Avoiding your own sob story
Ok so I guess once in a blue moon a customer buys dances because he feels sorry for the dancer, but that could never be my angle. I'm not pushy-sexy. I primarily sell dances by "being myself" and I know people want to spend time with a happy, uninhibited sexy girl so I showcase that side of me and it's easy to shove all doubt that thats who I am 100% of the time for a few hours...I'm naturally pretty free-spirited and easy going....ANYWAY...I have a couple things going on right now and I find it really hard to not bring them up and depress people, I make myself sound like a whiner and not an attractive dance-mate....
In the short term: My dog was severely injured in an attack and it's hard for me to even leave him at all, let alone come to work and try and furiously earn money for his surgery.
In the long term: My 20K of stripper savings was depleted, as well as 85K in credit borrowed in my name, all for this asshole with a temper who I had to leave, (50K of it is a truck he drives, so he makes payments on that and the cc at the bare minimum) so now I basically sleep out of my car going from town to town trying to find a good club to strip at or a cheap place to live. I have been to many schools but have no degree. I'm studying real estate online but that usually just gets laughs from people and I hardly take it seriously myself at this point either.
So yeah...I am longing for a super-stripper facade of impeneratable elusiveness. This shit comes up as soon as someone asks me where I live or if I grew up nearby..."No sir I'm a gypsy!" sounds cute but then there is a troubled look in people's eyes when you can't sell it confidently, that you just love to drift? really?
Or what do you do for fun? Walk my dog...OH WAIT NOT ANYMORE Hmmm get drunk with you guys... Troll the internet. sorry I don't have a great life to talk about right now it sortof sucks...end convo.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
Playing hard of hearing is my only solution at this point for tonight. Even though it isn't loud where I work, I'll just be a little spacy and distracted....Anything I don't want to answer, anything i basically CAN'T answer I will ignore and keep up the sexy, the smiling, and the flirting...bringing it back to THEM if I can't really ignore it.
I just hate lying. I know it would easy to just pick a nearby school and say I go there, pick some beautiful interesting hobbies and talk about how much I love them. Then make up some kinky friends I have and divulge their "secrets" or ask for people's opinion on what my "friend" should do.....but I'm looking for some sort of convo starter/filler that doesn't have anything to do with me or my home life. Or lack therof.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
I know I'm answering my own shit right now, but this is helping, ha ha.
The main one is: "So where ya from?"
As soon as I hear that my nerves start firing like crazy. I get upset that I will pigeonholed and judged by my answer.
I think I'm going to start with "outerspace" or "your dreams" or maybe even "Your girlfriends graduating class!" Or I will just immediately ask them the same question without answering it.
Why can't I answer that you ask? Well, for one it's a stupid little small town that I haven't lived in for half of the time I've been alive. I've lived all over and done a bunch of shit. All of which I don't really feel like talking about because they were mistakes now in hindsight. Being from a small town doesn't make you a small town girl. Nor does having lived in a big city make you a city gal for ever. I know people might say hey, they are just being friendly and it's a habit, they don't even care where you're from...but I gotta tell you people ARE really interested in the the club I'm working at. Everyone wants to know why I'm there and how I got there and what I'm doing next.
I'm halfway considering a fabricated back story where I come from a very long line of strippers. That I almost DIDN"T become a stripper but my grandma was so distraught I thought I'd give it a go and hey! I loved it! SO here I am, no further questions on the WHY please.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
Or I am going to gtfo of this town by the end of the month and head back to LA or Vegas where there is enough foot-traffic in the clubs that I don't have to spend 2 min on a person getting nosy and there will always be another customer who ALSO doesn't want to talk about their homelife...lol
Or they so desperately don't want to talk about their life that they're willing to be genuinely interested and non-judgemental about my adventures. Because I will talk. I love to talk. It's just I keep running into people who ask personal things then lamblast me afterwards for not having the right answers.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
I know it's annoying to lie but it seems like that may be your answer at this point. When I lied, I tried telling myself that those guys don't REALLY wanna know where you re from or what you like...they're just making conversation to spend time with you or be polite. So I say find a story and stick to it, kind of like a stripper persona.It doesnt really matter what the story is, as long as you are comfortable with it.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
First of all, thank you for taking good care of your dog. Good thoughts and prayers are on the way for your dog's health and for your life.
(I have a dog, too--as do many of the members of SW. Those of us who have dogs and cats and other animals know how it feels to have them totally dependent on you for their care; it's a big responsibility, as you well know. Thank you for taking such good care of him.)
