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what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
:banghead: WHY is this so hard for men to comprehend? I'm 28 and very sure that kids are not for me. I don't have the maternal instinct, and I have no desire to be a mom. That SHOULD be the end of the conversation on the topic, but I always have to justify my position. It's as if having a vagina should automatically fill me with the desire to grunt out some spawn.
I ended a four year relationship in November with a guy who was convinced that I'd "change my mind" about kids. He was so sure I'd see the light and change my thoughts on having a family. There were other issues..but it ended up being a big fucking waste of time.
So I started dating a new guy in Dec (I move on fast!) and I was VERY CLEAR from the start that if he was sure he wanted a family one day, that I was probably not the woman for him. We seemed to be on the same page, as he said didn't think he'd EVER want kids. He's commented on it several times since that... Frankly, he has a hard time just taking responsibility for his dog.
So the other night we were talking, and I mentioned that I wished I could find a doctor to sterilize me (my age and childless status makes that particularly difficult) and he was like "really"? I asked him if he suddenly had changed his attitude about kids, and he said he didn't know. This pissed me off because I was SO CLEAR about this from the start. Basically, he said that most of the time he doesn't want kids...but then once in a while, he thinks it would be "nice to have the option." He is 39, never married, no children...and he still doesn't know if he wants a family?
So, I said we should talk more about it (this was a phone convo) in person because it could be a deal breaker. He responded by asking if I would change my mind if I met the right man.
The "right man" doesn't have anything to do with it for me. The "right man" for me will NOT WANT KIDS. Why is this so hard to understand? Are there any good men out there who don't want babies?! (and not those who don't want kids because they already have some by another woman). ugh.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I'm with ya. I got a vasectomy just because I never wanted to run the risk of having any offspring hanging around. I should say, I love my nieces and nephews dearly... I make an excellent uncle. But I can only handle kids in small doses. I've never wanted them, and am certain I never will. It's rare to find people who think like that, though. When people hear I had a vasectomy without having kids first, they always give me some confused look. I've taken to telling them I did it for medical reasons (too high of a risk of passing on a family disorder or something), just so I don't have to explain myself further.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
^LOL, you know we are not kid people when we refer to potential children as "spawn" and "offspring."
If you don't mind my asking - how old were you when you got the vasectomy?
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Just for the record, it works the other way around too. Before I first had kids, I was pregnancy obsessed and trying to find guys that wanted to have kids with me and instead,'got guys who claimed they wanted kids too then months later would either suddenly dump me (not saying a word to me, but lAter in time admitted it was becuZ of the kid issue), or they'd try to convince me that I could be happy in a life without kids if I stopped being so narrow-minded/fixated. Um hello **I** know what life would make me happy!!! But seriously sometimes my dating life felt like that opening scene of the Tina fey movie baby momma, when she very honestly and openly tells her date how she wants a child and he suddenly bolts, leaving her alone at the restaurant. Also I often wondered if some of these guys just said that they wanted kids initially as a lie so they could get sex or dates from a hot chick like me, with no plans of ever carrying thru on anything in the future. And guys my age (mid 20s back then) who already had a kId, who weren't interested in having any more anytime Soon...which is why I didby date dads before I had a kid myself. It's no Wonder some women go the sperm donor route, it's so hard to find guys who are honest about the kid issue on EITHER side. Thank god i dont have to go thru that issue like I did 4-5 yrs ago. So yeah while you're frustrated right now, the girls on the other end of the spectrum can relAte in a way too.
I sometimes did rather deceptive and disloyal things to guys back when I was younger, and sometimes I downplayed my desire for kids in order to avoid having yet another guy run as fast as he could from me, but one thing I NEVER did was, claim to never want kids. I don't think I could deal portraying myself in such a way, but mebbe that's because (for ME) I'm so anti-childless.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I actually waited until I was 35 to get the vasectomy. I've always known that I didn't want kids, and first started thinking about getting a vasectomy when I was around 25. I put it off because I wanted to be sure that it wasn't just some hormonal thing going on during my youth, that I might change my mind later. Also because the thought of a doctor having a knife around my junk is NOT a happy thought.
