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Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Ok, so I started dancing last week and I was really enjoying it. I feel like in just a week I learnt a lot, got a lot of confidence and was picking up the basics pretty fast. But then on Monday I had a really bad experience that's shaken me up a lot.
I'm trans. And despite managing to pass fine in life for 5 years, it turns out that as soon as I enter the stripper world it becomes obvious (I'm really tall, over 6 foot without heels). I never told anyone that I was, but I was asked about it a couple of times and girls clearly didn't buy it when I told them I wasn't. Anyway, on Monday night one of the girls tells a custy that I'm trans, and instead of scaring him off like she expected it turns out that he's a chaser and he spends the rest of the night creeping me the hell out.
The end result is that I don't really want to go back to that club, knowing that the trans label is out there. The money wasn't great anyway, so it's not a huge deal. Luckily, I live in a large city and there's plenty of other clubs around, but what worries me is the possibility of this happening again. I know that I'm hardly the first trans stripper in the world, but they all seem to slip under the radar, while the main reason I was read (my height) is something that I can't ever change.
It's just been a big blow to my confidence, and I'm not sure how to get it back. Any advice, SW?
PS. I'm sure at least one person who reads this is thinking transsexuals are gross. I'm not here to get in a debate about trans rights, so feel free to express your opinion but chances are I'll ignore you.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Idk what to tell you because I don't know what you look like, but yes it will probably happen again. Bitches can be loud and catty for a lot of girl its incredibly insulting to be passed up by someone else let alone a transgendered woman. My advice would be just avoid those girl and try and make your money! I wouldnt let that chase you out of a good club I would just say the bitch is jealous and trying to start shit. I know for a fact girls have said I look like a dude even though I clearly don't, she was just mad because some guys said I looked sexy.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Stripping is an industry where you really need to develop a thick skin to survive. It's not uncommon for tall girls who don't come off as extremely feminine to be labeled as "trannies" or called manly, just as pretty well every girl has some sort of "flaw" they can be made fun of for. Some customers and fellow dancers are just downright mean people, and you have to be able to let it slide off your back and ignore it.
You've been doing this for five years, I take it that means you know what you're doing (especially since it says you've been passing fine), so try and remember those times when you've been confident and channel them during the tougher times at the club. Fake it til you make it! You can do it. :)
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Thanks a lot for the replies, girls :)
When it comes down to it, I don't give a shit what other girls think. The problem is if someone decides to bring up the trans word to the wrong guy who's already taken an interest in me, and me ending up dead in an alley somewhere. In an industry which is already dangerous, transphobia is something I need to take very seriously.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
well, you aren't going to end up dead in an alley so let's not say that ever ever ever again.
every dancer who is tall gets trans jokes.
and yes! the trans word will probably pop up more. i worked with a dancer who was passing and god, the gossip about her was terrible. and it didn't help that she made more money than everyone else. i think it was very difficult for her but she was so elegant during the whole thing, it only made the dancers who talked about her look cruel, bored, and bitter. so know that this can be done and successfully, that you can pass regardless if dancers are mean to you, and that you can make very good money.
i worked with a dancer who was 6feet tall and she wore kitten heels at work. as long as you wear small heels, i don't actually see how you can stand out from your coworkers.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
You've given some great advice, I just wanted to add my own voice of support here.
Also I can understand feeling concerned with your safety, but I think as long as you take the same precautions we all should be taking you will be OK. Just remember the importance of keeping your personal information secret, especially if you have girls already trying to tell customers things about you. I have been at my club for almost a year, and only one girl there even knows my real name or phone number, and it is a girl I trust and became friends with and that I hang outside the club and travel with.
Also, If you think it'll help your confidence or put your mind at ease, consider some self-defense classes.
And yeah, try short heels.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Pinkie Pie
Thanks a lot for the replies, girls :)
When it comes down to it, I don't give a shit what other girls think. The problem is if someone decides to bring up the trans word to the wrong guy who's already taken an interest in me, and me ending up dead in an alley somewhere. In an industry which is already dangerous, transphobia is something I need to take very seriously.
I agree with the other girls here about developing a thick skin, and just ignoring the bitches and focusing on making your own money, but you do bring up an important point about your safety. If you truly feel that it is not safe for you to continue working at that club because of the trans label, then it will probably be better for you to try some other clubs. Try to stay out of the dressing room as much as possible (do you your make-up/hair at home if possible) and only go in there to freshen up, etc. Careful of girls and staff who are over-friendly and don't reveal any personal information about yourself that you can help. Don't give up - like someone else said here - you must be a hottie so you shouldn't have trouble finding work at a new, and hopefully better, club. All the best, and welcome to SW.