We all know that concern for a sick animal (or a human relative!) can weigh on a person's mind, to the point that it affects their job performance. If you are really in need of money for your dog's treatment, there is an organization that might be of help. (I've never had to turn to them for aid, but friends of mine do volunteer work for them; I know that they are legitimate.)
The organization is called IMOM (In Memory of Magic), and they have a website:
http://www.imom.org
Please excuse this thread jack; I know the main topic of the thread is how to avoid your own sob story. I thought that this information might be helpful to the OP, since it might offer a way to relieve one area of great concern in her life--paying for her dog's veterinary bills.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
yes, lie. they really don't give a shit and they want weird answers anyway. the beauty of this industry is that you will make the money back. so know that and take good care of yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jewel21
I know it's annoying to lie but it seems like that may be your answer at this point. When I lied, I tried telling myself that those guys don't REALLY wanna know where you re from or what you like...they're just making conversation to spend time with you or be polite. So I say find a story and stick to it, kind of like a stripper persona.It doesnt really matter what the story is, as long as you are comfortable with it.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
yes you're right. I will make that money back. fuck him.
...and my dogs surgery is like 1500, I need to suck it up and just keep working till I have that.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
Yes, lie, but more importantly, try your hardest to redirect the conversation to your customer. Answer questions with questions. 'So where are you from? Oh I'm from suchandsuch, have you been there? Did you hear about blahblahblah?'
And when you do give answers, be overly positive. 'Are you having a good night? Oh yeah! fantastic!! I'm having so much fun, there's a really great crowd tonight!'
Nobody tries to dig deeper if you're having fun, and forcing yourself to behave in such a positive way will have a good effect on how you actually feel. Its like doing affirmations in the mirror, but without feeling like a dick talking to yourself! :)
Because of reversed gender roles in a strip club (girls having the power etc) guys can make a real effort to turn the tables back by playing the knight in shining armour, whether you have problems or not. You just have to prepare yourself for this and not let them get the upper hand in the conversation. Don't let anyone make you question your life - they're the ones paying to be in your company.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
you can use traveling to your advantage .. pretend you are in a novel.. or are writing one, while traveling. sounds go stupid i know. for ex. I am on a road trip with my girl friend to see route 66/graceland/french quarter, etc. and we are 1/5 of the way there! Srry will help you with details but the more planned your lies are , the more believeable they are and entertaining as well!! hope that helps but i g2g..:)
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
It sucks to lie, but most customers don't really want to know about the shittiness of others' lives - they're probably at the club to try to escape the shittiness of their own lives for awhile! I'm hoping your life has not always been so hard, so maybe just talk about the times of your life before this stressful period, but talk about it like that's still the way it is.
When people ask you where you're from, reply "Xyz - have you ever been there?" and try to turn it into a conversation about their travels or the other places you've been. If they push to know why you're there, just say "Just passing through" - maybe make up a story about how you're going someplace a few hours away to visit a friend or see a landmark or something.
Re: Avoiding your own sob story
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kitinboots
Yes, lie, but more importantly, try your hardest to redirect the conversation to your customer. Answer questions with questions. 'So where are you from? Oh I'm from suchandsuch, have you been there? Did you hear about blahblahblah?'
And when you do give answers, be overly positive. 'Are you having a good night? Oh yeah! fantastic!! I'm having so much fun, there's a really great crowd tonight!'
Nobody tries to dig deeper if you're having fun, and forcing yourself to behave in such a positive way will have a good effect on how you actually feel. Its like doing affirmations in the mirror, but without feeling like a dick talking to yourself! :)
This is pretty much what I was going to say. You don't necessarily have to even lie, as long as you keep directing the conversation BACK to the customer. It's so much easier to NOT talk about yourself. Just get them rambling about their lives. For instance--
Customer: Where are you from?
You: Oh I'm just from Smalltown, a. but I'd bet you're from a big city, b. I'd bet you're a Smalltown boy yourself, c. (simply) but I'd much rather hear about where they keep such handsome guys!
There are a million things you can say after you use one of these openers to talk to him about himself. Talk about his fashion (small town fashion, big city fashion, farms, cows, trains, whatever about where he's from, DO NOT talk about yourself), talk about how many people lived in the town he grew up in, was it really cold/hot compared to where you are now? Use dramatic body language to show that this might excite you. Give him a compliment, or a playful insult that could be taken as sort of a compliment, if you don't think he'll be too offended. Above all, show interest in his situation and the vast majority of guys will NOT have trouble opening up about themselves. Some guys do it TOO MUCH.