Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
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Men who are OK with sex work as a concept exist, people. A few people have posted about them. They're not mythological unicorns from Narnia or something.
I have one too, but if I lost him tomorrow I'd still have an identity, you know what I mean?
Largely guys who accept sex work as a concept tend to more have issues with their GFs getting burned out, sleep schedules, maybe not paying as much sexual or emotional attention to the relationship - but their issue isn't "dudes are looking at you" because they have .... sense and LISTEN when you speak.
If you have worked on your own internalized stigma against this kind of work it is almost impossible to become attracted men who are sheeps to the social system.
yes this, all damn day.
i have two partners who are very comfortable with the fact that i'm a sex worker. and very secure in themselves. and who know my job (and each others' presence) is not a threat to my relationship with either of them. accepting men do exist. why would you want to be with someone who thinks you are a lowlife? or who thinks that sex workers in general are lowlives? even if you stop doing sex work that won't change the fact that he thinks that way...you know? that would be a deal breaker for me. one of my partners had some misconceptions about sex workers (although nothing about us being "less than") and we were able to work on that when i came out to him as a sex worker. but...some things...just...i could not be with someone who believed i was somehow inferior because of my job.
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So as you see Fridays, "manhood" is often used to describe a man's physical , sexual ability, and you saying just that, without further explanation sounds like :
'hey, i just spoke with my husband, and he said your man has a small d..k" so that's why i said i have a feeling the short post sounds insulting as it is.
Thank you for taking the time, and clarifying in detail later.
i can't speak for fridays but for me when i say a man is insecure with his manhood what i mean is that he is threatened by the fact that you do sex work. for the sake of his masculinity he feels like he has to control who sees you and interacts with you, and when and how you work. sometimes it can also mean he is insecure in his position in the relationship. it has absolutely nothing to do with dick size.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
I fully admit to getting overly invested in this thread and that is not any of my business
so with that said - hey any updates to this?
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
I actually read through this and I have to say I understand both sides of it.
1. She doesn't want to do walmart or any other minimum wage job.
2. She has decided to do camming which is an adult industry job.
Now many men may desire women in the industry and go to clubs, cam sites, etc but most don't want their own wives or gf's to do this type of work.
I do feel he's making you feel bad about deciding on taking up this type of work. The reality is that I'm all about girl power and your right to choose but I'm single.
In a relationship we can sit back and say that every guy would support us but what guy really wants to support his girlfriend showing her vagina to dozens of men?
Generally most would expect that their private parts are only shared with their significant other. Now most men watch porn. Whether it be mags, vids, tubesites, going to sc's etc. Men enjoying viewing these women for their own sexual benefits but typically don't want to see a familiar face they're in love with being viewed in a trashy way by other men. It's only natural for him to feel this way.
Now if he met you in the adult industry then he's a fool to talk shit now. If he met you away from that then it's ok for him to be upset because this is not what he signed up for.
Now getting to his "my money is your money part". If he has about $3,000-$5,000 to give you every month without batting an eyelash then fine. Save it up! Put it in an account with only your name on it. You're 30 with no children which means your needs are low compared to that of those with children.
Again Save The Money. In a few months you'll have a cushion. Then cam when he's at work. I think to be in this relationship you will need to compromise. He may not like your camming but you can cam when he's out of the house. Which a 40-55 hour work week is plenty of time. I would even give him a bonus of getting up before he has to go to work, putting on your sexy outfit. Having some of that hot morning sex, then sending him dirty pics throughout the day. You cam for your 8 hrs. Wait until he comes home and knock his socks off! Trust me that man will not give a damn what you're doing on cam when it's improving your desire for him. All of that insecure stuff will go out of the window.
Now as a note I'm not in a relationship nor am I interested in one while I cam. That's just my personal preference because I love the freedom. But perhaps soothing his possible worries could prove to be beneficial. Maybe he hasn't realized that all of the cute sexy clothes you'll be buying will be of benefit to his happy eyes. Again I've never been in a relationship while camming but I'm only thinking of what I would do If I ever was. I would have had to be in the relationship prior to camming before going this route with a man. If I was already camming or in the adult realm of work then I would have told a guy to kiss my 6inch booties when he opened his mouth the first time.
Also perhaps as a kinky idea you can tell him you want to film you going down on him.
I'm just coming up with some suggestions in hopes that maybe if he feels included in some ways, he'll think differently about the idea.
Perhaps you can add in some phone sex or even AW's direct IM which doesn't require any clothing removal while he's home. You're just texting naughty things or saying naughty things by phone. You may even want him to listen in and use him as a sexy bj prop:)
This could be much more fun if he's open to turning it around in his mind.
