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Re: Camming and your childhood
Being fondled and having my pussy JABBED by relatives starting when I was an infant, and then being molested and raped as a teen by my best friend's 2 brothers-(I was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone):-X,(A few years ago, I got an e-mail from one of the brothers, (he found my e-mail in the school alumni newsletter) (the other brother got shot by someone,and is now dead)- he said in his e-mail that he's so sorry for what he did to me,that he's a christian now, and married with 2 daughters-Payback is a bitch! Not that I want his daughters to experience what he did to me, but karma is what it is..... I was also abused by sexy older neighborhood boyz that were always around to promise that they loved me, but just stuck their pricks in me)- It totally fucked up my view on having any respect for men- I thought-'make em' pay if they want to see my naked body,etc.' Kind of a running occurance on why most of us turn to stripping. I started stripping at 18.:great:
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I've always been fascinated by sex and glamour when I was younger like 11 or 12 I wanted to be a burlesque dancer. I used to fight with my mom all the time about wanting to dress sexy. I loved teasing the boys all the girls in middle school hated me because they thought me and my friends were slutty.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
This thread would certainly be an 'eye opener' for people who think children are naive and know nothing about sex and what goes on in the world. Seems like most of you were pretty aware and already into sexual exploration at a young age, as was I. Would'nt this be a paedophiles dream, reading all these stories? It did cross my mind... :/
Anyways, sorry I'm side tracking. I was very sexually curious at a very young age. Masturbated at age 5/6 and I couldn't stop. My parents never talked to me about sex, they were quite strict people. My mum told me off after catching me. I felt very ashamed but still continued on! I was such a pervert growing up... At 9yrs old, me and my giggly best friend pestered an older guy to show us his cock. It was some random stranger too... Wtf right lol I have so many stories from my crazy youth. When I remember more I shall return to this thread. I even knew by the time I was 12/13 that I wanted to be a stripper or be a porn star. I would tell that to all my friends and they would laugh at me but I've done both so ha!! They thought I was just all talk but I really did see it as my dream job! :)
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I reread what I wrote. It's crazy. Seeing my age I was doing these things, and thinking of all the other crazy shit I've done... Wow. I'm an only child, precious, protected, I had straight As, piano lessons, ballet, horse riding, extra languate classes, parents were VERY strict, you know... Like daytime I was there pride, but at night in secret I was their worst nightmare. I drank a lot too. Like it wasn't unusual to wake up after a concert asking in which town I am...
I remember once I had to help with cooking and i didn't want to touch the raw meet, and my mom thought she would joke a bit, and said something like, how would I touch a penis if I didn't do this.
What an idea? - I thought. - That's nothing like THIS. If you'd know how familiar I am with penises already...
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
caitir
I wrote a rape-fantasy story (by hand)
LOL omg...
I wrote one too, but it was not rape- like..
just very porn like. :D
no one ever found it...
anyone else was an early writer? :D
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Not me! I started doing cam out of REVENGE.. for all the women MEN have used .. hahaha including myself! I was madder than hell and wasn't going to take it anymore dammit!
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fridays
anyone else was an early writer? :D
Yup! *raises hand* I still have mine in fact! XD I kept diaries from when I was around 11+. Although mine was probably a little more...strange.. I used to write about horny monkeys having sex with each other. For some reason back then... yeah, that did something for me, haha! I also drew little pictures of them with massive erections!
I also bought a book on Sex Ed when I was 11 years old which I was secretly so proud of lol. I'll never forget the look on the sales assistants face when I reached up to put that on the counter! She just kind of looked over the book, then looked back at me, then back at the book and scanned it, bahaha! Well, I blame my parents and Schools for teaching me jack shit about sex.
I'm not a revenge cammer though.. I started out wanting to do camming to learn about fetishes and fantasies because I find them bloody fascinating! Now my book collection for erotica, sex, fantasies and the psychology behind desire has grown massively. :)
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Oh thank GOD I'm not the only one!!
I started masturbating at around 5 or 6.....and got a sit-down talk from my mom about how it feels good and is ok, but should only be done alone....I had NO IDEA that I couldn't do it in public!! I WAS only 5, and would rub myself outside my clothes while watching tv or whatever...In fact, thinking about it now, I think she said that it would make other people uncomfortable to watch that! BAAAHAHAHAHA...if only she knew then that one day I would be making my living having other people watch it!