I'm 5'10 btw, and stand over 6' in my 5" inch heels. Guys have not been intimidated by my height, in fact, it's been to my advantage so far, they tell me I am sexy and statuesque. Just get out there and work it girl! ;)
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
U are very lucky u got the job. Curent club i work and previous one both did not let tranny girls work.At least they gave u a chance... sorry for catty girls they will be at any strip club u go..
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
theres a place up here that does peep shows, and they had a trans there that let everyone know she was trans...and she made more money then anyone!!! =) If you dont like where you are now, keep looking, Im sure you will find somewhere you feel right at.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Sorry about that :( People are mean. I think you'll probably get this at some point wherever you go just cause there's always some girl who hates the world and will do whatever they can to undercut other dancers.
Maybe you could try fooling the girls--start bringing tampons to work? Dye them red or something?
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Unfortunately the stripping world can be mean and if you are different you maybe singled out. I don't know what kind of clubs you are working at, but is it possible to cover anything that can identifies you as trans? I don't know if you've gone through the entire surgery but if you haven't, you might us it to your advantage. There is a huge market for trans dancers and you could probably even do it for yourself if you decide to. If you have gone through the entire surgery and you now have a vagina then I would probably ignore unless you think it might make you money. Girls will always be mean and I've seen tall dancers called trans even though they weren't.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
So I went back to that club. All the replies said that this was gonna be a thing wherever I go, so I figured I can't let it run me out of this club or else I'll give up again in future places. Money wise I had a shit night, but on the plus side there wasn't any fallout from what happened on Monday and I know I'm strong enough to stick it out.
Right, time to focus on making money.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Pinkie Pie
So I went back to that club. All the replies said that this was gonna be a thing wherever I go, so I figured I can't let it run me out of this club or else I'll give up again in future places. Money wise I had a shit night, but on the plus side there wasn't any fallout from what happened on Monday and I know I'm strong enough to stick it out.
Right, time to focus on making money.
Good for you!! :)
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
I'm naive.... so trans means that you are (used to be) male, and are undergoing or already went through gender reassignment? This is so fascinating! You have a completely different perspective on this job than any of us.....
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
I wish I was tall! I never knew that tall dancers had names thrown at them like that, let alone trans. dancers.
If I was 5' 10" or over, I would be so happy! That's the only surgery I would ever want, but it's not possible to turn a 5'2" person into a 5'10" one>:( I wouldn't care if other people called me names because of my dream height. I would just step on them:-)
In regards to the OP's situation: first of all, good for you, I'm glad you went back to the club. As for your safety, pack a weapon (I do) and don't give up too much info (like the others have said on this thread).
And keep up that confidence. I've worked w/ some trans. girls and have seen some perform in various shows and had a friend who was in the process of changing. Some of those girls were beyond beautiful! Embrace it girl!
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
do NOT carry a weapon. The chances of it being used AGAINST you are way higher than the chances of you being able to use it against someone. Unless you are very trained at using it (very trained like have taken lessons and know how to knife fight like a pro or shoot like a killer.)
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Babe, I'm 5'7" and 1/2 - just barely 'tall'...and I've been asked several times if I'm a trannie too (but only when I worked in the USA, not in Canada. Weird eh?). Glad you see you overcame it and are back working and focusing on making money. Good luck with it all!
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Pinkie Pie, kudos to you for not caving in to the trash talk.
What a great thread. I'm a prospective dancer and am in the same situation height-wise – 6'1” @ size 8. While nothing about me elicits questions re gender (I have hip-waist shape and proportion and hand shape that genetic XY's just haven't got) it sounds like the club environment is one of those places where people might say stuff they'd never say anywhere else. To make it worse I'm pretty athletic (speedwalking, swimming, road biking, archery) and have got the pro-athlete look, so I'll probably get the same treatment :(
This is a fantastic forum and a really good source of information for anyone considering dancing. Not sure if I'm going to take the plunge and actually try it, but reading everything posted here is helping me get a clue about what to expect.
