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Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Ok, I have always had body image issues, but since I've moved in here they are INSANE! Like I'm becoming a total fucking nut! Mom has been bulimarexic since childhood, I've fought it since I was around 4-5 and she taught me to throw up my food to avoid getting fat....being around her is so unhealthy for me. At the moment I'm on a waiting list for a 2 bdrm as there are absolutely NONE available in my area and I must stay here for about the next year and finish up school. (Before someone suggests it I CANNOT move to a different area for multiple reasons, just CAN'T happen.)
How do I deal with her when the ONLY thing she wants to talk about it my weight and how much skinnier she is....which is apparently NOT TRUE! I just had a pool party with my 6 yr old and didn't have my bathing suit with me, so she suggested I wear hers...well, she was shocked that it fit! It was actually a bit loose except in the boobs. This morning she was spazzing out and told me how she really only suggested I try it on to see how much too little it was for me. She wanted to make herself feel better by pointing out how her suit was to small for me to wear! How mean is that?!?! Plus it hurts my feelings that my mother apparently see's me as a whale.
EVERYTHING is about being as thin as possible with her and she picks apart my body and talks about specific things that I'm already paranoid about. Yes, the inside of my knee could be a little flatter thank you! I know this, but it isn't like there is a big lump or anything! She will walk up and grab the underside of my arm and tell me my skin is loosing it's elasticity, or pinch my cheeks and tell me how they are getting fat, she even told me my FEET were getting fat the other day!! Oh, jeez, really, I have fat toes?!?! ::) I used to work for a Dr's office here and now he has a diet clinic....well when I first moved here she basically forced me to go get her diet pills from then TWICE. The second time they embarrassed the hell outta me by telling me in front of the entire waiting room that I was not overweight and they had only given them to me because I used to work there (and my aunt did as well), but I obviously have a problem and not to come back. The kicker is, she made me leave school, miss a class and miss the 2 hrs I would have had to study for a later exam to drive an hour and a half each way to go to one of the appointments. When I told her I needed to study instead of going, she informed me that having those diet pills was IMPORTANT....like my studying was just something that didn't matter. ARRRGGG!!!! I'm loosing my mind here!
I also notice that if I looked in the mirror, I think, abs aren't half bad, awesome boobs, legs could be a bit thinner, but oh well, nice ass! My opinion of myself isn't half bad. I think I look pretty damn hot, especially for a 34 yr old that has had two kids! But then mom starts when she gets home and by bedtime I feel like I'm the size of a small house! Just call me Shamoo.
Any insight on dealing with a mean, crazy person? I've tried talking to her and that just makes it worse. I've tried talking to Dad and that just pisses him off and he turns into an asshole for a month or two, so then I'm dealing with both of em. Anything? Anyone? I think I need therapy! :rotfl:
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
:( im sorry this is awful. i have a friend who also gets terrorized by her mom about her weight and it has really messed with her head. i think that parents do this to make themselves feel better, kind of like a bully.
im a bit confused... do you live with your mom? if you live with your mom, you need to get out. you should be able to find an apartment in the area in teh immediate future. check craigslist.
or do you just live in the same town? if you just live in the same town, avoid her. cut her out. talk to her on the phone and tell her bluntly that you cannot deal with her nitpicking and until she is ready to accept you as you are and stop being so critical, you are cutting her out. and just hang up the phone and leave it be.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
wow i am so sorry to hear that and coming from your mom especially hurts. :HUG: if there's absolutely NO way you can move (roomates? renting a room in the same area? rent reduction in exchange for housecleaning/gardening?) maybe try to be out when she is around? I would be scanning Craigslist daily for a better situation in the meantime, you never know if an opportunity might present itself. I hope your kids arent being exposed to that toxic environment, it's one thing to be self critizing but lashing out to others to make herself feel better sounds like a sociopath.
If I were in your position I would keep out of her way as much as possible, not talk to her about it cuz its only gonna fuel her fire cuz she's looking for a reaction from you and she's getting it when you attempt to talk it out because it bothers you.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
This hurts my heart reading it.
