haha nah i was jk, i meant if the keeping your junk in was a problem..i want kids hehe lots and lots of kids
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I have 7 cats and a dog right now...LOL
I have Endo and Rheumatiod Arthritis! I had the lap surgery 3 years ago. Not much of a scar now. I have a beautiful Shih Tzu! The guy I am seeing does not want any more kids so I don't know if I can get pregnant. We never try. Sigh! I feel all your pain because I went through it also. I will be 40 in November so kids may not be for me. Yes the photo is me (the profile pic)
and here i was feeling so alone.
i have severe PCOS, endometriosis, and something mysterious going on with my kidney that has me making between 12-27 stones every month. the stones cause constant UTI's, and my left kidney is now shriveled. i've been told it is cancerous, that it's a "sponge kidney," and all kinds of other theories i'm honestly too exhausted to check out. pissing blood is a regular thing for me. i tried getting a "real" job last month- was threatened with being fired if i took my medication on the job- peed my pants at work- was told that i had to STAY THERE- and needless to say i'm now back to dancing in a club that i hate.
i have an implenon implant in my arm that i got last summer and have since BALLOONED. even at times when i was literally starving myself i still managed to pack on pounds. i had perfect skin and i've fluctuated weight all my life so i've been big before, but now suddenly i'm covered in stretch marks i never had before. i mean crazy unsightly ones that have no pattern to them. my self-esteem spiraled. at least i don't have periods anymore- i couldn't lead anything close to a normal life when i was having them due to the ovary explosions.
and yes, i too struggle with bipolar, high anxiety and severe PTSD. i was stuck in bed for about 8 months of last year too, and who in their right mind could avoid being depressed out of their mind over that kind of thing? i beat my addiction to pain meds, got really strict about water intake and juicing and slowly worked back into exercising, so now at least i'm up and *trying to make it to work a few times a week again.
also, my asshole ex beat me so badly once that i now have an inverted cervical spine- meaning my neck essentially curves the wrong way. i lose sensation in my right arm constantly or will be in such debilitating pain that i can't do anything but lay flat and cry for days.
i'm 23. i feel too young to be afraid of being active in the regular world, but it's just not an option for me. ever since SW added "camming connection" as a forum i've been conjuring up ideas about how this could be my saving grace- i just don't know ANYTHING about computers, lingos, etc. but i think i'm about to invest some serious time in figuring it out since this last week i was in bed two days with stones, one with my neck, and another spent vomiting on the bathroom floor. i don't mean to sound vain but i hate being so pretty and capable and educated and driven but for nothing since nothing is all i feel like i'm capable of now. hopefully i can stick out this nasty club long enough to get my shit together and begin my camming career!
^ Yeah, being young with physical problems sucks! I also suffer from some permanent maiming from an ex, and it sucks to hear it when people tell you you're 'too young' to be in pain, or have faulty body parts, or be unlucky. You and I are in a similar spot physically. I haven't worked other than camming for about two and a half years, with the exception of a part-time cashier job that managed to become too much.
Fuck the helplessness! I'm going to overcome it even if it means I have to make enough money to hire a manservant to cart me about in a wheelbarrow! Maybe even a sexy one!
I have PCOS and HS (Hidradenitis Suppurativa). I can live with both but they're "invisible" diseases that make me feel like shit and my friends and family forget that I even have. Most everyone knows what PCOS is but hardly anyone knows what HS is. To save time, I'll just give a pretty brief overview. Basically it's a disorder/disease of the apocrine (sweat) glands. The disease usually presents itself sometime around puberty or slightly after but it can also be WAY after in the case of some ladies I've met. Basically what it does it cause a bump that fills with blood, pus, oil, sweat and other icky stuff. The bump swells up and eventually bursts (which is gross and stinky). The bump will either heal up fairly fast or it will weep and drain which requires frequent bandage changes. After it finally heals, that bump goes dormant until the disease decides to rear its ugly head again.
