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Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
This thread is inspired by J.D.'s "stickied"post.
We are all aware that this industry can suck you in and spit you out dry. The emotional trauma we deal with on a nightly basis can really get the best of us if we don't remain shielded. This is what happened to me. Since I've become a dancer, I've noticed my self esteem diminish, and I have become dependent on substances to work each night. When I'm in the VIP room hustling "the more you give the more you get" and I actually get the amount of money I "think" I'm worth, I let him put his hands all over my body. I let him touch what's sacred to me and what should only be experienced with my SO. I'm sharing my body for X amount of dollars just like the rest of you, however, I know that this exchange is damaging me. Knowing that I make in one night is what others make in three months sometimes leaves me feeling guilty and sick to my stomach. However, I'm finding it difficult to pull away from the industry and work a vanilla job.
Have you been through a similar situation where you have dealt with the mental anguish from working in the industry? How did you reverse your shattered self image or mentality?
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Time and support. It sounds like you're at the point where you need to get out of at least reduce the amount of time you're spending in the club. I never allowed customers and more than light touching, but even that was too much for me, especially after I got married. When I retired I had night terrors for a few months. I don't recall any of them (normal for night terrors) but my husband says I would "wake up" screaming for people to get off me etc etc. I had a lot of other issues, like getting black out drunk every night for a year to cope, waking up with bruises on my hands because I'd get drunk and punch walls. Lucky for me, my husband is very patient, and has talked about it with me for hours and hours ad nauseum; ten months later I am starting to feel my mind clearing and the anger subsiding. I can now drink alcohol casually, but you need to stop with the substances that are numbing you out. You're only damaging yourself further.
You need to talk about it, and it needs to stop. The more you allow this to go on, the worse the damage is going to become.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
neurolinguistic programming
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I had finally had enough one night and walked out of a club. For months after I felt empty and felt like I was coming one person again after so to speak being a multiple personality (I created a persona for the clubs). For a long time when I went into a club (non stripping)I felt like the men were judging me and either wanting me or rejecting me. I'd go to visit friends still dancing and would feel uncomfortable there. I'd meet a guy and assume he just saw me as a dancer, even if he didn't know I was one. It was a relief though in a way not to have to deal with the pain anymore. I never dealt with all the touching that is a problem now but can imagine I would feel even more creepy. It took me several months to deal with all of this, and eventually it all subsided, though 10 years later something will remind me of club dancing. I still continued to do bachelor parties though, but this is mostly working for myself and getting out after an hour. With these parties I didn't deal with the crap I did in the clubs, like rejection, or terrible managers.
I don't think I could ever dance in a club again. I did come into a club after this to dance on stage (club paid me)and I auditioned at a club but that was about it. With the club I auditioned at I didn't feel comfortable there and left pretty soon after auditioning, giving them a fake number.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I think a lot of dancers experience this, but either are in denial, or are making money but keeping high on alcohol, pills, whatever..so things feel fine...but the truth is there is collateral damage that comes with the job.
I think with the times today it's more likely to be the case, since many people are tighter with their pockets nowadays. So there seems to be more girls willing to offer more to make their rent...and since many guys are pigs, when they go back they want the girl who provided them with their orgasm...and so girls who aren't comfy with it consider the option of offering more since the extra extra girls are affecting their business...it's a whole snowball effect...so then it becomes a mindfuck situation unless the club is run right, and management doesn't allow dirty shit and actually fires people when it happens. So it's like girls selling themselves and everyone short and making it tougher .