Mother's are suppose to love and encourage you and think you're the most beautiful person on earth. Not criticize, bash or humiliate you.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
It sounds like you're staying strong though. I admire and really respect that. :)
xoxo
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
I went through something similar with my mother years ago. I couldn't go shopping with her without her telling me I was fat... even at a size 4/6. Eventually I think she got to me mentally and I actually started putting on weight. Listening to things that aren't true can be poisonous to your soul, so you need to nip it in the butt.
Maybe start asking her if you can borrow her clothes? Or remind her regularly that you two are similar in size. It's a bit of reverse psychology, but she might get the point.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Does she know you dance? Maybe you should let it be known fairly clearly how much men drool over your body and throw hundreds of dollars at your feet just for being you.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Athenathefabulous
im a bit confused... do you live with your mom? if you live with your mom, you need to get out. you should be able to find an apartment in the area in teh immediate future. check craigslist.
I believe she said in the past she needs to live with her parents because her parents watch her kids while she's at school and stuff.
But yes, that's a really toxic environment. The only thing you can really do is tell your mother that she's no longer allowed to comment on your body, and every time she brings it up, state it again then walk away. Reinforce the point that you're really not going to listen.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
I am living with my parents at the moment and trust me, I would move out if it was possible. This is a remote area and there is nothing on Craigslist from here. If I was in Beckley or Charleston, there are 3 or 4 on there from each of those, but not here in rural WV. (Even tho I know there is no chance of finding something on there I check periodically, just in case all the stars align and some person from this godforsaken area actually learns to use the internet for more than watching porn or shopping on QVC.)
There are literally only two or three sets of local apartments that have 2 bedrooms and up and I've been on the waiting list for the first two or three bedroom that opens up for almost 6 months and I check the local paper every Sunday for listings for a house for rent. So far the best I could find was a 3 bdrm townhouse for $800/mo + all utilities about an hour and a half away, which is OUTRAGEOUSLY priced for this area. Every other 3 bdrm is in the $500ish range and includes utilities. You can rent a 5 bdrm two story brick house for that....if only there was one available! ;D I would take it anyway, but having to get up at 4am and drag my kids out to transport them to my Dad so he can put them on the bus then drive another two hours to school myself would just make me flunk out. I can't switch them to a different school, because I'll still be in classes when they got out, so they have to be able to get off the bus here so my Dad can watch them till I get home.
I know most of you don't believe that there can be NO apartments available, but people just don't rent around here, so there are VERY few apartments anyway and the few people who want to rent and are lucky enough to get one just don't ever move out. I know one girl who has been looking for almost TWO years! Jeez, we are actually so remote that my cell phone doesn't even work here. I have to drive about 20 minutes away to even get a signal and then it's spotty and in and out as you drive. Sucks!
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
^do you have a friend that you can stay with in the meantime?
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
On the apartment/house. Check with any local banks that may have a forclosure they might be willing to rent out.
As for you mom. Just writing on here you have to realize she is the one with the problem. Where is the ex-dancer thick skin and just be like, gee mom your right, I wll have to work on it and just block it out. Jas, from your pics on here you are one of the most beauitul women I or would venture to say any man has ever seen. I have a pretty good idea of the kind of area you are in and I can assure you that you look better tha 98% of the women around you.
I hope you find some piece with it. Its all in your head cause from your pic's it not you body thats the problem
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
I suggest kung-fu applied liberally to the facial area.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
That sucks so hard, I can't even imagine. Me, personally, when my mom starts wailing on my fat ass, I get pissed off and curse at her and tell that subject is off limits, and get really upset, make a scene, sometimes I cry..particularly because in my case, she's actually right, I do need to lose weight, and she's no skinny herself PLUS she always shoves a ton of delicious food down my throat when I see her. I never bitch about her weight to her though, last time I did that she smacked me upside the head with a hairbrush haha. So, I don't suggest you make any comments about her weight, don't even bring that to attention, she WANTS to obssess over that already.
So, anyway, I guess what I'm saying is...can you throw a couple of temper tantrums and upset your mom and make her feel bad and guilty about imposing her issues on you? Its not really a healthy resolution, but she doesn't seem to be a healthy person.