I used to steal my Dad's porn mags, and I read them so often I swear, I STILL have the dirty stories and model "interviews" memorized. I used to think that they were the most gorgeous women I had ever seen, and wanted to be that beautiful one day.
I never really got into watching porn, but I have always loved the mags and stories...and..YUP - started writing erotica about the time I hit double digits. Funny - now I'm starting to self-publish my erotica.
I was always such a little perv - I guess that some of us really ARE born this way. I did have some negative sexual experiences as well, but I honestly don't think that they affected my decision to go into the industry - and no where near as much as the GOOD sexual experiences!
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Incantatious
I used to write about horny monkeys having sex with each other. For some reason back then... yeah, that did something for me, haha! I also drew little pictures of them with massive erections!
.
LOL... this is hilarious! :D
monkeys with huge erections?
PS: sorry for the other thread, Incantatious, I honestly never meant anything else but to empower you to feel stronger.
So I apologize if my reply hurt you in any way.
thread got closed too quick in my opinion.
xox
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fridays
LOL... this is hilarious! :D
monkeys with huge erections?
PS: sorry for the other thread, Incantatious, I honestly never meant anything else but to empower you to feel stronger.
So I apologize if my reply hurt you in any way.
It got closed too quick in my opinion.
xox
Oh I forgive yoooou my dear! ;D No worries at all. It's all in the past and I understand why you said all you did now anyways. :)
BUT YES! Monkeys with mahooooosive erections! It was some crazy shit I tell ye!... The thing I find the most hilarious about it, is that I drew those pictures with not a shred of shame or self-awareness whatsoever. It was only later, when I looked back on it that I was like "OH... holy Hell no one can EVER find this!!"
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fridays
anyone else was an early writer? :D
I did it together with my cousins. And we cut pictures out of underwear catalogues to illustrate our stories.
Also with a female cousin we played boyfriend girlfriend, made a tent in my room, we were laying on our back in it and shook the tent with our legs, cause we were "fucking".
And we played Barbie, and the tent-cousin put a flower in Ken's swimming pants and asked Barbie "-Want a flower? Then take it with you mouth." Lmao we were like 8-9.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ManyRoses
Oh thank GOD I'm not the only one!!
I started masturbating at around 5 or 6.....and got a sit-down talk from my mom about how it feels good and is ok, but should only be done alone....I had NO IDEA that I couldn't do it in public!! I WAS only 5, and would rub myself outside my clothes while watching tv or whatever...In fact, thinking about it now, I think she said that it would make other people uncomfortable to watch that! BAAAHAHAHAHA...if only she knew then that one day I would be making my living having other people watch it!!
Same here. I never told anyone my parents found out because everyone was worried. My mum thought it was because she hadn't cared about me enough but I believe I was just born this way and it's sexuality... Even animals when they are cubs play having sex. So do we...
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CarmenF
Same here. I never told anyone my parents found out because everyone was worried. My mum thought it was because she hadn't cared about me enough but I believe I was just born this way and it's sexuality... Even animals when they are cubs play having sex. So do we...
Luckily, my mum always handled sex stuff really well - she knows what I do, and has never had a problem with it, or "blamed" herself, or anything like that. Thank god! I would be so heartbroken if I thought that it was hurting my mom, or that she was sad because of what I do - luckily, she is awesome!
I just found it so funny to think that she told me that other people don't want to see me masturbate....and now that's all I do, every day! The way life works....lol
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I wasn't molested or abused. I'm the JonBenet Ramsay that didn't get raped and killed in her basement. Surprised? Didn't think so.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ManyRoses
Luckily, my mum always handled sex stuff really well - she knows what I do, and has never had a problem with it, or "blamed" herself, or anything like that. Thank god! I would be so heartbroken if I thought that it was hurting my mom, or that she was sad because of what I do - luckily, she is awesome!