I think the best term I heard for having a kid was 'dropping a sprog'. I actually had to google that one, and had a good laugh when I found out the etymology behind that particular phrase.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
tampadancer
It's as if having a vagina should automatically fill me with the desire to grunt out some spawn.
Bahahah... I loved this line.. Mind even if I use this as a quote? I loved it.
The guy you are seeing, from what you mentioned seems like he is lost and is just following. Dating in the early stage, people seem to find common interests and sometimes agree without too much thought. You telling him having kids is a big no for you, while he probably agreed without having such a serious thought like you. When the "final" choice came to seeking a doctor, it showed his true colors... Seems like he does want kids. It's upsetting because so many people are like within stages of dating or relationship and dont understand how much it means to you. I would honestly start telling future men that you are planning on getting sterilize (whether or not), to let them know you mean it 100%. There are men who dont want kids, just keep searching. This is a serious choice on both parties.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
LOL Kisca - yes, you can quote me :)
I def think you are right. It's like I'm not taken seriously when I explain my no-kids policy in the beginning... either because the men are not thinking long term, or they figure I'll change my mind. I need to just find a doc to give me essure... then I'll be able to say I can't have kids. Mens' reactions to that would be a far better litmus test, I believe.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Men? i find it's parents who can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to have kids.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I want kids one day, but I'm not sure if I can have them (medically)....Weird, I know.
Anyway, Tampadancer - this is a case of the guy not thinking about his future seriously. Usually people just know whether or not they want children - it's not something they go back and forth about. I guess, in his heart, he would like children if the opportunity did arise. Talk to him, and if that's the case then c'est la vie, there's more fish out there. Or offer to buy him a Gerbil as a replacement? Haha...(I'm mean...)
Good plan about telling men you 'can't have kids' except - from when I've mentioned it to people online/IRL - they usually assume that means I'm disappointed about it and say something like "at least you can adpot!". For me that's not irritating because I do one day want children. For someone who doesn't want kids, that would be wearing. Try adding "and I don't want any". Makes it sound very definitive.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I will say that while people usually know at 28 they can change depending on the situations. Until I was 35 I was staunchly anti having kids. I didn't want the responsibility, I didn't want to ruin my body, I was meeting guys who would have made lousy fathers (assuming they stayed around, many of them wouldn't). I went to my doctor around 35 asked to be sterilized and she told me she didn't recommend it because I seemed wishy washy. I don't think I could have a kid unless the man I had it with was really into babies. Way too many men don't do their fair share and that's another reason I was staunchly anti pregnancy.
I do hate though that people think because we are women we like certain things. Nothing bugs me more than when people will say things like "women love babies". Honestly, I like babies but am not obsessed with them at all.
Now I really don't know anymore. I really wanted to have a child with the last guy but now the idea of getting pregnant repulses me again. I don't know if it's because I am so mad now and haven't met a guy or because I really don't want kids. I am 40 which makes it worse but I've seen people around my age really go from not wanting kids to wanting them desperately. That could be what's going on with that guy because I've seen people change their mind about kids in their late 30's-early 40's.
I would tell them upfront your feelings. People need to know true feelings because then they can move on. Only you know if you will change your mind but they need to assume you won't.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I will say that while people usually know at 28 they can change depending on the situations. Until I was 35 I was staunchly anti having kids. I didn't want the responsibility, I didn't want to ruin my body, I was meeting guys who would have made lousy fathers (assuming they stayed around, many of them wouldn't). I went to my doctor around 35 asked to be sterilized and she told me she didn't recommend it because I seemed wishy washy. I don't think I could have a kid unless the man I had it with was really into babies. Way too many men don't do their fair share and that's another reason I was staunchly anti pregnancy.
I do hate though that people think because we are women we like certain things. Nothing bugs me more than when people will say things like "women love babies". Honestly, I like babies but am not obsessed with them at all.
Now I really don't know anymore. I really wanted to have a child with the last guy but now the idea of getting pregnant repulses me again. I don't know if it's because I am so mad now and haven't met a guy or because I really don't want kids. I am 40 which makes it worse but I've seen people around my age really go from not wanting kids to wanting them desperately. That could be what's going on with that guy because I've seen people change their mind about kids in their late 30's-early 40's.
