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When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Here's a laugh:
Ladies, this is what happens when our 'ass bb' and 'i have big cock - fuck u crazy' customers get together with a bunch of money and a stupid idea.
Stuart Lee wanted to "gift" women everywhere with his "improved" sex toy: The Rock and Roll Massager
Except it's not a sex toy.
It's a leopard print make-up bag, that vibrates like a fucking bumble ball.
He call's it "super masturbation" (imagine your dildos sporting little red capes)
He say's: "One of my best improvements, over most vibrators, was to give my massager's a *fully variable speed controller that adjusts from intense pounding (so we can kill the nerve endings in our clits, right?!) to medium pulsing to a very slow human touch. By slowing down the vibrations to the slowest possible speeds, the ROCK AND ROLL MASSAGER has the feel of a soft warm hand rubbing you. By cranking up the vibrations to full force, it's like a bucking horse. :O It's like having hard, wild crazy sex. You totally control the pleasure."
Ladies this man has created our wildest dreams. Explosive sex - that it what he power packed into his little vibrating purse. Because we all want something pounding against our twats like a bucking bronco - anything like having wild, crazy annoying sex.
They have a YouTube demo video and if you can manage to sit through the entire 15 minutes you'll come across these gems:
0:30 — “Watch as I hold them… look at the intensity of vibration running up my arms.”
2:25 — “LOOK AT THEM BOUNCE.”
8:55 — “Look! It’s a blurry ball of orgasm!”
10:30 — They suggest that you use it with Hitachi. GREAT IDEA.
14:30 — “Look! It’s so powerful, it wants to run away from us! Hey, come back here! I need you.”
Oh, and the kicker?
From the website, regarding returns: 'Do not expose massager to any body parts, other then your hands. By law and for sanitary reasons it must be returned to us in NEW PRISTINE UNUSED MINT CONDITION in original packaging. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS. Returns are scanned with UV LIGHT and inspected carefully.'
So, it's really a $40 leopard-print HAND massager.
Fucking idiot.
You know he's somewhere on Streamate begging for free ass because he couldn't get any from this piece of crap. LOL.
If anything, all he created was an expensive cat toy. :D
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
What woman DOESN'T fuck her purse? I'm just glad the damn thing now vibrates. Do you know how much a pain in the ass is it connecting a vibrator to a REGULAR purse?
I am ALMOST tempted to buy it to freak out my boyfriend, but even then, no. I think he would break up with me if I tried to bring this into our sex life.
Also, her voice freaks me out like a bad trip.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Quote:
Originally Posted by
HaydenBlue
(imagine your dildos sporting little red capes)
I could get into that.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Ultra Deep Penetrating Waves lmfao.........
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Just what the world needs, a combination sex toy and cosmetic bag. Get off while you get ready! Seriously, who does he think is going to buy this :P
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
ROFLMAO!!!!! Facebooked it...that's too funny not to share
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
LMFAOOOOOOOO!!! Makes me want to create and market a sex toy...hmmmmm:noidea:
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
I haven't watched the video yet (yet) but I don't get it. Are u just supposed to sit on it or something?
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
LMFAO!! Thats 5mins i'm not gonna get back. But like ^^ said I don't get it. I'm sure as hell not gonna watch the rest to understand. If there is anything to understand other than this is a send up WFT.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Wow.....Nailed it! This is everything I want in a sex toy! No penetration, no precision, no targeted movement for a clit, just random bucking, pounding leopard print ready to bruise my entire vulva. Woohooooo!
I'm going to throw out all my existing toys, and just use this.
OMG- suddenly imagined using this on cam!! Could you imagine the comments you'd get? ROFL
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Men you can attach a "Flashlight"...
Ummm that sounds really unsafe, I hope she meant fleshlight. lol
Forgot to add, her robot voice makes me laugh in fear >.>
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
LMFAO @ >bruise my entire vulva. Woohooooo!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ManyRoses
Wow.....Nailed it! This is everything I want in a sex toy! No penetration, no precision, no targeted movement for a clit, just random bucking, pounding leopard print ready to bruise my entire vulva. Woohooooo!
I'm going to throw out all my existing toys, and just use this.
OMG- suddenly imagined using this on cam!! Could you imagine the comments you'd get? ROFL
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
make sure your health insurance is paid up !!!
(snip)".Man Who Uses Saber Saw With Dildo Ducktaped To It Cuts Off Girl Friends Cooch While Playing Sex Game….
Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George's County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.
The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office.
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said (snip)
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
OMG!!! Screw yall Imma buy this!!!!! ...Imma put it under my Mattress!!! turn my bed into an massager lmao!!!
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MzStar
OMG!!! Screw yall Imma buy this!!!!! ...Imma put it under my Mattress!!! turn my bed into an massager lmao!!!
Omfg! Lmao @ ^^ too funny!!
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
*toy fail* lol ...looks like a little leopard clutch bag....what are you supposed to do with that? mine as well put a bullet in one of my clutch purses! lol
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
haha seriously creeped out by the girl. I'm pretty sure she was lipsyncing otherwise its even creepier.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Wow... Seriously girls this looks amaaaazing! I LOVE how it looks like a cosmetics bag! Leopard print no less! Holy FUCKSHIT!
Finally, a man who truly understands not only our sexual needs, but our minds.
This guy knows that the sight of a cosmetics bag is deeply arousing to us ladies, and so one look at that shaking cosmetics bag, slowly numbing the hands of that clearly deeply aroused model, literally recreated Niagara falls in my knickers.
I'mm a BUY it. CUM on it. And then take it out for a night on the town with mah fuck-me heels! Maybe I'll meet the guy who made it and he'll take me back to his flat and show me a stiletto that doubles up as a butt-plug.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Comment from my husband when I showed him the video:
"So it is pretty much like punching a girl in the cunt. I don't get it."
Lol, so true. When something bounces ping pong balls off of 5 layers of foam it is not meant for the vajayjay. He seems like the type of guy who likes his balls stepped on by stilletos because placing that vibrator under his balls would probably feel similar.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
ROFLOL omg y'all are KILLING MEEE! I can't even stop laughing. My dog is crying at the door because I'm inside and laughing so hard I'm making sounds that upset the dog.
That YT video is horrid. I wonder what that woman's voice sounded like before they overdubbed her w/someone else. I'm guessing they overdubbed her because the thing is so loud that you couldn't hear the original model speak.
Also, I can think of only a few things less sexy than putting my ugly ass vibrating clutch purse into an ugly ass waterproof sleeve so that the voluminous amounts of lady jizz I'd surely gush upon seeing it wouldn't short it out.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Oh. Sweet. Christ.
What creeps me out more than anything else is the woman doing the demonstration. I'm absolutely sure that she's possessed, presumably by the ghost of the lady that voices Snuggie commercials. Come to think of it, this is kinda the snuggie of sex toys (nonsensical, stupid, unnecessary, and only has a chance of becoming popular as a form of gag gift) so I guess in a convoluted way it makes sense. Beyond that, this is where sanity goes to die.
Those mad web design skillz are making me all nostalgic for the 90's.
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Omg these comments are so great XD hahahahaha
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
ROFL I like how they describe it as a SMALL vibrator. Who would buy that!?
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Re: When Men Try To Make Sex Toys For Women: FAIL
Oh great, now I want one just for the lawlz.... Damn it, their cheezy marketing ploy worked! *shakes fist*