Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
I don't think he was into a relation with you as he simply continued on with his life after you slept together. So maybe he thought it was causal thing.
One thing to think about is if you did want a relationship with him. You would need to sit down and discuss how you want you would each handle the club. I mean would you actually want him in the club with you. Because if he does come in he'd have to act as he has done before. Spending money on other girls etc. If he only came in and had dances with you then everyone is the club will know your going out.
Just some things to think about.
John
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
devildolly
[LEFT]For "regular" Custys: If you get lucky and see one of your favorite dancers outside the club, do you expect to pay for her time same as in the club?
No. I don't go to SC's but rarely, but the times I have "associated" with any of them outside of their work, I had no expectations, or interest, in paying for their company. If that's the case, they sure as heck had better make that clear before hand. Closest I have came was after dinner, she made it clear she was looking for a "sugar daddy" and I made it clear that was not of interest to me. As a lot of dancers are into fitness, and or compete as figure/fitness types, I'm more likely to meet them at the gym, or a show, etc, so that obviously changes the dynamics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
devildolly
I like him but I feel he should pay esp since I don't know how he feels about me really, maybe he is hooking up with a bunch of others and paying them because they demand it? If figure if he is just playing around with me I have something to show for it ?? :-\ He may be wanting a repeat performance some day
Talk about over complicating a thing: you went out with a guy you are attracted to, had some sex (hopefully good sex), the end.
Not everything has to come down to $$$, unless you want it to.
Sounds more like you have some potential feelings for him, and can't tell if he feels the same way about you. That's how it reads to me at least.
The only way to know is to simply talk to him about it. If you don't have any feelings for him, and simply feel like you missed out on some possible $$$, then you make that clear next time he wants to meet up. However, if you did have an interest in an actual relationship, making him pay for your company = not a great relationship builder in my opinion.
Don't over complicate it, but it sounds to me like you like him more then you wanted to and now feel possibly used.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
I truly feel your pain.It sounds like you gave this guy the ultimate gift that
a stripper could give to a some lucky guy and he basically did not appreciate it.He is pathetic and not worthy of your time or thoughts any
longer.There are plenty of other custys in the sea.What i would say going
forward is to remember how you fealt, and the next time some PL starts
spending all his rent money on you and you decide he's just a dollar sign
remember how you fealt.I can only get in to see my ATF every 3 to 4 months due to working 70 hr weeks.If you are going to see someone OTC
then you should discuss the rules prior to the meeting.If you are looking at
it as something personal because your intersted in someone then when the person decides maybe your not compatable after sex then you can not get offended.If you were looking at it as a chance to make some extra
cash and you didn't let him know up front that this was a cash deal,then
that is on you.I bet you can probably think of 5 or 20 PL's that worship
you and would have given every dime they had for the opportunity this guy got, and in return you wouldn't give them the time of day.Its sounds
like you are wanting someone in your life that special.Forget this loser and
maybe take a look at some of the PL's that you've probably brushed aside
I mean you have to peel a bannana to get to the good stuff.Your mister
right is probably right there.:)
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
If the dancer didn't drop any hints, I'd be unsure what to do. Needless to say, women can get EXTREMELY offended if a man offers to pay for sex when they were not looking for that. I would give at least $300 once it was clear the dancer wanted it.
You could just come right out and ask for how much you want in the future. But that could lead to being called bad names, harrassment from other dancers, or worst-case arrest by undercover cops. The better way is to only let him nibble at the worm until he takes the hook. You should have kissed the guy on the lips, stuck your tongue in his mouth etc., and seen if that led to getting more $$$. Or, if you can't do small extras inside the club, go on a few dinner dates, do a little groping in the parking lot afterwards, see what it gets you.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Did you have hopes for a committed relationship with this guy?