I just found it so funny to think that she told me that other people don't want to see me masturbate....and now that's all I do, every day! The way life works....lol
Well I remember my mum posting nude pics of herself on an erotic blog when I was 16 but I don' tthink that affected me either speaking of mums - I am an adult and I made my choices, luckly they were not affected by anyone (and the therapist confirms yay!) :) I don't tell them, it is my business what I do here. But I like when I hear people who are open about it :)
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I was molested (age 6) and raped (age 18) but I don't think that's tied to this in anyway cuz I think I got past those pretty damn well. ;) BUT I did dream of being a playboy bunny when I grew up. And then I've also always wanted to be a calendar girl. I love being a sex symbol; guess my dreams did kinda pan out in a way! :)
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I used to draw pictures of ladies with real hourglass figures in dresses with low cut tops...my sister, who is 6 years older than me, found them and wrote "censored" across them!
I have early experiences too but would rather not post them in public...
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Classy_Katy
I used to draw pictures of ladies with real hourglass figures in dresses with low cut tops
No fuckin' WAY!! :D :D :D
Okay.. Now I'm whippin' out the diaries!
I hereby present to you... 'Porn Star'....
http://oi48.tinypic.com/2zxxi6c.jpg
Yeah, I really fucked that mouth and feet up bahahaha!!
Buh that's not all.. The whole reason there's a letter and a box next to her, is because this was a test meant for my best friend to ask her what she wanted to be when she was a grown-up (16 years old to my 11 - 13 year old mind!)
The choices were as follows:
A. Posh Tart
B. Porn Star
C. Nature Girl.
...All of whom had big tits and were in various states of undress. I never actually gave her this test in the end (thank god ohmigod!!)
My best friend grew up to have big tits. That's all I know...
I don't think she made it to any of the above options though... *tear*
I don't know wtf happened for me to be so pre-occupied with boobs and sex and stuff! O_O I've just had a high sex drive for as long as I can remember!
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Re: Camming and your childhood
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Re: Camming and your childhood
So many of us posting that we wanted to be playboy bunnies, strippers etc. When I heard girls saying omg how the hell can someone want to do THAT, I always thought, God how can someone NOT want to do that???
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cyberstripper
^Lmaosfh sig worthy right there!
I knew I would end up in the biz at a very young age, as young as 5-6 years old wanting to be a model/stripper.
My dad did not even bother to hide his playboys and my mom would walk around nekkid alot. Damn HIPPIES LOL!
I got into my dads playboys of course lol and wanted to get into modeling of THAT specific sort. I did not (at that age) know of course the stigma of getting into the adult industry. I merely thought the women were beautiful creatures. I also became intrested in"nudie bars" becoming a stripper by good ol married with children. I know it was on basic tv and I was a very young girl watching these HOT chicks make MONEY by DANCING on STAGE and was like OMFG I WANNA DO THATTTTTT.
LOL @ all the childhood stories...ahhhh...those were the days. I personally was exposed to porn when I was like 8 years old, My aunt and uncle were living with our family and they built a little portable loft on our property. I was bored one day and snuck into the loft, crawled on the bed and the first thing I see is a framed picture of my uncle and his junk and flipping the camera off. I had nooo clue what I was going to run into here. I peeked at the picture and blinked and was like "O shit!" And after a little bit of innocent investigation I pulled out the porno mags from the nightstand drawer. My mom must have been busy because I was in that loft for about an hour. I was still curious about the mags (didnt touch the container filled with developed photos) but I was more cutious about what was in the VCR in their room. I pressed play and there is was a straight sex scene going onm by that time my mom had begun to look for me and caught me watching the video about 10 minutes in...I couldnt look away I was in shock and felt completely immersed like up to the chin in porn. Mom was like "do you lilke this do do you have questions about this? " I was like no I learned a lot! lmao.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
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Re: Camming and your childhood