At stage 1 of the disease, you just get these bumps in random places. Sometimes they reappear in the same area and sometimes they move to a new area. At stage 2, the bumps start to cluster and typically also spread to a new area. They also start forming tracts that connect the bumps under the skin. At stage 3, these clusters are fully connected by sinus tracts. The bumps can either continue to spread or stay in the same area and worsen. This is a stage of the disease where the bumps can grow to very large sizes. There can also be scarring in pretty much all the stages. The scars look a lot like bruises but thankfully it's hardly noticeable on cam and those that are, I can cover with makeup.
The bumps can appear just about anywhere. I've had them in my vaginal area (outside, inside, and in my thigh area), waist, under my breasts, back of my neck and under my arms. Some areas are more frustrating/painful than others.
HS is one of the biggest reasons why I refuse to work outside my home. I need a job that allows me frequent time off (for when my bumps grow to very painful sizes) and breaks when I need them (when I need to change bandages often on my bumps). It is ridiculously hard to find that kind of a job outside the home so I work from home doing a lot of odd jobs - including search engine evaluation, graphic design, blogging and of course, camming.
Princesstyland and Housewench I feel you on the youngness. I am 23 and I have been sick since I was 14. I'm 24 soon so it will be 10 years of my life like this.
I actually feel really privileged to read how strong you ladies all are in this thread. Even when you talk about weakness just the very fact you are opening up and sharing and are still here fighting is worthy of applause. I think I have it bad, and I do, but so many of you are facing so much more than me too and I just think you deserve props for pressing on.
xx
I've been looking into holistic things....I have a hyperactive thyroid and will have to monitor that for the rest of my life....anyway, I was into colonic irrigation a few years ago and I honestly felt a lot better overall, a lot of energy and it cleared up my skin so beautifully, but I also do microdermabrasion....anyway, here is a link to Hydrothrapy/colonic irrigation:
http://www.colonhealth.net/colon_hyd...lon-health.htm
A lot of ailments come from waste in the body.
I will say this one time - FUCK the DEPO SHOT!
So I figured I would take some time to write another entry to tell you guys what's up considering I didn't get to tell you much of what was going on the last time.
This time I am going to go from start to finish. Yep - the life story, Get your coffee and your smokes. :)
Ok - so let's go back to when I was 10 when my periods began. Now - I had to go to the gyno when I was 10 only because my family was one of those families that sex wasn't a closed topic. My Mother wanted me on the pill and I was getting on it. I broke my Mom's arm during the actual exam even though the exam last all of 2 minutes. The DR who did the exam was the guy who actually delivered me - he is super awesome. The 8- year old Korean guy you can barely understand but manages to be hilarious...LOL Anyhow, by the time I hit 12, I started having serious problems. It started happening that I would bleed so much from my period that I would pass out. I would bleed and bleed and it just wouldn't stop. I started going half-day of classes in Junior High School. So - we started changing the BC around and that seemed to help until the cramps started to happen. When the cramps started to happen a lot - D&C's started to happen twice a year. Those seem to help but by the time I turned 16, I was getting them 4x a year and the bleeding managed to get worse and I was already skipping the pills on the BC that made you start your period only because once I took them I'd never stop bleeding.
At this point - I was 18. I had a brain tumor when I was a senior in high school. I ended up graduating on home schooling. Of course, everyone thought I dropped out because I was prego LMAO - stupid kids. The following winter, the prego thing came. Yeah - I was a fuckin' moron. I got knocked up to my high school sweetheart. At this point - I was 2 months along - sicker than a dog and faced with a decision. Now - at the DR being that I had all these problems with my periods I was more concerned with if I decided to keep the child if I COULD carry to term but it turns out that it was not the case. It turns out that my uterus is shaped like an oblong circle rather than a pear like a normal woman's uterus and that if I decided to carry to term, my baby would have died either at birth or I would have had a miscarriage. So, I decided on abortion. Ok - yes, I know that some of you may be against it - but for me - let's not go political - I am about a choice. I won't go into a debate about it. You have your beliefs and I have mine.