Sometimes I wish there were a contract all dancers would have to sign and actually hold to where it says they will not give in, and they will do extra crap outside of the club...or at least charge guys a huuuuge amount if they're going to try to pull that crap in the club, instead of selling short (for some people 200 dollars is fine..they don't care...those usually are the addicts or whatever who dont value themselves or believe they're worth more). I think it's girls themselves who are a huge part responsible for stripping going to shit. Maybe there should be a mandatory powerpoint lesson to all new club dancers and existing ones to help them understand this concept...when you start underselling your product...consumers then expect it for less...blah blah blah... so they wont be dumb and fuck everythign up for everyone
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
junigirl
I think a lot of dancers experience this, but either are in denial, or are making money but keeping high on alcohol, pills, whatever..so things feel fine...but the truth is there is collateral damage that comes with the job.
I think with the times today it's more likely to be the case, since many people are tighter with their pockets nowadays. So there seems to be more girls willing to offer more to make their rent...and since many guys are pigs, when they go back they want the girl who provided them with their orgasm...and so girls who aren't comfy with it consider the option of offering more since the extra extra girls are affecting their business...it's a whole snowball effect...so then it becomes a mindfuck situation unless the club is run right, and management doesn't allow dirty shit and actually fires people when it happens. So it's like girls selling themselves and everyone short and making it tougher .
Sometimes I wish there were a contract all dancers would have to sign and actually hold to where it says they will not give in, and they will do extra crap outside of the club...or at least charge guys a huuuuge amount if they're going to try to pull that crap in the club, instead of selling short (for some people 200 dollars is fine..they don't care...those usually are the addicts or whatever who dont value themselves or believe they're worth more). I think it's girls themselves who are a huge part responsible for stripping going to shit. Maybe there should be a mandatory powerpoint lesson to all new club dancers and existing ones to help them understand this concept...when you start underselling your product...consumers then expect it for less...blah blah blah... so they wont be dumb and fuck everythign up for everyone
I wish there was some sort of training class to really show dancers how it is, but this will of course never happen. We all know there are too many girls who enter the business who will be eaten alive by it. It's funny because many of my non sex industry friends know of my past and have brought girls considering the business to chat to me. I am always blunt about it and always tell them to check it out before entering. Most women can't handle it.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Yes it's strange. When i'm at work (and its a good night), i'm on kind of a high, making money, dancing, not giving a fuck about men n how much they are emptying out of their wallets for me. When I get home, have my shower and it's time to relax..... sometimes I get very depressed. The fact that i'm lying to my parents about dancing saddens me because I am very close with my mom. This sadness I deal with by taking [my substance of choice] which I am now addicted to and take at work as well.
Sometimes I think to myself, what if I never started dancing? What if I never took that initial job as a shooter girl....where would I be now? The thought of retiring from dancing and working a regular job scares me. The fact that I could make in 2 weeks what I make in 1 or 2 nights dancing is honestly terrifying. I am in school now and I plan to retire from dancing when I am done and get a real job. But for now I will continue dancing because I have living expenses to pay for that I could never pay for if I just quit.
fml, lol.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
For the most part, I still enjoy dancing and am not bothered much emotionally by the interactions I have with customers. I'll never do more for less regardless of how bad the club is. Although I'm not an "innocent" dancer, I feel comfortable offering something if the payoff is well worth it, in my opinion. I think everyone has their price and because that price is subjective, you're able to set the terms of what you are and are not comfortable accepting. It's damaging when you accept lower than your price because you'll feel cheated and used. You should never do something you're uncomfortable with even if you're hurting for money. It's not worth it in the long run!
The only thing that gets to me is the inconsistencies in money. I absolutely hate not knowing whether going into work is going to be worth my while or not. I don't like making a thousand dollars one day and one hundred the next. I only work two-three days a week (more if I'm traveling) and it makes me feel so unproductive. I wish I could work full time but I know that it would be too up and down for me to keep a positive attitude. I want to feel like I'm treating this as a serious career but the fluctuation makes it difficult for me.
I'm honestly considering going into porn, saving up enough money, and starting my own business. It's stressful to know that dancing is your only option for "good" money which is what deters me from leaving the industry.