My views on sex and my memories are not like most in this thread. I was sexually molested at the ages of 4 to 5 and forced to perform oral on a man. It totally changed my views on sex and the way I live my life every day. There is nothing good about my journey into this job..nothing to laugh about. :( I did all kinds of things when I was a young girl that I did not understand. I had no idea why I was doing them. I felt ashamed. I remember getting the little boy neighbor down the road and doing things a normal little girl doesn't do. I remember being obsessed with watching little girls pee when I was a little girl myself. I remember playing games with my cousins that were sexual in nature. I started sleeping around at the age of 12..with guy after guy not caring about what people said about me or even how i respected myself. WHY did I do all that...I didn't know. I repressed my sexual abuse until the age of 15. I started remembering things out of the blue one day. I don't even remember who did it to me...Its a movie in my mind with a blanked out face. Why??? Maybe it was someone close to me and I just can't handle the truth. Who knows! I have seven kids with a man who is a lot more older then me. Why did I choose to marry a man that is 23 years older then me? I feel it's because of my abuse with that faceless man years ago. I love my husband and would never change having kids with him..but I firmly believe that every thing I have done in my life has been a direct impact from that sick fuck years ago. I have 3 girls and 4 boys. My children are never allowed to go to someone elses house until they are quite a few years old. I don't trust anyone and at times it upset my kids.but I explain to them what happened to me and I don't want to take the chance of that happened to them. I'm very protective of my girls! As I have watched my girls grow I can see differences with them from me. All that sexual acting out I did when I was little was caused from that guy. My girls don't act like that! I hate that man..hate what he made my life turn into. I hate this job...I cringe when I sign in. But when I don't I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt and I feel worthless. It's disgusting. I really need to get into some thearpy...but I'm scared to.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
I lived in a very religious household with a cheating father. My mom kept the faith and drilled it into me and it had my ideas of sex all twisted. That having sex before marriage was one of the worst things I could do. I remember I used to sleep on the floor in front of my parents bed because I was afraid of the dark and they would have sex right there in the room while they thought I was asleep. I thought about sex all the time. I made my Barbies kiss and trib before I even knew what tribbing was. When I first got pubic hair at like 9 or 10, I asked my friend to go with me to the bathroom at church so I could show her. She freaked out and I got so pissed. I had like 20 hairs...lol.
I tried to watch porn through the channels we didn't get clearly, and then I started watching softcore porn on Cinemax. Stupid shit like Busty Cops, and I wanted to be just like Mary Carey when I grew up. I got my period at 11, and I had D cups, the biggest in my class. Funny how my boobs shrunk to a B years later.
Despite the boobs, I wasn't very popular with boys. I was always around older people and didn't know how to relate well to people my age. My parents used to tell me I was overweight, so I felt unattractive. I was very quiet and pensive, qualities that men were looking for, and I had access to men. My mom kept me under lockdown, no friends from school, no boys, but she didn't even begin to think I'd talk to older men. I would cyber with them online, flirt with them at church, pretty much anywhere I could because I loved men. I loved the way they smelled, walked, and talked. I never did have sex with any of them though, just flirting.
When I turned 15, I became more attractive to boys at school. I lost my virginity to a senior who raped me in his apartment. I had been messing around with him before, and he always tried to do stuff but I'd tell him not today. Well that day he got what he was after and even offered to be my bf afterward. I remember everything about that day, what I was wearing, and how I told him no and it still happened. I never told anyone, but I felt so much shame and guilt from myself and God.
I hooked up with men that I usually found on CL, not sure what I was really wanting. So I lost weight, moved out of my shit town at 18 with $150 in my pocket and immediately started escorting. I started dancing as soon as I was old enough. And now I'm a camgirl. The past six years have been almost therapeutic for me as I finally embraced my sexuality and learned to love myself and let the guilt go.
I usually don't like to hypothesize about situations where I have children, but after my experiences I know that if it was my daughter, I would never want her to be ashamed of her body.
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Re: Camming and your childhood
Rosemary, you crack me up!
I was exactly the same as you in high school - always talking and joking about sex...but also doing screeds of reading on it - different cultures, norms, etc etc.
I actually did my IB Art (two year class where you pick a theme to explore) on SEX. That was my theme, and I did sculptures with porn in them, giant paintings of sex, smeared geisha makeup, even a sculpture that was a box covered in sheets with mirrors inside so it looked like moving under the sheets...it was actually really awesome. Even if I wasn't allowed to be in most of the "art shows" for the school because the parents were offended! LOL!
I also dressed kinda pin up/sexy secretary style...was VERY provocative...and had a little sideline in renting out the key to the darkroom to people wanting to fool around..
I think that at the time, a lot of people thought that I was just going through some normal teenage fascination with sex, and that I would grow out of it. Little did they know!! I am JUST as obsessed and fascinated now, which is why I do this!!