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HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
I am naturally a people pleaser. In this business that can be good or that can be very bad. I have found myself staying in Skype chatting for twice as long as a guy pays for because he is so nice and likes me so much. And because we are just chatting, not doing anything related to sex. Of course, he is paying for my TIME, so why do I feel so bad and HOW can I stop myself? My nurturing side is making a chump of my business side. I am going to get eaten alive camming if I keep this shit up!
Unfortunately, the ones who I'd be happy to take money from (like ALL their money, lol) are the ones who don't spend. Catch-22.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Just remember they aren't so nice if they're taking extra time from you without paying.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sweetheather
Just remember they aren't so nice if they're taking extra time from you without paying.
Well, that is partly my fault for not being clear and firm about my prices. Today for example, I said I was logging off MFC because my room was slow, and my friend offered me a tip to go chat with him on skype for a bit. Well, that "bit" turned into 30 minutes, which I made $25 off of. Nothing sexual at all, just a long time. Instead of telling him at the 15 min mark that he would need to tip me more in order for me to stay, I just kept chatting with him about his job and the state of healthcare.....not exactly sex work so maybe that is why I wasn't more firm.
But yes, my fault, and your point is well taken.....but I still feel bad, especially when the same guys contribute to you over and over just because they are lonely, and especially when they are so sweet.
I really need to toughen up but it is so hard sometimes. Guys want to feel like you genuinely like them but it can be tough to make them feel that way when you have to constantly tell them that they must pay you. Yet another Catch-22.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
For your own sake, toughen up and get more strict about your time! I was just like you when I first started (dancing, didn't start camming until recently) and now I wish I could go back in time and care less about the "nice guys". I wish I would've been more assertive. You should never feel guilty asking them to pay for your time, you're worth it! The girls that make the most in this biz know they are worth it and don't let anyone make them feel guilty
There are nice ways to let them know that you need more $, just remind them that you have other shows lined up, this is your job, you'd love to chat longer but you have to get back online to pay bills...etc. You can be nice but still gently let them know that you need to be getting paid. If they can't get that you're working it may not be a customer you wanna deal with anyway
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
I'm the same way. I used to give out all kinds of freebies and guys walked all over me but I would feel guilty if I asked for more money or cut them off.
It helps me to think of myself on cam as a different person. I'm an actress and I have to act tough and not as caring and nurturing as I normally am. Try to visualize your "perfect cam persona". Who is the cam girl that you would ultimately want to be? What is she like? How does she handle her business? This "perfect cam persona" is probably one who makes lots money and knows when to cut the cord with greedy custies and doesn't feel bad or guilty about it. You ARE this awesome cam persona. Visualize it and become it!
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
I don't think there's anything wrong with giving a lil extra to a guy who's a great reg and a great person, if they don't act all entitled AND if it's convenient for you...but just remember that if all we were valued for was our 'sex show', most of these guys would stick to free tube porn.
They visit us cuz we're intelligent, have personalities and humor, cuz we're hella fun to spend time with, with and without the sex part
when I read your OP I'm not seeing a 'too nice' problem (though no doubt you are a nice person) but more of a 'recognizing your own value' issue.
Look at it this way...the guy wasn't just lucky enough to get off with you, he got to have a great convo after...that has value, and that value is the currency you use to pay your bills.
Seriously, in this job boundaries are everything, and alot of guys will take a mile if you give an inch, so you gotta use those inches sparingly and wisely (hope that mangled analogy makes sense)
Next time you find yourself in a similar situation, tell him honestly that you're having a great time, and ask him if he'd like to continue. There's nothing wrong with being subtle, but pretending that we don't make our $$$ doing this (thus requiring that he spend a lil more to keep things going) by being too polite to end a great call when the guy's already over time will not benefit you over time. Guys don't spend on what they can get from you for free.
Hope that helps a lil:)
peace and $$$$
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
I only consider someone a "nice guy" if they show some appreciation of my time and the fact that I'm there as a provider, not someone who has too much time on their hands so hangs out on camsites for entertainement.
Example: Guy buys a show or two, he gives out a great vibe, isn't annoying to be around, half the time is chit chat...
Guy comes back in my free chat, is nice, talks, I pay him slightly more attention because I know he spent money before. Guy doesn't buy a show.