OR...you could start walking around the house in a bikini OR several layers of clothing..throw her off and confuse her? Haha, if she's manipulating you, do it back to her.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
What the absolute fuck.
I am coming over to sit on your mother and show her what fat looks like. If you hold her still I might even be able to slap her with the jiggle on my thighs. AUGH.
I am so sorry she is upsetting you with HER OWN insecurities - she needs help. :\
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
I'd say cut that bitch off, but you have to live with her. I just cut my mother off, she always tells me I'm lucky that I'm smart because my sister is the pretty one. My husband loses his proverbial shit over it. She used to buy me clothes in a size 12 when I was a teenager ( I was a sample size 2 and modelling at the time, I'm a 4 to a 6 now ), and still inists we're the same size.
Ok you crazy cunt.
Honestly, the best revenge is being perfect. Hold your head high and ignore her. If she pinches your arm and is all OMGZ UR ELASTICITY, just roll your eyes and mention the fact that hey, you might think that but I rocked straight As last semester so SUCK IT. After that, WALK AWAY.
When you CAN move out? Revert to Plan A: Cut the bitch off. Then throw a brick through her windshield.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mediocrity
She used to buy me clothes in a size 12 when I was a teenager ( I was a sample size 2 and modelling at the time, I'm a 4 to a 6 now ), and still inists we're the same size.
Exactly the same thing my mom used to do!
What is up with these psycho mothers?!
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
^^ Who knows but thank fucking god I had a saint for a father or I'd be even more of a whack job.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
princessjas
Ok, I have always had body image issues, but since I've moved in here they are INSANE! Like I'm becoming a total fucking nut! Mom has been bulimarexic since childhood, I've fought it since I was around 4-5 and she taught me to throw up my food to avoid getting fat....being around her is so unhealthy for me. At the moment I'm on a waiting list for a 2 bdrm as there are absolutely NONE available in my area and I must stay here for about the next year and finish up school. (Before someone suggests it I CANNOT move to a different area for multiple reasons, just CAN'T happen.)
How do I deal with her when the ONLY thing she wants to talk about it my weight and how much skinnier she is....which is apparently NOT TRUE! I just had a pool party with my 6 yr old and didn't have my bathing suit with me, so she suggested I wear hers...well, she was shocked that it fit! It was actually a bit loose except in the boobs. This morning she was spazzing out and told me how she really only suggested I try it on to see how much too little it was for me. She wanted to make herself feel better by pointing out how her suit was to small for me to wear! How mean is that?!?! Plus it hurts my feelings that my mother apparently see's me as a whale.
EVERYTHING is about being as thin as possible with her and she picks apart my body and talks about specific things that I'm already paranoid about. Yes, the inside of my knee could be a little flatter thank you! I know this, but it isn't like there is a big lump or anything! She will walk up and grab the underside of my arm and tell me my skin is loosing it's elasticity, or pinch my cheeks and tell me how they are getting fat, she even told me my FEET were getting fat the other day!! Oh, jeez, really, I have fat toes?!?! ::) I used to work for a Dr's office here and now he has a diet clinic....well when I first moved here she basically forced me to go get her diet pills from then TWICE. The second time they embarrassed the hell outta me by telling me in front of the entire waiting room that I was not overweight and they had only given them to me because I used to work there (and my aunt did as well), but I obviously have a problem and not to come back. The kicker is, she made me leave school, miss a class and miss the 2 hrs I would have had to study for a later exam to drive an hour and a half each way to go to one of the appointments. When I told her I needed to study instead of going, she informed me that having those diet pills was IMPORTANT....like my studying was just something that didn't matter. ARRRGGG!!!! I'm loosing my mind here!
I also notice that if I looked in the mirror, I think, abs aren't half bad, awesome boobs, legs could be a bit thinner, but oh well, nice ass! My opinion of myself isn't half bad. I think I look pretty damn hot, especially for a 34 yr old that has had two kids! But then mom starts when she gets home and by bedtime I feel like I'm the size of a small house! Just call me Shamoo.
