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Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
Sooooo I've been thinking A LOT about this. When I start dating again, or even talking to someone, I hate to say it, but I don't want a black man. Some of them are GREAT (like my dad for instance). But I can't seem to find a decent one. They all either want a piece of ass right away or they get scared away when I say I have a kid. i can't find a real man who wants a serious relationship. All the good ones are taken. Honestly I've always been attracted to white men and hispanic men. But the only problem with that is that a lot of hispanic men in my area only stick with latin women. And a lot of the white men in my area like asain women or white women. I can't just can't win HUH!?! I would LOVE to date a man from another race or background. But it's almost impossible to find someone during this day and age. I know I know I shouldn't look for love, but it gets lonely around here.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
I kind of get what you're saying. I would date a black professional man (there are many), but a black (or for that matter any race) thug? No way. I know way too many thugs who have multiple babies out of wedlock with women who usually also have babies from other guys. Not to mention the gangbangers. These people are disgusting, and while it's any race, it tends to mostly be those who are black from my former area. I hate scum of any race. I have a lot of female black friends (professional) and they always complain about the lack of good black men.
Having said that, I don't think anyone is wrong for not wanting certain races. I mentioned this in another thread but I would likely never date an Indian nor a Arab who was Muslim. Not only aren't I attracted to them, their cultures are considerably different than mine and we wouldn't mix. I like Hispanic men, but the problem is too many, like black men, are thugs and baby daddies, and that I hate. The decent Hispanic guys are snatched up quickly. The white men I see often tend to be the burly guy type (hate this type), or previously married, or worse, with kids.
It's just hard to general to find decent guys of any race. It's harder as one gets older.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I kind of get what you're saying. I would date a black professional man (there are many), but a black (or for that matter any race) thug? No way. I know way too many thugs who have multiple babies out of wedlock with women who usually also have babies from other guys. Not to mention the gangbangers. These people are disgusting, and while it's any race, it tends to mostly be those who are black from my former area. I hate scum of any race. I have a lot of female black friends (professional) and they always complain about the lack of good black men.
Having said that, I don't think anyone is wrong for not wanting certain races. I mentioned this in another thread but I would likely never date an Indian nor a Arab who was Muslim. Not only aren't I attracted to them, their cultures are considerably different than mine and we wouldn't mix. I like Hispanic men, but the problem is too many, like black men, are thugs and baby daddies, and that I hate. The decent Hispanic guys are snatched up quickly. The white men I see often tend to be the burly guy type (hate this type), or previously married, or worse, with kids.
It's just hard to general to find decent guys of any race. It's harder as one gets older.
TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! And i hate it, that the first man I ever loved, I happened to get pregnant by and sure enough I'm just a "baby mama" to him. He only has 1 child, my daughter. But the fact that he could care less about "family" is what hurts me the most. And soooooooooooooooooooooooo many black men are like this. They can have babies without caring or thinking twice. And I feel you about the indian/ arab men. I couldn't date one just because of their morals and culture.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Nicole89
TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! And i hate it, that the first man I ever loved, I happened to get pregnant by and sure enough I'm just a "baby mama" to him. He only has 1 child, my daughter. But the fact that he could care less about "family" is what hurts me the most. And soooooooooooooooooooooooo many black men are like this. They can have babies without caring or thinking twice. And I feel you about the indian/ arab men. I couldn't date one just because of their morals and culture.
And the sad thing is, your ex will likely do it a few times. I hate sounding racist because I'm not (my sister in law is black as are many of my closest friends) but this is a big problem in the black community. I can only go by what I've seen (having lived in a community populated by these guys) but so many do it as a form of bragging. I used to see so many women (black and white) who had babies from these guys. For instance, a family friend (white) got mixed up with one of these guys. Even though he already had 4 kids already out of wedlock, she didn't see a problem with this. Yep, she got pregnant by him so now there's another kid without a father and a mother on welfare. It's sad and its the reason why there are so many gangs now and why there is an epidemic of violence, including cop shootings as of late. These people are destroying our society and it's getting worse because it's become so accepted. Yet if people speak out they are called racist. There are a few things that could be done, but many of the instances hurt the kids and that's a problem.