Whenever you're feeling down, take a break, go on vacation, change your looks, or chill at home until you're so bored that you want to dance again. It's good to take time off when you're feeling disgusted with your job.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I wish I could say that dancing hasn't affected me, but I know it has. I used to be a very happy drunk - now I get insanely angry. I take everything everyone says the wrong way, get pissed, start yelling at them, and run away. I never used to be like this until a couple months after I started dancing. I honestly think it's my internal anger that has soared to new heights from dealing with assholes, and how I can no longer tolerate any sort of BS from anyone without getting way too upset. I think that really manifests when I get drunk and my inhibitions are down. My behavior while drunk has never been pretty - as I'm sure nobody's is lol But lately, it's been horrible because of my horrid anger coming out. The only solution I've been able to come up with is to never allow myself to drink more than a few drinks in a night so I don't get like that. It sucks that I have to really watch my intake on a night out so that my internal rage doesn't fly out of control, thanks to the douches at the club. :-\
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NREXM
For the most part, I still enjoy dancing and am not bothered much emotionally by the interactions I have with customers. I'll never do more for less regardless of how bad the club is. Although I'm not an "innocent" dancer, I feel comfortable offering something if the payoff is well worth it, in my opinion. I think everyone has their price and because that price is subjective, you're able to set the terms of what you are and are not comfortable accepting. It's damaging when you accept lower than your price because you'll feel cheated and used. You should never do something you're uncomfortable with even if you're hurting for money. It's not worth it in the long run!
The only thing that gets to me is the inconsistencies in money. I absolutely hate not knowing whether going into work is going to be worth my while or not. I don't like making a thousand dollars one day and one hundred the next. I only work two-three days a week (more if I'm traveling) and it makes me feel so unproductive. I wish I could work full time but I know that it would be too up and down for me to keep a positive attitude. I want to feel like I'm treating this as a serious career but the fluctuation makes it difficult for me.
I'm honestly considering going into porn, saving up enough money, and starting my own business. It's stressful to know that dancing is your only option for "good" money which is what deters me from leaving the industry.
Whenever you're feeling down, take a break, go on vacation, change your looks, or chill at home until you're so bored that you want to dance again. It's good to take time off when you're feeling disgusted with your job.
I agree. I find that if its a bad week I feel 'lesser' (regardless of others earnings being crap too) where as when Im banking I am confident and much happier.
Ive always taken time out, and worked for specific goals, which has helped with the 'dark' side of the industry
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
When people tell me my job is great because I make just as much as them (or more) for less than 1/2 the hours, I tell them that some money costs too much.
Dancing, and the sex industry as a whole, is like a ticking time bomb. You go in, you do your best, you stick it out, and when you leave you are forever changed. You have to have an exit plan or you will be helpless and stuck.
I thank StripperWeb to this day for emphasizing that point to me before I started dancing. That is why I started school and have stuck to it. The stories of other women who have danced and been left with nothing, no education, and fallen from glory allowed me to see my choices in the industry.
I'll admit that I do have a tendency to use stimulants to get me through work. They are prescribed and I do not take more than prescribed to me, but I don't think I would have wanted them if I wasn't stripping. I don't have a drinking problem and I don't use street drugs, but I still think it is a problem that could turn nasty if I'm not careful.
I also have noticed how desensitized I am to sex, nudity, sexuality, and so forth. Before stripping, I would have smacked a man if he asked to have sex with me. Now, I simply accept it. I have friends who use hard drugs, who abuse prescription pills, who are alcoholics, who are prostitutes. I have friends who are in a very dark place in their lives. It is so sad to me, and I never thought I could be "friends" with people "like that". But I look at them, and we really aren't so different. The only thing separating us is self control on my part. If something went wrong in my brain and I lost my composure I could be just like them.
I think it's important to have friends who are not strippers, which can be hard sometimes. With the hours, the working weekends, sleeping all day, etc, it's hard to find and maintain relationships with genuine people who don't judge you.
