I'm sorry but if my man isn't willing to give me 5k per month, I'm going to continue camming period. And I'd only quit IF I have enough in my emergency fund. That way I can get my own shit immediately and get right back to hustling.
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I'm sorry but if my man isn't willing to give me 5k per month, I'm going to continue camming period. And I'd only quit IF I have enough in my emergency fund. That way I can get my own shit immediately and get right back to hustling.
^^^^This, this, THIS! Been there done that! Divorced after 10 years and ended up screwed all the way! Luckily my hubby now may not be thrilled with the idea of other guys looking at me, but he understands that it contributes to building a life. Plus my hubby has some serious health issues right now an this will provide me with some sense of security for myself and kids.
If you love him so much just go work at a regular job. Your asking us because what?
All I have to say is I love you camwhore. You done said what I was going to say lol.
I think your bf is
1. too religious - so he cant accept this as being an Ok job.
2. too insecure as a man
3. too controlling YES! ( "Ill give u money so I can give u WHEN I want and how much I want")
Think really hard is this is what you want for a husband ( ur taking kids 2..)
This is not the perfect combo...
well no one is perfect , BUT it takes a strong man to put up with the realities of THIS job.
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Someone started a thread in LifeSupport about a man being the "perfect man" but he hated adult workers. Sounds like you're in the same boat. A man who doesn't respect what you do for a living couldn't possibly really respect you. You "compromising" is pretty much agreeing with him.
Til' any guy can pay ALL and MORE of my bills/needs/wants they need to STFU AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!!!
grrr......
yeah, busygirl , your man is very controlling.
If you can not see it, because U are in the middle of it, then think about it this way..
What would you advice YOUR best FRIEND to do?
And do that....
Well it sounds like you're already having time to cam. Are you not making enough during that time?
The hours that you "could" be working, do you really need to extra money, or are you just bored? Because there's so much more to do in life then browse Facebook...
21scentury fox, your quote is so true! Often it has a lot to do with independence.Quote:
I to do it because i have goals for myself i would like to reach by working hard at this, and like to be independent. Not everybody can make it non nude. I dare to think even if it was non nude it would affect us the same way.
You don't have to be starving to have a reason to get into this industry. I am a lot in busygirl's boat. I have a wonderful man, but I also have goals that are driving me to a higher standard in life for the future. I hope my significant other is there with me later on, so that we can reach a goal together. But this day in time, you cannot depend on a man. The happily married security blanket went away years ago.
I have goals that I want to reach on my own too. When I am 80 years old, I want to look back and say "Hey, I made this and that happen!". And feel successful. I don't want to look back and say "I had a man carry me all these years". Fuck that.
I have a degree but can't find a good job where I live. Relocating is not an option right now.
This industry is the quickest and best way to help me reach my future goals. Honestly, I enjoy my job too. If I work hard. And I do. We all have good days, bad day and downfalls.. as well as set backs when it comes to reaching our goals.
I can completely understand where busy is coming from.
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In my opinion, that is not an equal relationship. i simply could not be with a man who tried to tell me what I can and cannot to with my life/body (so long as I'm not putting myself in legit danger). Just like I would never tell my man how to live his life. I'm lucky in that my guy is fully supportive of my camming and actually thinks it's pretty cool.
Regardless of the length of your relationship with your man, do you want to be dependent on him? To let another person dictate what you do or force you into something you're less happy with? (walmart, min wage jobs...) The ansers to that should answer your question. You can't change others, if he's not willing to budge, then frankly you'll eventually have to make a choice.
Busygirl, I can't give you any advice that is different to what has already been said. I'm lucky in as much as my bf fully supports me, he works from home too, though not in this industry, but he brings me lunch, does the washing, cooks the evening meals and generally makes sure the kids are ok and don't disturb me when I'm working. Without him I don't think I could work/earn as much as I do, and we have always had 'one pot' where we both contribute and we both spend. We are a team, a partnership and above all a happy loving couple.
This is me! I also say it as it is, those who know me accept me and love me for it, to those who don't like me I say 'well thats your problem not mine and I sure as hell aint gonna change who I am just please you!'
The use of the word "allow" is a red flag. There are conversations, preferences, compromises, and discussions.... but "Allow" vs "not allowed" means those things are not happening.
Can I say though that you can hustle in a vanilla job as well. a 9 to 5 job doesn't mean you come home and space out until the next day comes - the economy is too unreliable for that. Your BF is wasting your time and his if you're just around each other doing other things that have no value-add* - that's not intimacy or stable.
He needs to make his finances more available to you if he is creating (and you're allowing) this kind of dependent environment. You saying you feel uncomfortable asking means his $ isn't already accessible to you. If he's saying his money is your money but you don't just *have* it (like both emotionally and technically... like your name is on his bank acct) - he isn't offering it.
If you need confirmation: yes he is controlling.