Guy comes back again, again gets a dollop of extra attention. Guy doesn't buy a show.
Guy comes back again...gets a polite hello and a response. I focus on other guys, because giving him more attention because he's "nice" and can chit chat with me about his dried flowers or Disney stickers collection in an entertaining way is actually costing me money because I was maybe too slow to respond to someone elses hello or a question because of him. That someone might have been my paying customer.
Same goes for any extra time/attention seeking guy. If I think I might get money out of it, I'll give them the "nice guy treatment". If I am not seeing money after some reasonable amount of my effort, I stop considering them nice guys. They're someone who likes my company but doesn't want to pay as much as I priced it.
Try keeping in mind this is a job...and while it's certainly nicer to spend time with someone who is pleasant, the end goal is to make money. Hence, guys who make you roll your eyes and guys who genuinely make you smile should, well, all pay the same rate.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
You definitely need to toughen up!! Try to think of it in terms of money - in terms of what it is costing YOU!
If you have decided that $25 is a good 15 min price for skype (just taking from your post, not suggesting anything about that price), then if you give away 15 mins, you are giving him $25. Let me repeat - you just GAVE a stranger $25. Is he really THAT nice?
In those 15 mins, you could have missed a great new reg who would have tipped you $100. You could have missed a couple great pvts that got you in the money making mood, and kept it going for the next hour. Heck - you could have got 15 mins of sit ups done, or made some dinner. You are training guys to think that your time is not worth money. Once they start believing that, they will stop paying you.
And like Loveshooks says - just because you are not doing a "sex act" doesn't mean that you are not fulfilling your job. Your job is not to bang yourself with a dildo, or rub your feet, or pour oil on your boobs. Your job is to make these guys feel special, feel wanted, and generally feel good. Sounds like you are really good at that! Great! So now make the money you deserve for being good at your job.
And if you ever start to feel too bad, remember, they WANT to give you money! That's why they are there! They set up accounts just so they can pay girls! They come to pay sites because they WANT to pay! So stop thinking of it like they have to pay, like they are destitute and starving and you are food....think of it that the reason they have come to see you is that they WANT to give you money, and compensate you for what you do.
Hope that helps!
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
All of you are right in one way or another. A lot of these things I already know, but honestly I think it comes down to how I personally value money. I see it as a big deal for these people to pay. It is such and AWKWARD dynamic for me. Chatting with a "friend" then reminding them they have to pay. I thought the hard part of this job would be the actual sex stuff but that's nothing compared to asking for money.
And when I DO tell my "friends" that they will have to pay, I frame it in the WORST possible way..
Custy - I'd love to hang out some more here with you.
Me - Yeah, you're so much fun to talk to, but............., um................, I can't stay unless I get paid. I hate asking you, blah blah.
TERRIBLE!
I am a silver-tongued devil otherwise, highly skilled in the art of talkin shit but whenever money is concerned, I hate speaking of it so much that I go into avoidance mode.
As far as the "I only have a certain amount of time to do shows" thing.....it's hard to pull that one off after you have been sitting in free chat for almost three hours making NO money. That right there has just taken my value down, at least in my perception, so I pass that attitude off to the custys.
(I know I shouldn't stay on MFC when I am not making tokens, but many times things take off for me after the first two hours so I like to stick around for at least three. Yesterday that never happened so I said I was going to sign off and that's when I got the Skype request.)
The problem is not the customers it is ME. They are not greedy, they have money, and they want to give it to me. I am just not business-like enough in taking it. Obviously, I really need to work on my attitude.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
you dont sell sex shows, you sell you.
We are kind of like virtual escorts.
Time is money.....
if your not here for the money get the hell out of the game because, weak girls make it bad for the die hard hustlers.
Dont be a " discount girl" .
How could somebody you never met be so nice? This isnt a dating game, its a DOLLAR game.
You arent marrying these guys. I have guys that want to talk alllllll the time, and I charge them my USUAL RATE. I get paid to "Just talk" anywhere from $50 - $500 and Im being very serious with you. Either you want the money or you want friends.
Give the whole cow away for free for a discount you will be treated poorly in the end, for being a gullible woman.
its ALL about the money.... its YOUR JOB.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
triple h on wwe raw said it best last week...
you can either make friends, or make money...