I would tell them upfront your feelings. People need to know true feelings because then they can move on. Only you know if you will change your mind but they need to assume you won't.
This is a pretty good post.
TD, you seem pretty set about not having kids, but I would NOT get sterilized yet. Things change, as KD has shown.
That said, if someone doesn't want kids, they shouldn't have them to please someone else, or whatever.
I think it's unfortunate for society that you don't want kids though. We need your genes in the gene pool. Have you seen Idiocracy? Too many idiots pumping out hellions, while good people like you aren't.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
tampadancer
Basically, he said that most of the time he doesn't want kids...but then once in a while, he thinks it would be "nice to have the option."
Being sterilized is more or less an ABSOLUTE. I will NEVER have children.
Which is a big jump from just not wanting to have any.
I think the level of commitment just freaks a lot of people out. The option to have children isn't necessarily a desire to possibly one day have children... so much as it is a comfort to know you have the ability to change your mind.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
4everresolutions
Good plan about telling men you 'can't have kids' except - from when I've mentioned it to people online/IRL - they usually assume that means I'm disappointed about it and say something like "at least you can adpot!". For me that's not irritating because I do one day want children. For someone who doesn't want kids, that would be wearing. Try adding "and I don't want any". Makes it sound very definitive.
Good point - I would find the "pity face" annoying after a while, no doubt.
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I would tell them upfront your feelings. People need to know true feelings because then they can move on. Only you know if you will change your mind but they need to assume you won't.
Thanks for your thoughts, Kelly. I know it's impossible to forecast tomorrow, but I'm pretty set on the baby thing. And I really believe that IF I ever developed the desire to have children, I'd rather adopt than have my own anyways. I'd rather help give a good life to a kid who otherwise would not have much.
I am upfront about my feelings on this from the start...but as stated before, I don't think I'm always taken seriously
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Originally Posted by
Mr Hyde
I think it's unfortunate for society that you don't want kids though. We need your genes in the gene pool. Have you seen Idiocracy? Too many idiots pumping out hellions, while good people like you aren't.
awwww..thanks Hyde :) I think your comment brings up a discussion worthy of its own thread - who is having the most children in the U.S. and how this is changing society...
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Originally Posted by
DesuvsDeath
The option to have children isn't necessarily a desire to possibly one day have children... so much as it is a comfort to know you have the ability to change your mind.
I think you probably hit the nail on the head here. I'm not sure that he really thinks he may want kids, but rather is just freaked out at the idea of not being able to have them...with me anyways :) After all, as Hyde said, I'm a hot gene-pool commodity!!! haha...
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Tampa, I can fully understand your feelings about kids, but just realize exactly what you are asking for. You want to find a good man that is 100% sure that he will never, ever want children.
IMHO, most good men under 40, even those that don't want them now, are going to have a hard time coping with the concept that they will never be able to have kids. I don't know, but I think that if you will not relent at all on your position then you are going to: (1) go through many more of these starts and stops; or (2) be shopping in the asshole and fuck up aisles of the relationship store.
Now I'm not saying that you should have kids - it is clear that you don't want them - but isn't there any room for a guy who already has them? What if they are older kids?
Just my :twocents:
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
Mr Hyde
This is a pretty good post.
TD, you seem pretty set about not having kids, but I would NOT get sterilized yet. Things change, as KD has shown.
That said, if someone doesn't want kids, they shouldn't have them to please someone else, or whatever.
I think it's unfortunate for society that you don't want kids though. We need your genes in the gene pool. Have you seen Idiocracy? Too many idiots pumping out hellions, while good people like you aren't.
Excellent movie to watch because of the whole issue. It really is scary because I've read that the more educated one is the more likely they are to have no kids or a small family. Likewise, idiots (especially those who make welfare a lifestyle) seem to have a lot of kids. Sometimes I'll turn on one of those crappy judge shows and there's always some couple on there with multiple babies from different baby mamas and baby daddies. Scary to think these people will take over the country.
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Originally Posted by
tampadancer
Thanks for your thoughts, Kelly. I know it's impossible to forecast tomorrow, but I'm pretty set on the baby thing. And I really believe that IF I ever developed the desire to have children, I'd rather adopt than have my own anyways. I'd rather help give a good life to a kid who otherwise would not have much.
