No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
My main club has zero bouncers during the week, and ONE bouncer on the weekends It has semi-private upstairs couch rooms w/ cameras in MOST of the rooms, but the cameras aren't monitored closely.
The other night I had my pussy grabbed on stage and my ass slapped VERY (painfully) hard in the couch room. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened, of course. The culture of the club is such that it encourages that kind of behavior. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship w/ that club- I always feel like if something happens to me and I tell anyone the response would immediately be "What did you do about it??" "Why didn't you kick his ass??" "If it were ME I would've beat him up for that!" (easier said than done, right?) Well, I'm the kind of person who when I get violated I freeze up and sometimes can't process it until some time passes. You know, like most normal women who aren't constantly expecting to have to fight for their safety at work... and blaming the fucking victim is not helping.
Furthermore, many women at my job have convinced themselves that we don't need a bouncer, presumably cuz we're just all such badass bitches, and that a bouncer is "just another person to have to tip out" (my club has the lowest fees and tipouts in the tri-county area already). It further contributes to the victim-blaming because, well, maybe it's "just me" who's "allowing" herself to get violated. Maybe if I were just stronger, tougher, just better and smarter about it, I wouldn't have to go through these things and feel disgusting, right?
Problem is, even if I were the most ass-kicking SuperBitch alive... does that prevent me from getting violated in the first place, or just allow me to enact justice for an already-commited violation? What about the guy who lifts up my dress when my back is turned to "show what I've got under there" to his boys? The female customer who pulled my friend's bottoms all the way down out on the floor (this is a topless club)? The customer who pinned a co-worker down in the couch room and held her there, until luckily our DJ spotted her on the camera and helped her?
After I was slapped (and yes, the name for it is assault... if he would've slapped me in the face with the same amount of force it would've unequivocally been assault to any bystander, but since he did it on my buttcheek it's "just being playful"?) I went about my night like usual for a little bit, even gave the guy my myspace page so he could see my schedule... and then got horrible anxiety. I spent the rest of the night in the DR, playing Zelda on my gameboy, emerging only for my unprofitable stage sets, because I wanted to HIDE from the customers. I've become scared of them, like a frightened goddam puppy, and I hate it, because I'm very committed to using this job to reach my financial goals while preserving my mental and physical health and this is NOT doing it.
Furthermore, instead of being full of lonely, kind older gentlemen (who I could easily fight off if need be) my club has somehow slowly become a booty-shaking club full of cocky, young ghetto dudes, getting wild and drunk w/ no one to tell them NO except us.
So I woke up the next morning after my particularly-shitty night... and cried my ass off. I just thought about that guy slapping me, and the other guy giving me a dollar and grabbing my pussy "in exchange", and all the sexual advances, date/extras requests, and hands I have to fight off all the time, the dudes who think theyre in a fucking rap video and feel entitled to do whatever they want to you, like the club is their own personal playground, who will only tip you if you spread eagle and shake your ass off and dance to what THEY wanna hear and call you a fucking bitch if you don't stroke their egos.
I've told my bf and a couple close friends about this- but I just can't go back to that club. I can't. When I'm there I feel like I'm gonna fucking die. It is not a place where financial dreams come true, at least not for people like me. I dread work, I dread talking to assholes, to wasting my life with the mostly-broke clientele (yup, this is the place that doesn't take credit cards, and many customers- literally- bring in NO money), to wondering if it's gonna be another night where a customer brings in a gun, starts a brawl, hurts me or a co-worker, curses me out for trying to say "No thanks, I have a bf" in the nicest way I can.
I have another club I've been working at recently that I like a great deal. The clientele is mostly kind and generous, we get more $ per dance (which aren't in scary secluded rooms and less contact), there are BOUNCERS (wow what a novel concept!), it is well-lit and pleasant, and it is just a NICE place to say you work. So I'm just going to work at this other place. Where I won't have to deal with a violent, destitute, scary, degrading club culture that eats away at my psyche.
Thanks for reading this, I just needed to get it out. Whew.
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
I am so, so sorry you and any other girl working there has to put up with that. I feel physically ill that people are acting like this isn't a big deal.
It's really fantastic you can leave and work at this nicer place, I hope it stays nice and that you have a much better time there!
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
Be sure to tell the manager why you are leaving... maybe it will help them to reconsider hiring bouncers.
I totally agree with you though. Your job is to entertain, not to be the "bad guy"/bouncer. Besides, even if a customer did something and you reacted, you might get in trouble. How many times have we seen that happen, especially where it ends up in court? Plus, you know people are going to try things when there are no bouncers.
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
That place is not the cheapest in the area. The nicer club we both work at is much cheaper. And even if that place was the cheapest, it still wouldn't be worth risking your safety. They are never going to clean that place up. It will only get worse there as business picks up at the new club that just opened. I'm glad you came to work at the nicer club. :)
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
EVERY OWNER AND MANAGER IN THE BIZ SHOULD READ WHAT YOU WROTE.
...and I am so very, very sorry you had to go through this.
I want you to understand something very clearly:
It is not your responsibility to handle the customer's bad behavior in any way. As dancers, we are supposed to be a fantasy, attainable only for three minuites at a time. It is the bouncer's/floorman's responsibility to be the 'bad guy' and enforce the rules, as well as the rule of law for your area (that if not enforced, could get the club fined or shut down!). The dancer is supposed to be the provider of a good, friendly experience,and it ruins the fantasy if she has to turn around and impose the 'reality' of restricting abusive behavior on the same customer she is supposed to be selling a fantasy of a positive experience to.
This is a very bad decision on the owners/mananger's part, and signals their transition of thinking of their club as one type of entertainment to another. You were most definately abused, and have every right to expect that you would not have to put up with this treatment when you were hired. I agree with your decison to not go back, and I really hope you can find a more supportive environment. Also, you don't need to be 'harder'; or more indifferent/able to handle this kind of behavior. It is dehumanizing; and no one should have to put up with it. Just because some people have and still do, is no reason for them to boast about it. You should be proud that you demand better for yourself.
Again, so sorry you had to go through this.
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
I feel like hugging my manager now. We don't have bouncers, but our managers are big dudes and don't hesitate to get involved.
That sounds awful. I guarantee I would have left that night a homicidal mess.
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
This just sounds completely terrible. I "freeze" too when a customer assaults me unexpectedly. I get mad at myself for not "reacting properly" when the guy is the asshole. I always worry about making a scene too. I had to learn to be mean when a guys is an asshole. I'm glad we have good mgmt and nice bouncers. You are doing the right thing by switching clubs. Even if you were banking, its not worth your sanity.
Re: No bouncers in the club, I'm leaving.
Ah yes my old dive was like this. No bouncers. I was THE bouncer. Not fun. Usually I would see hands reaching and I'd snatch my body back clear out of the way before any contact could happen. Except for if my ass was towards them...(ass cams anyone?)