Any insight on dealing with a mean, crazy person? I've tried talking to her and that just makes it worse. I've tried talking to Dad and that just pisses him off and he turns into an asshole for a month or two, so then I'm dealing with both of em. Anything? Anyone? I think I need therapy! :rotfl:
Ok, let's look at this a little differently. This is a Byron Katie method:
Your Mom, through her words and deeds is always trying to make you feel bad about your body. You think to yourself "she shouldn't be so mean and make me feel bad by making me think I'm fat".
First, is this true? Can you be absolutely certain that she "shouldn't" do this? Are you certain this is a bad thing, and doesn't serve some good that you just can't see at the moment? The fact is, she does this...it's reality, so isn't it just as true or truer that she "should" do this? This is a thing that your Mom does.
Second, how does it make you feel when you think this thought "she shouldn't try to make me feel fat"? What happens to your body when you think this? Do you get anxious and angry....hurt, sad? Do you feel discomfort in your chest or stomach?
Third, who would you be without this thought, "she shouldn't try to make me feel fat"? Would you feel more peaceful? Calm? Happier? Tolerant? Mature...sort of above the nonsense?
Now let's turn it around. Jas shouldn't make Jas feel bad by making herself think she is too fat. Does that ring truer? Do you beat yourself up over your body image regularly. If so, is it fair that you would want or demand someone else to stop doing that which you do over and over? You, as much as anyone, know how hurtful it is to do that to someone, so you can't give yourself a free pass to do it to yourself.
We can't correct all the apparent problems we see all around us, but we can correct how we feel about them, as long as we notice the connection between the thoughts we have, and the suffering they cause. See my point here? We can either change everyone and everything to suit us in order to be happy, or we can stop making ourselves suffer by insisting that reality should be different. Your Mom is probably going to continue saying and doing stupid, hurtful things...because that's what she does. You can feel good or bad about it, but it's going to happen either way. Find a way to feel at least neutral about it. And definitely don't play along with that game and beat yourself up about your body. You may not have any control over your Mom and your circumstances at the moment, but you do have influence over your own thoughts and how you react to them.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kylea2
Exactly the same thing my mom used to do!
What is up with these psycho mothers?!
My mom does this stuff too!! When I was a teenager EVERY shirt she ever bought me was a large or extra large....when I'd ask, WTF, she'd say well, you are pretty big and have big boobs. Yep, I was a C cup but easily fit in a small or x-sm shirt! She wouldn't even buy jeans for me, cause that was when a 5 or so was the smallest size and equal to a 0 or 00 now and I wore a 5!
For this past mothers day she bought me an Ed Hardy T-shirt in a LARGE!!! WTF?? It's supposed to be one of those snug ones, but me and another person could fit in there! The woman is EVIL and demented!!! :(
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
^Holy crap I just realized my mom did that too. She bought me jeans FIVE sizes too big once, then argued that they 'fit perfectly'. They were skinny jeans no less.
What IS with all the crazy moms?
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
I feel very lucky.
Sorry your moms such a cunt. I actually like hockeybobby's advice.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
My mom would buy me very conservative clothes and forbid me to wear anything revealing or "sexy" when I was a teenager. I hated it then but now I realize all she was trying to do was get me to feel confident in my own looks without the use of fancy makeup or clothes.
Of course, she never did any of the shit the OP's mother did. That just makes my blood boil. I wouldn't let her stay around her grandkids very long if she indoctrinated you into bullimia at an early age.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
daniella_maria
I feel very lucky.
Sorry your moms such a cunt. I actually like hockeybobby's advice.
I know, me too. My mom is my best friend.
When I feel fat she's the one who calls me crazy for thinking that. LOL
I'm really grateful to have such an awesome mom.
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
^^^ I'm insanely jealous right now! LOL
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kylea2
^^^ I'm insanely jealous right now! LOL
Me too!! I want a mom I can talk with my life about and get advice and maybe even go shopping together and get to look at a couple of things for me instead of constantly telling her how good everything looks on HER!! I've tried to create a relationship like that with mom for like 20 years now!!
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Re: Mom won't stop calling me fat!!
Y'all are more than welcome to share my mom with me! She's so awesome. She'd love you so much, haha ;D