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Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
This is something I can't get off my mind lately. I was chatting with an old friend of mine the other night whom I haven't seen in a while. He casually asked me why, when I was single, I hadn't ever tried to date him, as we have a ton in common (born on the same day, actually, I mean that doesn't prove anything but I think its pretty cool) and we always have great conversations and just a good time in general, and we've always been attracted to one another. When he asked me this the only thing that came to mind was that at the time the age difference was a deal breaker for me. I just couldn't ever imagine bringing a man home to my parents who is closer in age to my father than to me. Looking back on it, I feel so sad because to me, this guy in exception to his age was the whole entire package plus some, but I just couldn't wrap my head around dating someone who is 25 years older than me...I feel comfortable dating someone 5-10 or 12 years older than me, but 25 was just a little to extreme for me for some stupid subconcious reason.
I know that it has been said that 'age doesn't matter' which makes me think that maybe it wasn't fair for me to rule out a potential relationship simply because of an age difference. This whole thing has made me really curious about everyone else out there. Does age matter to you?
Thanks in advance! Sorry if this is completely stupid xX
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Well it does make a difference and I used to say i'd only date a guy close to my own age, but I met an awesome man who is 17 years younger than I am and I have had to eat my words! If you're compatible enough it can be wonderful. Life is too short to pass up a good relationship based only on age.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
I think whatever makes you comfortable is simply what matters. If one of your criteria for a man is that he has to be within a certain age range, then that's your criteria, and I don't think you should be feel bad about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't force it. If your friend was someone who could make you forget the age difference, then you would have made an exception to the rule and just gone for it. If he didn't inspire a feeling that made you change your mind, then he didn't, so forget it.
I have certain criteria for the kind of person I'd want to date, and for me, not having a big age difference is one of them. But I'm open to the fact that I don't know exactly what people I'm gonna meet in my life and if they'll be worth changing my mind for. If I meet them, I meet them and I go for it - if I don't, I don't. But in the meantime, I'm not gonna force myself to step outside my comfort zone for random people who don't inspire the feeling to make an exception to my rules. I say just do what feels right you. If the age difference is a deal breaker with this guy, don't feel bad about it.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
I think that age difference can be irrelevant provided that both people are sort of at the same level in life. Career-wise, goals, experience, etc. Otherwise it can verge into a territory where it can feel like sex/infatuation are propelling the relationship, or where one partner is "leading" the other instead of working on more equal footing.
I've only dated about 7 years older but even then it was always awkward explaining that I was about to transfer to uni, worked part-time, went to frat parties/raves/clubs, while he was working on becoming promoted at his company, starting a business, saving for retirement, going to wine bars etc.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
i dated someone twenty four years older than me. He was courteous and mature however the sexual impotence was becoming a problem (can't imagine how frustrating itd be to reach my prime and deal with this) and his idea of a good time was relaxing on the couch to some cnn. got old! Not to mention incredibly set in his ways at that point
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
When I was younger I dated men 10+ years older, including someone 18 years older. I would never do it again. The fact is the age difference does make a difference. All of these guys were controlling men and we didn't have a lot in common when it came down to it. Plus as I get older I think about what would happen if he died so many years before me. Yes a morbid thought but a reality. Personally everytime I see a man who is my age and wants considerably younger I assume he's a controlling jerk, same thing when I meet a 55+ man and he wants to date me. I should point out the best guy I ever dated was 3 years younger and am more open to dating a guy a few years younger than a guy 10 years older now because of my experience.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Years ago when I dated men I dated guys my age or younger. Older guys were a complete turn off, and the thought of someone 15 - 20 years older than me made me physically gag.
Nowadays I am interested in women my age or younger. But the thought of being with a woman a bit older than me is not a turn off at all.
So, for me....age does matter.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
You bring up an interesting point, but I know several who are seeking gay relationships (that is to say they are gay and looking for the right person)and all of them are looking for people around their age. I wonder if the whole age gap relationships are strictly straight? I sometimes see women wanting younger, but in general these seem to be attractive women who can date younger because they are sexy. Meanwhile most of the guys I knew who dated younger, or guys I saw online profiles of online were all usually repulsive men.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Thankyou everyone for the wonderful answers!
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Depends on how much $$$$ he has and how quick he's gonna die. :D
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Swagz
I think that age difference can be irrelevant provided that both people are sort of at the same level in life.