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
They aren't nice.
They are taking advantage of you and stealing your time away when you could be making money, and don't kid yourself. They know you charge for your time and they know EXACTLY what they are doing to you.
Chat with friends, not customers.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CamWhore
you dont sell sex shows, you sell you.
We are kind of like virtual escorts.
Time is money.....
if your not here for the money get the hell out of the game because, weak girls make it bad for the die hard hustlers.
Dont be a " discount girl" .
How could somebody you never met be so nice? This isnt a dating game, its a DOLLAR game.
You arent marrying these guys. I have guys that want to talk alllllll the time, and I charge them my USUAL RATE. I get paid to "Just talk" anywhere from $50 - $500 and Im being very serious with you. Either you want the money or you want friends.
Give the whole cow away for free for a discount you will be treated poorly in the end, for being a gullible woman.
its ALL about the money.... its YOUR JOB.
Absolutely, positively, true.
CamWhore - I think you need to come over to my house and smack me around a little :O.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
You gotta get past that and out the other side! Taking £££$$$ from nice/nasty guys what does it matter as long as you have a roof over your head, bills paid, food/drink, clothes and other nice items! Your proving him a service that he is paying for and wants. So whats the problem??
Thats what they want you to think. I'm a nice guy so i should get it all for free. If only life was really like this and in some people cases it is. Kim K and loads of other celebs comes to mind!
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Don't be afraid to get their money. If their only intention was to get things for free, they could just jack off to YouPorn and freeload on MyFreeCams public cum shows. Those are things they can do without even having to register their credit card info.
The fact that these guys have their payment info registered (on the cam site(s) and have tokens tells me that they DO intend on paying SOMEBODY this money that they've got. Nobody's gonna buy MFC tokens to just let them sit there forever (even though sometimes it seems like some of them do...lmao).
We're not saying that you have to be 'mean', but you do need to be firm, otherwise these guys will camp out in FREE chat for as long as possible.
I'm logged into ImLive right now (I refuse to do free video chat on there), and some clown (whose screen name I swear I've seen before) came into my free text chat trying to get me to roleplay with him for free. He was like "Hi teacher." "I'm naked and forgot my clothes teacher." *rolls eyes* I had already greeted him politely and all, but after that I told him that we can do roleplay in private chat after he buys credits (I WILL NOT do free roleplay, sorry!). Then he left...no surprise there. :P
Also, one thing you should be on the lookout for is guys who feel entitled to freebies, just because they've spent money on you before. A guy on MFC who had a lot of tokens (I could SEE how many tokens he had) came to my room and demanded to see something (pussy? ass? I forgot.). I told him that he needs to tip, and he's like "Damn, I thought me and you was cool, fox." ::)
Sooo.....because you USED to be on my friends list and USED to tip, I'm now supposed to give in to your demands for FREE whenever the fuck you decide to swing by my room? Fuck no. This ain't Burger King where you can 'have it YOUR way'. SMH.
By the way, Christmas is NEXT month. Don't be afraid to put something on your camming profiles about how much you LOVE Amazon e-gift cards, etc. :D
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
I am the same way! Get on a site that charges per minute. I was on Mygirlfund and it just charges the guy a flat rate. So I told the guy, okay, 15 minutes. He manipulated me into over 15 minutes (like ... a LOT over). I quit MGF because I don't like it like that. I stick with sites where they actually pay whenever the customer is in chat with me.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
want to feel less guilty? do a good deed, send him my way. Ill take all his money and wont even feel slightly bad. My time=his paycheck.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shannonkristin
want to feel less guilty? do a good deed, send him my way. Ill take all his money and wont even feel slightly bad. My time=his paycheck.
Shannon, you sound fucking ruthless! Not in a bad way, but in a "I need some of that" way. Not feeling quite that guilty yet, though ;)
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
First, these guys aren't your friends. They are customers, and they know it. However, they DO want you to consider them friends...because friends don't pay friends to chat on skype. They are customers and they are out to save a buck, like everyone else.
You don't have to be mean to them. You don't have to "ask" them for money. When time is up, turn off your cam. If they say, hey where'd you go?? You say, oh sweety, time was up...if you want to continue you know my price.
