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Damn, that's a tough one. If he doesn't repect you, then it can't possibly work out. Try talking to him about it...point out that his living situation is the same as yours. As for the problem with work, I dunno on that one. Just whatever you do, be honest but tactful about what you do. It's really sad, but the vast majority of men cannot handle our jobs. (Even the ones that get dances themselves. ::))
Guy response for you since it was in the public area (and a guys PoV may help you to better understand what is going on with him)...
Two points -
1.) It is VERY common that people try hardest at the beginning of relationships, particularly us guys to get sex. As time goes on you get to see their not-so-great sides. Sad but true. Are there exceptions? Yes. Common. Probably not. Most of us are extremely aware of these changes in the other person and rarely ourselves but we all do it (though I think guys seem to drop off their interest level much faster once the sexual newness dies down).
2.) I think a lot of guys have fantasies about dating a dancer, would pursue them, but aren't honest with themselves (or just don't care) how they are going to feel about her having high levels of contact in the long run. Ideally they'd figure this out BEFORE they have sex with her, but not many guys are inclined to actually do that. In addition he might have far deeper feelings for you now and that can also bring out feelings of possessiveness people often don't have when they are just in it initially for fun or sex. Hence the comment about the magazine.
Try to have a conversation with him about the differences between what you'd like to see happening in your relationship and what you currently see . See if you can clean up behavior ( and see if he had any feedback for you too ).
There could be other factors, but I think it's natural to get more possessive as the relationship evolves.
Week One: I'm dating a hot stripper! What a lucky bastard I am! Hee hee...
Week Three: Other guys drool over her, but only I get to take her home and have sex with her! She's so hot, I'm in love!... Hee hee...
Week Six: I hate the fact that other guys see her naked and get lap dances from her.
Week Nine: I really really hate the fact that other guys see my GF naked and get lap dances from her.
Week Eleven: I can't believe she is still dancing. I told her to quit. WTF? Does she love grinding on other guys?
^^ Lol...
Are men really this...I dunno, retarded? I generally get LESS possesive as I start to feel more secure in the relationship. Am I just a freak or what? I thought everyone did this... No?
^^ I'm a litte retarded and I consider myself very secure, unpossessive and moderately liberal...
I could see myself asking a dancer GF (very nicely with flowers and gifts) to transition into no-contact dancing by the 12th month (or engagement day) and to leave dancing altogether by our wedding day.
I've never been possesive in my life. Frankly I don't get it. Im not the type of wife to get pissed if my husband is out later than he said he'd be, or if he wants to go out at all. Im completely secure in our marriage as is he, which is why I think we have no issues with either of our jobs. But Im also like this in the beginning of the relationship as well. I've always been of the opinion that if a guy was gonna cheat he was gonna do it regardless of whether or not I sat around worrying about it so why worry? It causes wrinkles. ;)
And if she said no?
Oy thats rough. My club actually had cards like that sitting on the tables in the club. And a guy wiht a cop badge was talking to me and asked me about them. I had no idea what to say, especially since nude friction dances are illegal in OH. I was actually pissed at my club for having those chilling out on the tables (they were for a sister club i guess) since our club is nude optional private dances and a lot of girls do not offer full friction.
As for the club you work at, is it a 2 way contact club? If it is one way contact, just say it means a contact dancei guess and say it is up to the girl how much friction. Even if it is 2 way contact, if your man has a problem with guys touching you, maybe you guys can compromise and agree that you dont do 2 way contact dances. Although obviously trust is necessary for that to work. Also, you could say that the full friction thing is largely just advertising hype to gain business at the club, not a guarantee.
^^^ Exactly. I'd be pissed if a guy I was dating pulled that crap with me, Jack. If someone I'm dating has a problem with what I do, he damn well better sit down and have a heart to heart with himself and figure it out upfront. I HATE when people start out at the beginning of a relationship acting like everything is all cool, then- surprise!- a few weeks later they expect you to make some major lifestyle changes and possibly even give up your livelihood, all to better be their girlfriend.
It's not just the men, women too get jealous and/or possessive. Especially where the lapdances are concerned. The average woman could never handle 'her' husband or boyfriend giving high contact lapdances to women either. Men might be a bit more possessive what with the whole chivalrous ideal, etc., but women are frankly pretty close to being as possessive in general.
What's really funny is when you see a dancer getting pissed off and ready to literally beat shit out of another woman for flirting with her boyfriend, etc., usually another dancer or a regular oin the club. I have seen this almost as often as the jealous boyfriends.
This guy ought to know better though, I would think, since he's worked in at least two clubs.
I can also sort of understand how sometimes someone--male or female--could be OK with it at first, but grow increasingly tired of it as they grew more serious in the relationship, especially if they saw that the dancing was affecting the partner badly--and it is a very high stress environment. It's not always just jealousy or insecurity.