It's so odd to me when I rewind two years ago and look at the difference between me then and me now. I am a changed person, and I will never be able to erase all of the memories of what I've been exposed to in this industry.
I'm starting to hate it. I want out. I have to keep working on my studies.
It is an awful feeling. I need counseling.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Sorry you are having a hard time Laurisa. Yes, it can damage self esteem and many other problems. I always tell girls (this is not aimed at you btw)that if one has any issues with self esteem, drugs, etc never to enter to industry because it will make it worse. It had changed me on many levels both good and bad. For the longest time I thought men only thought of me because of my looks and while many men are like that not all are.
I have seen so many sad cases of women who were destroyed by this industry. For all the positive stories we have seen (and there are many here)there are others who suffered. I've seen older women who were stuck in the industry because they had no other skills. I've seen women who became addicted to drugs or those who got into prostitution. I've seen others who seem to have escaped unscathed who still had issues they had to work on.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I've been in and out of dancing (mainly because I wanted to return to a vanilla job I knew was in my true career field..something I knew I'd love)...and the transition was terribly difficult. The gruelings amount of hours I worked (which made it difficult to do homework or other school related things), the emotional and physical intensity of the job, cheap pay (biweekly checks, not cash daily)...all to do something I loved...it stunk. So I returned to dancing. When I graduate with my Bachelors I plan on returning back to my field.
I returned to dancing mainly because it gave me a flexible schedule (so I could focus on school projects and tasks more), while giving me an opportunity to make a weeks pay in possibly a few short nights at the club. The club is the best of the worst scenarios to be in right now, and I've accepted that.
However; I dislike dancing on many levels, and what it has done to me. It has made me much more of an introvert outside of the club. It has lowered my self esteem. It's incredibly stressful knowing pay is not a promised thing. Seeing the drugs all over the place (I have been clean for almost 5 years now), is a hard temptation to overcome. And while I have never offered "extras" or given into customers offers to pay me for them....doesn't mean that the thought never crossed my mind for a certain dollar amount. My body is precious. It is meant to be for me and my man. BUT; when the rent was due...and an offer was made, did I contemplate it? Yes. Did I ever give in? No. And that right there is bittersweet because I know I did the right thing by saying no...but knowing I wasn't able to pay my bills accordingly makes me feel like absolute garbage. So then I wondered if I should have sucked it up, taken the offer, and not struggled as much financially...which would have made me feel bad too. It's awful feeling like sometimes I'm between a rock and a hard place with this one.
I remember when I first started dancing, thinking "I'd never be one of THOSE girls" *extra girls*and being upset if anyone even asked me to do anything that could be remotely illegal. As time as gone on, it's gone from that original thinking to "Well, for X amount then MAYBE...". It's sad that's what dancing has done to me and my thought process sometimes.
As much as I'd like to say I'm desensitized to the industry...I am and I'm not at the same time. I can handle bad situations in the moment. I'm tough and very thick skinned if something is happening right then and there (like an assault). I've never cried at the club, or made a report or anything like that. But some of the situations I've dealt with (inside of the club walls), things I've seen, heard, faces I'll never forget...it haunts me.
I went to therapy for a while to deal with some of these issues. Honestly, I loved therapy when I did have a great therapist. But the counselors I sought out since dancing didn't know how to handle what exactly what I was going through..so I left and have been handling things on my own. I have felt some comfort on this site. Reading what others were feeling and needed to say. It made me feel not so alone. Which that in itself has helped me handle some things. Nothing will be fixed overnight, nor do I feel I will ever be the kind of person I used to be before dancing.
I just try to remember that all things happen for a reason, and to have faith that I will eventually be rewarded after with dealing with some of these hardships. That some light is at the end of the tunnel. And it will be for you too hun *hug*
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Dancing has helped me in the start when I wanted to do it. Now it seems like a struggle working in a city where most of the girls are offering extras and clients expect them.. Plus there arent that many good (clean) clubs here and it doesnt help that they are all nude.