I have guys ALL THE TIME who ask to chat with me on skype...no nudity, no play, no sexy stuff. I quote them my regular prices. They aren't paying for my actions, they are paying for my time. If they buy a skype show for $30 for 10 minutes, that's their time, and they can have a say in how we spend it together.
Some of these get off so hard on knowing that they have YOUR attention...and that while they do, you aren't chatting it up with anyone else. Your focus is them and theyyy lllloooooove it. Make them pay for it. They know the deal, the know how this works, and you have to teach them how to treat you.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
2BooBoo4U
Shannon, you sound fucking ruthless! Not in a bad way, but in a "I need some of that" way. Not feeling quite that guilty yet, though ;)
I was much like yourself when I first started out... I sat on skype with someone who pretty much gave me nickles to what im earning now for sometimes 12 hours a night, because i felt guilty... save the guilt for running over squirrels and stuff, not for men who put up their credit card.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shannonkristin
save the guilt for running over squirrels and stuff, not for men who put up their credit card.
Baaahahahaha! Poor squirrels....lol
I think that if you are aware of what you are doing, but just can't seem to get the words out right, then you should practice the words! Create a set of lines that you can use when asking for money, and then stick them next to your screen, and whenever that time comes around, just quote one verbatim. Practice saying them along first, so that they roll off your tongue.
Some examples:
"I'm like a sexy jukebox, you have to put the money in before I start to play!" (If you are feeling silly)
"OOh...I would love to do <whatever they were talking about>..lets head to exclusive right now so we can!" (if you are getting pvts)
"I would love to skype with you....just toss a tip my way, and I'll turn the camera on...and remember, the more you give, the more you get!" (for skype shows)
If you are skyping - then at the start, say "thanks soo much for the <amount of money> bb...that gets us <amount of minutes>. Let me put a little timer on, otherwise I just KNOW I'll get all distracted having fun with you and end up just giving it away! Naughty naughty!" (this kind of thing HAS to be said all cutesy and silly, otherwise it really does just feel like raping their wallets to them). Then...timer goes! And you say..."Oh NOOO! Time up already?!? Well, thats just terrible! I'm still having FUN! And I know that you aren't ready to leave yet....how bout we go for round two?"
All of my lines are pretty silly and cutesy and over the top, but guys seem to like it....and as long as you deliver it with confidence, they won't say anything (and if they do - fuck 'em!).
And NEVER apologize for having to charge them - not only is it counterproductive to training them to pay for you, but it brings a level of negativity to the session (which of course you don't want!) and it makes you look insecure - like you don't think that you are worth money....and insecurity ain't hot!
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
Would you be having these kinds of doubts if you were a plumber? If you were charging someone by the hour to fix their sink, I don't think it would be so hard to say, "I need my money now." But because what we do is fun, sometimes it's harder to ask for money. I get it. I think insecurity plays a part in it. You have to know that you are worth it. I read something in the stripping section that was saying never talk about how expensive something is. Go in to it with the belief that 1. You're totally worth the money and 2. Plenty of men are happy to pay whatever the cost for a bit of your time.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
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Originally Posted by
ManyRoses
Baaahahahaha! Poor squirrels....lol
"I'm like a sexy jukebox, you have to put the money in before I start to play!"
Well, I'm gonna use this line so often that it becomes a bannable offense.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
What they said. I like to think of it this way, the time you spend with him for FREE is time you could have spent with someone else getting paid.
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Re: HELP! Taking money from nice guys makes me feel guilty!
At the end of the day you are the one who has to look out for yourself. What if you were not able to pay your internet bill or god forbid.... your utilities, rent and food? What if you really want something (traveling, an education, a car, a house) that costs a lot of money and are never really able to get it?
These guys may be nice, but how nice is it when you can't pay your bills or go out to lunch with your friends? They know they are paying for a service and money gets them your time. Don't ever forget that. Unless these guys are going to front the bill for your entire lifestyle (SD type relationships) then your time with them is not limitless. Even in a SD relationship time is not "limitless" and is finite and based on money.
You don't have to be a clock watcher, but do pay attention to time (I sometimes will play a song at low volume or make use of the timer on skype calls). I don't mind giving an extra min or two, but if it goes over that I will say something!