Help! Mom of an 8 month old: NEED to get back to work
I'll give you the brief backstory: I've been a dancer for a couple of years, got pregnant and stopped dancing for time of the pregnancy. My in-laws had been kind enough to let us stay with them while I was out of work. Hubby is a massage therapist, but we ended up letting his license lapse when it was due because we didn't have the money to renew it at the time. So for now, he is unable to do massage until he pays his license fee, late fees, etc. If he is the only one working then it's pretty much guaranteed to be a minimum wage job. That being said, it makes sense for me to be the one working and for him to stay home with the baby a couple nights a week while I'm at work.
The problem is, the baby is SO attached to me that if I even get up to walk across the room he screams bloody murder. He loves his daddy too, but is a Total momma's boy. I've only been able to get in to work a couple times since his birth and had to leave early once or twice because he cried the Whole time I was gone. Last time I went in (like 2 months ago) he refused to eat the entire 7 hours I was gone. He's breastfed, and is better about his solid foods now (it's been 2 months since that incident) and he will drink out of a sippy cup so I think he will at least Eat now when I'm gone. I think the biggest problem is that he will scream the whole time I'm gone. I don't want my son to be that upset for that long or my poor hubby to lose his mind from hours of screaming.
We've been barely scraping by financially these past few months & I can't stand being entirely dependent upon my in-laws for rent, food, etc. I realllly need to get back to working a regular schedule so that we can start paying our bills again, get hubby's massage license back so he can work too, and get Out of their house before the tension drives us all insane.
Anybody have any ideas? I'm in Dire need of advice. Thanks in advance.
Re: Help! Mom of an 8 month old: NEED to get back to work
I think with babies that young, consistency is very, very important. Does the baby sleep in his own crib or with you? If the baby sleeps with you I suggest you put him in his own crib or in a well padded playpen ASAP. I was a stay at home mom for a year. Every time I had to make a change in schedule for my baby I had to give her three days to adjust. The best advice I can give you is to make small changes giving each change about three days.
For example, my daughter would not go to bed unless she was at the breast, and I had to unlatch her ever so carefully, get up ever so carefully, and lay her in her crib ever so carefully for a couple hours of rest. If she woke during this time I had to do it all over. So I switched her feeding time to about a half hour before her bedtime so I would KNOW she was not hungry when putting her to bed. I began use to hold her in our rocking chair, no nursing. I did this for three days until she stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms but not at the breast. The next step was the hardest, I put her in her crib awake to fall asleep on her own. I rocked her a bit standing, told her I love you, good night, etc. Then laid her down. She screamed her head off and I let her. I would go up every 8 minutes and pick her up to soothe her but put her back while still awake. Three days later, she was able to go to sleep on her own. It was hard work and so sad to hear her cry for almost 10 minutes but it made my life less impossible.
I hope these tips are helpful to you. If you need any help feel free to PM me! I'm not a perfect momma, and I only have one who is almost two, but I've made mistakes and also done things that worked so I'd be happy to share!
Re: Help! Mom of an 8 month old: NEED to get back to work
Thank you for the ideas. Will keeping him on schedule help his sense of security outside of bedtime as well? Like will this make life easier for hubby and baby when I'm at work? The time that I leave for work would be hours before his bedtime and I just don't want him to be so upset every time I walk more than five feet from him, let alone when I'm gone for hours.
Re: Help! Mom of an 8 month old: NEED to get back to work
Schedule is VERY important. My daughter has been on a 630 bath, 7 bedtime since day 1 (now 20 months). There are days she's glued to me, others to the wife, always the one that has to leave first. Bottom line is she HAS to learn you're not the world. Start short separations, longer and longer. If she cries, she cries. Headaches for the adults, but eventually she will learn mommy ALWAYS comes home. It's heartbreaking, but it does work.
Re: Help! Mom of an 8 month old: NEED to get back to work
I started dancing when my son was 4 months old (he's 8 months old now). What I did when I left the house was leave him with something that smelled like me (the shirt I was wearing that day, a blanket that I slept with often, etc) so he had my smell near him. It really seemed to help calm him down after I left the house. Every now and than he has a bit of a fussy night but for the most part he has adjusted to it. Plus he knows that he has the whole day with me so I think that balance is important