messenger.
(No#) Time, like [money], is a highly limited commodity.
(No#) Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
(No#) Why ask, when you can take?
(No#) A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
(No#) If that's what's written, then that's what's written.
Lastly, the unwritten rule, and everyone's favorite:
When no appropriate rule applies, make one up.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--stripper style
Wait, this is from Star Trek? Where was I>>>????
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--stripper style
It's from Star Trek: Deep Space 9. A very, very corny sequel show. I prefer Next Generation, but DS9 has its moments. Esp expanding on the Ferengis as businessmen rather than just ruthless, greedy, lying, alien bastards.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--stripper style
ZOMG... you are my new favorite person.
These are brilliant.
Although, I will take the rules of acquisition over the lapdance from this hot Mama....
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/me...y_business.jpg
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
^^ lol... i like her earrings, though......
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
I LOVE DS9!!! It's actually my favorite even tho most disagree with me... Vulcans are my fav.. with the Ferengi as second
I'm glad you posted this.. it was fun to read them all ;D
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--stripper style
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SpeakngEZ
It's from Star Trek: Deep Space 9. A very, very corny sequel show. I prefer Next Generation, but DS9 has its moments. Esp expanding on the Ferengis as businessmen rather than just ruthless, greedy, lying, alien bastards.
***WARNING: GEEKINESS AHEAD - procede at your own peril ***
Objection! I take issue with your classification of DS9 as corny. There was the occasional episode that was meant to be pure fun (the episode where they play baseball with the vulcans comes to mind. Haha, that one was great, I just saw it again recently), but there was a lot of serious issues that the writers deal with on a regular basis - race relations (both micro and macro), war and genocide, etc. The ferengis definitely added comic relief, but I see that as a necessary element balancing out the more serious points they were trying to make with, say, races like he Cardassians, or the Dominion.
So, while I also prefer TNG as my fav Star Trek, I've come to really appreciate what DS9 has to offer, especially having rewatch many of the episodes as an adult. It goes beyond just moments - I actually beleive it to have the most depth of all the series.
Oh and lest I forget, thanks for the great post! Hmm, I was just thinking - wouldn't a Ferengi "strip" club have to have the women putting ON their clothes in order to be scandalous?
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--stripper style
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MoniD
Oh and lest I forget, thanks for the great post! Hmm, I was just thinking - wouldn't a Ferengi "strip" club have to have the women putting ON their clothes in order to be scandalous?
LOLZZZ!!!!!!!!
More Nerdinessd ahead:
I'll def. agree with you on the race relations. DS9 was the first star trek show I started watching, and the way they presented cultural issues in the show was what sold me on ST all together. I was also really impressed with how well they expanded on these races, down to tiny details: common personality traits, mythology, morals, traditions, family honor, etc., AND THEN TURN AROUND AND HAVE ALL THOSE RACES DISSECT HUMAN CULTURE.
It was a great show for people who love social science, psychology, anthropology, and ethics, NOT JUST regular nerds. (Though I would call myself a nerd. And I'm not ashamed. Rather proud, actually.)
I do prefer NG, though, again, just because it was easier to take that series seriously. If I was watching DS9 and another trekkie walked into the room, well, I might blush.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
BTW, thanks for the few positive responses, ladies. I was afraid that my beloved list was going to be discarded as nerdy and irrelevant and lost into second-page oblivion.
I've been checking on it daily. Yeah, I'm that damn self-conscious.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
omg, this makes me giddy as a lil kid. my dad and i used to bond over TNG, and i still watch it sometimes! he was always big on DS9, but i never really watched it.... however, good call! these are sooo good!
don't worry about nerdy, you're a hot nerd! there's no better kind!
i'm still more of a star wars girl myself. i even have a nearly finished princess leia bikini that i was working on.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
oh, and fyi....... i hope you don't mind, i personally bookmarked this.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
sooooooooooooo entertaining.
makes me feel like i just went to some kind of seminar...a ruthless, alien, money-empowerment seminar. like yes man.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
34 War is good for business
35 Peace is good for business.
239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product
299 After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time.
These went right up my flag pole, and I'm singing stars and stripes forever :)
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
OMG, I knew they were brilliant businessmen, but I never expected to live by their words! The rules of acquisition make sooooo much sense. The thought to look them up myself never even crossed my mind, I'm super happy u posted them. They are going straight to my blogs ;D
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
"each customer is treated like the nagis...that is until they run out of $"
"read the rules of acquisition even if you are foolish enough not to follow them, do not join star fleet they will only make you develop a conscience"
look up a cd called trek what you like. it's by luke ski. there is a bit on there called "everybodys got a right to earn a profit" with quark giving advice. some of it is relevent, the rest is meerly entertaining.
it makes me feel so much better that i'm not the only geek girl on this site.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
OMG! NERDS! I am at home. :)
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
I have seldom met a clubowner / agent / publisher / producer who WASN'T applying the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition at every opportunity !
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
I love that list! Thanks so much for posting it.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
You are a nerd ... my kind of nerd! :)
Thanks, this gave me a much needed laugh before work.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
I love these:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SpeakngEZ
263 Never let doubt interfere with your lust for [money].
299 After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time.
(No#) Time, like [money], is a highly limited commodity.
(No#) Why ask, when you can take?
(No#) A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
Star Trek huh? Who'd have known that being a stripper could relate to being a nerd. lol.
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
This has to be the best post EVER! I am such a Trek fan and all the girls I have ever worked with think I am a total dork lol. One of my favorite jewelry pieces to wear at work was a Bajoran ear cuff. What a great post. I am so glad I joined this community...
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
OMG,OMG! so funny, just lovely!
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
for anyone interested, you can find the COMPLETE Ferengi Rules of Acquisition at
It contains such additional 'gems of wisdom' as ...
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon [ with the ear lobes being the Ferengis' Erogenous Zone - sic ]
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
82. A smart customer is not a good customer
138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
147. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back
156. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit
191. Let others keep their reputation. You keep the money
and my personal favorites ...
221. Beware of any man who thinks with his (ear)lobes
251. Satisfaction is not guaranteed
275. Latinum [ Ferengi precious metal - sic ] can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
277. Diamonds may be girl's best friend, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum
~
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
^^^^70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
^^^^275. Latinum [ Ferengi precious metal - sic ] can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
Hahahahahahaha
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Re: Ferengi Rules of Acquisition--business mantras, stripper style
Am I the only one that's kind of grossed out by these 'Rules'?