This is why I am hoping my current situation works out because he's a never married no kid Italian guy with strong morals (he believes pregnancy means marriage), and there's not many guys like him anymore. Most guys in general want to screw around right away and it disturbs me.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
And the sad thing is, your ex will likely do it a few times. I hate sounding racist because I'm not (my sister in law is black as are many of my closest friends) but this is a big problem in the black community. I can only go by what I've seen (having lived in a community populated by these guys) but so many do it as a form of bragging. I used to see so many women (black and white) who had babies from these guys. For instance, a family friend (white) got mixed up with one of these guys. Even though he already had 4 kids already out of wedlock, she didn't see a problem with this. Yep, she got pregnant by him so now there's another kid without a father and a mother on welfare. It's sad and its the reason why there are so many gangs now and why there is an epidemic of violence, including cop shootings as of late. These people are destroying our society and it's getting worse because it's become so accepted. Yet if people speak out they are called racist. There are a few things that could be done, but many of the instances hurt the kids and that's a problem.
This is why I am hoping my current situation works out because he's a never married no kid Italian guy with strong morals (he believes pregnancy means marriage), and there's not many guys like him anymore. Most guys in general want to screw around right away and it disturbs me.
THANK YOU!!!! And its especially hard for me to speak out because I'm black (mixed, but look black). And people think I'm turning on my race if I don't agree with a lot of things. Its not that, I just want to have a good man, and honestly I cannot find a good "black" one. Might sound stereotypical, but like you said, I'm going by what I see on a daily basis.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Nicole89
THANK YOU!!!! And its especially hard for me to speak out because I'm black (mixed, but look black). And people think I'm turning on my race if I don't agree with a lot of things. Its not that, I just want to have a good man, and honestly I cannot find a good "black" one. Might sound stereotypical, but like you said, I'm going by what I see on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, if I speak out, I get called a racist, and I'm not. There are decent black men out there, but are hard to find, just like there are of any race. I feel for these guys, the ones who want a nice girl because they are competiting with the thugs for girls and for some reason many women want the thugs. I've never gotten why that is so, maybe low self esteem? I know in the case I mentioned she came from an abusive family (her dad raped her) so he probably gave her attention.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
Black people are hmm 14% of the population? so of course the odds of finding a good black man are much less than other more populous race. Doesn't mean they are not out there though.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Nicole89
Sooooo I've been thinking A LOT about this. When I start dating again, or even talking to someone, I hate to say it, but I don't want a black man. Some of them are GREAT (like my dad for instance). But I can't seem to find a decent one. They all either want a piece of ass right away or they get scared away when I say I have a kid.
I've also heard complaints from black women that the best available black men (successful entrepeneur, athlete or professional) date and marry outside their race... I guess that's why some people are protective of keeping relationships within the same race, because they're afraid that the "best ones" will run off with someone more "exotic" (Latin, Black, Native American, Asian, Indian, etc.) or "glamorous" (English, French, Italian, etc.).
One of my requirements for a wife was that she speak Spanish because this is my parents' native language and I've seen how awkward family get-togethers become when all the family members start talking in Spanish and the non-Spanish speakers are left out (or someone has to act as translator and does an atrocious job at it). My problem was that the girls I dated were usually "white" girls with no Spanish-speaking abilities - this was because I went to predominantly "white" schools and not by conscious choice. I did finally meet a European girl from Spain and we hit it off famously, and she was my first wife.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
jack0177057
I've also heard complaints from black women that the best available black men (successful entrepeneur, athlete or professional) date and marry outside their race... I guess that's why some people are protective of keeping relationships within the same race, because they're afraid that the "best ones" will run off with someone more "exotic" (Latin, Black, Native American, Asian, Indian, etc.) or "glamorous" (English, French, Italian, etc.).