This. Physical age =/= mental age, and sometimes people that are 25 years apart can be compatible. The thing is that with such a big gap, you're usually facing very different life challenges, so it can be hard to understand each other.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
My SO is 10 years older than me and we don't have issues with it. I really don't notice the age difference until people ask- he does look a lot older than me. But he's really young for his age, still loves to party, has a bike, etc.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
My man is 16 years older then me, and it works for us. I can't relate with men in their 20's (im 25). they are mostly really immature and annoying to me. My man has already been through his "wild" phase and he's just happy to hang out with me at our house, which is what I want. I hate clubs and partying, so a young guy who wanted to go out a lot wouldn't work for me. I got that stuff out of my system in my teens..I think it just depends on where both of you are in your lives
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
I like them a little older. No more than 10 years. If I ever get married, I don't want to be a young widow and yeah...do not want someone grandpa'ish too soon while I'm still young too.
Younger guys are only good for a hot quick fuck & go asap. I like my men experienced with something interesting to say.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
To me age is just a number. If two people are compatable age doesnt really matter. I am 28 and my partner is 52! We have been together a little over two years and going strong. Took a bit for my family to get used to but most are cool with her now.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
I will bring my thought into this...Age is not a factor but maturity, I've been with much younger & this wasn't there. I will say until I hit the age of 30 I was very selfish & really didn't bring others thoughts into mine but after; I knew I effected other peoples lives & made better judgement calls. I'm not that old but very analytical.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
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Originally Posted by
unbeleavable
I will bring my thought into this...Age is not a factor but maturity, I've been with much younger & this wasn't there. I will say until I hit the age of 30 I was very selfish & really didn't bring others thoughts into mine but after; I knew I effected other peoples lives & made better judgement calls. I'm not that old but very analytical.
Same here. I was so self centered and so immature. Even now, at my age I haven't experienced a lot of things people my age have like marriage and kids so I have little in common with them and have dated guys a few years younger.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Yes. Although in my experience older doesn't always equal mature.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
Age doesn't matter to me if we connect. If all of a sudden they try to take control... they are gone no matter how old they are.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
10 years up, 10 years down. That's always been my comfort level. Not saying that should apply to anyone - just me. Any more than 10 years and a) going younger, I have a hard time relating on an emotional level. Sure, you 'feel young' for a moment, but after a while, you become that big, slow dog who can't understand why the little, hyper dog won't calm down. And b) going older, my family expectations, financial situation, and ambition are vastly different. I start feeling like the young buck who still wants to make a mark, but am being told to take it easy, slow down and start a family right now.
All that being said, I leave you with a quote from a sweet, underrated movie, "Moonlight Mile". Susan Sarandon talks about why she married Dustin Hoffman, "You find your home, and it may not be what you thought. You know, color's off, style's wrong, but there it is anyway and to hell with you if you can't take a joke. You find your home. Ben's mine."
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
Plus as I get older I think about what would happen if he died so many years before me. Yes a morbid thought but a reality.
This IMHO. It may seem just fine when she is 21 and he is 41, but what happens when she is 32 and he is 52? Or when she is 42, which is still fairly young and active for most women, and he is already in his 60s? People start declining rapidly, in a number of ways, in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Also, a variety of health issues really start to pop up for guys when they hit their mid 50s and beyond. Does a woman really want to live with, and be forced to care for, an old man when she is still relatively young and healthy? Or worse, once he gets older she could decide that she just can't handle it and decide to cut bait and run, which would leave him alone in his elder years.
It may seem morbid, but I agree wholeheartedly that one needs to think about these things.
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
I dont see age differnce as an issue. I think people of any age can match up.
3 simple rules tho to starting an age difference related relationship
1) Dont LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE
2) Think of the differences you will have IE: music tv movies books
3) older doenst mean baggage and broke down, younger doesnt mean dumb and foolish
PS I have over 20 years on my GF and Im older then her mom.
Do I see a long future? NAH fun for now HELL YEA
We laugh alot and have a great time but she will grow and move on and so be it
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Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?
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Originally Posted by
rickdugan
This IMHO. It may seem just fine when she is 21 and he is 41, but what happens when she is 32 and he is 52? Or when she is 42, which is still fairly young and active for most women, and he is already in his 60s? People start declining rapidly, in a number of ways, in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Also, a variety of health issues really start to pop up for guys when they hit their mid 50s and beyond. Does a woman really want to live with, and be forced to care for, an old man when she is still relatively young and healthy? Or worse, once he gets older she could decide that she just can't handle it and decide to cut bait and run, which would leave him alone in his elder years.
It may seem morbid, but I agree wholeheartedly that one needs to think about these things.
I think this is why age was such a big deal to me. It would be terrible to watch someone you love deteriorate infront of your eyes..