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No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!!!
So I have posted before about my *formerly* amazing boyfriend. We've been dating for almost four months.
In the beginning, things were AMAZING, we talked for literally hours every day as well as saw each other every day, the sex was great, we could be open and honest with each other about everything, he was sweet, understanding, and helpful.
Then he went away for a month on a PMC.
I do NOT recognize the guy that came back, at all.
This guy is judgemental, cold, apathetic, and zombie like. He is not affectionate whatsoever, and he just makes me feel BAD.
Plus, he told me that he had a "revelation" while he was away, that sex before marriage is "against God's plan". He comes from an uber-religious family like me, so I accepted is as a plausible reason.
But I'm under the impression that if you're not gonna have sex, at least you'll be making out, kissing, hugging, being affectionate, things like that.
Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit.
I don't know what to do. Did the military brainwash my boyfriend, or is he "just not that into me"?
I have talked to him about it numerous times, he just sighs and replies "Why must you be so difficult/dramatic/insert blaming adjective here."
Should I just throw in the towel and move onto greener pastures? I don't know what to do, this whole thing has had a drastic impact on my self esteem and body image.
Stick it out or say to hell with it?
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
PTSD maybe?! I have no idea, but it's just over.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. But I don't want to dump him because I still have hope (like an idiot) that it will get better.
I wish he would just pull the plug and dump me though. Get it over with.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
PTSD can sometimes affect sex drive, and so can the medication to treat is. Mine has PTSD. Is he on any meds?
Also, the religious upbringing can cause a lot of guilty feelings about sex. I had an ex roommate who experienced the guilt of having sex before marriage, and he and his girlfriend actually did stop having sex.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
He's not on any meds other than self-prescribed reefer, beer, and adderall (he has some sort of adderall connection). Which brings me to my next point...sex before marriage is bad, but smoking and drinking are cool???
I'm kind of concerned he's seeing someone else.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Aderrall affects your sex drive. Like whoa. Every time I ever took it sex wasn't important and even when I tried to have sex I couldn't get off.
He could be, but it could really be religious guilt. Most religious families really drill into their children's heads that sex is not good before marriage and a lot of them live with guilt their whole lives. If he was seeing someone else, do you think he'd really stop having sex with you AND stay with you? This sounds really odd. Then again, I don't understand men, sooo....
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
He's not on any meds other than self-prescribed reefer, beer, and adderall (he has some sort of adderall connection). Which brings me to my next point...sex before marriage is bad, but smoking and drinking are cool???
I'm kind of concerned he's seeing someone else.
I understand the concern of seeing someone else, I know one of the married men I date told me that years ago a condom broke when he was cheating on his wife, so he tried not to fuck her for awhile till he was sure he didn't have anything. I think that's how he got caught the first time. Do you two live together?
Dude may have been raised religious, but there's no sense in him turning down a blow job? Literally makes 0 sense unless something really wacky is going on.
Its too bad he won't talk to you about any of this. If he won't, there's no way to fix it. :(
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
Harleigh HellKat
Aderrall affects your sex drive. Like whoa. Every time I ever took it sex wasn't important and even when I tried to have sex I couldn't get off.
He could be, but it could really be religious guilt. Most religious families really drill into their children's heads that sex is not good before marriage and a lot of them live with guilt their whole lives. If he was seeing someone else, do you think he'd really stop having sex with you AND stay with you? This sounds really odd. Then again, I don't understand men, sooo....
No I mean like...saying he doesn't believe in sex before marriage is a cover up for sleeping with someone else and not me.
Before he left, whenever he took adderall we'd go at it all night, and now it's just "la la la I'm gonna play video games all night and ignore youuuuuu."
Actually, it's like that when he's sober too. :-\
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
If he is using religion to cover up for having sex with someone else that's pretty messed up. I don't understand why people don't just break things off instead of stay in a sexless relationship and cheat on the other person. Really, what is the purpose of that?
And they say women are complicated. Jeeze. At least we talk about our feelings.
I sorry this is happening to you. hugs?
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
I just don't freaking GET IT. And I don't understand how he can possibly think he is totally innocent in all this.
I've been doing everything I can just to get him to come SEE me. I haven't seen him since Thursday and he has absolutely no desire to. To top it all off, he knows I have a horribly bad kidney infection, and he STILL won't visit me.
