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As a grown woman you are ALLOWED to do whatever the hell you want too.
He sounds like the one who needs to compromise!
Id worry abou myself first. If he doesnt like it, well the door also has an exit.
Have to agree with CamWhore. While you need to negotiate in relationships, especially where bills and living arrangements are shared.. there is a line and he's overstepping it because you let him. Why not agree to keep the times when he is there and you have plans together free from camming so you can focus on each other. But if you're both there and doing separate things, then you will work if you need/ want to. He has to compromise too. Otherwise, he really does need to make a choice about what's more important to him.
This doesn't even have to do with compromising, hes just jealous and being a whiny spoiled brat. Tell him I said shut the hell upppppppppp.
Do you have enough saved to move out, cause hell I would and tell him Id catch him on the flipside.
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welll then your going to suffer. There isnt any advice left.
People treat you how you let them treat you.
Yep. Suck it up, bend over and take it, kiddo. You're getting fucked.
Being a grown-ass woman means you get to do what you want, when you want. No questions asked. You must not want the money that bad. Better get used to that Walmart vest because that's what it sounds like you're settling for.
And if he's going to be such a totalitarian about how you make your money, why not just spend his? What's with wifey's who have this sort of Stockholm Syndrome-relationship to their husband's money? You let him being the bread-winner hold you hostage to your work options but then you won't just SPEND his money? Let me tell you, from experience, when a man says his money is my money, that means I spend it like its MY money. Weird.
Agreed. At some point you'll hit a huge boiling point. And if you don't, he will. Some things just don't work out no matter what you do. Someone needs to compromise, and its hard for someone (him) to compromise on how they feel (about an industry: camming).
Either:
1.) Keep camming and leave him (my recommendation)
OR
2.) Stop camming and stay with him
Wow, this thread really hit home with me except my situation is that my boyfriend who I live with and have been with for years and love very much and plan on marrying and am completely happy with is totally supportive of my camming job and is fine with me doing it... BUT, he requested that I only cam when he's not home. I felt this was totally doable since I have no job outside of camming and I only go to school 2 days a week.
But now I'm thinking... hmm... I could be utilizing the time when he's in the other room on the computer playing his MMORPG games with his friends and I'm in the bedroom wasting time on facebook and cruising the forums.
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What are his reasons for not liking camming - jealousy over other men watching you? jealousy that other men are getting more attention? not wanting to share? misunderstanding over what it involves? thinking camming will lead you astray? what?
You need to find these things out then work on them. If camming is only a side thing for you, a way to make a few bucks here and there, then fine, maybe you can do most of the compromising. If not, and this is a serious career choice/ the only way you can/ want to make money at the moment, then it will pay to work out what his fears are and work on them with him.
My boyfriend has been totally supportive of me since I started camming, but occasionally he gets worried that i spend more of my sexual energy on cam than i do on him. Well you know what happens next.. he gets a looooong sloppy blowjob... he's happy, and I can go back to making money ;D Compromise (or blackmail, whichever way you see it!)}:D
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My vote goes to controlling. You are a grown woman who has made a job choice, and he either needs to get on board or gtfo. When I talked to my bf about camming or going back to dancing, I asked "how do you feel about that?" To be perfectly honest, I didn't actually give a fuck how he felt about that - it was happening either way, I was just trying to bring it up in a diplomatic way.
Camming is your job now and he needs to realize that. If you had any other job, you wouldn't be able to work your schedule around whatever he wanted. He demands that you don't cam when he's home because he's not seeing it as valid work where you work a schedule like any other job - he's seeing it as something less than a job that you can just bend to his will. Make a schedule - tell him "this is when I'm working this week" and he can decide to stick around or not during your scheduled cam shifts. In what other scenario would your bf's preferences get to dictate your work schedule? "Sorry, boss, but I can't work Wednesday nights because my bf wants me to stay home and do his laundry that night" :O
Whatever you do, don't become a wife who asks her husband for money... I used to be a salesperson, and I would have appointments with so many housewives who wanted the product but would say "Weeeell, I have to ask my husband first before spending this much money." I eventually started asking "Does your husband ask you first before he buys himself a new golf club?" It was so depressing to see them think that their husband ruled the money and they were completely dependent on him...
How long have you been doing it? Long enough for him to see the paycheck? If so he will soon see it most certainly IS "legitimate work", certainly as far as cold hard cash goes! Maybe show him around your cam site, explain what you do/ don't do in your shows. Ask if he'd like to be involved with couple shows/ ideas for movie clips/ roleplays etc. Has he ever used cam sites himself? He might simply think it's degrading for his gf to be doing that kind of thing, and that's where a thick skin comes in because if he won't see sense, you will have to continue to do this even without his approval. He will come around eventually, especially if you help him understand how it all works and why you do it/ the benefits. The fact tht you have the opportunity to earn lots of cash form the comfort of your own home, while never having to touch another man, and having more time to spend at home with him should be enough to bring him around :D
My guy doesn tlike what I do either, but he knows I don't give a shit.... I told him I'm not stopping unless he will replace my paycheck.