So let's skip to where I get to college when I am 21. At which case, I am still bleeding like a stuffed pig. Yes. I am bleeding for months on end. At this point, I am bleeding for 5 months or more. I would stop for a week then bleed for another 3-6 months. I was severely anemic, passing out all the time, severe cramping, could barely eat, malnourished. I looked like DEATH.
This is when the surgeries started to happen. My first laprascopy by the self proclaimed best ENDO DR in Pittsburgh @ Magee's Womens' Hospital - yeah. He come out and basically told me and my Mother it was all in my head and there was NOTHING wrong with me AFTER he severed nerves in my pelvis. This was the 4th doctor I had seen. After this DR - I had seen 3 others. One who had given me a year of Lupron. I won't get into those details only because it didn't work out and I would be repeating myself over and over. Bottom line was - they all said it was in my head and there was nothing wrong with me. They kept changing my birth control pills when they stopped working and refused to helped me any further. When they stopped paying attention to me - I found a different doctor.
The last time I went and looked for a DR - I got a letter in the mailbox that two new DRs had come to a nearby hospital to open a practice and were established in the field of working on Endo and such. I decided to give them a shot. Dr. Nik and Dr. Stull were my saving graces. I firmly believe if it were not for them - I would be dead. Now - when I started to see them - I had 7 laps, 6 D&Cs and about 12 other different surgeries - so I had many different things to show them. When I walked into that office and I explained to him what was going on, I said that he was my last option. I said if he didn't find out what was wrong with me - I was going to crawl into a hole and go die somewhere. I said I would allow him to start from the beginning again because that is all I could do. At this point - I had nothing to lose. All I could do was try.
They did 4 laps and many different tests. They had come to the conclusion that ENDO was in stage 4. It had completely destroyed my ENTIRE reproductive system. It had blocked my tubes 100% and torn 3 holes in my abdominal wall. It has also infected my bladder as well as grown into my intestinal tract. They firmly believe that if the other doctors would had listened and treated me earlier that my endo would have not had gotten this bad TODAY. In 2008, I had a complete hysterectomy. I had ONE YEAR of complete bliss afterwards of NO PAIN and NO DISEASE until it all came back in 2009 when they decided to go back in when I went for a checkup.
Here is what I have been face with now.....
This is what my insides look like - I cannot even begin to describe to you ladies what this feels like except being ripped from the inside out.
Now - it's pain management, narcotics, and nerve damage with a messed up sciatic nerve from nerve damage.
Here are the diagnosed conditions - Endo, Stage 4, Osteoporosis, IBS, RLS, Sciatic Nerve Damage, Pelvic/Abdominal/Nerve Damage, Chronic Pain/Fatigue Syndrome, Intersitial Cystitis, Migraines, Gout, Arthritis, and possibility of the Crohns' Disease gene since my Mother has it. I'm 27 years old. I just won full and permanent disability. It was awarded back to 10/2008. I am one of 4 cases in the country that has won it off of an Endo diagnosis.
Meds - I def suggest anyone who has Endo - get into a pain management program and get on something called Opana. It is a narcotic and has helped me thus far. It is a strong one - BUT it seems to be working. I am not going to list all my meds but if anyone wants to discuss what I am on, I will do so privately.
I will keep you guys updated as I get more tests done. I have a bunch of DR appointments and tests in July...
Correction...that was what my insides looked like before they were ripped out....that's what they looked like BEFORE hand...it looks like that now minus some parts.
D:! -horror-
Yep. Daily.
....unless i read something wrong, i don't think she did.... unless she had a vagina dentata
Severe Osteoporosis due to the fact that I have gone and am still going through menopause at the age of 27.
Not to mention I have inherited bad gum disease from the family...
I didn't mind getting my teeth yanked though. It's not that bad - I actually enjoy nice fake white teeth!
