How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
So I'm brand spanking new to camming and am totally excited about it for now (Xmas coming up and mama need to make some extra money!). I am a burlesque artist and looking to build a fanbase (and mostly practice routines) while camming so I can kill two birds with one stone. However, while trying to come up with a solid long-term marketing plan I forgot about one small detail...the BOYFRIEND! How do I break it to him that I am camming without him feeling weirded out about it all. He doesn't mind the burlesque and striptease routine I do for audiences, but I have a gut feeling he is going to not be cool with this. Lying to him isn't an option because I don't want to get into the habit of doing that to him and I like to be open and honest with loved ones. Anyone has any suggestions/experiences with telling a significant other that you cam?
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Well unless you havent been turning a profit up until now - youre already in the sex industry... so... uh
We cant tell you how to tell him not to be weirded out by it if we dont think it is a weird profession that needs to be justified or explained away somehow, right?
But if he's going to be weirded out by it (or youre just anticipating his will be, which may be why you left him out of your planning originally) and lying isnt an option - looks like all you can do is just tell him?
I may not understand your question.
Wanting to make your own money is pretty a normal thing, so I cant come up with a defense of that position. Cant know until you tell him and cant know how much his judgment bears on your desire to make money and cant know if he has veto power in your life or not.
If the plan is already in motion and you left him out of it, including him all of the sudden is a dishonest process except if you guys have a "hey, btw fyi" kind of relationship about career goals. Which would be fine if he were ok with sex work, but it doesnt sound like he is.
:shrug:
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
with one of my partners i was just like "honey, i've been thinking about getting into camming." he knew i'd done prostitution before that though so it was a matter of dealing with his misconceptions about camming mostly. i'd already been with him for 4-5 years when i started camming. with my other partner, he had made some weird comments about sex work when we first started dating and normally i am really up front with people about the fact that i'm a sex worker, especially if i'm going to get into a relationship with them, but for us getting together at first it was sort of like a whirlwind and i just really wasn't sure how to tell him. at that point it hadn't gotten really serious so i didn't feel obligated to tell him (i would have if i'd been doing prostitution because of the safe sex aspect) but as things got more serious i felt like i needed to tell him so i was like "remember how you said this this and this about sex work? well, uh, that made me really uncomfortable because i used to do sex work and recently i started doing it again." at first he had a lot of misconceptions about sex workers in general and what affect it would have on our sex life and things like that so dealing with those was a painful learning experience but it ultimately strengthened our relationship. more recently since i've begun thinking about doing pornography we've gone back and discussed what kinds of sex work he is and isn't comfortable with me doing. at first he was like 'i'm okay with porn but if you ever went back to prostitution i would really have a problem with that' and his reasons were really good (and also they were reasons why i'm not doing prostitution right now, lol). but eventually he was like 'i trust you and if you want to do other kinds of sex work i trust your judgment.'
ultimately it's my decision but i prefer my partners to be comfortable with my choices so i'm willing to give it time and talk about things with them. and also i don't do ultimatums generally speaking - to me that is manipulation and i don't accept being treated that way - so saying 'no sex work or i'm leaving' is not a form of communication in my opinion. there is always room for discussion and i'm really big on communication - so if they have problems with something i'm doing i need to know so we can talk about it and get to the root of what about it is bothering them. and if something new comes up with my work or some other aspect of my life i tell them and i'm confident that they trust my judgment.
honesty is pretty much always the best policy in my experience. if he's uncomfortable with it, find out why. is he worried it'll affect your sex life? does he think of it as cheating? a lot of that comes from misconceptions - like, one of my partners really didn't understand at first that this is a job to me. i'm not doing this because i'm a nymphomaniac or because i want sex all the time - and the fact that i'm a sex worker doesn't mean he's going to get sex all the time or that i'm always up for sex. this is my job. our sex life is our sex life. usually if there is discomfort there's a reason for the discomfort, and dealing with the root of that - whether it's jealousy, insecurity, whatever - will solve the problem.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
and it just occurred to me that some people i know are like "well don't they ever get to disagree with anything?" well, yeah, duh, obviously. this isn't the tinydancer23 show. it's a relationship. i don't expect them to always do everything the way i want.
but - if a loved one disagrees with my job - i expect them to have a good reason. i wouldn't tell them i didn't want them to do a certain job without a good reason. sometimes they have concerns about safety. okay, cool, let's get to the root of what those are and how to fix them. and then the job is okay. usually with significant others who are anti-sex work their 'concerns' amount to 'i'm ashamed that you do sex work, you're degrading yourself, i'm jealous and possessive, that's not an acceptable job, when are you getting a real job?'
and the fact is, i don't want to date anyone who is ashamed of me or my job or who thinks that doing sex work somehow lessens my value as a human being or cheapens me. it's not just that they disagree with sex work - it's that their views of sex work would be incompatible with their supposed love for who i am/value for me as a person. that's why i'm saying getting to the root of the discomfort is how to solve the problem.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Some people get off on watching a sexy muscular chest. or nice big boobs - both Acceptable fetishes and doable for FREE in the public eye ( IE, at the beach)
Some people get off on watching FEET and HANDS .. both FREE and Acceptable.