I am upfront about my feelings on this from the start...but as stated before, I don't think I'm always taken seriously
Adopting is a very admirable thing. I have been thinking a lot about that because of things going on in my life. I was recently asked if I would be open to adopting and I answered yes. In fact many years ago while I didn't want kids of my own I thought how wonderful it would be to adopt a child (not baby) because there are many who need homes. I could raise a child on my own but wouldn't even try with a baby.
If someone had told me at 30 I'd change my mind about having babies I would have looked at them crazy. I didn't even want to marry at 30 let alone have kids. However many other personal changes happened I didn't expect. I didn't know my niece would be born and I'd be completely head over heels in love with her, or that my career would be a mess (I had been a workaholic), or that I would reconnect with the man I thought was my soulmate (though I think I was wrong on this). I also didn't realize that I would see my family get ill such as my grandparents, which made me realize that I won't be young forever and without a family of my own I could possibly be alone. Then I saw several coworkers (never married) who retired but regretted never having kids. One of my coworkers (a never married 55 year old guy) told me that yes he was happy he had enough to retire, but wishes he had a family to retire with. He warned me not to follow the same pattern and he saw me making the same mistakes he did.
I know two kinds of childless women, which opens my eyes. The first are those who never had kids but were married. They don't seem to be disappointed they didn't have kids and they have a lot of money to spend doing things they enjoy. A family friend fits in this category. She never had kids (has nephews) but has a ful life and spends most of the year traveling with her husband (he married first time at 50, no kids). The second group of childless women I know are the never married no kids women. Many put their career first instead of looking for a spouse and they got to an age where they just couldn't find a decent man. They really resented being alone and became bitter. Now they are too old to have kids naturally as well (mid 50's) and they regret it. I am at an age where there are still decent men around (I am 40) but I know in the next 5-10 years these guys will be gone and all that will be left are guys I don't want (guys with kids or guys with serious mental issues). I also know that at 40 I probably only have 5-10 years left of having kids so if I plan to have kids I need to start looking for a man now. If I had realized it at 30 I would have had time.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
One comment I gotta make. I feel a bit taken back when the op says "he's 39, never married, and doesn't know if he wants kids?" isn't it possible it wasn't his CHOICE to be never married? Mebbe he's playing it up like he wanted a career or his freedom, to mask looking insecure by admitting that he just didn't have an easy time in the dating/marriage world? ESP in the first few months of dating, when it's utmost important to convey self confidence in order to keep dates coming back? Dating self help books like why men love bitches always preach that girls shouldn't be too open to admit their mRriage and/or baby desperation in the first yr or so of dating...mebbe guys use similar mindset.
I'll admit I've hid my true feelings on a few (less important) dating issues yrs ago just to impress someone and keep getting piece of ass. When I was 18, I was seeing a pretty clean-cut goody twoshoes in his mid 20s who was a bit sexist becuz he felt it was worse for a girl to sleep Around than a guy. He claimed it was becuz if a girl slept around and got pregnant she wouldn't know who the father is (um, that can work the other way around too ya know, a guy not knowing he has kids out there til one day he's planning the rest of his life with someone special and blam!--gets issued child support orders for kids he didnt know existed). At the time I was a die hard feminist and resented sex life double standards more than anything. But at the time just to AppEar complacent I just nodded and said "ok true".'I was insincere. This was also during a time that I'd just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to play the field for the first in my life, and date other people. Said to guy I didn't want a commitment but didn't feel like telling hmm the details of other guys I was seeing either. When he found out he went apeshit on me. Dork. Haha
The point of my above story is, sometimes people agree to stuff without thinking in the early parts of a relationship to either appease the other person or because they don't want to admit that they were undesirable to the dating pool at one time. Mebbe that's the case with this recent guy, TD.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
kthnx
One comment I gotta make. I feel a bit taken back when the op says "he's 39, never married, and doesn't know if he wants kids?" isn't it possible it wasn't his CHOICE to be never married? Mebbe he's playing it up like he wanted a career or his freedom, to mask looking insecure by admitting that he just didn't have an easy time in the dating/marriage world? ESP in the first few months of dating, when it's utmost important to convey self confidence in order to keep dates coming back? Dating self help books like why men love bitches always preach that girls shouldn't be too open to admit their mRriage and/or baby desperation in the first yr or so of dating...mebbe guys use similar mindset.