Sex does not automatically mean commitment, at least not in this day and age. If you don't want to have (free) sex with a man without a commitment, you have to get to know him well enough to know if you can trust him, and he has to SAY he wants a commitment. And don't just assume that both of you have the same ideas about what your obligations to each other are in a committed relationship. Talk about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
devildolly
well I dropped the ball because like i said I had been out of the club for a couple of months when he started contacting me and I forgot how it was when he was there with all the girls buzzing around him like flies on sugar. Also he wouldn't mention when he was there and we were talking so often it almost seemed "normal"? and real like he was really into me. But when I walked in and saw him, i WAS hurt because i felt like maybe it didn't even matter who i was at all like i thought, and that he'd spend all his money at the club on nothing then call me later trying to get off and amybe he just wanted to be with a dancer, any dancer, whoever took the bait. Maybe he's a sex addict, maybe a dancer groupie? I was mad at myself for getting sucked in because i was having a weak moment ( going to school full time and exhausted,caring for a 4 year old on my own,having an injury so i couldn't work and not being able to get out of the house for any social life- i was vulnerable). then I started feeling angry and my streetwise side said "if your nothing but another body to this guy at least you should have gotten paid and paid well!" ( as far as the prostitution goes - a lot of people think exotic dancing is just a step away- we are dancing naked or half naked to turn some one on sexually for money and in lap dances grinding on somebodies crotch and putting our juicy bits in their face for money- definitely a sexual act IMO so i guess it depends on how you think) he's giving these girls a ton of money for nothing but fake companionship etc but you have spent way too much time and effort on him and for what? He's still up in the club when your not there spending cash, he might as well spend it on you!"
It kind of turned me off just realizing that he IS there so much...probably knows every girl's business, whose on the rag,who had an abortion etc. Yick! I really don't want to be part of the harem. so in hindsite, I guess I made a huge mistake. When and if if he asks for a repeat ( with or without pay) I will probably pass. I rather just do air dances and get money than get my heart hurt. I wish we could have met under some other circumstance...
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mediocrity
Yup, agreed. Mutual attraction and initiation from both sides? Don't think he anticipated paying for it.
My impresssion is that, for most women, there is a very small percentage of guys that they would want "just sex" from. Certain categories of guys (have a certain physique, powerful, famous, exteremly aggressive) will find large numbers women who would want "just sex" from them. But for most of us guys, we should always suspect that a woman very probably wants something more from us than just sex. The "something more" usually involves emotional and/or financial support, and some sort of commitment.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Don't bring up money now - its too late, plus it will make you look like a prostitute and a bad one at that, with no business acumen.
Let your feelings cool off and then tell him the OTC date was a mistake and you want to go back to just a dancer-custie relationship. If agrees nonchalantly, then he was never interested in a real relationship to begin with.
On the other hand, if he protests and insists on seeing you again OTC on a personal relationship basis, then, there may be some interest. But, don't sleep with him again for a while - See first where the relationship goes, so you don't feel "used". Also, wait for after at least 3 more dates to tell him you feel uncomfortable watching him spend so much money on other dancers when he is dating you. You can't reasonably expect him to change his lifestyle and habits overnight. If you try too soon, you'll come across as over-possessive, insecure and neurotic.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ilbbaicnl
My impresssion is that, for most women, there is a very small percentage of guys that they would want "just sex" from. Certain categories of guys (have a certain physique, powerful, famous, exteremly aggressive) will find large numbers women who would want "just sex" from them. But for most of us guys, we should always suspect that a woman very probably wants something more from us than just sex. The "something more" usually involves emotional and/or financial support, and some sort of commitment.
Colour me in the small percentage then. Before I got married, there were times I had quite the rotation... didn't want to date any of them, I just wanted variety. I'm friendly still with most of them.
Maybe I should have rephrased my reply. What I intended to convey was that the OP made it sound like they went out on a personal date.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ilbbaicnl
My impresssion is that, for most women, there is a very small percentage of guys that they would want "just sex" from. Certain categories of guys (have a certain physique, powerful, famous, exteremly aggressive) will find large numbers women who would want "just sex" from them. But for most of us guys, we should always suspect that a woman very probably wants something more from us than just sex. The "something more" usually involves emotional and/or financial support, and some sort of commitment.
I disagree somewhat... Women are more open-minded/sexually liberated nowadays and do want "just sex" (or fuck-buddy situations) with guys that they like (not love) and feel comfortable with, even if those guys don't have the "certain physique, powerful, famous, exteremly aggressive". In my pre-LTR days - humor, "listening skills", curiosity of female sexuality and openness with my own sexuality worked well for me. (Sexual openness/honesty is important, because if you hide your male sexuality, they'll forget you have a dick and you'll just become one of their "girlfriends".)
