How to tell family I'm dancing ...
OK I have really gotten myself into a hole here.
I got back into dancing a couple months ago but have kept it pretty quiet. Only my brother and a few trusted friends know. My parents know I'm working (family lives 6 hrs away) but they think I have a job at my local airport. I have been bs'ing them about this well enough, I thought, since I told them I'm doing similar work to what I was doing a few years go when I still lived at home.
Problem is that my dad has decided to come visit me in about 10 days. I thought it was kinda strange that he wanted to drive up since I went home for the last wk of October to visit. When I talked to him yesterday to see about his travel plans he was insistent on visiting me 'at work' meaning the airport job. I told him I don't want him there when I'm working & now he is suspicious. I'm wondering what right he thinks he has to show up anywhere I'm working >:( but this exchange told me that he's intending to come up specifically to see what I'm doing.
I'm kinda sry to say I've been losing sleep over this. I'm thinking about going down to the airport, where I did apply before I started dancing again but (surprise surprise) they weren't hiring, & begging them to take me on for 2 wks, I will even offer to work for them for free! I think it's either that or lay everything out on the phone before he finalizes his travel plans.
I've kept them in the dark because I don't want to deal w/ their narrow-mindedness. My dad especially is of the mindset that "Not all hookers bother stripping, but pretty much all strippers hook." I don't think he's gonna wanna hear about the clean club I work at that fires girls on the spot for hooking or coming in high. He's a former cop that to my knowledge has never been in a strip club except to bust it for prostitution.
Sry this has been a bit long-winded. :-X Any advice would be helpful.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Can't you just say you got another job? I know people who say they are night shift hotel receptionists, casino dealers or hostesses, or work on the door/cloak room at nightclubs. That way, parents aren't so inclined to visit.
I say I'm nannying, but I did that for several years before I stripped. And it can be night or day, and family or friends can't drop in and say hi at my work place. It's working well for now, but I really want to tell my parents what I do. I hate lying for so long and I've achieved a lot with dancing, so I think they'd be proud. I know they'd be cool with it eventually, but it's just the initial disapproval that I'm dreading. They're pretty cool, but even the most chilled parents wouldn't exactly be thrilled about their daughter working in an industry with such a dodgy image.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Oh man I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm not dancing(yet) but I will be soon and I could only imagine how mortified I would be if one of my parents found out I was stripping. I think you should either tell him the truth or you could make up some elaborate lie. Ex., how the airport wasn't hiring and you had to take a job at a crummy place(Mcdonalds or something) and didn't want him to know how bad it was so you just said you worked at an airport. But the lie requires you jumping through alot of hoops(Finding crummy job, paying them off so it seems that you were working there longer, etc) and there's always a chance that maybe 6 months from now he'll "surprise" you with a visit and the truth would really be out. And if you want my opinion, I think he knows. The reason I'm saying this is because I remember one time I lied to my mother. I told her I was going to be at my friend's house studying when we were really going to a party. This was a long time ago. Anyway some RAT snitched me out to my mother(I still don't know who) and when I got home the next day(It was a sleepover study) my mother asked me how my studying went. I said fine. Then she showed me a PICTURE OF ME at the party on her phone!!! What I'm trying to say is that just because you live 6 hours away doesn't mean your parents won't ever know. Their friends could have been visiting family, gone to your strip club, come back home and told them. And even if he doesn't know, I think it's best to tell him the truth now.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
I think part of what has him suspicious is that my brother lied several times about having a job, over the course of this previous summer. Long story short, he was telling our parents that he had landed a job, was going for interviews, training, etc & would leave the house every nite like he was going to start his shift when he was really going across town & hiding out. He did this three or four times in a row. Finally he did honestly get a job working security at a bar in my parents' town. I'm guessing that whole 3 months of drama, plus the fact that at the age of *gasp!* 24 I got my dad kicked off my bank account so he can't nitpick thru my financials, has him wondering what the hell I've been up to.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
I used to say I worked at a local restaurant on night shift when I was really stripping. Any time my parents told me they were coming down (they also live 6 hours from me), I would pretend to have asked someone to cover my shifts those days or to have asked for them off. 10 days would be enough time in most jobs to ask someone to cover your shifts or to put in a request for time off. I also have been really good at "taking time off work" to visit them right after they start talking about visiting me so that they have no reason to come down in my area.
