i don't get this. why would a stripper not know what a hundred dollar bill looks like?? :O
Printable View
^^I thought the implication was that strippers are too stupid to tell the difference. Maybe it's that strippers have really bad eyesight?
^ I thought the same.
My favorite is that one about asking the lady wanting to find out who is buying the big condoms - I love that one!
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are you shakin' for man she's going to EAT ME
My dj told this one a while back:
A pirate walks into a bar and orders an ale. The bartend stares at him as he pours the drink and says "Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?" The pirate looks at him with his good eye and says"Arg, I know. It's drivin' me nuts"!
Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?
I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!
These are great, I'm so going to bust out a few jokes on my next shift!
What's better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ!
What do a tornado and a woman have in common? They both moan when they come and take the house when they leave.
^ahhha thats great
i love this thread, i know NO jokes and they are great icebreakers/conversation fillers. thakn you thank you thank you
A guy walks into a bread store and the girl behind the counter is really hot and wearing a tiny skirt. "Can I help you?" she asks. He looks around and sees raisin bread on the very top shelf and tell her that's what he wants. She gets on a stool to get the bread and he starts looking up her skirt. An old man walks in and starts looking up her skirt too. Girl looks at the old man and says, "Is it raisin for you too sir?" The man says, "No, just quivering a little."
A guy is going down on a Japanese girl and she farts. "Oh me so sorry," she says, "You make front hole feel so good, back hole blow you kiss."
=X
Oh man I LOVE jokes! I wish I had a few to post!! This is my new goal for the week, try and remember some of these!!
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden when God says to him, "You look sad, what's bothering you, son?"
Adam says "I'm just lonely, God, do you think you could make me a companion?"
God thinks about this for a moment and then says, "Sure! For you I shall create a beautiful creature called 'woman.' She'll be infinitely kind, sweet, and patient. She'll cook all your meals, clean up after you, bear you many children and raise them all herself, act like a whore in the bedroom, and treat you like a king."
"Wow!" Said Adam... "But God, what's this gonna cost me??"
God replied simply, "Oh, just and arm and a leg."
Adam grew quiet and thought about it for a while... Then he said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
A man calls home from work to let his wife know he'll be getting home early. A boy answers the phone.
The man tells the boy to put his mother on...
The boy says, "I can't, she's in the bedroom with Uncle Mike and she told me not to bother her."
As this information sinks in, the man gets angrier and angrier. Then he has a brilliant idea. He tells the boy to go to his mother's room and shout, "MOMMY, DADDY JUST PULLED INTO THE DRIVEWAY!" Then come back and tell him what happens.
So the boy sets down the phone and some time passes before he comes back. The man asks, "Well? What happened?"
The boy says, "I did what you told me to do... and Uncle Mike got out of the bed, ran around the room naked, then jumped out the window and landed on the cement. He's DEAD!"
"OMG," said the man, "What about your mother??"
The boy said, "She got out of bed too, ran around naked, then jumped out the other window and landed in the pool. She DROWNED!"
"OMG," the man said again... then, "Wait a minute... I don't have a pool! Come to think of it, my brother's name isn't Mike! I must have the wrong number!"
Not really a joke, but I'm cracking up:
You're momma calls me Beavis 'cuz she gives me nothing "Butt-head"
BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA
and here's a nice little quote:
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story; in life, no one helps you once you're fucked.
:D
My attention span is only good for short, one liner jokes... :P
love it
Two men are working at a porn store. The first man says, "I'm going to take a break, can you watch the counter?". The second man says, "yes, but while you're gone I'm going to eat my lunch". A woman comes in and asks to look a dildos. The second man shows her the first one, and she says its too small. He shows her another and she says its still too small. He finally shows her another and says its big enough and she'll take it. When the first man comes back from his break he asks the second man if he sold any of the toys. The second man says, "no but I sold my thermos for $80!"
Thought I would get this thread going again. Its an oldie bit a goodie :)
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."
My favorite ice-breaker for when I was approaching a customer drinking any form of light beer, or non-alcoholic beer.
"Oh, you're drinking (beer name)? You know what (beer name) has in common with having sex in a canoe, right?"
Customer: O.o what?
"They're both fucking close to water!"
Here's a quote I like, it makes a great ice breaker, and gets the guys head in the right place, and it's funny so that's why I'm adding it to the thread.
From George Best(famous Irish soccer/football player)
"I spent 90% of my money on women, drink and fast cars. The rest I waste!"
"Why are all dumb-blonde jokes so short?"
"So men can remember them."
"What's the difference between a stripper and a magician?"
"One has a cunning stunt..."