We dont talk about it, and yes its uncomfortable because deep down, I know he wants me to do something "normal" but i STILL don't care.
This last week he has been throwing in hints.... I STILL DON'T CARE.... I just started leaving pay stubs around the house from checks I make....
I have lived a certain lifestyle for so long and that is why I can easily say I DON'T CARE... with ease...because at the end of the day, only I will be by my own side.
I told him I don't care what society thinks. Society told me to go to school, but people are now using diplomas ass luxury toilet paper. I let him know I will do what I want to do until I decide to stop. I told him I dont operate how he wants me to operate, let alone somebody else.
I attract alot of people with my attitude....the funny thing is its not an act... I really LOVE MYSELF to not give a fuck about what ANYBODY THINKS.....
Most guys are just embarrassed, or either jealous. The way society potrays us doesnt help either. He doesnt have to like it, but he has to respect it.
At the end of the day hes just your boyfriend not your husband. And if he is your husband then you shouldnt have to be worrying about making money..... on cam.
Ask him for an allowance, and see how he reacts.... I bet he will kick himself in his own ass.
Legitimate work? HA! It moves to a whole different level when he manipulatively tries to make your decision for you. (getting "unhappy" aka pouting when you work).
I let men influence my decisions when I was in my twenties, and often regret it now. Even though they cared so much (jealously) about what they did not want me to do then, 10-15 years later are they still in my life? No, they moved on when they felt like it. I was left alone to sit and think about all of the different opportunities that I passed up. If I had told them to hit the road back then, my life would be much more successful today.
Now, I am in my 30's, and there's no way I would ever let a man come between me and my personal dreams and goals. I have a man and he is supportive. It may not be something that he enjoys the thoughts of me doing, but he knows that I am happy with it, and damn well happy with the income.
You mentioned working in a shitty department store. Well IMO, anyone who has the technical intelligence, and the ambition to work in this industry, is too good to work in a place like that. Not only is he holding you back from the key to help you achieve your goals, but he is also expecting you to settle to just ordinary, all because of his petty insecurity.
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I don't think it is controlling...to me its understandable that he doesn't like being around when you work. But I can also see how frustrating it can be to feel like your losing out on money. I think you should have some new compromise, ask him to give you enough time to work. Tell him you are working a set schedule and its up to him to be out of the house if he wants to be home thats fine too..but he will have to deal with "knowing whats going on behind the door". Also explain to him why you are working...because I feel like in his eyes you guys don't need the money so he doesn't even see a need for you to work.
Can I just say I fucking love the strong ass bitches on this forum and thats why I visit every day, bout the only women in the world I know who think like I do and its refreshing. In my real life, Im the only girl who tells it like it is and doesnt take shit from anyone and all the girls think Im amazing. Grow your own spine girls!
I want to say, so if you dont need the money, then why are you doing it? But then, who wants to depend on their man for money and then be obligated and owned by him because he pays your way?
Why cant you do non-nude camming? Thats what I do and I pay my bills just fine working less than 20hrs a week.
I just dont get why you are doing this if you dont need to?
Besides, you dont need to fuck yourself on webcam to make a living on webcam...
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It's very difficult for me to give you any constructive advice as how to how best negotiate this situation, as I am a very uncompromising person by nature (I take the CW approach:) ) but what I think I need to say is this...please PLEASE reconsider the idea of allowing him to fully support you financially. I'm not talking about situations where one partner loses a job/gets sick and justifiably cannot work for a period of time. What I'm saying is that very few people are selfless and mature enough to not take advantage of the power that comes with being the voluntary sole income provider. As well, relying upon him for money highly limits your options (in staying with a guy/situation you no longer want cuz you're too broke to leave-this gets worse when one adds children, btw) as well as what financial cushion you'd have in place if he ever decides to bounce. This isn't Leave it To Beaver 1950's white suburban American fantasy...a significant proportion of relationships fail, and in reality, women without employment and marketable skills end up in poverty post-seperation. Add kids to the mix and it's an almost certainty.
A confident caring man who loves you would want to NEGOTIATE a workable plan with you. It may be a camming-or-him scenario, and if so, that's your call, but please, PLEASE, if you stay, figure out an employment situ that works. Never put your security in the hands of another, it's a huge risk, and the consequences are significant.
good luck girl, peace