I'll admit I've hid my true feelings on a few (less important) dating issues yrs ago just to impress someone and keep getting piece of ass. When I was 18, I was seeing a pretty clean-cut goody twoshoes in his mid 20s who was a bit sexist becuz he felt it was worse for a girl to sleep Around than a guy. He claimed it was becuz if a girl slept around and got pregnant she wouldn't know who the father is (um, that can work the other way around too ya know, a guy not knowing he has kids out there til one day he's planning the rest of his life with someone special and blam!--gets issued child support orders for kids he didnt know existed). At the time I was a die hard feminist and resented sex life double standards more than anything. But at the time just to AppEar complacent I just nodded and said "ok true".'I was insincere. This was also during a time that I'd just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to play the field for the first in my life, and date other people. Said to guy I didn't want a commitment but didn't feel like telling hmm the details of other guys I was seeing either. When he found out he went apeshit on me. Dork. Haha
The point of my above story is, sometimes people agree to stuff without thinking in the early parts of a relationship to either appease the other person or because they don't want to admit that they were undesirable to the dating pool at one time. Mebbe that's the case with this recent guy, TD.
You bring up many good points and I think that could be part of his problem. Guys are often told they need to act a certain way to get women and it's often a myth. Many of the men I know were told that if they act like players women will swarm them and this isn't true. I certainly don't like when men act like that. Sort of like the myth that if women play hard to get men will be interested. Some will, but many of the women I know who played hard to get didn't get the guy they were doing this too.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
tampadancer
It's as if having a vagina should automatically fill me with the desire to grunt out some spawn.
Classic line there. ;D
Sorry you are having a hard time with this. Just remember that in spite of their flashy cars, designer clothes, trendy condos, etc., people are still stuck in primitive mating, breeding and nesting patterns of behavior. Most people are little better than relatively intelligent animals. Other people who try to escape that kind of life scare them.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
*sigh* I'm right there with you. I don't like kids, don't want them. I'm open to the idea that some day this may change and if it does then I will adopt or become a foster mom. Like you, I can't get a doctor to sterilize me (29, childless, married). Just like you as well, when I started talking to my guy about sterilization he kinda went, "woah well let's not be hasty!"
WHAT?! We've been together for 5 years! You've known this whole time that I didn't want kids and I picked you over the other guy I was with b/c you didn't want them either and he did!
Here's my new theory. Lots of guys say they don't want kids b/c a) they don't want kids *right now* and b) they ASSUME -like eeeeveryone else on the face of the planet- that we wimmin-folk will get all biological clock on them in a few years and bust out the baby card so that they don't have to admit that secretly the did kinda want kids. If B, they can blame it on us and "get away" scot free w/their buddies, looking like macho man.
"Oh I didn't want kids but the little lady went all biological clock on me, you know, since I'm such a fine specimen of manhood and all, and I just couldn't keep her offa me."
So then when we say, "No really. Fuck the biological clock." they have to admit that they kinda wanted us to shit out kids so that they could...you know, go to work and leave the rugrats with us all day and then come home and play with them after work.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Men are attracted to youth and fertility. Men don't want to hear that you don't ever want to have children even though they don't want kids either because it's a sexual and psychological turn off. I dated someone who already had two kids and she had her tubes tied. Knowing she had her tubes tied was a turn off for me even though I didn't want to have any children with her.
Even though you and your SO agree that you don't want to have children, you have to keep that fertility carrot dangling in front of him to keep his interest in you. It's a psychological thing. If you act like a biological dead end, it takes away him wanting you as much because men are biologically programmed to want to be with fertile women. That's partially what's going on in the Strip Club. Men want to be around young, fertile women.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Touching on a point made above about women playing 'hard to get'. Honestly, that's the quickest way to get me to lose interest in you. Just be honest and upfront with me. Especially in the early stages of the relationship, starting off playing games with my attention only makes me think that dating you is more of a chore than something I'd enjoy.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
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Originally Posted by
SteveSmith
Men are attracted to youth and fertility. Men don't want to hear that you don't ever want to have children even though they don't want kids either because it's a sexual and psychological turn off. I dated someone who already had two kids and she had her tubes tied. Knowing she had her tubes tied was a turn off for me even though I didn't want to have any children with her.