However, I would never go into a SC expecting to seduce a dancer - its her workplace. She is in stripper/hustler money-making mode when she is at the SC. She's not there to make friends or lovers.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jack0177057
I disagree somewhat... Women are more open-minded/sexually liberated nowadays and do want "just sex" (or fuck-buddy situations) with guys that they like (not love) and feel comfortable with, even if those guys don't have the "certain physique, powerful, famous, exteremly aggressive". In my pre-LTR days - humor, "listening skills", curiosity of female sexuality and openness with my own sexuality worked well for me. (Sexual openness/honesty is important, because if you hide your male sexuality, they'll forget you have a dick and you'll just become one of their "girlfriends".)
However, I would never go into a SC expecting to seduce a dancer - its her workplace. She is in stripper/hustler money-making mode when she is at the SC. She's not there to make friends or lovers.
I agree. Back in my wild days (early-mid 20's) I wanted sex partners who were only sex partners. In some cases these guys would never have become serious (a few were married, a fact I now regret) but the sex was amazing. Now though I look at it slightly differently. Right now there are two guys who have potential in different ways. One is a young guy (around 25) who's nice looking but just looking for sex. The second is a guy about 4 years older and has husband potential all over him. If I was just looking for sex I'd sleep with the first guy, but the problem is I love the second guy. I know if I slept with the first guy I'd feel guilty about cheating, though I am not official with the second guy yet. I know men are the same way with women they'd sleep with but wouldn't marry.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
This seems like a classic case of buyer's remorse. You gave up the putty then, in hindsight, realized that he was not what you thought he was. But to cut through the BS and to get to the point:
1. You screwed him because you were attracted to him, end of story. If you wanted money this should have been dealt with up front.
2. You did not want money until you saw him entertaining other girls in the club. Don't get me wrong, I am the last person in the world to judge a girl who wants to get paid for her time, but it sounds like sour grapes to me.
3. You forgot how much time he spent in the club, but when you worked there before you knew that he was a frequent visitor. He is a SC hound and if you did not get that before then it is on you.
Sorry to come off as harsh, but there it is.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I agree. Back in my wild days (early-mid 20's) I wanted sex partners who were only sex partners. In some cases these guys would never have become serious (a few were married, a fact I now regret) but the sex was amazing. Now though I look at it slightly differently. Right now there are two guys who have potential in different ways. One is a young guy (around 25) who's nice looking but just looking for sex. The second is a guy about 4 years older and has husband potential all over him. If I was just looking for sex I'd sleep with the first guy, but the problem is I love the second guy. I know if I slept with the first guy I'd feel guilty about cheating, though I am not official with the second guy yet. I know men are the same way with women they'd sleep with but wouldn't marry.
Well yeah the 1950s are over, but women I think are still much more selective. If you show a man a random sample of women between 20 - 30, he would probably be interested in having sex with well over half of them. Back in your "wild days", if you were presented with a random sample of 100 guys between 20 and 30, how many of them would you estimate you'd want to have sex with?
I wouldn't kick yourself too much about the married guys. It was their commitment to keep not yours.
It sounds like you feel like you have to pretend you don't like sex without commitments in order to be seen by a men as acceptable wife material. So even now there is still a big double standard? I doubt you expect that your future husband won't feel the desire to cheat. You just expect him to refrain from doing it once he's made a commitment to you. Why does a man have the right to expect more than that from you? Why can't you have one last fling with Mr. Right-now if you haven't made any commitment yet to Mr. Right.
Re: If you meet a dancer OTC do you expect to pay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ilbbaicnl
Well yeah the 1950s are over, but women I think are still much more selective. If you show a man a random sample of women between 20 - 30, he would probably be interested in having sex with well over half of them. Back in your "wild days", if you were presented with a random sample of 100 guys between 20 and 30, how many of them would you estimate you'd want to have sex with?
I wouldn't kick yourself too much about the married guys. It was their commitment to keep not yours.
It sounds like you feel like you have to pretend you don't like sex without commitments in order to be seen by a men as acceptable wife material. So even now there is still a big double standard? I doubt you expect that your future husband won't feel the desire to cheat. You just expect him to refrain from doing it once he's made a commitment to you. Why does a man have the right to expect more than that from you? Why can't you have one last fling with Mr. Right-now if you haven't made any commitment yet to Mr. Right.
He knows I like sex, in fact I like it more than him. The thing is, I made a vow to myself years ago to refrain from sex until engagement. Luckily I've only gotten HPV, but what if I had gotten AIDS or pregnant? That's why I am reluctant to sleep with this other guy now. To me, sex is far more important than it was.