Anyway, Ive been doing it for a year in a half now, I dropped out of school for a year to strip and feel like I have no purpose, no future. Its the same thing over and over again and Im sick of it. I want to get network connections, I want to learn something new, I want to achieve something that I will be proud of. I decided going to school this upcoming year, this job depresses me even with lots of money its awesome but I still feel like I am missing something in my life. I will still strip and go to school, but know it wont be with me after 5 years.
This job helped me in a lot of postive ways, but also negative. It has helped me not to care about emotions so much, to think logically, to keep a straight face and sell, to talk to people whom I thought I never would, to deal with many crazy bitches with shady management, not to trust people so quick. But it also brought me into thinking I will be stuck in this job, that going back into the real world is scary, lieing to my parents, knowing people will be jugdemental all times of this job, what happens and all the shit you see in your daily day within the changeroom and floor making you think you;re stuck there and all men treat women like this and thats all they are good for.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
^^ I know what you mean about the money not filling a void. It made me feel even more empty.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I am sorry for everyone who is feeling bad emotionally. I think it would help to journal how you feel and I think the situations and the customers who disturb you the most will be apparent. Then cut off all those situations and customers. (And by the way, you don't owe them an explanation. You could just stop approaching them and talking to them. Or if you really really want to keep a customer you could say, "I won't do whatever now and say that a girl got fired for that and you want to keep my job".) I know that's hard to do but it will help you in the long term. The other helpful thing is to cut off excessive alcohol (for me 2 or less drinks per night) and drugs. If you are super drunk some customers will try to take advantage of you and then you will be worse off emotionally. Getting super drunk every night or taking drugs is self destructive. You could get raped while passed out from alcohol or crash your car or get a DUI. Try to cut down on those things before you get into an even worse place. I know it's hard to change but cutting out bad customers, bad situations, excessive alcohol or drugs will help you to heal. Hugs. I hope everyone in this thread feels better.
It does take time to feel better. Yeah, the money can be nice but know that you're worth more than a few hundred dollars a loser offers you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AriahsPariah
This thread is inspired by J.D.'s "stickied"post.
We are all aware that this industry can suck you in and spit you out dry. The emotional trauma we deal with on a nightly basis can really get the best of us if we don't remain shielded. This is what happened to me. Since I've become a dancer, I've noticed my self esteem diminish, and I have become dependent on substances to work each night. When I'm in the VIP room hustling "the more you give the more you get" and I actually get the amount of money I "think" I'm worth, I let him put his hands all over my body. I let him touch what's sacred to me and what should only be experienced with my SO. I'm sharing my body for X amount of dollars just like the rest of you, however, I know that this exchange is damaging me. Knowing that I make in one night is what others make in three months sometimes leaves me feeling guilty and sick to my stomach. However, I'm finding it difficult to pull away from the industry and work a vanilla job.
Have you been through a similar situation where you have dealt with the mental anguish from working in the industry? How did you reverse your shattered self image or mentality?