Even though you and your SO agree that you don't want to have children, you have to keep that fertility carrot dangling in front of him to keep his interest in you. It's a psychological thing. If you act like a biological dead end, it takes away him wanting you as much because men are biologically programmed to want to be with fertile women. That's partially what's going on in the Strip Club. Men want to be around young, fertile women.
I don't know if I buy that 100%. I know many women who find men after menopause and many are quite attractive. Just because a man wants someone young and hot doesn't mean he can get someone like that. I want a hot Latin lawyer who drives a sports car but if I wait around for that I can expect a life full of cats.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SteveSmith
Men are attracted to youth and fertility. Men don't want to hear that you don't ever want to have children even though they don't want kids either because it's a sexual and psychological turn off. I dated someone who already had two kids and she had her tubes tied. Knowing she had her tubes tied was a turn off for me even though I didn't want to have any children with her.
Even though you and your SO agree that you don't want to have children, you have to keep that fertility carrot dangling in front of him to keep his interest in you. It's a psychological thing. If you act like a biological dead end, it takes away him wanting you as much because men are biologically programmed to want to be with fertile women. That's partially what's going on in the Strip Club. Men want to be around young, fertile women.
I don't play this game. What you're suggesting is that I mislead guys about something that is very important to me. While I understand your statement about men being attracted to fertile women (I cannot argue against that...it's a scientific fact), I don't think that being a "biological dead end" will condemn me to be alone forever. I know there are many guys out there that don't want kids - and I'm willing to wait it out for the right one who doesn't. That's what I thought I had found with the current bf...hence my frustration.
And earlier question about dating men with children was raised, and I am not opposed to that, as long as they are older. I had a long term relationship a few years ago with a divorced guy who had to daughters (5 and 9) and a jealous ex-wife... and that was just too much baggage. I won't get into it here, but playing insta-mom to little kids was not my cup of tea.
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Originally Posted by
johnjdick
Touching on a point made above about women playing 'hard to get'. Honestly, that's the quickest way to get me to lose interest in you. Just be honest and upfront with me. Especially in the early stages of the relationship, starting off playing games with my attention only makes me think that dating you is more of a chore than something I'd enjoy.
Agreed, 100%. Playing hard to get or holding the proverbial carrot in front of a guy isn't my style. I am a catch - very attractive, fit, fun, intelligent, adventurous, educated... that is enough of a carrot :) I don't need to mislead men to attract them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I don't know if I buy that 100%. I know many women who find men after menopause and many are quite attractive. Just because a man wants someone young and hot doesn't mean he can get someone like that. I want a hot Latin lawyer who drives a sports car but if I wait around for that I can expect a life full of cats.
Again, agreed. If unfertile women were so unattractive, how did the current "cougar" epidemic start?
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I think it might have to do with so many people changing their mind in later life....
My wife's best friend....NEVER wanted kids, EVER....she got the same thing as you, constantly having to explain herself in her 20's...then even moreso in her 30's....she owns a bar, works nights, travels....etc. got married when she was about 35...still NEVER going to have kids......i would call her stance...'militant' anti children.
had her 1st kid at 40, had her 2nd at 42....and couldnt be happier.
One of my best friends...same thing...never wanted kids...(with him though i think it was more of him having a bad father and not thinking he could do a good job).....but he married he was 32 she was 30...neither wanted kids. About 5 years later, she 'accidentally' got pregnant....(that is the story).....they just had their 3rd.
You are constantly evolving and growing as a person.........maybe the guys in your life(especially older ones) probably know people who never wanted kids who changed their minds.
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Re: what part of "I don't want kids" is so hard to understand?
I hate kids, so does my husband, we both always have. So don't worry, there are other people out there who are child free by choice. :)