One of my requirements for a wife was that she speak Spanish because this is my parents' native language and I've seen how awkward family get-togethers become when all the family members start talking in Spanish and the non-Spanish speakers are left out (or someone has to act as translator and does an atrocious job at it). My problem was that the girls I dated were usually "white" girls with no Spanish-speaking abilities - this was because I went to predominantly "white" schools and not by conscious choice. I did finally meet a European girl from Spain and we hit it off famously, and she was my first wife.
I know how you feel. My best friend is Colombian, and I am always hanging out with her family. I don't speak ANY Spanish though, but I want to learn it and my goal is to speak it fluently eventually. But yes, the black men are so rare, that when a good one comes along he gets snatched up immediately. I would LOVE to date a Hispanic man, but I know he probably wouldn't accept me since I don't speak Spanish. Finding a good man is so complicated sometimes :)
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
jack0177057
I've also heard complaints from black women that the best available black men (successful entrepeneur, athlete or professional) date and marry outside their race... I guess that's why some people are protective of keeping relationships within the same race, because they're afraid that the "best ones" will run off with someone more "exotic" (Latin, Black, Native American, Asian, Indian, etc.) or "glamorous" (English, French, Italian, etc.).
One of my requirements for a wife was that she speak Spanish because this is my parents' native language and I've seen how awkward family get-togethers become when all the family members start talking in Spanish and the non-Spanish speakers are left out (or someone has to act as translator and does an atrocious job at it). My problem was that the girls I dated were usually "white" girls with no Spanish-speaking abilities - this was because I went to predominantly "white" schools and not by conscious choice. I did finally meet a European girl from Spain and we hit it off famously, and she was my first wife.
I've heard that from my black women friends on how it's cool for the decent black men to date white women. A lot of hatred when they say it, though they aren't racist. I get what they are saying. It's very hard finding a decent guy at all, and when you feel an "outsider" is taking your men you hate it. For example, I've heard that many white men are marrying foreign women. While most of these guys are probably not ones I'd like, I wonder how many are.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I've heard that from my black women friends on how it's cool for the decent black men to date white women. A lot of hatred when they say it, though they aren't racist. I get what they are saying. It's very hard finding a decent guy at all, and when you feel an "outsider" is taking your men you hate it. For example, I've heard that many white men are marrying foreign women. While most of these guys are probably not ones I'd like, I wonder how many are.
Yea I agree with that too. I'm not going to lie. It's hard seeing a GREAT black man, with a white woman. And he treats her like a queen and they have a good little family. Because then you look at yourself and your like, what the heck is wrong with me! Why the heck can't I find a good black man. But also it's because black woman have a tendency to be the biggest bitches. They get tired of dealing with all this men who treat them like shit, they turn bitter inside (almost happened to me) and when a good man comes along they usually scare them off and black men see black woman as being bitter and angry all the time. And usually it's because of what they've gone through in the past.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
I wouldn't consider dating a "thug" of any race. I am not particulary attracted to black men anymore and I can't see myself dating one if I were single. I'm just not physically attracted to them. Of course there are good looking black men who are successful, but I am more attracted to white men hands down. I've met some good black men and passed up a great black man to get back with my loser ex. Unfortunately good black men are hard to come by and then they may not want to date black women ! Either way, be picky and selective. Don't get too hung up on race. Just find the right and don't lower your standards. Black women shouldn't be afraid to explore other races. I hear too many black women saying, "Oh I could never date a white man!" Of course white men are just my "type," but I still believe there is always someone to make you break your type. Very rarely I meet or see a black man who makes me go, "Now if I were single....." Good luck
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I feel for these guys, the ones who want a nice girl because they are competiting with the thugs for girls and for some reason many women want the thugs. I've never gotten why that is so, maybe low self esteem?
That's because girls like it rough. :D... But seriously, if you live in a "rough" part of town, a thug will protect you better than a "nice" guy.
Also, many (but not all) people who live in rough parts have as role models (1) athletes, (2) hip hop or rock artists and (3) "businessmen" thugs that cruise in expensive cars. The academically-inclined quiet kid in glasses gets picked on mercilessly until he gets older, moves away to go to college and he never comes back. He's invisible to them, so he never becomes anyone's role model.