OK, granted, this is all outside-the-club experience talking, but I've never had guys get turned off by the height thing. Most of them are shorter than me. The most recent long-term relationship I had was with a guy who was maybe 5'9”, and he encouraged me to dress up and wear heels even whenever we went out. I get hit on by short guys all the time so it's obviously not an impediment to them getting interested. So many guys enjoy having a trophy gf with them, so work that height thing girl and make it make you some money.
For your amusement and edification, here's how one girl dealt with an obnoxious customer re gender issues:
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Hey girls, just thought I'd check in with the thread again. Things are mostly going ok, I've had some really positive nights where I've felt awesome and had money rolling in, I've also had some really bad nights where I struggle just to cover my expenses.
Anyway, I've come back specifically to ask for advice. I've had a couple of custies ask if used to be a guy, one of them even came back another night and spent a while pointing me out to his friends while I was just 5 feet away. So what I'm asking for is advice on the best way of dealing with it. At the moment I just say 'no' in a bitchy tone and walk off, but it still kinda gets to me mentally. I end up assuming all the people around will have overheard and won't be interested, and at one point I couldn't even be bothered to approach guys cause I didn't want to get my gender questioned again.
Hmm, I think I just need to get my positivity back.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Over the years I have worked with some extremely tall women and many of them opt for wearing the smaller 5 inch shoes (you can buy them online as well as in most adult shops etc). Also if you are feeling uncomfortable ITC it will distract from your hustle. Perhaps try another club and laugh off any similar comments (it never pays to be completely honest about your personal life with the other girls, un less they are your friends OTC; if it's a catty club then it's best not to give them any ammo).
Best of luck huni x
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
can you look at this from an external perspective? a customer came into the club and harassed you, and then came back with friends with the primary intent of harassing you some more. i know it's hard, but try to see how loserish that is, and how you are wayyyyy too good to give a shit about bigots.
also, please remember what i said. the top earner in one of my old clubs was mtf. and it wasn't exactly a secret (people gossiped and did the same things they are doing to you) and she didn't blink an eye or entertain a word of it. you are PASSING. you are a woman. if someone asks if you are a man, that is indicative that they are beneath you. i SWEAR to you, your nerves will get better and you will be banking in no time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Pinkie Pie
Hey girls, just thought I'd check in with the thread again. Things are mostly going ok, I've had some really positive nights where I've felt awesome and had money rolling in, I've also had some really bad nights where I struggle just to cover my expenses.
Anyway, I've come back specifically to ask for advice. I've had a couple of custies ask if used to be a guy, one of them even came back another night and spent a while pointing me out to his friends while I was just 5 feet away. So what I'm asking for is advice on the best way of dealing with it. At the moment I just say 'no' in a bitchy tone and walk off, but it still kinda gets to me mentally. I end up assuming all the people around will have overheard and won't be interested, and at one point I couldn't even be bothered to approach guys cause I didn't want to get my gender questioned again.
Hmm, I think I just need to get my positivity back.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
I'd say if anyone asks you if you were a dude before tell them that you'll show them your dick in the back for 20$ a song.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Dumb Customer: Hey, are you a dude or something?
You: No, I'm a woman. *pause* So I guess that makes two of us.
And just walk away.
Seriously. Those men are pathetic. And more than likely are insecure about themselves and their sexuality/gender identity. That's the only reason I can think of as to why they'd be obsessing over heckling you (which it sounds like they are). Sorry this is happening love. Keep working at it and eventually those comments won't bother you anymore.
<3
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
Haters are gonna hate Pinkie! Make your money girl, keep looking hot and laugh all the way to the bank. It's great that your hot ass occupies space in their puny brains. don't let them bother you. That's what I do. They're jealous.
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Re: Bad experience, need to get positivity back
I'm sure it's safe to assume that you are post-op.
I think you need to get out of this club.
Reason being what you are doing is DANGEROUS.
It is deception. There are some evil minded homophobic animals who will fuck you up because of this. Men don't go into strip club to get dances from trannies. That's what the gay bar is for and they have exotic trans dancers on Thursday night.
Don't take offense to what I am saying. I'm NOT trying to be mean, but....
Being tall doesn't make you look like man.
Being a man makes you look like a man.
My family is FULL of giant 6 foot + Amazons but there is no question about their sex.
If more than one person suspects you are a man then that means its pretty obvious. You've been able to pass these 5 years because most people in real life are polite. You are now in the strip club. Ain't nothing polite about it and that is why they are calling you out.