It's bullshit. I want to punch him in the head right now.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Maybe he made a "pact" with God... Like, if he thought he was going to die and said - God, please let me live through this, and I promise,... I promise,... okay, no sex until marriage.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. But I don't want to dump him because I still have hope (like an idiot) that it will get better.
I wish he would just pull the plug and dump me though. Get it over with.
Sorry I didn't see your thread before.
My advice is to go with your intuition, something seems to be telling you that you deserve better and what you have in the moment isn't what you want. You have the power, I'd say take matters into your hands and set yourself free
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
jack0177057
Maybe he made a "pact" with God... Like, if he thought he was going to die and said - God, please let me live through this, and I promise,... I promise,... okay, no sex until marriage.
It was a contract inside the US. He wasn't anywhere near any type of "battle" situation this time. THAT's why I'm calling bullshit on the PTSD.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
I just don't freaking GET IT. And I don't understand how he can possibly think he is totally innocent in all this.
I've been doing everything I can just to get him to come SEE me. I haven't seen him since Thursday and he has absolutely no desire to. To top it all off, he knows I have a horribly bad kidney infection, and he STILL won't visit me.
It's bullshit. I want to punch him in the head right now.
Ummm yeah. Dump him.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
Harleigh HellKat
Ummm yeah. Dump him.
After I sleep with someone else.
I've never cheated before, but dammit, this is war. I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me, so bring it.
Our texts today:
Him: I might come see you later tonight. It depends on if I leave the house or not.
Me: I don't believe you. You said that yesterday and the day before.
Him: Ok...well like I said it depends.
Me: Right.
Him: You can be mad if you like...I'd rather you be mad than sad.
Me: I can't keep begging and humiliating myself for you. I feel bad for wanting to see you because I know it's not mutual.
Him: I don't see how you're humiliating yourself honestly.
Me: Because I keep begging and keep asking and I tell you I'm sick enough to be in the hospital and you "may see me if you feel like leaving the house". Just 30 minutes would make me happy and it seems like such an inconvenience.
Him: I told you I needed some alone time.
Me: My fucking kidneys are shutting down again! The last time this happened I almost died! I'm scared you can't put aside your male pride to just be there for me?
Him: You wouldn't understand.
I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND?!? I FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT IF HIS ASS WAS SICK I'D BE THERE IN A HEARTBEAT.
Bastard.
If he does come over here I'm kicking him. Square in the nuts, just like Cartman said to. Rochambo all the way.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Hell yeah, I'd lay into him! What a dick! He should be by your side taking care of you.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
I mean I'm not expecting the guy to spoonfeed me chicken broth or whatever, but a quick check over here to make sure I'm not on my deathbed would be nice!
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Sooo...it's been over an hour since he said he was coming over. Yeah, he's still not here.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
I'm kind of concerned he's seeing someone else.
This was the first thing I thought of after reading your OP. In any event, what you are getting from him is far from what you want from a man. You don't have to settle for it if you don't want to.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Dump him. You need and (more importantly) DESERVE someone who will be by your side right now. If you love someone, you can trust that they will understand. If he thinks you wont be able to, then don't try. Take care of yourself, sweetie.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
It was a contract inside the US. He wasn't anywhere near any type of "battle" situation this time. THAT's why I'm calling bullshit on the PTSD.
Oh. Maybe he's gone gay.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
"He doesn't like being around sick people".
Okay, I don't like being around insensitive douchebag little bitches.
After I get my "smoking device" back, I'm dumping his ass.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
After I sleep with someone else.
I can help you arrange that. ;) (To the haters - I'm only kidding...)
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
Lmfao @ Jack. @ Wanderlust, Girl I thought this was just a silly phase with him..kinda thought he was playing hard to get? DUMP HIM ASAP! You can call me and I'll dump him for you.
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Re: No Sex in the Champagne Room...or the bedroom...or the living room...or anywhere!
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Originally Posted by
wanderlust08
"He doesn't like being around sick people".
Okay, I don't like being around insensitive douchebag little bitches.
After I get my "smoking device" back, I'm dumping his ass.
Leave the douchebag...take the bong.
:D