The same thing happens in a "black" ghetto or a "white" trailer park community. Metaphor - the thug is the "alpha dog" that all the female dogs want. (Didn't say "bitches" because its not PC.)
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Nicole89
I know how you feel. My best friend is Colombian, and I am always hanging out with her family. I don't speak ANY Spanish though, but I want to learn it and my goal is to speak it fluently eventually. But yes, the black men are so rare, that when a good one comes along he gets snatched up immediately. I would LOVE to date a Hispanic man, but I know he probably wouldn't accept me since I don't speak Spanish. Finding a good man is so complicated sometimes :)
Nicole, I'll compromise on language, if you learn to dance Salsa...;)
Seriously, learn to dance salsa like the queen of salsa, and spend a lot of time in salsa clubs... Oh,... and also learn to say, "O papi!"... But, don't make Taco Bell jokes.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
jack0177057
Nicole, I'll compromise on language, if you learn to dance Salsa...;)
Seriously, learn to dance salsa like the queen of salsa, and spend a lot of time in salsa clubs... Oh,... and also learn to say, "O papi!"... But, don't make Taco Bell jokes.
:) I never made a taco bell joke in my life, I didn't even know people did! lol. But i can definintely handle saying O papi! And as for salsa dancing it's a beautiful dance, I wouldn't mind learning lol. If only the men in my area were open to different races.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
90% of black married men are married to black women. black men looking for marriage still overwhelmingly want black women.
that said, i went this route when i chose to marry:
http://imstars.aufeminin.com/stars/f...0429-37482.jpg
so i understand about being open to other ethnicities regarding marriage.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
jack0177057
I've also heard complaints from black women that the best available black men (successful entrepeneur, athlete or professional) date and marry outside their race... I guess that's why some people are protective of keeping relationships within the same race, because they're afraid that the "best ones" will run off with someone more "exotic" (Latin, Black, Native American, Asian, Indian, etc.) or "glamorous" (English, French, Italian, etc.).
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Ermmm wrong. I have never had a problem dating a professional black male.. HOWEVER, I prefer whites to black men. I don't care if he's the CEO of whatever whatev.. I would take a white man anyday..
White men love me too! :-) Hahahaa
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
malayataylor
Ermmm wrong. I have never had a problem dating a professional black male.. HOWEVER, I prefer whites to black men. I don't care if he's the CEO of whatever whatev.. I would take a white man anyday..
White men love me too! :-) Hahahaa
;D Maybe I need to keep my eye out for the white men. I've been attracted to them since elementary especially since i've gone to an all white elementary and middle school. But high school it was mostly hispanic. But anywho........I just want a good man. I don't really mind his race, but I want to try something different.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
I don't like thugs(and especially wannabe thugs) of any race either. But I do love my chocolate. ;D:-*
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
Zinaida
I don't like thugs(and especially wannabe thugs) of any race either. But I do love my chocolate. ;D:-*
Ditto!
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
i've known lots of white guys who date black girls, and black girls who only date white guys and seem not to have any problem getting boyfriends.
i'm not really into black guys. i think it's actually because my best friend when i was little was a black boy. i've had a lot of platonic friendships with black males. some were straight up HOT and great guys and treated girls well, but i just never felt any attraction to them whatsoever.
i'm basically just into white guys.
and unfortunately, all the white guys i've been into have either gone only for the model types or the blue eyed blondes or black girls or mixed girls or asians or latinas. more or less anything but me. and at first, i blamed myself a lot, figured i must be hideous or something. but then i started to notice that guys would be into me, then they'd start practicing their high school spanish on me, and asking me about my culture and about catholicism and shit. and once i figured out what was going on and told them i'm not latina (like many latinas, i'm european and native american, so i've got darker features, and i guess i can understand why a super white boy type wouldn't be able to tell the difference), they basically disappeared. totally lost interest. so it wasn't even an attraction thing. it was some weird, racist stereotype thing. like i was suddenly just a white girl instead of a latina, and they didn't like me anymore.
