How can I make this an actual relationship..
I've been seeing this guy for about a month now and I like him a lot. We hang out a couple times a week and we have a lot of fun together. I made the "mistake" of having sex with him (I still am) even though we are not technically a couple. I don't want to call it a friends with benefits relationship because we don't act like friends. We flirt and cuddle ect.. What I am wondering is how the hell I can get him to make our relationship official and actually be his girlfriend without actually asking him. I don't want to bring it up and make it all awkward and possibly scare him off....I really like this guy and I want to actually make this a start of a real relationship. :)
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
This is bad... as in "will cause him stress" - but tell him you'd like for him to meet your family and see if he brings up the relationship status. I won't say it will work for sure... but it's worth a try!
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
First of all, break up with your old BF... (maybe you already did, last I read - you two had a big fight, but then had make-up sex)
Second, have you stayed overnight at his place? You should start leaving some of your things there to stake your claim. Maybe even buy a few small decorative things to add your touch to the place. This is territorial - like when dogs pee to stake their territory.
Third, use "we" a lot in conversation. As in - "We should go someplace really fun this summer." "Should we paint this wall another color?" "Should we get a pet?" "We should start saving up money." etc.
At this point, if he is not totally freaked out, then, you're making good progress.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
Others might disagree, but stop having sex until you are an official couple. The guy I am into has called me his girlfriend but has issues he's working on. Until he gets over them and is ready to be my official boyfriend we aren't going to have sex, though both of us want it. I am not going to make things more complicated by bringing in sex (he said he agrees). Witholding sex often means they look elsewhere, but if that's the case they never had any intention of dating you.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
^ I respect that Kellydancer, but only if both parties discuss it and think its a good idea. I might agree to suspend sex for a while, if: (i) the girl talked it over with me, (ii) we both wanted something serious and longlasting and (iii) we both arrived at the conclusion that it would be best for our relationship to suspend sex temporarily, e.g., because we want to determine if the feelings for each other went beyond sexual attraction.
On the other hand, if she just sprung this at me - and she made the decision unilaterally, it might seem like an ultimatum or some kind of manipulative ploy. I would not put up with that. It would be over.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jack0177057
^ I respect that Kellydancer, but only if both parties discuss it and think its a good idea. I might agree to suspend sex for a while, if: (i) the girl talked it over with me, (ii) we both wanted something serious and longlasting and (iii) we both arrived at the conclusion that it would be best for our relationship to suspend sex temporarily, e.g., because we want to determine if the feelings for each other went beyond sexual attraction.
On the other hand, if she just sprung this at me - and she made the decision unilaterally, it might seem like an ultimatum or some kind of manipulative ploy. I would not put up with that. It would be over.
I know many don't agree with me, but for me and him it works for now. That way we are rediscovering our friendship (which is the foundation for any relationship) without sleeping together. We both want to bad, but waiting works. However, we haven't had sex yet, which is much different than sleeping together and backing off it. Incidentally, he's the one who suggested waiting awhile, not me.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
^ In your case it was a mutual decision, so I think its a good idea... I'm saying, in the case of the OP, if she just unilaterally decides that there will be no more sex for a while... this might have the opposite effect of what she is trying to accomplish.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
I agree that the OP should bring up the idea of not having sex for a while rather than deciding on it unilaterally. If dude sticks around then you have a potential relationship on your hands. If not, then he only wanted the sex and it's better that she finds out sooner rather than later.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
I dunno, pretty much all of my relationships have started out with having sex, and one day we just naturally realized it was a relationship. But its one of those things you have to KNOW.
If he is just coming over for sex and a little cuddle, then leaving, and not inviting you to go out, meet his friends, watch a movie, etc...its just a booty call. If so, ask him out on a date. But nothing crazy. Tell him you and a couple of friends are going to X place on X night, and would he like to join you for the event? If he's not down with it, he just wants to hit that.
Also, jack's advice may cause him to run far, far away. A direct approach is preferable, and won't have him thinking you are psycho. Guys know when girls leave their stuff at their house and tend to resent the "territorial markings."
Me personally, I'm not much into passive aggressive moves, I would just straight up ask him, "where is this going because I'd like it to continue......". If he says its just sex, then tell him that you aren't only interested in a booty call type of thing, not long-term. You might lose him, but he also might come around after that.
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KS_Stevia
I dunno, pretty much all of my relationships have started out with having sex, and one day we just naturally realized it was a relationship. But its one of those things you have to KNOW.
I agree with this, if i was having sex with a girl and she suddenly wanted to stop i would take that as a sign that she wants to take the relationship backwards not forward. What i mean is "maybe we should stop having sex" to me is basically saying "maybe we should just be friends".
Re: How can I make this an actual relationship..
i would ask "are we monogomous" or something like that. Or "what exactly are we doing?"
in lines to monogomy, if you are on the pill, one of the perks of being in a relationship is sex without condoms. so you could have the whole "are we monogomous? becuase im on the pill, and im about to go get tested, so if you do that too...." thats actually how i brought it up with my most recent (ex)SO... which was necessary. turns out he thought we were monogomous from the get go and when i went to NOLA the first time i stayed at an old fuck buddies house who made a move on me, and i was like wait, i dont even know if im monogomous. so yea, its good to know this stuff.