It sucks in your situation since he's already suspicious because of a) your brother and b) your argument where you insisted he not visit you at work. :-\ If you go this route and he gets suspicious though, just say "Dad, I'm clearly taking care of myself. You know I'm not like my brother - I really have a job. Can we just enjoy each other's company while you're here?"
Good luck, chica.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Can you just say your really sick or have an injury so you had to be off wrk when he comes to visit? Or maybe say you quit because "x" insert something he doesn't stand for either ie. Sexual harassment or something. Parents should mind their own business once you're out of their house IMO.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
here's what's going to happen.
they're going to dig and they're going to find out and then they'll be angry and it will be no one's fault but their own.
my family did this, as well, and I basically stopped talking to them any time that they said something negative about stripping for like, a month.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
If he's insistent upon seeing you at your job -chances are that he already has an idea or got a heads up some how. That's my guess.
Usually, regular people & parents realize that it is not professional to have people coming into your job if you have a normal day job (especially something like an airport -it's not like he's stopping into a bar you bartend at to visit you or something).
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
just to throw a wrench in their plans, you should go to the airport, tell someone what's up and pay to get to work there for a few hours.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Brandi_Lynn
Usually, regular people & parents realize that it is not professional to have people coming into your job if you have a normal day job (especially something like an airport -it's not like he's stopping into a bar you bartend at to visit you or something).
That's a really good point. Could you try saying something to him like "This isn't a bar, dad, it'll look really unprofessional for you to visit me at work"? I can't even honestly imagine how I would go about "visiting" someone at the airport...
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Tell him you was fired and didn t want to disapoint him. To make money you do odd jobs like babysitting and such. You dont seem confortable telling your dad that you are dancing so if i were you i would just lie.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Everyone in my family knows I dance. When we asked my 8 year-old sister what I do for a living she said "CoCo swings on a pole". It's a running joke in my famly that I'm a stripper but my dad told me "He'll love me no matter what I do". I found that being honest with them has always worked.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luscious sadie
just to throw a wrench in their plans, you should go to the airport, tell someone what's up and pay to get to work there for a few hours.
with airport security these days she'd be more likely to go to jail...
Maybe just tell him you got fired :shrug: ? Restaurants usually hire fairly quickly so you could possibly see if a local restaurant will hire you as a waitress so you will at least be able to say that you *do* have a job.
I would say just tell him the truth but in your case it seems like it would be more trouble than it's worth.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Also another point about the visiting you at work thing.... everyone knows that airport security is tight (especially if you live in the US & especially if you live near an international airport) so just for the mere fact that your dad wants to see you at work during a time where the odds of that even being allowed are slim shows that he probably already knows you don't work there.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Thnx to everyone who's replied.
Like I said, I'm leaning towards going to the airport & asking to work there for free for a wk or so, just until it blows over. But the more I think about it the less likely it will seem possible, for the point the Phoenixrising brought up - airport security. I am a pilot myself & the TSA has all my info on file already but everytime you go switch jobs in this industry it seems they need to redo fingerprints, bkgrd checks etc.
I'm to the point where I want to call my dad up & tell him point blank that if he's really just coming up on a fishing expedition, save the time & $$ & stay home cuz I don't want to see him.
I've thought of just calling him & lvlling, or better yet say yeah Dad you can come see where I work. I will meet you at this time & place & we will drive over together -- & take him to the club & let him meet my boss. Hey, he asked for it!
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Don't tell him. I don't think telling your parents will ever be a good idea. As others have said, I think he knows you don't work at the airport. Just tell him you lost your job and you didn't want to tell him, because you didn't want him to be dissapointed.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
krystal.s
Everyone in my family knows I dance. When we asked my 8 year-old sister what I do for a living she said "CoCo swings on a pole". It's a running joke in my famly that I'm a stripper but my dad told me "He'll love me no matter what I do". I found that being honest with them has always worked.
thats awesome... but not all families are that open minded. My parents would disown me and Im 30!