There is "hey can you spend more time with me? I miss you when you're working when I get home :(" (equals, healthy) vs "you can't do what I know what you're doing in there when I get home. It makes me uncomfortable, so I won't allow it. Also I say my money is our money but you have to ask me to gain access to it." (paternal, unhealthy)
(*Fun, procrastination, and relaxation are important too, lol I'm not a machine. But Ive met a lot of 9to5ers who do this. The clocking in then clocking out mentality doesn't mesh with that of someone who is more entrepreneurial)
I'm not saying DTMF asap (dump the motherfucker) but figuring out what you WANT out of life -not what you're comfortable with or settling for - is extremely empowering work.
I'm was in a similar boat. My husband always said he'd leave me if he caught me camming blah blah etc etc, but when I got laid off, I started camming. Oh, I'm so bad. but, I'm a good, honest woman, and I told him approximately 1 1/2 days later. We'd been together 7 years. I just felt like that if he really would rather see my not be able to pay my bills, fall into debt, become the 99% etc, then he's just not worth it after all.
The moral of the story is that he was surprisingly supportive, and we're still together. I don't cam when he's home though because I just feel strange doing it, but he's told me that he doesn't mind.
I met and fell in love with a guy in a strip club I was working at. Shortly after he said he cant be with me while Im dancing. I walked out his front door and cried all the way home with the biggest broken heart of my life.
I didnt choose my job over him. I chose ME over him.
Been there, done that, OP. Unfortunately, this sort of "compromise" never ends well because there will always be resentment on his part and a whole shit ton of jealousy and inadequacy issues. And you will be resentful as well for him not "letting" you do what you want to make your life more comfortable. I have to agree with CamWhore on this one - if he doesn't like it, the door has an exit. Not for him, but for YOU. Think a little further down the line...do you REALLY want him to behave like this if/when you do have kids and it's harder to leave? This sort of behavior is a red flag.
He's not looking out for YOUR best interest, but his own. You should do the same. Think on it.
Busygirl,
You need to seriously ask yourself if its a case of 'he doesnt like camming' or 'he doesnt want you to do something unless he's ok with it'.
Miss Katie had a really good point, most partners would hate camming due to fair reasons such as jealousy which I totally understand. Its sounds to me like he's insecure with your financial independence. The fact that he even mentioned that you could just live off him rings alarm bells, he just wants you baking all day and saying 'yes dear' like mary f****** poppins
I totally believe in compromise but have you considered that you might just be seeing the true side of him? Dont for 1 second think that just because you've been together a certain amount of time it means you're not gonna leave. I' ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years and can swear that you never really know someone until youve been together for years.
Thats how it goes sometimes, first its the camming, then he's telling you to not wear that, then you cant go out... I'm not saying thats how he is but I'm saying keep your eyes OPEN. You cannot seriously have kids with a guy who is a terrible role model.
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Does he work full-time? If so, you have 40 hours a week to cam. That's more than enough time to BANK. You don't really need to work more than that unless you're in some seriously dire financial straits.
I understand your desire to want to work it out with him rather than just break up... I think a lot of women on this board have kneejerk reactions to these types of situations. Not every guy is going to be 100% comfortable with their wife/girlfriend working in the adult industry, that's just common sense! It doesn't necessarily make them EVIL DOMINEERING ASSHOLES. And it doesn't mean that it can't be worked out or that a compromise can't be reached.
I would explain to him how important camming is to you and that you want to continue without feeling guilty about it. Don't cam when he's at home! But instead of locking yourself in your room & browsing Facebook all day, really try to maximize your time with him. Make him dinner, go out together, cuddle up & watch movies... really make him feel special & wanted and that he's getting enough time & attention from you. If the rest of your relationship is really awesome, this may assuage his insecurity about webcam a bit and he'll learn to be okay with it over time.
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that is how he is controlling you, he is doing it mentally and emotionally and that is abusive. anyone that tries to control and manipulate you doesn't truly care about you and your well being. how much do you really love yourself? no one is going to love you like you love yourself. i am not talking about being full of yourself, but if you truly loved yourself wholeheartedly then you wouldn't let someone manipulate you and make you feel less than what you are. self love is very important, if you don't have it then you will fall victim in this crazy world.
when you are saying you are not allowed..i don't see it as him giving you orders. i mean did he say "you are not allowed to do this" ...or was it just this makes me uncomfortable i would prefer if you didn't do it when i'm here. there is a BIG difference. yes he doesn't like what you do and i think thats ok...to me being in a relationship you don't have to like every part of someone but you do have to accept it. i feel like he is accepting what you want to do for work...but he still does not want to be around that and i think its fine! its like if my boyfriend was a vegetarian and he asked me not to eat steak around him, i don't think there is anything wrong with that. now if he told me "you are not allowed to eat steak" that would be a problem.