For some reason the women I have seen start dancing with apparently very happy, secure relationships almost never keep them much longer than 6 months to a year, not even usually that long. And really secure, happy relationships are very rare, from what I've seen. Usually the guys who stay in the relationships are assholes, I hate to say it.
I've seen very, very few good relationships in the business, and generally they are both in the business--though as in this case it's no guarantee.
ETA-whoops I am getting the 'My boyfriend hates my dancing.' threads mixed up, sorry. It was in that other thread that the guy was getting upset, he was a bouncer.
I could understand maybe if the guy didn't like the advertising approach, but it sounds like it's more than just that.
The one time I had trouble with the dancing thing was the one time I fell really, really in love with the woman--and she was also jealous of the stuff that went on in the DJ booth and didn't want me to do it anymore ;D. After a little while I got over it, but the way the guys who worked in the club acted towards her always pissed me off, when they would grab her ass and make nasty comments. A couple times they grabbed her cookie, and once a DJ actually humped her leg. That pissed me off, and I'm not the least bit ashamed of it.
This irks the heck outta me too! At first they don't have a problem with it (showing you off to their friends, driving around in MY Benz, accepting the gifts I bought with $$$ I earned where again?!) then all of a sudden they get a huge flare up of realization & wanna try pullin' that ultimatum crap?! The fucken nerve. I hate how people think you should change/try to change you to be something more convenient for themselves. They're the ones who need the most help...
Yeah if they are driving your luxury automobile, I have no sympathy whatsoever for them.
First off, I think there are a lot of women that aren't possesive at all. There seem to be so many of us on this board, and yes, I realize the girls here will be more sexually open. Still it seems especially lately, I meet many, many girls who just aren't remotely jealous or possesive.
Oh, and the only girls I see acting all crazy jealous at the club, well they usually act all crazy all the time. The drama lamas are sometimes just off their flippin goards yanno.
My relationship with my husband survived my dancing just fine (and he isn't in the business). We were ridiculously happy actually. I remember feeling like I must have been blessed my life was so constantly joyful and he felt the same. Seems there are lots of happy marriages around here. (Yes my marriage is over now, but it had nothing to do with my dancing and actually didn't start to decline at all until shortly after I stopped dancing.)
Well, no wonder you were pissed if they grabbed her cookie. I'd kick someone right in the nads for doing that or humping my leg...have kicked and a couple of times stepped on the family jewels for those offenses.
Full friction means no motor oil is used on the strippers. ;)
Seriously, though, I'm always bothered by those passive-aggressive messages that guys try to pull off. Then they say things like "What? I was just asking is all."
This situation sounds to me like he is laying the ground work to break off the relationship. If he is passive-aggressive like that all the time, then he'll probably get worse in his behavior in an attempt to force your hand and be the one that "dumps" him.
My advice is to not take that kind of snarkiness from him. You'll be able to tell if he is being an ass by how you respond to his comments. If you suddenly feel defensive when he asks things like "What does full friction mean?" it is a pretty good bet that his tone wasn't that of genuine curiosity, but an implied insult. Call him out.
Use phrases like "Care to elaborate?" or "What are you really asking?" or "What's that supposed to mean?"
Under no circumstances should you go into a defensive attitude. Once you start explaining yourself to him, you have lost that battle, and he will make a mental note that the subject gets under your skin, and he will throw it in your face later, just to upset you.
This is harder than it appears on the surface. The best reaction in this circumstance is no reaction at all. Just ignore the baiting comments as best you can. If you do fall into his trap, as soon as you recognize what is happening, just shut everything down by saying "I'm not going to argue about this.
definately read up on how to deal with passive aggressive behavior. There are ways to stop the pattern that is so destructive in so many relationships.
^^ After all the flowers and gifts?... Is she willing to compromise at all? Is it just a matter of money?... Or a matter of waiting until she gets her professional degree or her first job?...
There are too many factors... I would listen to her reasons for keeping her job... Is it temporary or indefinite?... If she has a well-thought out plan for making money and then transitioning into something else, I would compromise. But, if she said -- Fuck you, I want to be a dancer until I'm 40. -- I might have to reevaluate things a little.
Oy. Jack Jack Jack. How many times has this been said? THIS IS A JOB LIKE ANY OTHER. If she's making 3x's the amt working as a dancer than she would be doing anything else why should she give it up? Because you don't like it?? She doesn't like you being a lawyer because she doesn't like how you get treated by your clients. Gonna quit because she gave you some flowers and gifts and asked you nicely? Somehow I doubt it.
My GF (on-and-off again, long story...) does want me to change jobs, because I put in too many hours, don't see her much during the week, am stressed out (REALLY stressed out the last couple of weeks), and lately, I'm unhappy with work... She says money isn't everything... She's right, so I am going to transition into something else...
How many cool single guys do you think there are out there that would like some of this hot stripper ass? Ask him that...with the same sarcastic tone.
hehe...."Is that WHAT DOES FULL FRICTION MEAN? enough for ya sweetie?
Go Nuke Go!
Don't look back.