Any updates with anyone?
I may have to have another surgery...ugh.
So I just stumbled across this thread today, which is weird because I've been experiencing some weird health issues myself. I have a fairly long history of anxiety. I've been in and out of college multiple times...still haven't been able to go back. I change jobs like I change my underwear because the stress just gets to me after a certain point. A few months ago I started having panic attacks while driving on the highway. I literally drive all back roads in order to go to work. I normally 15 minute drive takes me about a half an hour avoiding the highway. Now it's gotten to the point where I have anxiety even driving on those back roads. I've been having this weird disoriented feeling like i'm going to fall over. I can't describe it, but it feels like a combination of dizziness and vertigo. I have literally tried everything within my power to help this anxiety and weird feelings of disorientation. I've cut back on smoking cigarettes, limit my caffeine intake, stopped drinking for the most part, started seeing a therapist, started taking vitamins regularly, and work out a lot.... none of this seems to work. I was at my restaurant job last night and almost passed out. I've been in a constant state of dehydration for about three weeks now as well. I'm seriously thinking about making camming a full-time thing. Like seriously... it's difficult for me just to walk down the street, let alone be running around carrying dishes and such....ugh.
Sorry so many of you are struggling with health issues. I can also relate. I spent my teen years misdiagnosed, lost and out of control most of the time. Doctors thought I was depressed or had anxiety disorder.
I was only diagnosed recently with PTSD, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. It hurt to get the diagnosis because of the stigma that goes along with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.
I used to be a psych major, so I know the the stigma is bullshit. More than 95% of people who have borderline personality disorder have it because of early childhood trauma, which is the case with me. Who knows if my childhood helped my brain develop in ways that made me Bipolar or if I would have been Bipolar with no trauma.
I've been in terrible situations because of my manic episodes and in dark places because of depression. But it's both a curse and a strength you know? I've come up with some amazing ideas. You work like genius in a manic episode! I probably wouldn't be living in Canada or be my own boss working in this industry without my illness. So it isn't all bad.
The meds are so helpful in keeping me healthy. But I do struggle with the side effects. There is no way I could work for a company. I need to be my own boss and in control of what I do each day. Sometimes I just have to vent or I dissociate, or get too sleepy.
There is no way I could work a 9- 5!
I'm so glad, unfortunately, to hear that there are others dealing with some of the same issues. Having mental illness makes it so hard to keep a job. I'm so sick of people telling me "life is hard, deal with it." I know life is hard. I'm trying to deal with it... shut it, and try living a day in my brain.
If anyone needs to vent or chat you can always email me at [email protected]
I might be messed up but I have a psychology degree and know how difficult things can get. You aren't alone.
Hey Bella!!!
Thanks for the heads up love.
That is truly VERY awesome of you.
We have our very own SW counselor! YAY!!!
However - I must say, I started to take Zoloft and it seems to be working in line with the other meds I have been taking as well.
I know how much isolation makes things worse. So I don't want people to feel isolated even if they are just chatting with someone online.
And meds are definitely helpful. I can't be on SSRIs like Zoloft because of my Bipolar disorder (even though it was all I was prescribed for years!). I'm on Seroquel now and it has made a huge difference.
I'm also on a drug called prazocin for my chronic nightmares that I've struggled with for as long as I can remember because of my PTSD.
Strangely it is a medication for prostate issue and they just discovered this off label use by accident. It's so interesting how it has changed my dreams!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prazosin
o_O they can do stuff for chronic nightmares?! I've had crazy-ass, horrifying dreams beyond description since I was a kid, but I totally forgot until I stopped smoking pot a couple of months ago. At first I thought they were from anxiety (10 months and counting in this anxiety attack YAY LET'S BREAK A RECORD), but eventually I started remembering the creepy dreams I had as a kid, which I somehow managed to completely block out.
Funfact: Chronic pain hates it when you drop the chronic. Actually, chronic anything hates when you stop smoking the ganj