Re: Camming and your childhood
Holy shit how did I miss this thread until now
My early childhood was really repressed. I didn't have any friends, we were too poor for porn and my parents never express passion in public so it actually took me a long time to learn about sex. Once I hit 11 I discovered masturbation and spent the next 10 years doing it at least twice every single damn day. The key moment was when I saw a TV interview with Melinda Messenger (a famous 90s British glamour model) and she was so beautiful and stunning and I remember thinking that I wanted to be just like her. I started buying UK tabloids and FHMs and taking cutouts of the sexy girls cause it was the closest I could get to porn. But in reality I was really geeky and awkward and a tomboy so I never thought that I could be like that. I had dreams and fantasies about being a stripper and I always thought it would be so cool to get paid to be sexy and glamorous.
I was lonely and friendless for a very long time so it took me a long time to actually get sexually active but once I did I realised I was very liberal about sex. Little by little I got better at makeup and fashion until I reached a point where I realised guys found me hot. That was the point where my work colleagues started making jokes about me being a Barbie doll and becoming a stripper. At that point I knew I wanted it but I was old enough that I had society's prejudices in my head telling me I shouldn't. But when I quit my job so I could move back to London I found myself with a clean break from my past and I just decided 'fuck it, gonna do this'. Ended up having my boob job and was dancing in a club less than 2 months later. I originally got into camwork as a confidence booster but now it matters just as much to me as stripping. It'll never have quite the same attraction as stripping cause I really enjoy the real life physical interaction but it's still great fun.
It's not been an easy road to get where I am now. I didn't know a thing about how to tease/flirt before I started stripping so I had to learn it all on the job and I had a ton of issues that were holding me back. But I finally dealt with all my shit last autumn and I feel like my life has never been better. I think it was always in my nature to be a sex worker, just had to fight past my nurture to get there.
Re: Camming and your childhood
Thanks for sharing your story that takes so much courage and bravity.. at least it sounds you are safe now with your hubby.. :)) cheers..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
LittleLexy
My views on sex and my memories are not like most in this thread. I was sexually molested at the ages of 4 to 5 and forced to perform oral on a man. It totally changed my views on sex and the way I live my life every day. There is nothing good about my journey into this job..nothing to laugh about. :( I did all kinds of things when I was a young girl that I did not understand. I had no idea why I was doing them. I felt ashamed. I remember getting the little boy neighbor down the road and doing things a normal little girl doesn't do. I remember being obsessed with watching little girls pee when I was a little girl myself. I remember playing games with my cousins that were sexual in nature. I started sleeping around at the age of 12..with guy after guy not caring about what people said about me or even how i respected myself. WHY did I do all that...I didn't know. I repressed my sexual abuse until the age of 15. I started remembering things out of the blue one day. I don't even remember who did it to me...Its a movie in my mind with a blanked out face. Why??? Maybe it was someone close to me and I just can't handle the truth. Who knows! I have seven kids with a man who is a lot more older then me. Why did I choose to marry a man that is 23 years older then me? I feel it's because of my abuse with that faceless man years ago. I love my husband and would never change having kids with him..but I firmly believe that every thing I have done in my life has been a direct impact from that sick fuck years ago. I have 3 girls and 4 boys. My children are never allowed to go to someone elses house until they are quite a few years old. I don't trust anyone and at times it upset my kids.but I explain to them what happened to me and I don't want to take the chance of that happened to them. I'm very protective of my girls! As I have watched my girls grow I can see differences with them from me. All that sexual acting out I did when I was little was caused from that guy. My girls don't act like that! I hate that man..hate what he made my life turn into. I hate this job...I cringe when I sign in. But when I don't I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt and I feel worthless. It's disgusting. I really need to get into some thearpy...but I'm scared to.
Re: Camming and your childhood
LOL I can't believe I'm telling anyone this.
When I was a kid, me and my friends would play Hide and Go Seek ...in the dark ...with our pants down
Re: Camming and your childhood
when I was 7 I got my period. I was really freaked out, especially because I was so young. I had a crush on a boy when I was 7 and wrote a sex note, which my dad found.. he was really mad about that lol. When I was that same age I messed around with my best friend who lived up the street, for years. Childhood was weird..
Re: Camming and your childhood
LittleLexy,
You were very brave to share your story, thank you. My mother was sexually abused by her father for years as a very young child before the gov't finally took her and her sister away. She had a lot of therapy as well as personal healing and now I can say she is a happy person, she still has her issues like everyone but she has recovered.