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
krystal.s
Everyone in my family knows I dance. When we asked my 8 year-old sister what I do for a living she said "CoCo swings on a pole". It's a running joke in my famly that I'm a stripper but my dad told me "He'll love me no matter what I do". I found that being honest with them has always worked.
Ahhh, I'm sooo envious! My fam thinks I'm a bartender & cocktail waitress (mom is still ashamed). Lord forbid if they knew the truth. So jealous! :P
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aniela
Thnx to everyone who's replied.
Like I said, I'm leaning towards going to the airport & asking to work there for free for a wk or so, just until it blows over. But the more I think about it the less likely it will seem possible, for the point the Phoenixrising brought up - airport security. I am a pilot myself & the TSA has all my info on file already but everytime you go switch jobs in this industry it seems they need to redo fingerprints, bkgrd checks etc.
I'm to the point where I want to call my dad up & tell him point blank that if he's really just coming up on a fishing expedition, save the time & $$ & stay home cuz I don't want to see him.
I've thought of just calling him & lvlling, or better yet say yeah Dad you can come see where I work. I will meet you at this time & place & we will drive over together -- & take him to the club & let him meet my boss. Hey, he asked for it!
Yeah, I generally don't think any day profession would do you this favor or give a rats ass whats going on (especially an airport what w/ the extra security issues they have been going, through & all as you mentioned).
Your 25 it says in your profile -your father is gonna have to respect you & treat you as an adult at some point. My ma is pretty similar in the way she interacts w/ me & shoot I'm almost 30. But she does stay the hell outta my work (cuz she hates the fact that I'm a "bartender" ;)). Try standing your ground w/ your dad first before you out yourself -it will prob cause a fight or he'll get mad but who cares, he'll get over it at some point. Sometimes, parents need to learn that boundaries apply to them as well as their child gets older, right. Good Luck!
Overbearing parents are always a bitch -I feel ya! ::)
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aniela
Thnx to everyone who's replied.
Like I said, I'm leaning towards going to the airport & asking to work there for free for a wk or so, just until it blows over.
I was joking... don't do this. They obviously already know what's going on and it would just make you look stupid. Not to mention the fact that chances are, it will not work. They will think that you're a terrorist.
tell your parents that you are busy and would prefer it if they didn't come to visit you. Tell them that you will see them around the holidays (if that's a time that you usually get together) and that they're welcome to call and text you whenever they want.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Tell him. Damn the conseqeunces. It's YOUR life. Not his, and provided you aren't doing anything wrong, or illegal, he has no right to butt in. Let us know what happens!
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Sry it's been so long getting back about what happened. Had a few other monkeys to get off my back the last couple months.
I've dodged the Dad-visiting bullet twice since my initial post in November, he's been up here a couple more times to visit & so far so good. I did tell him in Nov that if he was just coming up to investigate me then I didn't want to see him, well he didn't like that very much but he got my point & didn't make an issue of it. So far I seem to be in the clear, the subject of my job (whatever my family thinks it might be) hasn't come up at all, actually. They don't bring it up & I don't either.
One of my brothers is in on it tho, so if he gets any impression that more digging is going on he can give me a heads-up.
Re: How to tell family I'm dancing ...
Hmm. my mother knows i dance but thats only because i was reaaally sick to the point that i couldnt drive myself to the doctor and had to stay with her for a couple of weeks, and she looked through my purse and found house receipts lol. she wanted me to quit at first, but i dont think she ever did or does understad what dancing actually is. i think she thought i was a prostitute (im first gen.), but i explained it to her and she doesnt really tell me what to do. my dad on the other hand, i have no idea what he thinks ive been doing for the past 4 years lol but we have a dont ask dont tell policy.
I think youre old enough for your father to stay out of your buisness as well, and youre right to stand up to him and tell him not to come if he only wants to investigate you. he should accept what you have chosen to tell him about your life, and respect what you want to keep private. Tell him that if he wants to come visit you to spend time together, that you will take off work for him, end of story.