so yeah, super fun. but i think part of that might be my area. the white boys where my cousins live not only date mostly white girls, they also seem to mostly date girls waaaaay less hot than the ones they'd expect to have here. everytime i go there, i feel like i'm in some sort of alternate universe where i can suddenly get a hot guy who's nice and smart and funny. here, even the broke, ugly losers would give me the "look, i'm not looking for anything serious" talk if i ask them out for coffee.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
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Originally Posted by
she sells sanctuary
i've known lots of white guys who date black girls, and black girls who only date white guys and seem not to have any problem getting boyfriends.
i'm not really into black guys. i think it's actually because my best friend when i was little was a black boy. i've had a lot of platonic friendships with black males. some were straight up HOT and great guys and treated girls well, but i just never felt any attraction to them whatsoever.
i'm basically just into white guys.
and unfortunately, all the white guys i've been into have either gone only for the model types or the blue eyed blondes or black girls or mixed girls or asians or latinas. more or less anything but me. and at first, i blamed myself a lot, figured i must be hideous or something. but then i started to notice that guys would be into me, then they'd start practicing their high school spanish on me, and asking me about my culture and about catholicism and shit. and once i figured out what was going on and told them i'm not latina (like many latinas, i'm european and native american, so i've got darker features, and i guess i can understand why a super white boy type wouldn't be able to tell the difference), they basically disappeared. totally lost interest. so it wasn't even an attraction thing. it was some weird, racist stereotype thing. like i was suddenly just a white girl instead of a latina, and they didn't like me anymore.
so yeah, super fun. but i think part of that might be my area. the white boys where my cousins live not only date mostly white girls, they also seem to mostly date girls waaaaay less hot than the ones they'd expect to have here. everytime i go there, i feel like i'm in some sort of alternate universe where i can suddenly get a hot guy who's nice and smart and funny. here, even the broke, ugly losers would give me the "look, i'm not looking for anything serious" talk if i ask them out for coffee.
I thought I was the only one who's had that problem. I am a white girl who's often mistaken for a Latina. I do speak Spanish and have had guys come up and speak Spanish to me. I likely have some Hispanic or Native American blood somewhere but once guys find out that I'm basically white they lose interest. I've noticed myself that most of the white guys I've liked have been attracted to blondes. I've had loser guys reject me too, and date a ugly fat blonde. I've never understood this at all. When I've told guys I was Latina I got many more dates.
I know several white guy/black girl relationships. One is my brother and sister in law, another is their best friends. I know many other instances as well.
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
Im in the minority here but for the most part I do not find white guys attractive at all. I married a handsome, professional, wonderful black man. That said, he is the only one in his peer group to marry/ seriously date a woman of color. I am bi racial and have friends and family members of all races but I identify socially as a black woman. In regards to black men having children and running off and not caring..... Honey that is ALL men
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
I'm brown-skin, black, and I date any race but more inclined to date lighter skin men as my preference, specifically Latin American guys. I even dated someone full Native American and a guy from Laos. So it's more a preference thing to me rather than I hate black men. I can see a black celebrity who is fine and be like "Damn! He's fione!" but in real life that rarely happens. When it comes to ladies, my prefernece is more body type related than skin-tone. I'm a misfit who happens to hang with a bunch of misfits so my issue is dating out of that social class to something a bit more mature, especially at my age. But I haven't had much of a problem pulling SD's though =)
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Re: Hope this doesn't sounds racist!
Uggg I don't like thugs, or wanna-thugs of any race either! Also for some reason most of my best guys are white. My man right now is reaaaaaally white (seriously he is so pale,lol poor guy needs a day off to get some sun). And he treats me like a queen, brings me flowers and suprises, gives me footrubs, has taken over paying the bills while I get my cam career going. I have NEVER been overly attracted to black guys. Though Tyrese... now there are some nasty nasty things I would do to that man's body...... but anyway! For the most part black men just piss me off, but then again so do guys in general.