One of the things that she did was become a licensed massage therapist (a vanilla masseuse, just to clarify!). She told me that she wanted to be able to touch people in a positive way to heal them, unlike the touching she experienced that hurt her.
I hope that if camming is really throwing you for a mental loop, you can find an alternative, because the money is not worth the distress. I know that it can be a weird paradox sometimes when you hate it and feel terrible about doing it, yet you almost crave doing it at the same time.
I'm not a psychologist but I do know that a lot of people who have been victims of sexual abuse relive their experiences in different ways.
I hope that you can get help that you need, whether it is by a professional or from within yourself so that you can find inner peace.
You are capable of healing.
Re: Camming and your childhood
This is all really interesting girls, thank you for sharing.
I actually had a pretty privileged childhood. I lived overseas in South East Asia and had live-in maids. I went to a British private school for 10 years in my home country (uniforms and everything lol), and never worked until I was 24, doing an internship. My parents have always supported me financially. Mostly all this to say that cam girls come from all kinds of backgrounds.
I grew up in a very unrealistic bubble. I never knew the value of money. However, my father did keep me grounded by making me donate my stuff once a year to orphanages or to special needs schools, so for that I'm very grateful. I still do that every time I go back home. I've also learnt how to give a lot as my father was a very giving and generous person. I traveled a lot in my life, and I was doing all these ridiculous activities like playing the violin, the piano, drama courses, painting, horse riding and all kinds of sports.
I don't consider myself as some privileged kid who does this to get a kick out of it. I'm doing it to gain independence from my parents, and as I lack any real work experience (as I've been in school until now), I'm not really confident doing any other job. My resume is so blank! lol. I'm totally daddy's girl and he wants me to stay as his baby chicken my whole life, but I have too much ambition and pride to stay in my cozy nest. My sister on the other hand.... lol.
Since 9 years old, I found the joys of what the shower head could bring, I just didn't know why it felt good haha. Then at the age of 11, one of my best friend had really hippy parents and she showed me a children's reproduction book, with illustrated images of how a man's penis is lodged in a woman's vag to reproduce. My first reaction "Whaaat? Men put their weewees in our weewees for babeees??!" Since I started having sex at 16, I've always been very open minded about it. I had double standards though, I loved the ladies that posed in lingerie in the magazines, but it wasn't ok for my men to like them. I'm over it now though, I don't really care.
I guess that because I grew up in such a prude society, the taboo has always fascinated me to some extent. I used to go partying in the red light district with all my private school friends around 15 years old. We used fake IDs to get into clubs and stuff. But I was exposed to streets full of prostitutes, trangenders and sex tourists. I got used to that world I suppose, even though we were not really a part of it. We just went there because all the clubs were there. We didn't really mingle with the rest of the crowds (though we did make friends with the prostitutes at our local bar).
My parents have had their problems for two years, though it is only now that I realize it as I was gullible as a teenager. Or maybe I was in denial, I don't know. I had spoiled teenager problems "I want a pony!" kind of shit haha. But I've met a lot of people from all walks of life during my travels and for that, I realize that I'm thankful for the life that I had, and I have a lot of admiration for everyone who had to work for it. But I want to make it on my own now, and I find camming to be very fun. Maybe it's due to the taboo places that I used to frequent that have tainted me, maybe it's due to the not-so-open-minded society that I grew up with, maybe it's partly rebellion against my bubble. In any case, this is where I am now, but I'm not regretting it or feeling like it's taboo at all. It all feels very normal to me.
I have a lot of respect for all of the ladies here, you guys are such down-to-earth ladies that I'd love to know IRL. Thank you for sharing your stories, I hope that this might help people to understand that girls in the sex industry aren't all from abusive backgrounds. We come from all walks of life :)
Re: Camming and your childhood
@Tlulu.... english schools in SE asia... I hear you on that :):) sickening habits they had me learn handwriting and pretended to not be able to read my numbers! aaaarrrghhh not to mention fucking HOUSEPOINTS!sorry for the ot girls
Re: Camming and your childhood
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CarmenF
@Tlulu.... english schools in SE asia... I hear you on that :):) sickening habits they had me learn handwriting and pretended to not be able to read my numbers! aaaarrrghhh not to mention fucking HOUSEPOINTS!sorry for the ot girls
Yeah, we had a point system with "merits" that you would earn for your house. I felt like I was in Hogwarts, we had 4 teams: Red, Yellow, Blue and Green. And just like Hogwarts, the team that you enter when you first come to the school is your team until you graduate LOL