Hope things work out with your talks.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
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Originally Posted by
cherryblossomsinspring
Now many men may desire women in the industry and go to clubs, cam sites, etc but most don't want their own wives or gf's to do this type of work.
This double standard is so true! I have dealt with this one before too, and when he bitched about my job, I threw it right back in his face too lol. Needless to say he never brought it up again.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
Busygirl, Did you ever confront him? How did it go? I am anxious to hear the update. :)
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
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In a relationship we can sit back and say that every guy would support us but what guy really wants to support his girlfriend showing her vagina to dozens of men?
....A cuckold?
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
So much drama
Get studio apt and lie.
Go work and sock away a nest egg for an incase of emergency.
Use a girlfriends apartment to do it.
You dont need to tell a man everything. Nor does he need to know how much money you are pulling down.
Any man who considered me or my job a "lowlife" would be kicked to the curb.
Men will always make digs. I see it all the time. EVen with people who are NOT in the adult industry at all. All men are insecure and dont feel like they deserve us, so they try to bring us down to their level. Hit the right back with a dig, keep them in check. Going bald, not making enough money or to little of a dick are great places to start.
Digs are what men do. Do ya'll never see buddies cracking on eachother?
Of course he doesn't want you to make more money than him. A little white lie only keeps the peace. Let him pay all the bills. As much as you love him, there may come a day when he leaves. You must always have a stock pile of money, just incase. My Mom, used to keep mine for me.
Never be totally dependent on a man. But they don't have to KNOW everything. Some mystery is good ladies. Trust me men have their secrets.
I dont get why you would even discuss it with him. Give him a bj, send him off to work. Men are happy ignorant. Do you describe to him how you cook a meal, no he just wants to eat it. Ask youself.. Why do you need permission? Every happy long term married couple I know. The female does what she wants and then maybe informs the husband later.
40 hours is more than enough time to cam. You are NOT really missing out on camming at night time and such.
Smooches,
Sam
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
Sam, your posts are Awesome:)
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
Ahhh, the Gospel according to Sam. <3
I really recommend you ALL read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. A lot of us aren't as assertive (as opposed to aggressive) in our relationships as we should be, and a lot of the time, that's when men start to walk all over us. This book absolutely changed my life and my outlook - and really helped me in business too since we're always dealing with men. Why do you think Jay-Z is so in love with Beyonce? She's the perfect example of a bitch that got to lock a man down who once boasted about how he'll be "forever mackin" and will never get married. Now he's not only married, but has a kid and seems to genuinely respect B. We can ALL be like that.
No man will respect you if you don't respect yourselves first, ladies.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
I've been in that situation and hated it. A guy to have a hold over you like that makes you feel worthless and powerless. For that i very much resented him even if he brought me pressies or took me out. Didn't make me forget how much i could be making. I said many times that i would not meet any of these guys in person to try and put his mind at rest still didn't make any difference. But hey thats men for you.
In another relationship before this which lead me to camming after i broke up with lazy bones i did want to have a guy look after me he didn't and was very much the pay for yourself and me type.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
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Originally Posted by
Dancing Days
Ahhh, the Gospel according to Sam. <3
I really recommend you ALL read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. A lot of us aren't as assertive (as opposed to aggressive) in our relationships as we should be, and a lot of the time, that's when men start to walk all over us. This book absolutely changed my life and my outlook - and really helped me in business too since we're always dealing with men. Why do you think Jay-Z is so in love with Beyonce? She's the perfect example of a bitch that got to lock a man down who once boasted about how he'll be "forever mackin" and will never get married. Now he's not only married, but has a kid and seems to genuinely respect B. We can ALL be like that.
No man will respect you if you don't respect yourselves first, ladies.
i freaking love that book!!
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
Sorry to double post. But I totally feel you. My boyfriend HATES HATES this. So much. To the point that if we are having sex he's like. . "I can't do this because I know you say these things to other guys on cam. . . "
I live by myself, so that definitely helps things a little. But you know what, he hasn't broken up with me yet. He complains about it, yes. But he will come to accept it. Stand your ground. BE YOURSELF. Refuse to change who you are and what you want to do in your life for a man. That way the guy can love you for who YOU are.
Re: Controlling or compromise? very sad and confused
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Originally Posted by
SweetPinkCupcake
Stand your ground. BE YOURSELF. Refuse to change who you are and what you want to do in your life for a man. That way the guy can love you for who YOU are.
This is so true.
And it works both ways.
Most men... in a couple... dont want their female partner to " change" them..
I hear it this alot .. they say:" what, are you trying to change me? tell me what to do? its not going to happen!"
Heard it so many times. From different men around me, through out the years.
So they stand their ground.
why wouldn't we?8)