Some people get off on watching a nice round BUTT.. LOL both men and women.. we see that EVERYDAY, EVERYWHERE. FREE.
Some people get off on watching a vagina.
I fail to see the difference.
Its just a body part.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
You just tell him! I told my most recent ex within the first couple days of meeting him. He said he had no issues at the time, but then 6 months in to the relationship changed his tune. 2 years later and we just broke up like a couple months ago for various reasons. But yeah...Just tell him!
Just say: "This is what I do for a living, if you have a problem with it, you can pay my bills or go fly a kite!"
:D
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Thank you for your responses, ladies. He is a sweet man and very open-minded, and I think if I can clear up any misconceptions about camming by educating myself and informing him of what I have learned, then I think things will be OK. I guess as long as I don't have actual SEX with anyone (which was our relationship agreement for the both of us) then he shouldn't have too many objections. If he does, we'll just have to work it out :p
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Just tell him you use webcamming as a source to practice your routines and create a fan base, just like you said. But still, be honest entirely when he asks questions. You should discuss this with him before you go on cam.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Yep I would just tell him. What else can you do besides lie or not say anything? I started doing this after I had already been with my man for a couple of years and we have been together for 10 years and I have been doing this for 8. Even if he told me to stop right now I would tell him to fuck off.... seriously. This is a part of who I am and I am not going to quit for anybody.
You just need to decide what you are going to do if your boyfriend doesn't want you to cam.... are you going to quit? Are you going to do it anyways? Have this stuff thought out before you mention it to him and it will be easier.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
It sounds from the OP like you haven't actually started yet? That you are just thinking about it? Or that you are very, very, very new to it.
I would always tell people to bring it up with a SO BEFORE you start - on the off chance that they have a huge issue with it, you can talk it through or decide not to do it before you have started. At this point, if you haven't started, I would wait until you have had a word with him.
That said, if you have started already, then just go ahead and talk! The sooner the better. Be straightforward and understanding - the fact that you already strip in public should help! And just say "Honey, I was thinking that I wanted to make some extra money, so I want to start camming. It'll basically be an extension of my burlesque stuff. I wanted to talk to you about how you would feel." go from there.
And bear in mind, as much as it's pretty common advice to go for the "my way or the highway" approach - its rare to find a guy who is comfortable with his girl being in the adult industry. And I would think that a great relationship, that love, is more important than money. You could discuss options (non-nude, phone or content-only if he doesn't like the interaction side of things) to find something you are both comfortable with. Essentially, there are some great guys that just can't deal with it - a relationship of mine ended because the guy just couldn't be in a serious relationship with a sripper/camgirl...not because he was close-minded, mean, or not a good person (he remains one of my best friends!) but because he is in politics, and wasn't willing to risk his career. Neither of us would change our careers, and they just didn't work together. If he does have an issue, don't be too hard on him!!
Good luck!
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
OK, so I think I'm just uber-sensitive and thought it was going to be drama, but I told him and this mofo just looked at me and blurted, "Well, what have you been waiting for? Get to work and do what you want. It's a RECESSION!" Bwahahaha! I love that guy so much! ;D
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ScottieTheHottie
OK, so I think I'm just uber-sensitive and thought it was going to be drama, but I told him and this mofo just looked at me and blurted, "Well, what have you been waiting for? Get to work and do what you want. It's a RECESSION!" Bwahahaha! I love that guy so much! ;D
That is so awesome! Woot!
I'm glad it went over so well with him, now you can GET ERR DONE without a worry!
*hits easy button*
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
break it? shrug, i decided to start camming as i was quitting exotic dancing so it really wasnt an issue.
i say if he isnt supportive, lose him.
Re: How Do You Break it To Your BF You're A Camming Model?
I just brought it up with my boyfriend before I started, by talking about how much money I could possibly make doing it (realistic numbers, not the hundreds of thousands promised by a-hole studios). He had some questions and concerns, which we talked about. He's been totally on board with it ever since, especially after seeing the money come in and seeing that it hasn't affected our intimacy levels and time spent together. We'd been together for a couple years already at that point and moved across the country together, so I think that made it easier to discuss it with him.
Glad to hear it worked out well, OP!