By taking responsiblity for your own actions and placing the blame on the circumstances that caused you to bring undefined boundaries and an unclear sense of self to the job you do. It's not the industry that's hurting you; it's the way you're navigating it. Take responsibility for that and you'll regain your power. Drugs can't force you to do them; money can't force you to betray yourself; no one else's perception of you has anything to do with what you believe you deserve - and if you truly believe it isn't good for you, then you can save enough to leave the business comfortably in three month's time - so if you don't change things, it's because you believe that the things you're losing are worth what you're making. It's your life. Love yourself enough to live it the way you deserve.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
I have been in the industry for almost 14 yrs now & I have seen, done & ignored alot. As an entertainer you have to understand that you are still a real human being.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aurora_Sunset
I wish I could say that dancing hasn't affected me, but I know it has. I used to be a very happy drunk - now I get insanely angry. I take everything everyone says the wrong way, get pissed, start yelling at them, and run away. I never used to be like this until a couple months after I started dancing. I honestly think it's my internal anger that has soared to new heights from dealing with assholes, and how I can no longer tolerate any sort of BS from anyone without getting way too upset. I think that really manifests when I get drunk and my inhibitions are down. My behavior while drunk has never been pretty - as I'm sure nobody's is lol But lately, it's been horrible because of my horrid anger coming out. The only solution I've been able to come up with is to never allow myself to drink more than a few drinks in a night so I don't get like that. It sucks that I have to really watch my intake on a night out so that my internal rage doesn't fly out of control, thanks to the douches at the club. :-\
WHOA. That describes how i started to feel to such a tee it was hard to read. Umm internet hugs and shit, i'm so sorry you have to deal w/that b/c its so unnerving. I HATE and loathe how shitty i get with people often closest too me b/c of that. I mean I became much more obviously unstable to a lot of my friends, but i could ultimately reign it in...just have people kinda being, oh well you know k*. It came out, in panic attacks and just total freak out on my boyfriend though. I totally ruined the best thing i had w/a boyfriend. He talks about giving it another shot...but just sooo much damage done, and I'm not totally sure where i stand in what i am willing to totally stop doing. I drink too much still. :(
I had a lot of issues that were present (body image/ptsd from well being assaulted/had been in a previous abusive relationship ie *hey there i'm the cliche*-effing annoying/yet well....
I had sooo much trouble w/my body image that it made it really hard to dance, heh obviously. At times i would tell myself, hey now look you're making this $$$ and working 1/4 of what you did and trying to convince myself that i would find some kind of confidence in some kind of better way, but I was not able too. I got involved w/a bad boss, a bad club...and i left it behind only to go back. I went back to a few better clubs, different state, but not in a different mind-set. I had to be on something to even have a hope to feign the confidence needed, and i was so uncomfortable it was painful at the end on stage. I had to hustle my ass off offstage, and well..that didn't lead me to a better path.
I admire the hell out of a girl i worked w/who seemingly honestly overcame her eating disorder and just owned it onstage...i *wanted* that so badly. I just, I'm not there. I've had some nasty medical bills (not exactly helped by my substance abuse issue of yore) and i went back to do some promo work, and wound up working the door at a club i worked at a few times when i ran into the owner at the event i was a shot girl for....and its soooo tempting.
I'd love to go back (and um...learn how to do some actual pole work ha. no really its shameful how much i suck at that) but...yeah.
Are you able to get any outside support of possibly therapy? It seems quite a few girls i know, had some kinda trauma that struggled the hardest i/r/t opiate use (issue i have myself) and i'm not the best in sticking with therapy....but is it a possibility?
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Instinct. Intuition. Always! You'll know when its time to leave. You'll know if this is the industry for you or not, and how long you can withstand it. Its not a bad industry, but its not for everyone (just like many other industries).
There are many different occupations in the adult industry. Try out the ones you feel comfortable with. I'd stick to legal ones too, but that's just me. Or with dancing, change clubs. Change cities. Change states. Keep trying til you find the perfect fit. Then you won't want to leave.
Undo damage by having a life outside the adult industry. Have contacts & friends outside the adult industry (yes, this is hard for MAJORITY of us but try anyway!). Follow your passions and interests. Join clubs and groups, stay active. Don't make the adult industry your life because it will overwhelm you. Talk about a MAJOR imbalance of the sacral chakra! You need a balance. Always.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
I had finally had enough one night and walked out of a club. For months after I felt empty and felt like I was coming one person again after so to speak being a multiple personality (I created a persona for the clubs). For a long time when I went into a club (non stripping)I felt like the men were judging me and either wanting me or rejecting me. I'd go to visit friends still dancing and would feel uncomfortable there. I'd meet a guy and assume he just saw me as a dancer, even if he didn't know I was one. It was a relief though in a way not to have to deal with the pain anymore. I never dealt with all the touching that is a problem now but can imagine I would feel even more creepy. It took me several months to deal with all of this, and eventually it all subsided, though 10 years later something will remind me of club dancing. I still continued to do bachelor parties though, but this is mostly working for myself and getting out after an hour. With these parties I didn't deal with the crap I did in the clubs, like rejection, or terrible managers.
I don't think I could ever dance in a club again. I did come into a club after this to dance on stage (club paid me)and I auditioned at a club but that was about it. With the club I auditioned at I didn't feel comfortable there and left pretty soon after auditioning, giving them a fake number.
Yeah its a hard balance deciding when to tell men you're in this industry. Should you wait awhile so they see your mind, but perhaps get angry or disgusted by what you do & dislike you after that? Should you be upfront and tell them right away knowing that many men will then see you as a slutty horny sex object? I've seen it go both ways, and everything in between. I am usually open with people right away if the subject comes up now. I don't care at this point, and I feel like those who want to be your friend will stay. I like what I do. Its not my fault they are uneducated, misinformed, or if they listen to negative media portrayal. That's THEIR issue, NOT mine!
As far a clubs go, I am SO HAPPY I danced. My body image grew in a positive direction. I realized that all women have flaws, and its smoke/mirrors/lights that create the goddess effect. I knew this, but I never realized to what extent. Body shapes & sizes too. It helped my body image for the better, working with several different girls with different body shapes. Not to mention I learned all the beauty tips & tricks, stage presence, social skills, business sense, time management, ways to think smarter & more creative, psychology, acting skills, all while meeting interesting people and learning random interesting things. All jobs have their perks, and dancing has many.
I must say though, I REALLY dislike upscale clubs because I feel like they promote unhealthy ways to achieving thinness. House moms & management would look the other way at when girls did hard drugs & drank heavily. They would *state* the rules as to not get in legal trouble, but they didn't care. And every upscale clubs around me ONLY seemed to care about how thin you were and how glamorous you could be. I didn't mind the glamorous part. Anyone can be glamorous, but NOT anyone can be thin. You CANNOT change your body type in any healthy way. I don't consider myself a big girl at all, but once you reached 120 lbs, those clubs seemed to have it out for you. As much as I loved those clubs, I just couldn't do it anymore. While I still travel dance, it is very seldom and not for long amounts of time.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Wow... I can really relate. I danced for 6 years and quitting was like quitting heroin. Therapy REALLY helps. So much that I became a therapist because I wanted to be for other women in the industry what my therapist was for me.
I agree with all of the advice in previous replies: journal, don't drink too much at work, set boundaries, intuit when it's time to quit..
Good luck and yours in solidarity,
Hedgee
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Maybe I'm a robot cuz none of the stuff you mentioned bothers me. When i go home I don't think about it or anything. Oh well. To each their own.
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
Right now i'm working to save for my east coast move, get into beauty school and retire after 3 years of dancing. I can't say i'm walking away the same as i walked in, because thats untrue. i'm not damaged in any way.
it's been a hell of a ride for me. maybe i'll do the rare dance night again but my main focus will be school and transitioning out of the industry
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Re: Reversing the mental and emotional damage from the sex industry
It is very interesting (and sad) for me to read your stories and thoughts. As an agent for private strippers I've seen too many girls come into this industry and leave with nothing. Always I stress to my girls, you must have a game plan. Use the industry, don't let it use you.
Even though I don't have to deal with clients face-to-face, the daily grind of dealing with idiots who want more than a show drains me emotionally and mentally.
Sex is no longer taboo, guys have seen it all and they want more and more for their spending dollar. This puts everyone in the industry in a hard place. We have to say "NO" to extras. Not just because it's illegal, but because it is the right thing to do.
Better to be poor for a day with a clear conscience than rich for a week with no self-esteem.